I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU, THANK-YOU FOR LISTENING
BY GLORIA FAYE BROWN BATES aka GRANNY GEE
I was walking in the park, everywhere was interesting. Colors, signs pointing the way to this interesting exhibit, that exhibit. I wanted to see everything! I loved this park, the paths, the many beautiful trees, and wooden walkways that went in all directions!
I saw an open door and walked inside. I saw several people sitting in the room I had walked into ... several were in wheelchairs. I wondered what this was. I looked on the walls to see if there were signs indicating that I should sit down on one of the couches there to 'wait for something... maybe a special demostration, or a show. No one spoke to me, and I didn't see a sign.
I began walking, looking at how 'homey' this building was.. and wondered what it was supposed to represent. It really looked like someone's ...home! An elderly woman came up to me and ....I spoke to her. I asked her what was this place that looked like someone's home?
It was her home! She said she lived there, I felt so confused. She had her home in the middle of the park? Yes, she told me. I began apologizing for just 'walking into' her home, I felt embarassed. I could see she was irritated with me, and I wanted to get out of her home....
My eyes spotted a dispenser of sorts... up on the wall. Colors... yes, colors caught my attention and I knew I wanted to see what they were. The dispenser had 3 different compartments... all was clear and I could see through to the red color, green color and blue color. I wanted to push the button to see what happened. I just wanted to push it alittle bit... there was nothing to catch whatever it was. I pushed the button to the red one and waited.
Red liquid of a pretty color red... began to drip ... onto the floor. It wouldn't stop! I knew the woman would be even more upset with me. There she was! I'm so sorry, I told her. She indicated that she wanted me to leave, and I walked outside... now .. I was looking for Tommy.
I was walking on the wooden walkway and came to wooden steps with a wooden rail... there stood Tommy, smiling. I asked him where had he been. He said something that I can't remember now... I saw a wound on his cheek and asked him what happened to his face. He said someone's father had stabbed him in the cheek. Tommy began laughing like it wasn't important.
He reached into his pocket and brought out alot of money in bills. In my my mind I knew these bills were called 'K's'.... yes, 'K's'. Tommy began putting bill by bill into my hands.... he was giving me alot of K's... that was alot of money! He was still smiling as I ..................... woke up.
Lately, I've been dreaming the strangest dreams... and I know they all are related to Tommy being gone. I try hard not to get down, today I was as I painted on the porch. I painted flowers, leaves, roses and cut them out for a poster I'm making for a business (birthday poster). As I sat there... I thought about my dream last night.
It makes me sad ... even on that pretty porch among my many bottles of wonderful, beautiful happy colors. I wonder 'why' I'm dreaming so much lately about Tommy?
Do you know ... it really makes me just want to cry. I know today my face reflects this inner turmoil inside... I'm not smiling much today. This is 'one of those times' it takes alot to get past what I'm experiencing.
At this very moment I hear... those special bamboo windchimes. The wind is blowing them so, they make that wonderful sound that only bamboo chimes can make. I smile... I know how proud Tommy and his wife were when they gave me gifts from Old World Market. I remember some years ago when they were walking in that special store and called me on the cellphone... they were having such a nice time shopping. The bamboo windchimes were something he knew I'd dearly love, treasure.
He's gone, the windchimes are here to make their special music to remind me of a happy time for Tommy and his wife. They had thought of me, too. It was my birthday. Each time the bamboo windchimes sounds... I think of 'then'. I 'see' in my mind the smiles when they saw how much their gifts meant to me. Thank-you, Tommy... Angie.
I don't want to upset Skip ... he worries when I'm down. He's hesitant to speak of Tommy alot of times, he's afraid it will hurt me deeply, though he likes to speak of him. I love to speak of Tommy, too. I don't want to make Skip sad... so, I am talking to you. Thank-you for listening to me. I am here also, if you want to talk to me.
Granny Gee :)))
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)