Grief For Things I Have No Control Of ... I Write My Grief October 18, 2020

Grief For Things I Have No Control Of ... October 18, 2020

I remember watching my little son riding his motorcycle up the circular driveway on our land in the mountains. He was flying! I watched him smiling ... until I looked out in the yard, saw a cinderblock laying in his path. He couldn't see it as he rode uphill. I could see it ... all of a sudden my world turned into a nightmare. My son was riding toward death and I couldn't prevent it. I remember screaming to him ... he couldn't hear me. He was in his own happy little world. I watched in horror as he flew up the driveway ... topped the hill ... hit that cinderblock. I was already running toward him. I saw him fly up in the air as he wrecked ... I ran to him crying, knowing my little boy was dead. I began smiling when he jumped up before I got to him saying, "I'm alright, Mama!" Last night with my Kissy ... I came into the living room to sit with Kissy ... he laid down beside my foot on the floor ... I knew he was too weak to get up on the loveseat/ottoman with me where he loves to lay. I placed my foot on his back gently ... he loves that. I comfort him like that when he can't lay beside me. I fell asleep, woke up ... Kissy was laying beside me ... on the loveseat/ottoman ... sleeping peacefully. I smiled, made sure he had some of my warm blanket on him. Before that ... Kissy had a hard time breathing. Before daylight this morning he had the worst time yet. All I could do was place my hand on him, gently pat him ... let him know his mommy was by his side. I notice he will stand a lot and I know it's because he can't lay down. I notice the way he holds his proud head, body ... it has become 'sad' ... he doesn't sit like he did. I'm noticing all the subtle changes in him. Something tells me ... it's time. Tomorrow I am going to have to call ... get information on how much it will cost to get Kissy the shot that will take away all his suffering. I am going to also, call Carolina Pet Cremation to find out what it will cost for cremation. Skip is upset ... we both have been grieving for what is coming. The pain is so deep, it hurts really bad. Skip wants Kissy to be cremated like Fairchild and Chadwick were. I don't know if I can raise money to have him cremated ... I am going to try to raise money to get him to the vet for the shot. I will do the best I can. I told Skip if he couldn't get Kissy cremated we could ask our friend if he will make a place for him here with a big rock. I would paint the rock for Kissy. Skip seemed satisfied when I told him that. Skip is facing heart surgery ... Tuesday we will see the surgeon. He will have a heart valve replacement. He and Kissy not being well at the same time upsets Skip Bates Skip. Both have heart conditions. I feel as if my little, precious world is spiraling out of control. Of course I don't know the future ... I would be afraid of knowing at this point. I do know my Heart is breaking over Kissy. He is having a good morning, he ate ... went outside with my help down the steps ... came back and is sleeping peacefully in front of the fan. Moments like this make me think he will be okay ... realistically ... I know better. Some people could say ... 'well, he's just a dog'. I would tell them, 'no, he isn't just a dog ... he has been my baby for 10 years ... he has so much of my love invested in him .... he is my link to Tommy ... 10 years ago Tommy and our 12 year old Rottie died within several months of each other ... oh my God, the devastation, grief. Kissy entered the picture as a 6 week old puppy. I'll never forget when we went to Wilmington, NC to pick him up. He was running around with his siblings ... he made a little growly sound that got my attention. It was too cute, precious ... I chose Kissy. He became my baby. Also ... and I know and don't know if reincarnation is possible ... but, if it was ... then Tommy came back as Kissy :) <3 :) Just a short time before Tommy died he was visiting us ... he was playing with Fairchild and Chadwick ... our dogs then. Tommy looked at me and said, 'Mom, if I died I would want to come back as yours and Skip's dog'. We never know ... strange things do happen. We enjoyed thinking Kissy could be Tommy because strange enough ... Kissy did things to remind us of Tommy. :) :) :) Of course, we knew Kissy was ... Kissy. <3 <3 <3 But ... what if? :) <3 :) This is what's on my mind this morning. I know what's coming and I am going to have to be strong no matter what. I have 2 of my most loved ones in this world not well. My Heart cries a lot lately, silently. This is another time in my Life that is critical. I can't go dig a hole to put my head in the sand ... I feel like it so, I don't have to face up. I'm not made that way ... I'm no good to my precious world like that ... I can only meet it head-on ... and again I can only do the best I can. Year 2020 ... what a year this has been for our big world, our country ... our loved ones. Millions have died from the pandemic/COVID-19. If that weren't bad enough, so many 'firsts' in our lives ... all the hurricanes, wildfires, the list goes on. Our whole world has been in a constant grief that won't go away no time soon. So ... much ... death. My Heart has felt so much from all going on ... March, April and May ... I lost my strength, sunk into an awful depression. All that was happening ... people dying ... the virus creating destruction in its path, the fear of contracting it ... Skip's health had become critical again. We had to stay inside ... Skip wasn't well ... I was alone with only my thoughts. I came out of that depression determined to not fall in it again. I'm still determined. I'm still determined ... I'm still determined. I'm no good to anyone if I'm off in a dark world somewhere trying to not feel pain. So ... I'm not running away. Just because I cry sometimes doesn't mean I'm not strong. I expect a lot more tears in my Heart.

October 16, 2020 ... Friday ... Skip's Upcoming Heart Surgery

October 16, 2020 ... Friday ... Skip's Upcoming Heart Surgery

After tomorrow's appointment finally to the main one Tuesday with heart surgeon. We will know what we are facing and prepare for whatever battles are ahead. We mean ... I mean to win them, face them head-on. If there's one thing I know how to do in Life ... it's to battle, I have since a little child. I might not do it gracefully, cry and 'raise hell' ... fight like hell ... but, I'm still here and oh my, the battle scars my body carries ... my mind carries. :) <3 :) I am strong when Skip isn't, I'm his strength when for a time he doesn't have his. You might see me bent down under the weight , maybe falter for a time ... you will also see me get myself right back up and keep going. :) <3 :) I think if I would have been a man I would have been 'one helluva a boxer' ... I would have fought to the end. Mentally I have been gearing up for whatever is ahead. I don't only have Skip Bates Skip to battle for ... my Kissy, also. Today he had another spell. I can be calm now as I make sure his legs, head aren't twisted unnaturally. I make sure they are stretched out like they should be. I did cry because I had the overwhelming sense today that he wouldn't be here much longer. If I ever cry it doesn't mean I'm weak at all ... it means I love, care with my very Heart. Even if I'm afraid it doesn't mean I'm weak ... it means when I fight it's going to be one helluva of a fight that I mean to win ... if I don't win it won't be for not doing my best. Am I a tough guy, cookie? No, not at all ... I don't know what I am ... whatever I am it's natural. I have my Grandma Alma to thank for my fighting spirit. She was paralyzed for 20 some years yet ... she was the strongest woman I have ever known. So ... here's to whatever happens in the future ... I'm ready to do the very best I can ... and my intent is to win Skip's battle when he doesn't feel strong enough to ... when he feels strong enough well ... it's double-strength ... we will do it together. Our life is like that and you'll hear me say it again and I will laugh inside when I say it ... because I can hear my son, Tommy when he was living and as big as life ... say these words ... 'Mama, that's the way I roll!' Well, this is ... how we roll! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Life is what it is ... and we never stop living it ... we just have to do our best. That's all I know to do. I've got 'a lot of best' left!

Thank God For A Helluva Fighting Spirit! My Grandma Alma's Legacy To Me

Thank God For A Helluva Fighting Spirit! Skip has had another stroke (we found this out from the neurologist when she called yesterday with the MRI results), he is already facing heart valve replacement/possible blockages surgery, he's not well at all ... Kissy isn't doing well either, his heart is enlarged and he can't walk as well ... last night Camie wasn't up to par. I don't even dare to mention my medical issues ... for now, they hold no light to what's happening right now in my life. I could sit back and think ... my whole world, my life ... has just gone to Hell. I could have a breakdown, finally cry my Heart out and never stop ... I could dig a hole in the sand, get in it. I could feel sorry for myself ... make others feel sorry for me. I could just wipe my hands and walk into oblivion ... never look back. Those who know ME ... know I'm NOT going to do any of those things. They know the fighting spirit I have inside ME ... guess what? It's just emerged strong, furious and ready to take on this battle this morning. My whole world has been threatened ... I'm nothing without Skip, Kissy and Camie ... I have no one else in my life left who cares, loves ME like they do. They are my purpose in Life to go on living. Without them ... that's it. I'm alone. Whether anyone sees it or not ... there's one Hell of a battle going on here at our place we call home ... it's a silent battle, but, a tough one I ... mean to win. Yes, I MEAN to win. I've been afraid too long ... now, that time has come ... I don't feel fear now ... I'm ready to do battle. I feel anger mixed with such Love ... I'm taking care of Skip Bates Skip, Kissy, Camie with my whole being. I'm just before crying because of the pain from loving with my very Heart to seeing my three babies not well at all ... well, that crying isn't weakness at all ... just the opposite ... that crying will just be one more log put on the fire to make it burn so big, bright ... fuel to the fire. So, if anyone so happens to see me cry, or cuss (I pray they don't, it's embarassing!) ... just know it's ... fuel to the fire ... it makes me stronger ... to where I can accomplish a miracle, I can get things done ... I can go on. Think of my Grandma Alma who was paralyzed and her fighting spirit ... it lives in ME now. She was the strongest woman I ever knew ... I hope I'm half the strong woman she was ... she was so fragile to be ... so strong. This morning as I cleaned up after my sweet Camie (our Pups never make messes, never) ... oh my, this feeling came over ME ... one of wanting to cry so much and ... of pure, white-hot anger. This was a moment I recognize ... one I welcome! My fighting spirit has just emerged and it's the strongest it's ever been ... my immediate precious little world is in trouble. Any one of them could ... die. That's how serious it is. I can't believe all at one time. Year 2020 ... the year of the COVID Pandemic ... millions have died all over our big world ... it never stops. This is the year of civil unrest, children not getting their proper education becauses of shut-down schools ... businesses closing forever ... everything one has known is failing. This is the year of ... 'first times' for so many things. This is the year ... in my own life that all of my loved ones aren't well at all for the ... first time ... all at one time. I'm not falling to the ground in a vapor to cry 'woe is me' ... I'm not asking ANYONE to feel sorry for ME ... my Life is going on and I don't need it to weaken ME. I do appreciate such caring, kind words though ... that I can understand, grow only stronger from. :) <3 :) <3 <3 Never-ever pity ME, that's for people who are so fragile, need it for-real ... pity in a good way, pity in a positive way. I will always write how I really feel ... it is 'how I roll' (those are Tommy's words! as they just came in my mind :) ... 'this is how I roll'. :) <3 Oh, how I miss my son with my very Heart. I don't have time to sit, feel sad now so, I put thoughts of my son aside. You will see me write a lot of times exactly my thoughts at the present moment ... those who have followed me for the past 10 years, those who follow now ... you know I write how I feel, view life ... I never ask for pity. I just simply write things ... just the way they are. I write ... my real life. This is the way Life is ... one either makes the choice to roll with the punches, get back up on those feet, plant them firmly on the ground ... meet Life head-on no matter how bad it hurts. That's ME ... though I do admit it's easier said than done ... and sometimes those punches hurt so bad it seems to 'take forever' to get back up. But ... get up I do. That's when my fighting spirit emerges with such wonderful power. I'm ready to do battle. Yes ... sometimes, I falter ... I fall back down while getting my feet ... have to get back up again and again. I ... just don't ... give up no matter how many times I fall down. Humpty Dumpty comes to my mind :) I have had to put the many pieces of ME back together again so many times. It's a wonder I find them all but, I manage to. :) <3 To you, it's a continuing story as I write my daily life ... while I live real life that continues each day. You just get to know what I am thinking ... through the years some people tell me it helps them in different ways to think about when they have their own problems. The special is when someone tells me reading my life for -real helps them in a good way. Some say it means a lot to know other people live through such things and make it ... like them. If my life helps someone at all ... I pray that it helps them ... especially young people ... to know to build up a family/friend support system for the rest of their life so they won't ever be alone. Hold that support system sacred in your Heart, keep it strong only with people who genuinely love, have your best interests at Heart. So ... you won't end up alone one day ... so you can know there are others in this world who really love ... you, care what happens to you. So ... if one day you know your time has come ... someone can be there, smile lovingly into your eyes, let you know they ... really care that you are leaving this life to go on another journey. So ... as you go you know you meant at least a little to someone. So ... you didn't live in vain ... your life had some merit. This morning didn't begin well at all ... Camie wasn't feeling well last night ... this morning I had to use the garden hose, Odor Ban, mop, broom to scrub 'everywhere outside on the patio ... she didn't make it to their bathroom area that I keep full of cedar chips, very clean. All is spic and span clean now. Our Pups2 are very clean, always go to their area to 'go' outside. All is good now ... Camie, Kissy, Skip are sleeping. I just turned around in my desk chair to look at each of them ... and I pray to God to help each one of them to get better. My Heart fills with such deep Love for each of them. They are so precious ... no ... most precious in my Heart. They are my Life. I talked to Skip this morning about over-feeding Camie, Kissy. I was wondering if that happened yesterday. He does that because he is so kind, loves them so much. I told him I understood that ... just to 'once in a while' do that. I'm hoping that's what made Camie sick last night. I asked Skip to only 'once in a while' feed any extra food to the Pups2 so this wouldn't happen again. This way when I do things I will have the strength to care for them ... not to do things that aren't necessary. The reason being is because I have my own medical issues ... I need to conserve my own physical strength to be rested enough to do, be there when needed for him, Pups2. He understood. I don't want to be broken down into a mean-ass, ill-ass, sniveling, bitchy-ass terrible old woman, too tired to lift a finger to take care of the ones I love most in this life being worn out. Pain, grief, fatigue can bring ugly things out of people ... if they don't recognize it ... prevent it. Especially when more pain, grief, fatigue adds to it over and over. I have to stay very strong now. I keep a clean house, take care of Skip Bates Skip, Pups2. Each night when I go to bed (well, I sleep sitting up at times on the loveseat ready to go in the direction I'm needed when Kissy sleeps in the living room) ... I want to feel good inside, know I did my very best for the ones who are depending on ME to be strong for them. Again ... does that make ME perfect? Does it make ME an angel? The answer is, 'NO'. I'm just a person who loves with her Heart. No more, no less ... just a woman who at this moment knows her whole world is threatened by medical crisies with her husband, and 2 Pups all at one time. Thank God and my Grandma Alma for my fighting spirit ... I'm needing it now. So, if you see me ever cry, cuss, angry ... don't take it for weakness ... don't think bad of ME because I am truly a good person ... just think of when you make a campfire in the winter time ... when you need more warmth, what do you do to make it hotter, warmer? Yes, you begin adding logs to the fire. You add ... more fuel to the fire. Think of my fighting spirit as ... the fuel for the campfire! Tears, cuss words, anger are my logs ... my fuel ... and it makes for one Helluva campfight. The brightest, the warmest ... the strongest that will last as long as it is needed. I can't be any other way. Photos ... Skip Bates Skip, on a day we picked up tacos at Taco Bell, went to our local park to enjoy being out in fresh air. Pups2. My whole world are in these photos ... Skip and our Pups2. <3 <3 <3

We Are Prepared To Meet All Head-On ...

(Photo is of Skip on June 08, 2020 when he had surgery at Rex Hospital)




Note: This is what I wrote on my writing site this morning. I copied/pasted it to put here on my blog. Gloria Faye Brown Bates



JUNE 15, 2020 8:46AM EST



We still don't know what is causing Skip's really bad headaches so, more appointments, tests ahead.

We did find out from the surgery that one 'bad' thing is omitted that he doesn't have. I pray that other tests will show the other 'bad' things aren't the reason, also.

Skip is on Prednisone and it has made him feel better and the headaches better. I am so glad. He was sleeping with his hands on his head from the pain.

We have a positive attitude and whatever is going on ... we are prepared to meet it head-on no matter what ... and win.

We do know he doesn't have COVID-19 ... before going into the hospital he had to be tested at a testing site.

The testing site was inside a parking deck where one drives in ... parks in a space ... a nurse came with paperwork and a swab to do the test. Then ... we drove out. Pretty good set-up as it was raining hard. I can't fail to say that nurse was the most nicest, joyful nurse ... we were glad to meet her.

I pray with my Heart soon we will know what is going on and begin treatment for whatever it is. The sooner the better. We are prepared for battle ... and I mean to win it for Skip with his help.

A note here ... it would be so nice to have a small battle to win. Smile

My Bright Idea!

NOTE: Written, owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates. Photo owned by Me, too. I am sharing from where I write on MyLot.com.


APRIL 28, 2020 9:35AM EST



I wrote about my idea for 'free light' at nighttime ... for nightlights. They do work perfectly for when the electricity goes out during a storm.

Each day I put the containers in the sunshine (on my window sill or outside on the porch to recharge.

At nights I place the containers of lights along the hallway and in the bathroom for us, Skip to see better. I have nightlights in different places but now, I have lights that will stay on when/if the electric goes off for any reason. Free solar light.

I am a person who needs light to be alright. I don't like pitch-black darkness. The only time it never mattered was when my son died ... I was already living in the blackest, darkest dark of all.

I have this one big glass container that is heavy, clear. I put 10 solar lights in it (from the Dollar Tree) ... arranged them like 'flowers'. At night these 'flower arrangements' make me happy ... they are so pretty ... and useful all at the same time.

I get to enjoy them because I am a night owl. I walk all through the house many times to make sure home is all okay ... I look out windows at my neighbors' home across the way to make sure all seems peaceful. It's my nature to do this.

This is a good idea I think (strictly my Gloria Opinion) ... for people who live alone who need lights that stay on if the electric goes off ... you can set them in the window where the sun shines brightest to recharge each day.

I wanted to let everyone know how my 'bright' idea is working out. Wonderful!

My bright idea has brought me joy at night time ... the light shines brightly ... sparkling from the 'glass/clear plastic' that is faceted. For now ... I have 10 of them. I will buy more and have several 'flower/light' arrangements sitting all-around at nighttime.

Something Different ... Unique Idea

NOTE: Each day I share here what I write on MyLot.com. This ... and photo are owned by ME, Gloria Faye Brown Bates.



I had a unique idea about 2 weeks ago. I've never thought of such a simple thing to do before.

It's attractive when arranged pretty ... inexpensive ... mood-lifting ... happy. Well, at least to ME it is.

I'll share my idea and maybe all of you have thought of it before and ... some might even do it already.

I was in the Dollar Tree when my eyes saw the box of solar lights ... the idea popped into my head. Why not buy solar lights to charge in the daytime by the sun ... at night time set them all around inside as night lights.

If a storm came up through the night and electricity goes out ... you have light ... free light.

I have 10 solar lights I put in a plastic container standing up. I set it in on the window sill during the day where the sun shines brightest to charge them.

Each night I set them where I want them ... each morning I put all back into the container and set on the sunny window sill.

If it's cloudy ... I probably won't have light. We have 2 battery-powered lanterns to use.

I wanted to share my idea in case it appealed to anyone else. After spending a dollar on a solar light ... the light is free. You can sit several in containers to look pretty ... to put out cheerful light at night.

Let me know if you have any simple ideas like this. I always love to learn something I don't know.

Appreciating The Smallest of Things

NOTE: I am sharing what I wrote on MyLot.com today. Photo, this are owned by ME, Gloria Faye Brown Bates.




APRIL 24, 2020 8:30PM EST



Businesses like beauty salons, barbershops, tattoo parlors, restaurants, bowling alleys, and other non-essential businesses opened up today in different states.

I was wondering how safe that is going to be. I would like to get my hair trimmed but, I'm not going to risk it. Besides ... nothing will open up before May 8th here. I'm not sure anything will get to as long as the cases of coronavirus keep rising.

Just 2-3 miles from here 3 more deaths occurred at the nursing home today ... totaling 14 deaths there in the past week or so ... and there are many cases of coronavirus there.

It's so sad ... the nursing home is locked down. No family members can go inside at all to visit there. They are worried about their loved ones. It's just a bad situation. Some people do go there and visit at the windows ... with the glass between them.

Gracious ... I feel very sad for all of them. I keep the images of them in my mind ... the family stands on the outside of the window and their loved one on the other side ... everyone has tears in their eyes. I know those people need to be hugged.

By the time all this is over ... being hugged again will be so treasured. I miss hugging, comforting people.

We are all learning to appreciate even the smallest of things. I have already been appreciating the smallest things ... now through this pandemic ... I'm learning to appreciate even more thing.

What do you miss doing, what do you appreciate so much more?

Twinkling A Big Smile Is Almost As Good As Smiling With Our Lips ...

Twinkling A Big Smile Is Almost As Good As Smiling With Our Lips ...

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates (Note: I wrote this on MyLot.com this morning as I thought about how the masks we wear hides our smiles. Owned by Me, and photo owned by Me)

APRIL 23, 2020 1:18PM EST


Well ... today in the time of wearing masks to cover half our faces ... our lips ... we can't see people smiling back at us.

I've been paying close attention to this as I am always studying human nature. I'm fascinated by what makes us all 'tick'.

Eyes have to do all the work now. To convey a smile ... the eyes have to change to reflect our inner light ... so, we just twinkle a smile to each other. Some people will twinkle big ... some just a polite twinkle with very little light reflecting.

I try to twinkle happy smiles to others. Yesterday when we were out ... my eyes connected with a young woman's eyes ... she twinkled the biggest smile to me, waved ... her inner light reflected so big. I felt her smile ... it made me feel happy.

So ... twinkling a big smile ... with our eyes is almost as good as when our lips are seen smiling. This is my Gloria Opinion.

We Smile At Each Other Behind Our Masks ... Air Hug

NOTE: I am sharing this from what I wrote on MyLot.com this morning. This, and photo are owned by ME, Gloria Faye Brown Bates.


I've been listening to the news at noon. I saw where drones may be used and I think are being used ... to spy on people. They don't call it spying but, that's what I call it.

I have read in the past that they can be flown to peer into windows of a home if needed to. I don't know how true that is.

They say it's to see if people are complying with coronavirus distancing rules, so on. I worry about things we have read about in fiction that's is slowly becoming true. I don't think people will stand for it. They are already protesting. That worries me.

There was a protest here in Raleigh, NC today ... they were very vocal, loud and I felt obnoxious. You know how you have your loudmouth in everything. I didn't like seeing protestors screaming, ranting, raving, cursing the nurses and medical people standing there. I thought to myself that one day soon that nurse, doctor might be treating that protestor as they lay dying with the virus.

Not everyone was wearing masks, nor keeping their distance. I worry it's a matter of time. I shouldn't worry about people ... I do.

Today we went to get groceries. We sat in the parking lot to eat our biscuits we got at McDonald's drive-thru. We people-watched as we ate.

So many people didn't have masks on ... and I was alarmed at all the children who didn't have masks on either.

Walmart does good ... everyone did keep their distance from each other. No one on top of the other. Instead of hugging people we used to hug ... now, it's air-hugs. We smile big behind our masks ... our eyes reflect it ... no one can see each other's mouth.

Who would have thought we would be communicating behind masks ... talk, smile behind our masks ... give air-hugs one day?

It Means The World ...

NOTE:

Copied/pasted ... what I wrote this morning on MyLot.com. Photo/story owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates. I like to share what I wrote there ... here, on my Blog.


APRIL 19, 2020 9:31AM EST


Yesterday both Skip and I and our Pups2 were in the living room watching tv. We all fell asleep ... something we are doing a lot of lately.

I woke up to the sound of a horn. I looked outside as I went to the door. It was our neighbor... and friend, who lives close by. She told me to come out, she had something for me.

I went out to her car and she handed me a bag, told me her brother was a chef and he'd cooked brisket. They gave us plates with brisket, macaroni & cheese, green beans, and cabbage with carrots. And ... a strawberry shortcake.

Skip and I felt so honored. We have caring friends around us and for that we are most grateful for. It feels so good ... comforting to ... have someone. We love them all. When I say 'love' ... I mean for-real ... Love.

I took photos of our plates before we sat down to eat. Skip and I felt so special. We were thought of and didn't know it. These are the Friends we have all around us. It means the world to us.

Just As I Suspected...

NOTE: I write on MyLot.com daily. I will copy/paste what I write there ... here on my blog to share with you. Stories, photos are
owned by ME ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates.



APRIL 18, 2020 7:58AM EST



I've been paying attention to something for quite some time before this coronavirus/COVID-19 pandemic. Now ... I am seeing so much of it in every country ... just everywhere. I'm amazed and ... it's just as I suspected.

Have you taken time to listen to everyone taking their time to cheer up neighbors by doing things they have talent for?

How about when they sing? I'm telling you now ... most of the singers are talented enough to hold a concert. They are as good as any famous singer I know. Some are really better than some famous singers.

Have you noticed? If people would listen to, hire the talent in their towns, cities, countries, states .... we would have our own stars ... local, home-grown.

Some singers get so above others that they think they should be paid lots, and lots of money. They think no one can get anyone better or equal to how they sing. I beg to differ. Yes, people can.

You are seeing such talent coming out on their balconies to sing to, cheer others who are scared, nervous during this pandemic. These are the heroes ... these are the ones who deserve good things to happen to them.

There are good people who are celebrities, also. They are doing so much to help others and sing for free, also. They are heroes because they give of themselves too.

Has anyone been thinking about this lately? All this wonderful talent no one is seeing until now ... it's just ... as I suspected.

We Have To Be Normal In Our Own Little Worlds ...

NOTE: I copied/pasted what I wrote this morning on MyLot.com where I write daily to share here on my Blog. Story/Photo owned by ME,
Gloria Faye Brown Bates.



APRIL 16, 2020 9:13AM EST


I am looking outside at the beautiful day ... sun shining brightly, a slight breeze. Nice!

I have a project in mind to do with old bricks I have outside in a pile. I really hope it all turns out like in my mind. If so, I'll take a photo to share.

Our Kissy had surgery on his right back leg several years ago. Sometimes ... when he gets up I can tell he feels it now. He is getting older even if he still acts like a puppy.

We have steps he has to go down and back up when he goes out on the little porch ... it takes him out into the fenced-in yard. It hurts his back legs ... they hit the ground a little too hard. I don't like that. Over time it could cause him problems.

So, I'm going to build up with bricks to make it easier for him. I know I have to do in a tight, secure way. I'm thinking I may have to get some cement in a bag.

Do you have projects you have in mind to do during this time? I also, want to keep my promise on painting a big rock that is the headstone for our friend's dog that died. I have her name on it ... now, I want to paint a heart with a sunflower. I'll also, take photos when I accomplish that.

I want to begin rearranging the house again. I have a lot to do ... I just needed to feel better from all of this to feel motivated. I have felt so much more myself for the past week.

I think like everyone ... we've all been in a shock, stunned by how our world has changed ... all that has been, is happening.

It's time to be normal again at home in our own little world even if we can't be when out from home. For a time my Heart just wasn't in doing anything more than keeping all just neat enough so it wouldn't drive me crazy.

Now ... it's time. It's time to act as if all is normal at home where it is normal. That way when all is alright again ... we will be ready to enjoy living outside the home again.

That's All I Can Do ...

I copied/pasted here my story I wrote on MyLot.com this morning. I will share what I write there daily here on my Blog as that's what is on my mind. Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates ... Photos owned by ME.


APRIL 14, 2020 8:58AM EST


Remember I told you about accepting what I can't change no matter what I do? I've been able to cope much better with all going on now. I do at times feel a little sick when I see the ugliness coming out of our leaders on the news. I don't even discuss such with anyone ... I don't choose to.

I find myself feeling much better each morning when I wake up. I am a person who can smile no matter what time day or night I wake up. Skip is the same way ... we always wish each other a good morning and say ... I love you. We tell our Pups2 the same thing and pet them.

Have you ever known people who can't talk, smile before they wake up, have their coffee? Oh my, they are mean people. I knew family members in the past who were like that ... they really wanted to raise Hell ... cuss, fight first thing in the morning. I grew up in such as a little girl. Sometimes, I was their scapegoat ... I was the nearest and just looking at them could get me slapped around because 'I looked like my daddy!'

I did favor my daddy a little ... but, I also favored my beautiful mother. My expressions would remind them of my dad and make them angry. My mother and dad had divorced and they hated him.

Getting back to feeling better since I've accepted I can't change a thing about this coronavirus pandemic happening no matter what I do. I can however, ... react in a more positive way ... and be the best person I can be, the kindest.

If I'm needed to do something ... I will know in my Heart it's my time and do. That's all I can do ... and what a lot of us can do if we aren't already out there working hard to save people, get food to people and all the good things people are doing. I can care, love from a distance and do my part by taking precautions. That's all I can do.

'Calm Before The Storm' ... We Are Experiencing Tornado Weather At This Moment

This is my story I wrote on MyLot.com this morning. We have really bad weather until 4 pm this evening. I copied/pasted it here to share on my blog. Gloria Faye Brown Bates


APRIL 13, 2020 8:09AM
The storms that are moving across the states are here now. Tornadoes are happening all over, the storms are causing trees to fall ... the winds gusts are rocking the trees around us. Electric power is out so far for 240,000 people in NC.

I love to watch the trees blowing in the winds but, not when we could have a tornado at any time. I love the wind.

My Heart hurts for all the tornado damage in Louisiana, Mississippi, Georgia ... some people lost their lives. Gracious. We all are experiencing so much as it is and now ... the storms taking lives. I'm so, so sorry for the extra grief people are suffering.

I have our bag packed with some essential things, plus medicine ready to grab with my purse on the way out the door. The Pups2 leashes are beside it. If need to be and possible ... we will leave if we have to. One needs to be prepared in this kind of weather.

We are fully dressed. Normally ... we have clothes on to lounge around in at home during the day when not going anywhere. Of course ... we can't go just anywhere anymore because of the coronavirus pandemic.

For the moment the winds have calmed down. I can't help but, to think of ... 'the calm before the storm'. I don't think so ... I hope not

We will be alert ... this is an all-day event. My Heart breaks for all affected everywhere yesterday and this morning by these powerful storms.

Accept What I Can't Change ... There's Nothing I Can Do To Possibly Change A Thing

NOTE: I copied/pasted this story of mine that I wrote on MyLot this morning. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates




Accept What I Can't Change ... There's Nothing I Can Do To Possibly Change A Thing


Gloria Faye Brown Bates
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates
@GrannyGee (2967)
Louisburg, North Carolina


APRIL 11, 2020 10:41AM CST
I remember when my son died ... for years I wasn't even a real person. I couldn't cope with the knowledge he had died. The knowledge that I wouldn't ever see him again ... the knowledge I wouldn't hear my son laugh, joke again ... especially when he did his 'cowardly lion' laugh like on The Wizard of Oz.

I didn't think I could survive his death. I was only one person to hold so much pain that was way bigger than Me. I slept to not think ... I lived in the darkest of dark.

Nothing mattered anymore. I couldn't find joy in anything at all. I never talked to anyone, I grieved alone inside myself.

When I cried ... I cried silently unless when no one was around I would cry aloud. I didn't share my pain with anyone.

Skip worried for me constantly. At one point he would check to make sure I was breathing when I slept. For the first time I took medicine that was very potent ... I would take it not knowing when I last took it ... when I woke up and felt the pain I would take it again. I wasn't used to taking drugs before my son's death.

Skip asked me to stop taking it, he was afraid for me. He drove a big truck and had to leave me alone for 2 weeks at a time. I had no family left to check on me ... there wasn't anyone to care for what I was going through.

When Skip called (he called often all through each day) and I wouldn't hear the phone ... he'd be upset by the time he got me. I would be sleeping too deeply.

I didn't recognize the woman who looked back at me in the mirror. I did see the terrible pain in her eyes. She looked so beaten up ... weight gain changed her face. I couldn't bear to look in my mirror.

Until some years later when I made the decision to find peace one way or other ... I began to see splashes of light in the darkness I lived in (I realize now that was 'hope') ... in my mind I used them as stepping stones back to the light.

I wanted to channel my grief in a positive way ... I was always a positive person before my son died. Oh my, it took several more years ... it was the hardest road I'd ever traveled.

It was by far the worst thing that happened in my life. Even when I almost died, fought my battle to live from cancer ... that was a 3 year battle plus two major surgeries.

I began to realize that no matter how much I cried, slept to get away from it ... no matter what ... nothing I could do would ever bring my son, Tommy, back. Nothing.

He had died ... whether I liked it or not ... lived with it or not ... NOTHING I did would bring him back. I also ... realized that instead of wanting to sleep ... not wake up ... I ... wanted ... to ... live.

I began to take each day to come back to the light ... I was an awful mess ... overweight, ugly ... an unrecognizable person to myself as my eyes opened wider. I almost gave up ... but, that famous fighting spirit I'm known for ... came back alive.

That took more years ... next month ... May 29, 2010 ... will make 10 years my son has been gone. I'm okay now ... I'm at peace now ... when I have my moments of sadness which is to be expected ... it doesn't take long until I'm alright again, because ...

I accepted what I couldn't change ... accepted the fact I couldn't change a thing about it. I would either go forward or not go forward. The choice was mine.

I have come forward through several more crises in my life ... I've made it ... I'm here today. And now ...

We have a world crisis ... our world is sick. Everything in this world has affected all globally ... we feel what the other feels. People are dying ... people are going through so much fighting their battles to live.

Nurses, doctors are fighting to help them in their battles. So many things you already know about so, I won't name any more. Many battles are going on in our world to survive.

I felt like I was feeling the pain of the world ... for the past month I've been sleeping a lot ... just not myself. I felt all the emotions people are feeling today ... fear, panic (I didn't go out panic-buying up everything though), sick inside ... I wasn't well at all.

For the past several days I've been trying to inspire myself to be alright again. This morning I got up feeling like myself again ... I walked to the window ... looked outside ... and thought 'I accept what I can't change ... there's nothing I can do to change it at all'.

I can only love, care, protect my husband and Pups2. I can only be the best person I can be ... when I see an opening to do my part in somehow helping someone ... I will do it.

That's all I can do ... accept what I can't possibly change ... go forward now. One day everything will be alright again ... no matter what ... no matter how long it takes ... one way or other ... everything will be alright.

We Are All On A Level Playing Field Now ...

Note: I am sharing this from my Facebook page. This is what I wrote this morning while thinking about the 2020 coronavirus/COVID-19 pandemic. Gloria Faye Brown Bates




We Are All On A Level Playing Field Now ...


My Heart has a never-ending prayer for all happening in our world. One day this will be in the past.

One day we will sit together, talk about it. One day when everyone can be together again will be the day when realization sets in.

Realization that you've become closer to your loved ones ... grown to love strangers who have touched your life, some even becoming a permanent part of your families, your life.

Realization that all your life you've been rushing to go somewhere, never stopping to really look around you. You will be used to slowing down, stopping during this coronavirus pandemic ... you might not want to rush anymore.

During this time of having to stay at home while the whole world is literally shut down ... we have to examine our Hearts, think about our lives.

We have to open our eyes ... we have to see around us ... and realize so much we've taken for granted ... we are fortunate to have ... our families, pets, homes, vehicles, food ... the list goes on. There is always something to be thankful for.

Because for the time being we each walk beside an invisible enemy that could claim us, our loved ones at any given moment. If we aren't touched personally by this invisible enemy personally ... we are listening, hearing about others.

If we aren't touched by this invisible enemy ... we have our lives to be most thankful for because this invisible enemy doesn't care who it takes ... rich, poor, smart, not smart ... beautiful ... not so beautiful ... powerful ... not so powerful. It levels the playing field for everyone ... at this moment ... we are all equal.

This invisible enemy can't distinguish between who is better than the other ... nor does it see color ... race ... it doesn't have feelings to care either way.

I hope our world can learn that during this time. I hope eyes will be completely opened by the time this virus goes away ... so that when all goes back to normal ... we all will be so much better for this.

Don't let all this 'bad' happen in vain ... let's all find something positive to learn from it in our lives. This is one Hell of a Life's Lesson ... if this doesn't help us in some way we won't ever be helped.

This is my Gloria Opinion ... this is how I think. I don't push my opinions, beliefs on anyone. We all have the right to think our own thoughts about life.

I respect your opinions just as you respect mine. I don't argue anything with anyone. I pick, choose my own wars when I think they are worth fighting.

Colors In My Life...: Thank-You To Our Everyday Angels ... Heroes During...

Colors In My Life...: Thank-You To Our Everyday Angels ... Heroes During...: Everyone is staying home now ... something no one is used to doing. Who would have thought 2020 would have begun like this? 2020 ... I...

Thank-You To Our Everyday Angels ... Heroes During Pandemic 2020

Everyone is staying home now ... something no one is used to doing. Who would have thought 2020 would have begun like this? 2020 ... I loved seeing the year 2020 ... even numbers. I said at the beginning of the year it was going to be a wonderful year ... the numbers are beautiful to me.

Yes, many beautiful and good things are happening all over the world now. People are uniting in ways they couldn't have ever done before the pandemic/coronavirus/COVID-19. Our world had grown to be so fast-paced ... people rushing to work, after school activities, events, even sleeping to get up to do it all over again ... day by day. No one had time to stop to take time with families, friends, to speak to others. They had to hurry to get somewhere.

Today ... people are confined to their homes. Parents have become school-teachers ... children can't go to school. They are being close to the children they didn't have a lot of time to get close to. I'm thinking children and our pets ... love this! I hope parents are loving it too. They aren't used to spending so much time at home.

While we are in our homes ... so, so many are out on the frontline fighting an unseen enemy ... that is sadly taking many, many lives and sickening so many. They are doing without proper medical equipment, masks, ventilators. It's almost come to having to decide who lives, dies.

While this scary, terrible drama is going on in our whole world ... so many beautiful, good things are going on too. People caring, giving ... for others. People taking time to volunteer, to sew masks for the medical people ... to do so, so much. My Heart was warmed seeing people taking time to give our truck drivers meals to carry with them ... they truly are part of the very backbone of this country just as doctors, nurses, first responders ... law enforcement are. I think people are finally realizing this.

I have driven a tractor-trailer with my husband. I saw where truck drivers were taken for granted, not treated with respect when they went to the companies to do their pick-ups. The office staff would treat them like dirt, ignore them or speak hatefully to them. Some took satisfaction in doing so.

Now, I wonder if they are treating truck drivers with respect as they should have done before? They deserve it. They drive so hard to get to places on time ... sometimes, the delivery dates are 'almost impossible' causing the driver to not get rest, sleep. No one will ever know what a driver goes through if they've never been in the trucking world.

Not only that ... at rest stops, truck stops there are always scammers and others ready to prey on a driver to get his money. Sometimes they are robbed, beaten. Truck drivers are normally good-hearted, good people. Sure some are rough, gruff ... they are good people. Now, we are truly depending on the truckers who risk their lives just as our medical people, law enforcement ...everyone who comes in close contact with people.

It's so strange, even special ... to see so much good going on at the same time as all that isn't good is happening. We have everyday people who are for-real angels ... heroes ... they risk everything to help others. Why? They care so much ... from their Hearts. I pray for all of them. They truly are the ones who keep hope alive just as they work hard at keeping people alive. How special are they!

Thank you to all our everyday angels, heroes ... who are more than everyday people.


Note: Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates

From my very Heart I can't thank all the people who are so tired from working to save others during this time ... and it looks to keep on for time to come. You are truly the angels, heroes in this world.

Coronavirus/COVID19 Pandemic 2020

We are experiencing something in our lifetime that's never happened before. Coronavirus/COVID19 2020 Pandemic. Our whole world is suffering. We've never seen, heard of so much sickness, death. It's happening here in our country, the USA. We were late getting testing and such. No one knew ... at least not everyday people. It was known about though.

This evening where I live ... an order to stay-at-home came into effect at 5:00pm. Skip and I have been staying at home for the past 3 weeks. We both have compromised immune systems, have to try to be careful as possible. There may be a curfew coming if people continue to be out at night ... they mentioned on the news a 9:00 pm curfew.

My Heart goes out to all the people who are keeping our country going ... doctors, nurses, medical staff, EMS, Pharmacists, Law Enforcement ... truck drivers, utility workers ... so many I can't name. They all do it at the risk of becoming sick themselves, dying. So many doctors have become sick, many died. Our whole world is fighting an unseen enemy ... one that can sneak up on one without them knowing. It can travel in the air when one sneezes, droplets fall on surfaces.

Social distancing has become the norm now ... stay at least 6 feet apart when out and about. I see people disobeying that and it worries me. They either aren't aware or maybe they forget. We can't invade the other's personal space now ... out of respect for their life ... our life. Someone could actually walk away and days later become very ill, die. This is how bad the novel virus is ... it makes a person gravely ill ... they have to be placed on a ventilator.

There's a shortage of ventilators, masks, medical equipment for the thousands of people who have, are becoming sick. Tractor-trailers are lined up to receive bodies at hospitals in New York City. New York City has become the epicenter for the virus. New Orleans is doing the same ... they had the Mardi Gras ... and so many people attended not knowing they were carrying the coronavirus. They infected others.

I have been journaling as in the future it will become history. I was thinking that if people journal this for their children one day ... they will have a piece of history to explain what happened while they are children so one day they'll understand.

This is our first evening for the new order in effect. It has been in effect for 2 hours as of now ... it is 7:00 pm. My prayers are for somehow everyone get through this ... sadly I know it's going to get worse before it ever gets better ... and it is going to probably take months.

Tips Needed To Keep Our Dogs From Fighting Time To Time

I am looking for tips to prevent a fight from happening to begin with. It doesn't happen often but, once is too much. It upsets our whole life. Skip Bates and I are so close to each Pup that if we let one go, it's like losing a child. I know, we tried to let Dukester go to a wonderful home to a special person who loves Pitties. Skip asked me not to do it ... she was so understanding when I told her. Skip has been very sick ... and he began to sink into a deeper depression when he knew I was going to let Dukester go. I can't let that happen ... Skip, our Pups3 are all I have that's mine in this world ... they are my world. I love, treasure them and am thankful I'm not all alone. If you have sound tips that will help I would appreciate them ... but, don't offer tips that won't work. I need solid advice from people who have experience, know exactly what to do. I know sometimes, we like to share knowledge that 'we know' but, haven't really used, lived with. That's not helpful at all. Thank you.


I wrote below on MyLot.com where I write at ... asking for tips to help. Like a toolbox, I want to have all solid, positive, good tips like tools ... in it. This is what I wrote there:


FEBRUARY 25, 2020 9:07AM CST


I was wondering if anyone here has pets ... dogs, in particular? We have 3 big Pups (they aren't babies as they are 5, 6 and 9 years old).

We have a Rottie who is 9 ... I got him as a little 6 week old Pup. Of course now, he is big. He is precious. I named him Kissy ... he lives up to his name and is still a 'wiggle-waggle' pup.

Later, I rescued a Catahoula Pup. Her name is Camie ... she was dying when I rescued her. She had no hair and her skin was in the most awful condition. Anyway ... I was her nurse, guardian angel. She was mine, also ... I had lost my son, my only child. I can't tell you the darkness I was in. Through time caring for her ... I began to live again. She saved me, I saved her.

Several years later, we rescued a Pit Bull we named Dukester ... he was truly mistreated, not physically but ... he was on the big chain, left alone for days tangled in tree stumps unable to get to his delapidated dog house, water that was always green, and his spoiled dry food.

I could go on but, I won't ... you can guess how bad his life was, be right. Anyway, I almost had to beg for him just like I almost had to with Camie, even with her dying. Finally ... each owner came through, told me I could have them.

They've lived good since we have had them. They live inside where they are warm, cool ... have good food, clean water, lots of love and caring. They have a fenced-in yard ... and a pet door to come, go at will.

They know nothing but, love from us. This is what upsets me time to time ... sometimes a fight happens. Dukester will jump on one of the others. I physically break it up. Don't tell me not to do it because, it's not my nature to stand by and not protect. These are my babies.

I never feed them together ... there's always a gate up to separate the doorway to each room when they eat. I'm always watching, sensing, alert.

Does anyone have tips on how to keep Pups from fighting time to time? I have a spray bottle of water I call a 'No Bottle'. They respect that when I correct them ... I don't let them all get in the same space at one time. We've down-sized so our space is smaller.

They know only love ... they aren't ever mistreated. I just need to know how to stop our Pittie from sometimes, wanting to jump on one of the others. I know I'm not the only one to live with this with multiple dogs. I hope you will share your tips with me.

We don't want to give either up as their lives have already been bad. Kissy, our Rottie, hasn't ever known how it is to live a 'bad' life.

Thank you for anything you have to offer in the way of tips on how to make them never fight. Our Pittie is the very strongest because he has always pulled so hard trying to get to his food, water. If they kept fighting it's obvious what would happen. I can't let them fight.

I Don't Want To Hurt My Fictitious Characters' Feelings!

OKAY ... here's something funny you can laugh at ... about ME.

I told Skip Bates ... he laughed and ... this is what he said: "You need help!" :) :) :) <3 <3

I told him what I'm telling you now. Tell ME what you think. I told Skip I decided I can't write 'scary-horror' stories anymore! He asked, "why?"

I told him because ... I can't bear for any of my characters to be hurt again ... be scared again. I don't want them to bleed ... I don't want them to be mutilated. I don't want anger to be directed at them. Oh my ... what to do?

What's happened to ME in the past months to change ME in a way I didn't realize. After all ... characters in a story ... are imaginary ... they aren't real. They aren't really feeling pain, they aren't bleeding or walking, dragging around with no legs for being mutilated, limbs severed.

They aren't really screaming, 'Help me!' They are just fictitious characters ... they don't even feel joy, happiness. They don't even cry, laugh ... nor talk.

So, what has happened to ME to cause me to begin ... worrying about fictitious characters ... and their pain, fear?

I'm not so perfect I want to write perfect stories about perfect people who were born perfect ... even to their ..... smelling like roses all their life. I know Life isn't perfect ... I know there are people who think they are perfect ... sadly by the time they realize, learn Life's lessons ... they've wasted so much of their own valuable time/years of their life.

So ... what do you think? Have I gone crazy without knowing it? I mean who has ever heard of someone who loved scary stories, movies, wrote scary stories ... change their mind .... care for the fictitious characters' feelings? Why in the world do I care?

WELL ... sometimes, I worry about things we see, think about in our minds. You know ... thoughts. Thoughts travel ... sometimes have a way of coming true. I do believe we have to be careful what we wish for ... see in our minds.

I don't even wish awful things to happen to people I truly dislike, despise. If I saw one struggling, needing help ... I'm still a good person ... I walk over to help. It's my nature. I don't want anything to do with them but, for a moment ... I would help, go my way ... and not waste any insincere words with them.

I believe in peace, respect even when I truly 'hate' someone. I won't be the one to mistreat them nor do I seek revenge. I'm hoping nothing ever so bad happens to make me act in the opposite way I am ... because someone would 'have pure Hell to pay'. I truly could have become that person growing up ... was becoming ... I was growing up in revenge, hate, greed, anger.

So, how in the world did ... I ... keep from being the most awful human being who does mean, evil things to another person ... enjoy it. Laugh in glee at their discomfort, feel pleasure in letting them know ... 'I am king of this mountain' ... don't f___ with me!

I knew ... I know ... exactly how to be 'that person' but, it truly isn't ME.

My favorite one 'cuss word' is ... 'damn!' (I earned that word as a little girl when my beautiful mother tried her best to wash it right out of my mouth ... I hid it with my tongue ... she never did find it, it's MINE! :) :) :)

I know some more cuss words ... how could someone live in Hell and not know them. I had knowledge of things no child should have known. Today ... that's a good thing because ...

Because through time ... it taught ME how I ... didn't ever want to be. Damn! (yes, that's MY word, I told you!) ... Damn! I have finally reached the point of worrying about fictitious characters' feelings! I don't want them to hurt, bleed, cry, die ... anymore.

Damn! What's up with that?

Note by this Author:

Well, as Tommy would say if he were here at this very moment ... 'well damn, Mom!' I can hear him all the way to Heaven laughing at his silly mother!.

Now ... I really have found a distaste for writing scary, evil things recently. I just can't do it ... for now. Why? I don't know. I thought by writing about it I would find an answer. The answer didn't come this time when writing.

Maybe ... just maybe I am wishing the for-real ... impossible. I wish bad things didn't happen to people ... animals. It breaks my very heart.

I am realistic ... I face Life just like it really is. I learned to meet it head-on so, I could go ahead ... live. Oh my, my , my. In my life time I have shed more tears than smiles. I've loved with my very Heart ... when I never meant to . If I hadn't loved ... I wouldn't have ever had to cry.

So, I'll see what I write about ... truly ... I don't care as long as my fingers are tapping on the keys, and my mind is on a roll ... it's like flying .... flying with words not wings. Flying with words not wings.

Written/owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates. Photo owned by ME, also. Skip Bates Tommy M Sidden Gloria Bates Colors

Photo is of my Tommy Dragonfly Tattoo I had done in Memory of my only child, my son ... Tommy M Sidden who died May 29, 2010 at Myrtle Beach ... collapsing on the soft sand as he ran with his young son while playing, laughing ... he went to Heaven hearing the ocean waves ... seagulls sing. My son had 3 blockages to his heart ... no one ever knew.

Just ... Be Careful

I want to share my words here that I wrote this morning on MyLot.com where I write. I think they are very important, even to offering advice to families, people who are there for the other ... to use. That's to have a secret password, emergency word to alert the others something isn't right, danger. This way no one has to draw attention and can look without being noticed ... react according to the situation at hand. This is only from me ... I'm no expert on anything excepting ME.


I think my heart felt a little funny just now listening to the news. Especially when there's mention of the coronavirus, fear of pandemic.

I heard it on the news then, Googled it. It makes me feel alarm ... different from feeling panic. Just alert.

I think almost everywhere people have moved from other places, countries. People here, there ... are always mobile now. It's hard to not know someone who travels, flies constantly ... therefore, they are exposed to more than they know. We, who don't travel now ... are exposed to ... being around friends, acquaintances, strangers.

Here where I live is a huge hub ... everyone from everywhere in this world has moved here, are constantly moving here everyday. Good jobs, living, climate. So many new homes, apartment buildings and such through the past years ... it amazes me at such growth ... rapid growth over time ... and it hasn't slowed down one bit.

One can't escape meeting someone even going out for a simple errand. The thought is always in the back of my mind to be careful.

Just what does the words 'be careful' mean? Really, what does the words be careful mean when you go out from your home to grocery shop, enjoy a meal out, go to a movie, shop?

You are going to breathe the air others breathe, cough in ... and be exposed to all in the air. I know Skip and I are pretty much home-bodies not going out all the time. It doesn't matter ... we could go out at the 'wrong' time. You could do the same.

It's like all the shootings here now ... every day, night ... someone kills someone here ... it's always close to us. People now mug, rob others at ATM machines, in Walmart parking lots ... at supermarkets, just everywhere.

All we can say is, "it's here now ... it finally got here from the west coast". The reason we say it like that is because for years we traveled all over the country on a tractor-trailer knowing what was going on everywhere. It wasn't like this 'at home' ... then.

I used to be so shocked over all the drive-by shootings in LA. Skip told me that one day 'it would be here' ... sure enough, it's here 'big time'.

The locals are almost gone ... I rarely see them anymore. Everyone is from somewhere else. Of course, where people go ... crime follows. The wolves follow the herd ... this thought is always in the back of my mind. Predators always lurk on the outskirts of humanity.

Oh my, that doesn't count the sex trafficking here now. I can't believe how rampant it is ... and things happen in the parking lots of Walmart. Just in the 'used to be' innocent places we've all enjoyed pretty much safety at. Now ... if you don't at least be aware of your surroundings ... you could become a victim.

Now ... having just touched on a few things that are ... yes, that are alarming ... should I be afraid to leave my home?

No ... no, no. I refuse to give up ... because I know there are good people as well as the evil, vile ... mean people in this world. If all the good people shut themselves away ... they would give evil the whole world ... no one good could ever enjoy anything ... they would always be hiding.

Like many people who are good people ... Skip and I are good people. We care, we love everyone but, we aren't naive. We know 'good' people do evil too. An innocent smile, being so nice doesn't always mean someone really is like that. We've been around, traveled so much ... sadly we know better.

We are going to keep going out from home, enjoy life ... we will ... be careful. Just what the words mean ... be careful. We aren't going to live in fear, afraid of our shadow.

We keep an eye on all around us, though at times we forget ... we have an 'emergency word' we would say to alert the other to danger, something unusual. We would react accordingly ... to what the situation called for.

I would like to make a suggestion to people, families ... have one word that means 'danger, something not right, unusual' for all to whisper, say to the other without drawing attention if ... you see something, sense something you can't speak aloud about, draw attention to yourself. Maybe have a plan ... we 'sort of' have a 'plan'.

So, here's to us all going outside our homes to enjoy life as always for as long as we can (some people aren't so fortunate such as people in war-torn countries that breaks my Heart). In today's time ... no matter what ... when ... where ... we really do ... have to be careful.

Be careful crossing the road in traffic, be careful not isolating yourselves, be careful not to fall out the window, balcony ... be careful not to get burned by fire.

You know ... we've always been told ... be careful of so much since we were babies. So, 'be careful' is exactly what these two words mean ... no more, no less.

Now ... having written this ... my mind wants to begin writing a 'scary' story, ha! That's ME. I won't begin to write it here. I'm just writing what I think 'be careful' means in a good way ... not to scare anyone ... only to bring self-awareness when you go out from your home. We even have to ... be careful ... at home.

Note: When I write ... I write to myself as well as write for others to read. Sometimes, writing is a problem-solver for me ... or making myself think ... and if someone reads and gets anything positive at all from it ... it is a good thing.

Letting Go ... Feels Good

My Things Had Become Strangers To Me ... written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates Gloria Bates Colors



Well, this makes probably the 4th-5th pickup load of 'stuff' ... treasured things I've kept for many years ... I have 'let go' of.

It wasn't, it hasn't been easy to arrive at such a mindset I'll tell you. I will tell you this ... since I've come to such a mindset I was very surprised at how easy it became to 'let go'.

I tested myself this way ... I went out to where I had stacked all very neatly ... stood, looked at it all expecting to feel big tugs at my Heart over something I had held special, treasured to my Heart. I didn't feel ... anything. My things had become ... strangers to ME. It WAS time to for-real ... let go.

Instead of feeling sad ... and rushing to 'save this, save that' ... I made myself walk over ... handle things, think about each. I saw only 3 things I decided to keep out of 'millions' of things. That was a purple/green cowl scarf (my lucky colors) ... one sweater, one shirt. Amazing ... as I loved all my ... stuff.

I will say all my things were very important to ME ... it's strange ... the more I learn in Life I realize I don't need all the material things we think we have to have in Life.

I have realized that letting go means ... freedom. Freedom ... space to be whatever I want it to be. Space to move, breathe in ... to stand, take deep breaths of relief knowing my life is lighter for it. Not only that ... I chose the person I wanted to have them because of all she does for others ... I felt she would enjoy going through, choosing whatever she wanted to keep, treasure. That makes me feel good because all my things were nice, not junk.

Why don't I want to keep all ... leave them to family as everyone else does? There's no one left in my immediate family to do that ... no one like my own child to have, treasure one day ... to hold dear anything I had ... knowing I was his mother so, my things would become most special to him.

Have you ever thought that one day ... all your family could just die quickly ... leaving you behind with only grief, sadness in your Heart? Oh my, who would have thought so many would die in such a short period of time. What is truly sad is ... their deaths weren't in any way natural, normal.

I've written through time about my life ... so much grief, pain ... tears. Thankfully ... I strive to always be as positive as possible. If I fail for a time ... I know in my Heart it is only a matter of time ... I will be positive again.

Sometimes ... I think I try on negativity just like trying on an ugly dress ... knowing I'm going to take it off ... but, get to feel what it looks like for a short time to make me appreciate the beauty of ... at least being as positive as possible.

For that short time of 'trying on' ... I can have the freedom of thinking mean, ugly things ... say them ... then 'let go' ... take off that ugly, horrible dress ... go on with Life. It's easier said than done but, somehow I manage ... because I mean to go to my grave a good person ... one who isn't a negative, hateful, mean, ugly ... disgusting old ... bitch.

Sometimes like everyone I know ... I CAN be a bitch but, I'm not really one. Sometimes ... Life can make us be like that no matter how good our intentions are. Sometimes, even the nicest, best person has to hold their ground, speak their mind ... make boundaries for others not to cross ... demand respect, protect others.

How in the world can one be 'beautiful' doing that? Sometimes in Life, we have to be fierce ... be a force. Think about protecting your child, pet, family, friends ... you are going to turn into the most fierce force ever to 'save them'. That's my nature ... I am protective and I 'walk through fire' never thinking first. I walk into the fire meaning to ... save, protect. Love is the most powerful force in this world though sometimes it seems the opposite is true ... especially now.

This morning I have been looking around ... to see if anymore of my things have become ... strangers to ME.

Facebook Asks: What's On Your Mind?

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND? Well .........

This is what is on my mind this morning as I listen to the world news. The things I've listened to have created questions in my mind.

I will mention them here BUT I WON'T DEBATE them with anyone ... anyone who wants to argue, persuade, cram something down someone's throat ... be belligerent ... can go to their own Facebook page to do so. I don't have time for it ... too much negativity ... I like positive ... I am positive as possible.

Here ... this is MY page and my page REFLECTS ME ... my thoughts, feelings and mostly whatever I want to share. I don't always agree with everyone ... you will always see me be very respectful even if I don't agree.

I have to say this ... so far ... with the Facebook Friends I have ... most are good people like me. They know how to disagree without making it into a war. Like ME ... they don't keep on and on ... they go on about their life.

Lots of time it's better to not say anything at all ... I mean why would you if you didn't want to cause conflict on an inflammatory subject that upsets everyone? One can spot a troublemaker easily ... and like my Grandma Alma used to say: 'Nip it in the bud'. I follow her advice and don't wait around.

Why in the world would I be respectful ... when everyone is always ready to fight if someone is different from them?

BECAUSE ... I have a mind of my own ... I make my own decisions ... I decide what I believe and lots of times I have to 'sit on the fence in the middle' because ... I can see both sides of the situation. Because ... like ME ... I am always listening, learning ... changing my mind constantly as I form my own opinions ... so does everyone. I respect that ... it isn't easy to do.

We all experience Life differently ... in no way can everyone agree. No one can even take the exact same medicines ... we may be alike yet ... we aren't in certain aspects. I think we all can agree to agree on that for sure. :) <3

I AM NOT going to get into a 'war' with anyone over anything ... UNLESS it's of my choosing ... then, that means I intend to win that war ... one way or other. I don't often go to war ... but, if I do ... know that I am ready for it. If I'm going to 'make an ass of myself' ... I will do it big-time. I don't enjoy such things ... I don't run from them either ... it's 'do it or die'.

I love peace with my very Heart but ... I CAN hold my ground. It doesn't mean I'm weak because I like to be peaceful, be good. I'm sorry to say that I could be 'as bad' as the next one if provoked. That doesn't happen often. Why is that?

BECAUSE ... to be provoked is to become doubly-angered ... for being pushed too far ... and for whatever it is I chose to go to war for. That's when the fires of Hell begin burning in ME ... I was born in them ... I know them well ... and I know ... all Hell is going to break loose ... some Hell-raising is going to happen.

Am I proud of that? NO ... no, I'm not at all. I am proud though that I try to control anger, hate that is natural to me ... I am proud I never went on to let it consume me to be so evil, mean, horrible ... and ... it well could have happened. No one will ever know what I came through since a child ... I would have been bad ... very BAD ... but, all the goodness in me ... WON.

I was different from my family. I loved them with my very Heart ... but, I was different. They were ... pure Hell-raising people ... it never stopped ... through life when they lived ... oh my, my, my. They were the only family I knew ... I loved them ... but, I had to love them at a distance. I couldn't let them into my immediate life.

Okay ... this is what's on my mind: I am seeing such discord, turmoil in families, friends who have been friends forever ... break apart because of either being Democrat ... Republican.

I am listening to all the ugly name-calling ... I can't believe the name-calling like elementary kids ... we were taught to be better than that. As adults doing such ... it's dangerous ... as children, we are corrected, taught better.

Not so long ago we witnessed 2 women ... yes, 2 WOMEN ... almost come to blows because one was a Democrat ... one was a Republican ... and they didn't agree. Can you believe it?

They made pure spectacles of themselves ... oh my, the filth that poured out of their mouths. This is what politics have done to people. It's changed everyone ... and MY OPINION is ... it's changed many people in a very negative way. So much that families, friends are forever against each other.

I thought I used to hate with a vengeance when younger ... oh my ... the hatred I see, witness now is just horrible. Surely ... no one wants their children to grow up in such a world ... our role models have changed. The people who used to be very respected individuals ... aren't people I would let into my life ... and I am 'nobody special'.

We see every morning on our news shows drinking ... more and more cuss words are slipping in on tv than ever before ... everything that used to be wrong is ... right now. It's okay to be a 'bad' person now.

Now ... I know I can say a choice word or two ... I try not to do it when anyone is around ... it only happens when I'm working so hard at something and it doesn't cooperate with me ... I become angry ... I might cry.

When I do that ... it seems I begin to gain such extra strength to help me. So, I don't mind a cuss word at all ... it happens ... Life happens. It can be positive like when it becomes a force to help me in 'impossible' situations ... it's a godsend in an emergency to help oneself or someone.

Getting back to politics ... I don't discuss them. I do listen, watch quietly at the change I'm seeing today ... I shake my head in dismay. I try to pay attention to how I act, talk ... appear to others ... I wonder if others aren't caring about how they appear anymore? People used to care.

This is as close to politics I'm coming to ... as I'm not discussing my beliefs, feelings about certain things. I'm distressed from both sides ...I feel it in my heart.

I know it has to affect people at a medical level ... stress, depression, so forth. It's like working in a big place and that one person or several people are so bad ... that morale is to an all-time low. Once those people are gone ... people begin to act in healthier ways again. It was like that at the hospital I worked at years ago.

Anyway ... that's what is on my mind this morning. Gloria Faye Brown Gloria Bates Colors Skip Bates Tommy M Sidden

Christmas Morning 2019 ...
by Gloria Faye Brown Bates




Photo 2017 Christmas past ... Skip and Duke

Christmas morning ... Christmas morning ... Christmas morning.

There, that says it all. So many words to share to describe how I feel this morning and all I can say is ... Christmas morning.

I think I am still in shock ... pain, grief. We experienced a loss dear to our Hearts on Christmas Eve. One I can't even talk about ... I don't know that I'll ever talk about it here.

Sometimes, there comes a time in life we can't share with ours about things so close, personal in our lives. Why? I think because they are things so complex, so hard to talk about ... who has all that time to listen to ... understand?

Today's time we all are at a fast pace ... we have to do things quickly, move on. It's like that even for the most relaxed people I think. I haven't met anyone truly relaxed lately ... have you?

I remember when we drove team on the tractor-trailer. We drove to the west coast each week ... we came back to the east coast ... picking up, delivering ... vegetables, tee shirts, paper, glue, peanut butter, so many things. Do you know what struck me as unusual and what I never wanted to live in?

When we were in California during holidays ... vacation time ... we would see miles and miles of traffic waiting in lines to get into vacation attractions, places to shop ... people had to wait in line to have their vacation, go buy Christmas gifts. Oh my, that disturbed ME a lot.

Isn't that awful? This was in the 90's. Well, this is 2019 ... it's happening on the east coast now. So, so, so many people trying to live, work, vacation in the same space. Space ...

Space has become more valuable here on the east coast. Prices have soared ... traffic is out of this world here now. People ... people ... people everywhere where you used to see ... calm, empty space.

I am smiling ... I love people ... especially people who are different from Me. I never know what I might learn from them, their culture.

Gracious ... don't mention the possibility of snow here, now! The people who have moved here have laughed ... made fun of southerners running to the supermarkets to wipe out all the milk, bread ... they are the very ones who are doing it now. I am truly amazed. I laugh because ... we all are just human ... instincts kick in ... survival. Doesn't matter where one's from.

I try to have that problem remedied ... go to the bread store when there aren't any shortages, emergencies ... simply buy loaves of bread ... put them in the freezer. Then ... when bad weather arrives ... go to the freezer ... take out the bread.

Milk ... we try to always have 2 gallons of milk in the refrigerator. That comes from when Tommy was living ... lived with us. Oh my, how he loved milk. Skip loves milk. ME? That's a complicated story ... I love milk ... the unusual thing is ... when I open the refrigerator door ... I never ... see it.

I don't ever see milk sitting there. Strange? Yes, it's strange ... the story just as strange when a little girl ... ME ... learned not to drink milk ... why? To be sure the milk was always there for someone who needed it more than her.

Today ... I don't see milk because I leave it ... for others to drink. I do, however ... use extra cream in my coffee ... no sugar.

It's okay for ME in my mind to drink extra cream from the container ... because it isn't what I learned not to drink. I always see the carton of creamer in the refrigerator!

It is the same way with the orange juice ... it's only when I need to drink orange juice I see it sitting in the refrigerator unless Skip brings my attention to it. I love orange juice ... as the little girl who was taught not to get into the milk ... orange juice and chocolate milk were on that list. So ... it's rare I drink either ... I don't ... see them.

About the orange juice ... this is only for both Skip and I ... I don't push anything on anyone. I will share why, when I drink orange juice ... who knows it might help you if ... you try it. It has to be 100% orange juice. We get it with pulp ... doesn't matter though.

From time to time ... when one of us gets leg cramps at night time ... we go straight to the refrigerator, get out a glass of orange juice ... drink it. Oh my, the cramping hurts so bad while drinking it but, I am reassured in just minutes no matter how severe the cramp is ... it's going to stop hurting. It does every time!

How did I learn this? When taking chemotherapy years ago ... I began having really bad cramping in my legs ... I would wake up crying. Chemo drugs take a lot out of one's body. You don't have to be taking chemo for this to work ... just in our normal lives it works.

A nurse told me to begin drinking orange juice when a cramp would strike ... oh my, it makes all the difference and I thank God every time I have a leg cramp ... have orange juice to drink. I hope this little tip ... a valuable tip ... might help you someday. Let me know.

I have went from Christmas morning to grief, the pain of another loss in our lives that's completely changed it ... all the way to orange juice. I didn't know I would be able to write when I began writing just ... Christmas morning.

Note by this Author:

I write about real life ... my Life ... about ME. Sometimes, like now ... I can write about real life only not be able to write the details when something happens so bad I can't talk about.

No, I don't know I'll ever write about it. The pain, grief because of so much love is devastating. I won't write about this ... sometimes things are best left not said

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Story/photos written, owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/GBB.
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