Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Saturday, July 21, 2012
'Out Of The Blue'.....
'Out Of The Blue'...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee
Standing in the middle of the living room, my ears caught the words 'shootings in Colorado' on the big screen tv. I looked at the screen seeing people running, some had blood on them. I could hear screaming, crying... see such chaos.
My heart began hurting for these people. This is a path I've never been down in life... a path where I have been shot at, or wounded by bullets... or to die by bullets.
I can't imagine the panic, fear... running to flee the bullets, the madman behind them ... aiming for you, trying to .... kill you... 'you'. I can't imagine how it feels to begin to become aware that someone is .... really trying to kill .... you.
I can ... try to imagine... that is more than I can bear. I care, I feel, I'm so sorry bad things have happened 'out of the blue' to these people.
These people only went out to view a movie that they've waited for with intentions of seeing it. They never wanted to 'become a part of it'.... a part of a madman's scheme.
One girl tweeted that in twenty minutes the movie would begin... she never knew how right she was.... she never knew she'd be an 'actor' in it... her life was taken. She was a beautiful, young woman.... her life in front of her... it's gone now.
Last night as I watched 20/20... my eyes were riveted on a young man as they showed him. I instantly burst into tears, sobbed uncontrollably.... I 'knew' that look, on his face as tears streamed from his eyes... eyes 'wide with shock' of not believing, nor wanting to know 'what has just happened'.
Tommy... Tommy.... my mind cried. Tommy, that's the expression that was on my son's face when he told me about the man who stepped out of his car in front of his big truck.
Tommy was crying uncontrollably, softly as he told me what happened. He was in shock, his eyes wide as he looked at me, as his eyes 'begged his mama to please help him... make the pain go away'.
I remember sitting there helplessly as I watched my son cry, his big, strong shoulders shaking with each sob. I was crying inside, outside... I was suffering for my son as I could 'feel' his grief, his pain, his suffering. I stood up and I gently put my arms around him as he cried.... and cried... and cried. I'm crying now as I write this.
'Out of the blue'.... other people reach out to 'touch other people's lives' for good or for worse. This 'madman' who is a young, 24 year old guy whose photo looks so..... innocent, so sweet. He looked like any son a mother would be proud of.... now, his poor mother will never get over the horrors her son committed.
This mother will 'feel' everything that has happened just as I did... as if it happened to .... her. My very heart goes out to her.... she has just begun her path of grief, having to know, feel the horror of knowing her son deliberately took the lives of innocent people, injured many more.
She didn't do it... but, she'll feel like she did, she is a 'part of her child, her son'. My prayers are with her as I write. This won't go away no time soon... in her mind 'it'll never go away'... she's lost her son, only he is still living.
My mind goes back to the young man who was standing there crying, tears streaming down his face, eyes wide open with shock, horror of being a part of something so awful that words can't describe.... I 'saw Tommy standing there'... I recognized, 'knew' that expression.
Someone touched his life 'for worse'... and it came 'out of the blue'.