WRITING... I FIND MYSELF HURRYING... TO WRITE!!!
Thursday, 29 December, 2011
I am up before Skip and the Pups to have a little time to myself. I hurriedly went to the bathroom and brushed my hair and brushed my teeth.. thinking 'come on, Gloria'... hurry, hurry!' :)))
In the kitchen I put the Pups' 2 clean bowls on the countertop and go to the pantry to get a scoop of dry food out for their bowls, and walk back to put it in them. I take the scoop back and put it back into the dry food and close it securely. Looking on the shelf I see their cans of food... I read the labels thinking of which flavor they'd like this morning.
I select one and bring it to the counter to open it... and then, take the spoon and 'draw' a line on top of the food.... exactly in the middle. I put the spoon 'exactly' on that line and put it down to the bottom of the can and 'half' it ... exactly. I put one half in Kissy's bowl, and one half in Chadwick's bowl... this is breakfast for them. They love it! They have both dry and canned food.
For supper ...I do the same thing. During the day, they get little tidbits if we are eating anything. I feed our pups this way (we all have our own way we 'feel' is right... or best, to feed our pets)... because I want them to eat more 'dry food'... than, canned food.
I feel it to be healthier for them... sometimes, I don't feel good about canned foods. All one has to remember about canned foods is when pets were getting sick from them.... but, of course... dry food could do the same thing.
It's strange ... how everything in our life ... is just 'that close' to getting us! We always have to be 'one step ahead'... and always... alert! :))))
Food always 'bites me in the ____!' I'm alert, too! I see it, I smell it, and alas! I eat it ...all the while it's 'biting me in the a___!' I let it 'bite me!'.... but, 'I'm biting back!' :)))))
Hurry! Hurry! I feel excitement inside as I have in the back of my mind... to get things done so, I can sit down at my computer and... write!
I draw, paint, and do all kinds of creative things using colors from paints, crayons, colored pencils, magic markers, pens (oh, how I love all these wonderful, wonderful things... each filled with such vibrant colors!).
I love handling fabrics and my eyes 'drinking in' the beautiful colors, the patterns on the cloth... I love the textures. I'm no seamstress.. but, I do appreciate fabric and making things 'my way'.. though it's so funny... I've embarassed myself sometimes!
I remember years ago, I read about altering articles of clothing to make them into something else completely! I am not a professional artist of anything........ but, I am artistic!
I 'see' and 'feel' and 'sense' and 'hear', and 'smell' ...constantly around me... I'm always in the mode of 'how can I use that to make something, how can I make it different, what can.....?'
I can make something.... out of nothing! Truthfully............ I can also, make 'nothing out of something'! I promise you that.. I really can! :)))) !!! In this case.......... I did just that....
I 'altered' this big sweatshirt to make it into something more exciting to wear! I cut the sweatshirt down the front in the middle to open it up... I'm making a wonderful 'jacket'!
I 'do it my way!' It is a gray sweatshirt and so cosy-warm (yep! I did it again... 2 adjectives... Skip, it's alright.. that's 'me'!).
I decide I have another sweatshirt that is a nice purple color and I run to get it... I'm working quickly now... I'm excited ...I'm creating!!! It's the most wonderful feeling in the world!!!
I really have to guess alot when it comes to cutting and sewing because I, honestly, do not have the patience to cut a pattern out! I can't stand taking 'all that time' to do that.... I freehand most everything... and 'if' I need a pattern... I use my own things... after-all, I 'know it by heart'..... it's 'mine'.
I begin cutting and measuring with my eyes how wide the purple strip will be... I'm making something to 'cover' the raw edge where I cut that gray sweatshirt... I 'think' it's called a 'bias'! Who cares... I 'know what I'm doing, now!'
I sew that strip all the way around that 'edge' ...imagine now... the gray sweatshirt now.. has purple trim around the neck and down each side of where it opens.. all the way down to the bottom. I cut off the sleeves on the gray sweatshirt and.... I sew up the 'holes'. It was going to be a jacket, but now, it's going to be a cape!
Oh, how beautiful! It 'looks like something!' I get the idea to run and cut off the purple sleeves on the purple sweatshirt and I do... I cut off 'half' sleeves of that sweatshirt..... and I run back to the gray sweatshirt (I'm a fashion designer in my mind!).... and I cut 2 slits.... on either side of the sweatshirt. The slits are for the half-sleeves to be sewn to... for hands to stick out from!
I sew the purple sleeves onto that gray sweatshirt.... I'm thinking now, as I look at it.... those sleeves are 'sort of' ...short! Hey, it's NOT the end of the world because....... that jacket is now a 'cape'! A cape with just the right length sleeves to put your hands through, so at least you aren't 'trapped and can use them. Now...you know how 'capes' are.... you know! Usually ...capes have 'slits'... not sleeves sewn to them. My cape was different and... more special!
I run to the mirror trying the 'cape' on... I see that it's 'perfect'... I've turned this big, gray sweatshirt into a work of art... it's altered now.. it's no longer a ..sweatshirt. There's 'only one thing that... sort ..of bothers ..me'. I forget that in my excitement!
It's went through a transition.... it was going to be a jacket ... but, it turned into a ... cape. A gray cape with purple trim ...with purple 'half'... sleeves.
I decided it needed a 'flower' on it! A big, purple flower! I took a piece of purple sweatshirt fabric and began to shape and roll it... into a beautiful 'flower'!
I sewed it on the front of that cape... and ironed it all to look so nice! and hung it on a rack... and stood back to admire what I'd put hours of work into! It was absolutely.... stunning! Beautiful! I was 'seeing' it.... wow! In 'my eyes'.... I created something so special... so absolutely beautiful!
I 'knew' where I'd be wearing that cape.... to show the world my special creation. Everyone is going to wish for one when they see mine! I could just imagine the wonderful compliments I would get on it! I was eagerly awaiting for time to go to my doctor's appointment! I would wear it there!
Skip... my hero... you are the best! You go through alot with me... you love for me to create and you love to look at my wonderful 'works of art'! They are all beautiful to ..you! You would even go 'out in public' in support of me... I smile with such love in my heart for you, 'Boy' ('Boy'... is my nickname for Skip... it's more special than words can describe... that's another story!).
Skip and I went to my doctor's appointment. We always go with each other... (we care so much to know everything so, we each, can make sure the other gets what they need or know what we need to know... you know how it is... when you love and care so much about the other).
The longer we were out in public ... no one 'seemed' to pay alot of attention to my wonderful cape! At least .. that was my impression until........ I did see some expressions that included little 'wrinkles' in between the brows and I swore I saw some 'squinched-up' eyes.. and noses......................... and honestly... I think I saw some real 'smirks'!!!
I was beginning to feel bad inside.. and thinking I'd made a mistake wearing that beautiful cape... I don't think anyone is appreciating it... no, not at all!
It was too cold to take it off so, I had to keep it on.... and it felt so warm and so cosy... and I thought it was beautiful. Besides... that fabric flower I made sure was artsy and ... just plain-out pretty!
We finished my doctor's appointment .. we did our things one does on the way back on our drive home.. NOT ONE PERSON said anything to me about my cape! NOT EVEN ONE! They didn't have to... when we got home, I ran to the mirror to look at my creation to 'see why' no one said anything and 'why'... they made those expressions... because... I saw them! I sensed them!
My beautiful cape.... looked so ... pitiful. It wasn't as beautiful as when I first made it. I turned this way and that way and I began to feel like a 'penguin'..... yes, a penguin! My hands were sticking out those little 'half-sleeves' made me look like that's all I had... just 2 hands in gloves. I think ...I might have noticed... that 'before'... but, forgot in my excitement just before wearing it!
To complete the image I had in my mind of looking like a 'penguin'... I began flapping my hands together and holding my two feet and legs tightly together... and began slowly turning around ...making a sound I thought ...penquins would make! Now... I'm a penguin! How ridiculous 'I' .... felt! I'd worn 'this'.... out in 'public!' I felt waves of warmth come over me... waves of nothing but... pure embarassment! Just pure red embarassment.... it took days to get over this!
See... I'm also, good at making nothing out of something. Don't you just hate to be embarassed? Especially being an adult.... because as a child.. everyone knows it's because you aren't experienced enough at that age...if it isn't right. No one thinks twice about it!
I was an adult doing this... I know I was laughed at... in my mind I see this 'penguin flapping 'those hands in the half-sleeves'... slowly turning around and... around... listen! It's making some kind of sound.. that sounds like a... penguin?!!! I'm glad 'alot' of years have gone by now. I don't think there's anyone who'd remember 'that' now, and connect it with 'me'!
Skip... all I can do at this moment is think of how patient you are.. and how sweet you are.. and kind. You didn't even hurt my feelings when I wore that 'cape' out in public and you never seemed embarassed. I wonder if it possible.... could you have been proud of ... my creation, my work of art? You know... like a parent when a child hands them a picture they've worked so hard to draw and color.. and to everyone else ..it looks like a 'mess'... but, to that parent... it's the most beautiful thing in the world... 'their' child... did that!
I'm thinking 'hurry! hurry!' ....get things done so, I can sit down and write.... write! I've done just that and here I am... at this very moment... I've been writing ...all along!
I found that I love to write... but, I really knew that already... I don't know how to describe it now.......... I love using words .. I love words... I love painting them in colors... words are like the different colors of paints... so, I ask myself the question.... 'why haven't 'I, myself'.......... been writing all along?'
I never connected... 'write stories'... with 'me'.... but, I've always written very long letters, emails ...loving and enjoying that. For some reason I was only .. in my mind ......at the thoughts of Skip or Jimmy writing... because they 'know how to write properly' and they write/wrote such very interesting and entertaining things. I don't think I thought I could really write about anything... though... strangely enough... I thought I could..... I thought I couldn't... but, thought I could.... I really think I might be 'writing now'! I began .. I can't stop!
I have to hurry to write... I feel 'breathless' inside thinking about writing and telling about things only I know about and I have experienced, and if somehow .. my life can make a difference in someone else's in a positive way......... hey, I just thought of something! Wouldn't it be something... if......... I am whispering this softly.... 'if'... finally as a middle-aged woman now, who didn't get to save the world the way she wanted to as a younger woman...... wouldn't it be something 'if' ... I did it 'now'... through writing?
Wouldn't that be something? Wouldn't that be wonderful? Wouldn't it mean the world to know that before I grow older and have to die........... that 'I' ...could do anything so meaningful to touch other people's lives in ... a good way?
I didn't get to save the world as I meant to do..... just maybe... if I 'don't save the world' before I die... maybe I can make even the smallest 'good' difference in others' lives.
At least ... so far... people I hear from in emails and now, in comments on this blog and the Wordpress blog.... they are saying they sit down with their morning coffee or hot cup of tea.... looking forward to see what I .....(me! amazingly 'me!' I smile so big!)... to see what I am 'talking about 'now'!
Can you imagine how honored I am, how exciting that is? Can you imagine such a happy smile on my face. I have someone to talk to ..... you! I have so much to tell you... I have so much to say. I'm glad you are here! You mean the world to me!
'YOU' make all the difference in my world... you make me smile, laugh and makes tears come to my eyes when 'you' write to me or comment on my blogs. Yes... YOU mean so much to me.
I'm so glad you are 'there'. Hey.... I have so, so much to tell you!