Real Life ... I Live It With No Pretense Of Anything

 

No matter how beautiful you think you are .... if you aren't beautiful on the inside ... you are ugly. Photos owned, and of ... by Gloria Faye Brown Bates 

Skip is falling back to sleep 😴 I just helped him get comfortable in bed a short time ago. Miss Camie raised her head for a brief moment checking to see if we were getting up 🙂

The sun 🌞 is shining brightly this morning ... it was shining on my face, hair ... now, it seems to have changed positions in the sky or ... it isn't shining quite as intense as it was. 

Gracious ... this isn't a big thing ... so, why do I care? Because ... each morning I look forward to sitting here in my favorite spot on the bed ... in a little pool of sunshine to write.

The sun lifts my spirits ... I love the 'goldenness' ...  (did I just make up a word 🙃) ... I wish I had a pool of liquid sunshine ... not very hot, mind you. Can you imagine how nice that would feel? Can you imagine how silly I feel writing ✍ what I never say in words ... about the sunshine? No, I don't feel silly ... I'm appreciating the sunshine.

If you come here to read ME 📚 ... you will see where the tiniest things no one pays attention to ... make ME feel happiness. I write trying to express what it feels like ... I don't know why ... unless it feels good putting into words to read ... real feelings. No, that doesn't make sense ... that's okay ... real Life doesn't always make sense but, it happens.

I have quite an imagination ... one of so many thoughts, colors ... magical, good as well as ... scary. I am always 'writing 'a book in my head ... my mind is always guessing the outcome of things. 

We all know this about ME ... even strangers ... everything I write ✍ isn't perfect ... it doesn't have to be. Being real isn't perfect ... especially being ME. It brings to mind the 3 years I tried so hard to be perfect, doesn't it? I've never tried to be perfect before that ... nor since. Why?

Because ... I found out being a Gloria ... this Gloria ... doesn't have to be perfect at all. What a load off my shoulders when I dropped that self-imposed weight I made myself carry. Why, again? Well ... the many whys goes way back in my life ... for now, I won't take time to think about it.

The good thing is ... I learned no one is perfect ... though sometimes,  they think they are. It's inevitable one day ... harsh reality will set in to humble, reduce one back to what they have been all along. A person who is just a person ... who can only do the best they can.

Like myself ... we can self-inflict prisons we can live in ... in our minds depending on what we want to punish ourselves for. The 'Perfect Prison I placed myself in was so hard ... every waking moment no matter what I had to look perfect, sound perfect, walk perfect ... every hair in place ... 

I made myself into a beautiful-perfect ... so much so ... every mirror became my best friend ... when I walked by I could watch myself smile, hold my head high, pose, dance around in happiness, twirl ... I did love myself though I truly was a good person. 

I hate to admit it ... it's true. I was hung up on beauty ... it stemmed from trying to measure up to my beautiful mother's beauty since being a little girl. Did I succeed? Yes ... even my mother thought I was beautiful... she was proud to let everyone know she had a daughter ... many people never knew. 

I never lived with her long enough ... they knew she had 2 little boys ... they didn't know about me ... wow! She had women 'friends' who were already jealous of her ... then, here comes her daughter who made it worse. 

Sometimes, women treated me not so nice coming from jealousy.  The crazy thing was ... they never had to lower themselves to being like that ... I'll say it again ... I really was a good person though ... I could have been very bad. Later, I learned from my mistakes especially one I'll never forget.

I was innocent, naive ... I had a best friend named Connie ... she WAS the last 'best friend I ever had, too. She really did something terrible ... she set me up on a blind date with one of her friends. She knew I wouldn't date a married man ... I grew up in the grief, pain that adultery wreaked upon my family because of infidelity. No one knew the meaning of loyalty ... how in the world did I learn to be?

I went on a double date, dated the guy several times ... then learned he was a married man. Connie was so jealous of me ... she did the worst thing she could do to hurt ME. She set out to deliberately hurt, humiliate me. Jealousy is a very bad thing ... especially setting out to cause deliberate harm to someone.

I was devastated ... his wife got in touch with me ... I let her know I wouldn't have ever hurt her intentionally... she knew I was almost destroyed by what my 'best friend' did to me ... because Connie was her 'best friend', too! I didn't know that as I didn't grow up around her. 

I made friends with that man's wife ... I've never-ever forgotten her pain, hearing her cry to me. My Heart was broken for her. I think of her today with pain in my Heart ... I cared so much to this day ... I still care.

I'd just come out of a 14 year marriage because I actually saw my husband with another woman. I knew how bad it hurt to be betrayed, have my trust broken ... how it felt to waste years of my life while I was the only one who was married, faithful. 

I couldn't deliberately inflict such pain on anyone like that. I'm not like that. Thank my childhood for that ... I knew pain the average child never knew ... I learned early how it felt. What I knew, felt ... I didn't ever want to be responsible making anyone feel such.

(Oh my! The sunshine is so bright, beautiful this very second! I just closed my eyes to feel, bask in the goldenness of the moment! 😂🙂🙃💛🙂 Yes, I did!)

So ... I am in no way, shape, fashion even close to being 'perfect' (yes, I have a hangup with this word ... the good thing is ... I know it). 

BUT, I can say this ... I am a good person. I love, care about people even if they don't love, care about ME. Doesn't matter ... I live with myself ... I don't need unnecessary bad feelings inside my Heart. 

Since, I'm not perfect ... I can get bad feelings about people ... I work on myself until I can find a place for them so ... they don't keep hurting ME.

Real life ... I live it with no pretense of anything.