The young woman was beautiful and ..she knew it. Everything she put on was as if.. it was 'made just for her to wear'. Her hair, her shoes, her handbag and jewelry..makeup was impeccable... she looked as 'perfect' as she could possibly be.
Her actions were the same... she was soft-spoken and carried herself well. When 'she' walked into a room......... it became quiet... she was the center of attention and.. she loved it. She would hear wonderful things said about her as she'd walk by people. Sadly ..she made alot of women jealous of her and she didn't want to do that... she wasn't out to hurt other women though..her whole life she'd been hurt by them. Her life as a child until she ran away as a teenager..... was ruled by ...women. One would swear she had a hate for women. She did, she didn't and she did.... depending on what the situation was.
She carried herself straight and tall though she wasn't a tall woman.. she was petite and alittle over five feet tall. She always wore high heels and she walked tall and proud but, in a very deliberate way to look ... graceful. She carried it off well. Everybody thought she was 'something else'. She 'thought she was something else'.... she 'was something else'. Her female friends always wished to have her eyes, her face, her body and her 'valentine behind'! They wished to be like her....in appearance. They liked her.......... the person she 'presented' ..to them.
Men asked her out all the time but, she didn't go out with them as often as you'd think. She wanted 'to be perfect'....... she wanted respect and she wanted... people to like her. Married men asked her out only to be turned down in a gentle way 'I'm honored that you would ask but, I really can't date a married man'. Only once did a man fool her .... her 'friends' and the man told her he wasn't... married. What a really awful thing to do to someone... she did go out with him once and later found out that he was indeed married! She went on all many years to feel ashamed of something she never meant to do. She later met his wife and his wife talked to her with tears in her eyes.... she apologized to the wife from her heart. The wife understood what had happened and it seemed she forgave.
To this day, this beautiful woman of....... 'then' ...... is a much older woman now... her beauty has faded like a rose and she knows this now... when she looks in a mirror. There used to be a time..... she had 'love affairs' with every mirror she 'met'.....................every mirror she met loved her. How she'd preen and prance in front of a mirror.... like a beautiful peacock who knows it's beautiful. Dipping..swaying..twisting and turning...preening.......ever so gently, she would begin to come alive with every mirror she...'met'.
When traveling and stopping at the rest areas she couldn't wait to go inside to.......... look in all the mirrors lined down one wall. She'd begin at the door and...slowly begin to 'build up' to the 'big moment' of ....knowing how beautiful she looked. She would see where the mirrors began and walk there... and begin to look at herself and not smile... it wasn't time to.. just yet. She would look to see how far she had.. to do her 'special walk in'......... and ..begin.
The mirror began to reflect this beautiful young woman... making her become a ... star, a shining, beautiful star. Her hair was golden blonde and was curly and shoulder length, everyone loved her beautiful head of hair... her eyes hazel-green in color ...her face so soft and so... so pretty. Her body........ well, it was beautiful too. Her clothes only made her more beautiful with their designer names that she thought 'she had to have'. She walked slowly ...if one was watching.... (never did she do this in front of anyone else!!)....they'd see an amazing sight. She became more beautiful and her face began slowly to smile and she'd................'begin' ..to 'see' herself in the mirror... 'slow down, not so fast so, enjoy this special time'... her eyes began to take on a sparkle of being so happy to see 'herself' ...again. She'd missed 'seeing 'her'.......... her real self!
Her posture was 'perfect'... her walk gently, slowly........ became a very seductive walk... she held herself tall and straight and walked and swayed and held her head back and turned her face this way and that... her lips began to 'pout out' (just like her beautiful mother's did). She began to 'feel' this special walk for the mirrors she'd just met... it was only for them. She began to smile that beautiful smile as she moved..... how beautiful she was! How it would have taken someone's breath away to see 'her real self!'
She began her 'love affair' with these mirrors with that walk and as she got to the center of the mirrors down that long wall... she began to stopped to look at herself in those mirrors. She was glowing with that special glow one gets when meeting someone they are attracted to ...as she walked the length of that long walk... the more beautiful she became in the mirrors. She was in a magical world inside of all of us......... when we do something or see something we love best.. we become 'lost'. It's like painting such beauty on a canvas.... with each movement she made... it became another stroke of color on her canvas. Colors of the most beautiful colors!
The mirrors loved her....... she dearly loved the mirrors. She 'knew' she was finally 'something else' ...that everyone 'wanted now'. As a child...no one wanted her excepting for the sneaky hands that would be reaching unexpectedly in places she thought she was safe in... reaching to touch her child-body. Men... had wanted her since she was ... three years old. Those hands..............that were 'always reaching for her'... she didn't want them to touch her.
Here...in front of the mirrors she could be beautiful... and nothing could tarnish her shine...nothing could reach out and make something special and beautiful... dirty. If a man saw her now........ he would only be mesmerized and hypnotized by such 'specialness'....... even the most 'dirty' man wouldn't have wanted to ruin something so wonderful and.. special. He'd be amazed at the sight... he'd recognize that standing in front of him was ... something so real, so special and pure of soul.. good.. and would never want to reach his hands out to dirty it... he'd only want to hold it and feel the warm glow from it and know how rare it is..........to truly see such beauty both inside and outside ...in one beautiful person!
How often does one see ... beauty on the inside......... and beauty on the outside..... all in one ..person? In this young beautiful woman... at moments such as this in her life....... she reflected only that. Her grandma had always told her that beauty does as beauty is on the inside...... this beautiful young woman always got ......sayings turned around 'backwards' trying to remember how to say them. It doesn't matter because one always understood what she meant.
Her mirrors reflected only specialness ..goodness of her soul, her body, and from her eyes. Do you know how when you look at a Christmas tree with many colored lights and decorations? From a distance you 'see' that you want to come closer to 'really see' ..more detail? You come even closer to 'see' more when you realize........ there's more specialness even deeper into that tree.. you really look at each detail in every Christmas ornament. You realize ... this Christmas tree reflects its specialness, its soft and wonderful glow and you... want it.
You know it's the kind of Christmas tree you've always wished for..... it's beautiful everywhere you look at it. 'If' it wasn't the most beautiful now on the outside........... if you take time to notice... it's still has that inner beauty that has always been there. Her grandma always said something about beauty being skin-deep and beauty being on the inside... she thought her grandma thought beauty on the inside.. was most important.
With her mirrors ... they didn't touch her and just reflected back to her that she 'was something special' and there wasn't anything 'dirty' with sparkling, clean and bright mirrors... nothing was hiding there to try to sneak out to touch her. She was this way around men... she loved for them to admire her and she would preen and walk her special walk but, she never wanted them to reach out with their hands for her in a bad way... only in a good way.
As time went by and lessons learned over the years... this 'perfect' woman found out that no matter how perfect and how good she tried to be... to make people love her...... it wasn't good enough. She remembered telling a woman at a hospital where she worked once ...'Shirley, why would so and so say something about 'me'... I always try to be such a good person'. She remembers Shirley stopping what she was doing at her desk and looking straight into her eyes, saying 'because no matter how perfect and good you try to be......... there's going to be someone that isn't going to like you and there's always going to be someone who will say something mean about you. It was then.. looking into Shirley's eyes that she 'saw' .... what Shirley meant. Shirley liked her but, Shirley didn't like her, but... in a strange way.. she did like her.
This is when this 'good and perfect' woman began to 'open' her eyes and really 'see'......... it took so, so long to understand so many things she didn't know about people, life. No one ever taught her and she was trying so hard in her own way... only to deprive herself of so much.. to be perfect. She was the only one who loved 'her' ... oh! The mirrors loved her ....too.
Women don't like other women to be 'most beautiful and be the center of attention in 'their world'.... That's when she 'realized' that 'each woman' wants to be the most beautiful, the most special and the best 'in their own world'....... she doesn't want another woman to touch 'her world'. She 'should have known'... after all she grew up 'in a woman's world'. She just had to learn from experience and..put the two together ..to understand. Once she learned... she never forgot. She had to learn all on her own... no one taught her.
This beautiful young woman began to 'know and to truly respect' and to 'see'..........that she never wanted any woman (though women aren't her favorite people)...... to ever feel any threat from her or think she would upset that woman's world. She began to just be quieter and try not to be as noticed when she was around another 'woman and that woman's world'... R-E-S-P-E-C-T. She had only respect for others... though in time... she realized from most women......... they love for her to respect them and their worlds...... but, they loved for her to be 'blinded' by her respect..... so they could ...'disrespect' her world. She should have always remembered that.......... after all she was brought up in a world 'where strong women ruled' ...she should have known better... she does in her older years. She 'sees deeply' and 'knows' ...in her older years. She may love other people... but, it doesn't necessarily mean ...they love her back.
So, this beautiful young woman is now an older woman who at one time grieved over her lost youth greatly but, went on to realize that... yes, indeed she is older even though on the inside... she is still that same person. She is a good person, after all she just had to learn from experience. Yes, she learned from experience and experiences in her life ..some so awful that she'll never speak of, and so many that she'll share.......... but, only in writing. If you know this woman as many do... read what she writes.. don't ask her. She doesn't want to 'talk' about it.. she's a very private person. She is that respectful of ...you.. too. I promise... because I also, know 'this woman'.
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)