I never understood why when I would meet my father coming through a door at the same time 'why' he'd jump out of the way and I would say 'excuse me, you can go through'... he would look at me with that expression that made me feel so little and like he just hated me and angrily motion with his head for me to go on through. It always seemed he was afraid to be seen talking to me, his daughter, and he'd 'run' when I was around. I lived with them for about 2 years and I could hardly eat for the knots in my stomach and the fear that I was going to do something wrong..... I lost all the baby fat and was a tiny girl that could wear a
size 9 and I was very pretty... one day I will post photos here. The strange thing is that when I looked in the mirror I couldn't 'see' it while I lived with them. Everything was about Peggy and Sharon and their first time for this or that as a teenager... nothing was important to do with me. I couldn't 'see me' as a person. I dressed nicely and I could see my clothes in the mirror, but, I couldn't 'see me'. I'll write about the mirrors and the game I used to play and enjoy! This came later in life when I lost a significant amount of weight when I was free of a life I didn't want.....About My Dad's Art Studio and Sign Painting Shop.
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)