WRITING IN LAYERS... I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT... SHE... 'A'... IT FEELS RIGHT! BY GRANNY GEE..... TODAY ................... January 08, 2012
I've been trying my hand at writing... and have gotten lots of emails and several followers. It means alot to me to have you 'there'. Thank-you very much.
I've written 5 parts to a story I've wanted to write for a long time. My female character's name doesn't seem appropriate 'now'... so, I'm giving alot of thought to that.
Since this isn't 'real' writing.... I may have to 'change horses in the middle of the stream', so, to speak.
I may just add the letter 'a' to her name, because in my mind her name is pronounced 'Shay'. I may spell it as 'Shea', when I write Part 6... the more I think about it, I like that. If anyone would like to share their opinion, feedback in a 'good' way... I would dearly love that.
Last evening I went through some kind of mood that made me worry about 'how I sounded' while writing.
Last night I had a disturbing dream of going back to Shea's home in the past... and a woman from today's time was with me.
I dreamed I sat on the bed watching through the doorway... this woman going through my closets and doors in the past and in the distance.... Tommy as the precious little boy he was, then.... he was about four years old and he was in his bed.
Tommy raised up from his bedcovers and his yellow pajamas stood out to me. I saw his yellow-gold hair, it was thick and beautiful. I heard him making the sound of all little boys who wake up protesting at being awaken by someone.
I dreamed I looked the left of me and on the bed there were old boxes of packaged up photos and what-not. I dreamed I looked back and could see this woman's hands pulling at the doors above her head, to get inside to see what was in there, at what I kept there ...in the past.
This was my dream last night, and my mood prior to going to bed. This morning I woke up thinking about both, and I noticed that I was dropping everything this morning, even my beautiful mug Ms Nancy got me for Christmas! I picked it up fast... it's safe, Nancy!
I talked to Skip about my dream... about the end of that dream.... on the 'outside' of the home I used to live at.... he and the husband of the woman who was 'digging in my past' in the cabinets and such................ were standing and talking about the outside porch light.
I remember hearing the woman saying 'I put shortening around the edge of the globe .....(that surrounds the light).... on the edge, so, it will come off easily.
I remember looking up at her (she was tall) and saying 'I used to read about tips and such, to know how to do things like that'.
That is all I remember from this dream except for the emotion I felt at seeing Tommy, my son, my only child. My heart is still feeling that emotion at this moment. The pain....
I wanted so much to hold Tommy and to just get to him in that dream, my baby, my little son.
Skip wondered if writing is bothering me as I 'dig into my past' to write. There are many painful things to try to remember, even the happy things I had to 'pay for in advance' to have those happy times....
I know I will be 'writing in layers'... my way of thinking... I don't apologize... it's mine, and 'it's time'. I know there are many things I'll never write, nor discuss with anyone out of respect and caring for other people's feelings.
These people know who I mean and they know I love them very much, especially their 'red-headed, blue-eyed, wonderful mother'! That woman with the red hair and the twinkling blue eyes and the wonderful laugh she had.... tears come to my eyes even now, thinking of her.
I admired her spunk, her sharp tongue, and mischieviousness, humor. Tommy had alot of her 'in him'. I can never let her be forgotten no more, than I'd forget Tommy. You all will recognize her later in my story when you begin reading about the 'important redheaded woman in Shea's life'.
Not only that, this woman had a wonderful red-headed sister who was just like her! I remember her laughter, also!
Guess what? Not only that.... they had a red-headed wonderful brother.. just like them! I loved all three of them. I can see their smiling blue eyes in my mind. I will write with honor to their memory when I know 'it's time' to write about them. I loved you....... 'Three Redheads' with my very heart!
That woman became my mother, my friend. I loved her equally with my mother, Grandma Alma, and Grandmother Lola. I cry inside over her just as I do them. For fourteen years she was there for me, and she cared. She died and no one knew that my heart hurt for her, too.
I know I will be writing about many things and 'go as close as I dare' as time goes by. I don't want to get burned by the flame in the candle. I think I feel as if I've been 'burned' just a little after writing no more than I have.
This will be done in a 'take my time' fashion... I've mostly written about the 'happiest times' in Shea's life.... when she loved more than anything to 'Just be, Just Become'... those rare moments when she didn't 'know anything' but, what 'she was for the moment'.
Yes, I'm happy with 'Shea'........... her name written with the 'a'. Truly, I think from the beginning not having the 'a' there was bothering me. I (at this very moment!) ....feel happy at discovering this! Yes, I'll definitely add the 'a' to She's name!!!
Thank-you for listening to me and let me share what I've just experienced. It means the world to have you all 'there'. It touches my heart.