January 06, 2012
She had just come back home after driving 400 miles. She drove round-trip to the mountains to take her young son to his father's home to stay for several weeks. She was very tired. The house felt dark, lonely. Her sunshine and bright light was gone... he was visiting his father.
She didn't like the dark, she didn't like to be lonely. Just being near people, even not being with them... made She feel happy. She was a very private person and could entertain herself painting, drawing, writing. What She couldn't bear was the 'quiet'.
She had to have sound and movement close by her ... She always left the television on... it comforted her. The television stayed on twenty-four hours a day, turned down... only to be turned up when she was interested in something.
On this evening She couldn't relax... she felt agitated and wanted to get out of the house. She decided to pack several summer outfits, and sandals and take off to the beach. She would go to the ocean and stay several days!
She drove 200 miles to go to the beach that evening. She went to Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. She arrived before dark and stopped at a motel to pay for her room. She checked her room to make sure it was clean and, had all she would need for the night.
She put her travel bag on the bed and decided to change into her soft pink blouse, and a long, pink skirt that would billow in the ocean breeze. She put her matching sandals on. She was beautiful, She looked into her motel mirror... she smiled at herself.
Her mirror smiled back at her as She turned this way and that way admiring herself. She loved a mirror... her mirror was her best friend. It made She feel breathless just as one would feel toward their lover. She loved herself, she loved looking at herself. She was beautiful... almost as beautiful as her mother.
She tilted her head looking up at the mirror, turning her face, putting her fingers into her hair. She gently pulled and tugged curls, as she played with her hair.
She held her body tall and straight, though she wasn't a tall woman. One would have the impression she was tall, because she carried herself like a queen.
She took her hands to run over her body, straightening out imaginary wrinkles in her skirt, she put her hands into her full head of blonde hair to shake and fluff it. She loved to fluff her hair, her fingers playing in the curls.
She never looked more beautiful. Looking at herself, She felt ... so alive, vibrant, she wanted to be outside with all this energy that was inside her... she wanted to be noticed, and more than that... She had something else in mind. She knew where she was going, and what she was going to do!
She loved men, the attention they bestowed on her. She .. didn't want men's hands reaching out for her, She just wanted to be ..admired, not touched. Only a special person would be allowed to... there wasn't a special person in She's life... not yet.
She drove to where the motels ended and drove for miles just seeing sand. She knew the ocean was just beyond the sand where she couldn't see it. It was so close!
Excitement built up inside her being here, she couldn't wait to get out of the car and ..... just be. Just 'be'......
She saw a bath house in the distance and knew.. she wanted to stop there. She knew exactly what she wanted to do.. but, she had to wait until it was dark and no one was around.
She parked her car and got out, before she closed the door, She placed her key under the floormat. She didn't want to have to carry anything in her hands.
She was going to do something so wonderful, so special ...She didn't need to have anything in her hands to keep up with. She had been here before! She wanted her hands free, all she needed was the clothes she had on!
She saw several people walking hand in hand on the sand, laughing and talking. She smiled and wished them well (She always did this in her mind... She always sent good thoughts toward others).
She walked to the water's edge and pulled her skirt up to her knees and let the waves caress her skin. The water was warm and foamy, she tasted the salt on her lips. The ocean breeze was blowing her hair, a strand was tickling her face. She closed her eyes to enjoy this moment.
She walked into the water until she realized it was going to be thigh-deep, she stepped back. She was afraid of what was in the ocean and just thinking about it... she hurried back to shore! She'd almost forgotten what happened the last time when she was at Miama Beach!
She had been in the ocean and felt something hit her hard in her right thigh, it hurt alot. She looked down just as it swam by her... it was a shark! A shark that looked to be 4-5 feet long! With her heart in her throat, She ran back to the sand and swore she'd never go in the ocean waters again.
She had forgotten! The awareness made her almost run in the water, splashing water up on to her pink skirt and blouse. She got to the sand and decided it was.... almost time. She forgot her fear as fast as it had came.
She had her mind focused on something she felt with her whole body... she needed to do! It's time......
She knew what she had come here for... she had been here before. She had... done this before. She needed no one to be around to witness her act, her ritual.
Her body felt ready and ached to feel what she was about to do! Her eyes were bright and feverish, her lips were parted in anticipation of what she was about to do, to experience... again. She felt breathless! She was excited, this was something she loved to do!
There was no feeling in this world like it to her. She was going to become the ocean breeze, the ocean she loved. She was going to become the ocean water and blend into the sounds it made. She was going to... 'Just Be'... this is what she called it.
The night was bright making the sand a shining white, soft carpet around her. It was magical, special! She began to walk slowly on it, moving her feet and toes into the sand in a soft, gentle way.
She was beginning to 'feel it'... she began to do her sensuous dance slowly, softly in a swaying manner. Her body ached to do what she came here for.
To stand at a distance and see this sight would hypnotize one .. here was a beautiful woman who knew she was beautiful. She was so graceful as she danced and swayed gently in the ocean breeze.... the moonlight touching her hair making it sparkle, her skin... making it shimmer. It was a magical sight, it's rare to ever see something ...so real, so private, so.... special.
She began her special walk up to the bath house... she loved the wooden boards that made a boardwalk, she loved the wooden rails following the boardwalk. They were special and played a part in her ritual.
She loved to put her hands on the rails and move gently in the ocean wind, her skirt billowing out from her body. She twirled like the little dancing figure one sees on a music box.. she'd never taken ballet...She was just as graceful dancing 'in her way'.
She held her right leg outstretched, seemingly to admire it... then, her left leg. She leaned over from her waist to let her long, blonde, curly hair fall toward the ground. As She came back up she was stretching her body and put her hands into her beautiful hair, her eyes were closed, her lips parted as if waiting for a lover's kiss.
She was lost ... She was becoming the ocean and the wind she felt, heard, saw and loved.
She softly danced turning this way and that way on the boardwalk going from one rail to the other, back and forwards... she arrived at the open doors to each 'room'. She peeped into each, deciding which room she wanted.
She selected the middle 'room' and walked inside. Her body felt so alive, so in tune with her surroundings. She didn't hear or see anything... she was becoming her surroundings... the ocean, the wind, the sound of waves.
It's time... it's time. She began to undress slowly. She took off her pink blouse and folded it neatly and placed it on the bench. She could see in the room... it didn't have a roof. The moon was shining down on her, kissing her skin with its silvery light as she took her skirt off.
She took her time, savoring every moment just as when she ate... she savored every little morsel of food.. to fully appreciate the flavors.
It was time... She walked to the white curtain that hid the room behind it. She pulled the curtain opened to expose the shower... this was where she wanted to be.... to Just Be.
The shower room had walls around it, the walls reaching down to one's knees, leaving a space. This space was important to She, this space played into what she was here for.
She could feel it, she had her eyes closed to enjoy it. She savored it before she turned on the cool water. It was the wind, the ocean breeze she felt! The beautiful ocean breeze! It blew gently on her legs coming up over her body.. the feeling was indescribable!
She turned on the shower and stepped under the cool water enjoying the feeling of water and wind on her bare skin. She closed her eyes and slowly swayed and danced with the wind and the water. She moved in rhythm with her surroundings, the sounds, she was lost here ... she had come here to..... just be.
She could have been there for hours, she never looked at the time. This was the only time in her life... she could .... just be. She always hurried to do things, to go places. Here... She could do no more than... Just Be. In her mind, these two words described it all. She was here solely to......... Just Be.
When She walked into the door of her motel room, she was so sleepy, so relaxed. She wanted only to climb into bed and sleep a beautiful sleep now.... and Just Be.
She smiled to herself as she pulled the cool sheets over her body. She closed her eyes and was at peace with her world for now. She was ..... Just Being now. She was here.... to Just Be.