Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Friday, July 20, 2012
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee
I sat quietly waiting for Skip to come back to the table. He had gone to the soda fountain to get us a Diet Pepsi with ice (no caffiene :))). We were at Sheetz... a fun, colorful store to visit at anytime for gas, food.
As I waited, I let myself relax, 'be part of the store' for a moment. To hear what the store could hear, see what its walls saw. I 'just was'.....
My eyes saw a very young couple standing nearby waiting for their food to be ready. They sure were young, maybe around fourteen.
The young girl laid her head on the young boy's chest. I am sure I saw happiness in both faces. She closed her eyes, he put his arms around her. I saw contentment... I witnessed young love. We've 'all been there'...
I closed my eyes as I heard pleasant music I didn't recognize, sounds of different voices. 'You can get any size drink you want for 89 cents!' I heard the man tell his wife, daughter.
I opened my eyes, watched as they got their 89 cent drinks. Skip came back with our '89 cents' drink... it was so cold, refreshing... he didn't get the biggest size.
I studied the beautiful, happy colors around me... neon green, bright red, yellow. My eyes drank in the colors, to make me feel brighter, happier inside. I needed it badly.
We have just come through another storm.... our ship is sailing into the open now... the storm hopefully left behind us. We have lived under such stress for the past couple of weeks... no one knows it. We usually keep it all to ourselves... everyone else has storms they have to weather, also.
The 'happy colors' made me feel better... you all know how I love happy colors... I would be called 'Happy Colors' if I could have named my own self!
I would drink 'happy colors', just immerse myself in 'happy colors' if possible. I would even let my whole 'self' be tattooed in happy colors... but, I can't.
I have to think about when I become older... suppose I went to the emergency room with strange drawings, happy colors on my old body. I just don't think it'd be appropriate.
I will eventually get the little dragonfly in memory of Tommy tattooed on my right shoulder where I 'feel it already sits'. It just needs to be brought into reality by someone special, who does special work. It takes time to decide who, when, where.... I don't make up my mind easily.
I'll settle for drawing, painting my happy colors. Wear them in my clothes... I need to buy more clothes in happy colors. When I shop... I buy happy colors... in art supplies, not clothes!
Hopefully this weekend, Skip and I will relax in the calm of the storm, take deep breaths, smile in relief that it's all over. Gracious, life can be tough sometimes... pressure upon pressure on one until... they just can't take anymore.
Thank-God for when a door opens to make things get better, fall into place... make all begin to feel calm again. I find myself yawning, closing my eyes, taking sighs of relief.
Our ship has reached calm water again.... I hope we'll be here for quite some time in ... calm water. I look ahead and see no evidence of any storms approaching... there's nothing quite like being at peace sitting on a ship in ...calm water.