Wednesday, March 20, 2013

A Grieving Mother Will Always Grieve Until Her Dying Day... Until Her Last Breath Is Taken

Tommy and Taban at a lake on May 29, 2009...
Tommy and Taban played for last time at ocean on May 29, 2010... Tommy died there

A Grieving Mother Will Always Grieve Until Her Dying Day... Until Her Last Breath Is Taken
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

March 01, 2013... is the publication date of ... 'I CRY FOR TOMMY'.  After that... my book... was written, finished.  All of a sudden... after so long... there wasn't anything to do.....

I didn't know what to do, how to feel after going through the happy period of getting the 'Congratulations!  Your book has been published!'  I felt lost, I was very emotional.  I cried a lot, happy that it was done... sad... because 'what was I going to do now'?

I had worked so hard at trying to correct the issues found in it.... I know there are still several mistakes in my book.  Guess what?  I 'let go' of it, I can move forward. That's why I told everyone that I'm not perfect.  I tried to catch them all... only to find more, until I thought I'd gotten all.

On March 12, 2013... I took the Lexiscan Nuclear Stress Test... afterwards, I began hurting in my chest, head, stomach.  I called my doctor's office.  It didn't seem the test would cause that..

On March 25, 2013... I was in the Emergency Room for hours, so sick, my chest, head, stomach still hurting.  I became short of breath.  It was determined I had fluid in my lungs.  I was given a medicine for fluid retention..

I took the medicine all weekend.  I still hurt in my chest, head, stomach.  I didn't feel well at all, I felt light-headed.  I slept a lot... I never sleep in the daytime unless, I'm very sick.

I found out that the fluid medication only removed fluid from the body... not the lungs.  I quit taking it.  I was having leg cramps because of it... no matter that I added the banana to my daily diet as instructed.

I began to get better by Monday evening... much better on Tuesday evening (a week later).  Today is Wednesday, I'm back to being 'myself'.  I cancelled my appointment with my cardiologist for tomorrow morning.

I know I had a bad reaction to the Lexiscan test, and I feel after doing a lot of thinking that when I finished my book about Tommy... being very emotional because 'that was it'... all contributed to how sick I became.

I was grieving for Tommy... for my book being finished.  I learned something... I thought when I finished my book... I wouldn't grieve like that again.  Like magically ... all was going to be just fine.  I learned... that's not so.

I'm going to always grieve for Tommy, he was my child, and I loved him with my heart.  My pain will always make me remember Tommy.

I am so glad to feel good again... it feels good to feel good!  :)))  I'll still grieve, I'll still write about Tommy... 'why would I stop now'?  It was the very reason my blog was born.... to remember Tommy.  I will always remember Tommy... until the last minute, second of my life.

So... if you see that I grieve, understand that a grieving mother will always grieve until her dying day, until her last breath is taken.


  1. I don't know about other people but I can see why a parent would still grieve after losing their child. I learned a terrible thing yesterday after going to the cemetery to visit my nephew's grave. Someone had stolen the poles to his solar lights I had put their Christmas and his 2 glass fish that were next to a statue of a little boy with a fishing pole we glued on a bench. The little fish had been there for about 8 1/2 years.It doesn't help when someone steals from the dead. I still grieve for my nephew. Grief doesn't leave because time has gone by. I just learn to live with it. Love, Ms. Nancy

    1. Ms Nancy, That is awful. I'm so sorry someone would take things from your nephew's grave. Love, Gloria