WHAT MORE COULD I ASK FOR? A 'HAIRY' SITUATION!
BY GLORIA FAYE BROWN BATES
I remember when younger I grew so tired of just shaving my legs.. I wanted something quick and easy. I didn't want the chemical lotion I saw in the bottles. I have allergies and sometimes, I would suffer from using over-the-counter remedies.
One day I was walking in the pharmacy, I was looking at razors and deciding 'which' razor to buy 'this time'. I was thinking that I was tired of nicking my skin when shaving with a razor!
I was looking at the rows of ...everything. I saw exactly what I knew I must have! An epilator! Yes, an epilator was exactly the trick I needed to take the hair off my legs...... and underarms, and 'everywhere!'
I was excited and couldn't wait to get home to try that epilator out! The first thing I was going to do was take another shower and wash off the deodorant I had on.. and I was going to 'whiz' that hair right off .. from my underarms. I was so happy!
How about that? I'd just found the perfect thing to always take care of the 'hair' now.... I would never have to worry about cutting my skin.
I would be able to just whiz that hair right off on my legs, my everything! All of us girls know how important that is... when younger, one worries how they'll look in sleeveless garments and in a bikini, and shorts. You know we can't have hair poking out on our bodies... anywhere. Oh no, we just can't!
As females, we are supposed to be perfect. We aren't supposed to be born with hair..... nowhere, excepting on our heads. I had plenty of hair... beautiful hair. But... I will say this, and no matter that you deny it.......... I had hair I didn't want... in places I didn't want it at!
You know you do, too! Don't deny it! I used to deny it as a younger girl... oh my gosh! I was born perfectly without ... any hair in the 'wrong places'! :))))) I could make people believe that... back then! The whole time I'm shaving and plucking, waxing it off my body! No, I never have to worry about excess hair... I was fortunate to be born that way!
Bikini waxes, waxed legs, waxed eyebrows... I was almost a wax figure from so much wax. Any remaining hair would be in a pretty design.. but, no one got to see! Nor would I have wanted them to! This happened during the 'Perfect Days'..... those were the 'good old days'... in some ways.
As I traveled home with my new, magical tool to just whiz that hair right off... I knew I'd save so much money. I knew I wouldn't have to have hot wax placed on my body in all the.... sensitive places that hurt.... I don't care what you say.......... it hurt, and it hurt ... bad!
I was very happy! I didn't know if I'd share this secret or not. I was like the next female.... we have to guard our beauty secrets! We had to make sure no woman could use 'our' beauty secrets to become more beautiful than.... us!
I began taking off my clothes as I went down the hall. I couldn't wait to try out my new epilator! I knew once I took my second shower for the day... to get the deodorant off my underarms... that would be the perfect place to start!
I hurriedly unwrapped the clear film that protected the box, threw it into the trashcan. I opened the flap and pulled the contents out!
My hands were shaking from excitement of knowing 'I'd finally found what I wished for!' A tool that would take the hair off without shaving..... and it would whiz it off ... quickly! What more could I ask for?
I looked up in the mirror and I was smiling with happiness! A happy smile, my eyes were brilliant with happiness... hey, this meant alot to me.. it would make life so much better.
All I had to do now instead of shaving... is to take this new, wonderful tool and 'whiz' here, whiz there, whiz 'everywhere'... and the hair would be gone! What more could I ask for?
I held in my hands a special something that was inside a plastic bag! I felt it... I didn't want to take it out too quickly... I had to savor this special moment... I wanted it to last as long as possible.
I had something that meant just the world to me. I looked at it, I imagined in my mind (like watching a cartoon)..... how it would work, I already loved the feel of it in my hands... and it was still in the plastic bag! I thought... what more could I ask for?
I took the epilator out and there in that bathroom.. I fell in love with this beautiful new beauty tool! It was white with soft blue on the little button on it, and it had a soft blue little 'cap' that protected 'what would whiz the hair away' part. Oh, how excited I was!
I laid it down on my countertop with a smile. I turned on the water and made it just right for my shower. I was ready to get in.
I can't sing ... truthfully, I can't... but, I did sing a song, a funky song that made me want to dance! I loved funky music as a young woman... and I could dance! That's when I thought I could ....sing, too! (Tommy got that from me!). Well, as I got into my shower I was singing with ...happiness!
I was singing that song .... something about 'Burn Rubber On Me!' It had a good beat and I admit, I was dancing, just a little as I sang. Burn Rubber On Me!
I pulled the shower curtain back, thinking how satisfied I was with the design I'd chosen for it, and the matching things in the bathroom. I reached for my thick, plush towel of pink and I began to dry carefully my body, especially under my arms. I wanted them to be very dry when I used that epilator!
I went to take my stand in front of the mirror, and countertop. I reached down to pick the epilator up... I admired the blue and white colors... how beautiful my new little miracle tool was! I couldn't wait to whiz that hair right off!
I had forgotten to put the new batteries in it! I looked into the box and took the little plastic-wrapped batteries out and unwrapped them. I placed them into that happy epilator and turned that little blue button on! It began to hum, it sang to me, it made me happy because I knew I'd reach the point I'd been working up to.... it's time to whiz that hair right off of.....................
I had held my right arm high in the air... I had taken that beautiful, little happy tool that was singing away! and without hesitation... I put it right under my armpit... to whiz away that hair!
What happened next... was ugly! It was real ugly! My eyes went crossed, I began screaming higher than any note that Steven Tyler could hit! The pain was so horrific that I pure went to my knees, naked and all!
It was too much! I was crying, the pain made me angry! I don't like pain... pain made me want to strike out at something! My mouth began using words that I always tried to avoid saying! I was one angry person! That epilator didn't say anything about ...pain!
Not one 'darn' word did it say about pain! I was going to read it again when... I could quit hurting! I was holding my armpit so tightly, finally the pain subsided.
I had forgotten the epilator as pain took its place in my thoughts. I looked around for it... there it was on the floor, shattered in alot of .... blue and white little pieces, the batteries laying up against the bathtub. My little dream and .... all I could have wanted ... lay shattered on that bathroom floor!
My eyes burned with anger, mixed with tears. $59 for nothing! $59 for a box of pain! $59 for .... what more could I ask for?