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grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Emergency Room, I Was Very Ill... Linda, Ms Nancy, JoAnn
Emergency Room, I Was Very Ill... Linda, Ms Nancy, JoAnn
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I wanted to tell everyone that I'll be writing like I was in the next several days. I have been very sick with chest pain, and not feeling well at all. I 'knew' deep down something 'bad' was wrong.
Yesterday evening, my condition worsened, and just talking and moving slightly, I became short of breath. My cousin, Linda, in Oregon called me out of the blue... as she talked to me, she knew I was very ill. Before, when Skip talked to me on the phone, he knew I was very sick, too.
Skip wasn't home yet, she knew I was alone. She began to tell me this..... 'I'm going to get off the phone now, so, you can go on to the hospital'. She kept repeating that to me. She was echoing the sentiments of all of you, and my friends on Facebook, and both blogs... somehow, her words moved me out of the house to get in my truck, drive to the hospital.
Just the walk into the Emergency Room winded me... I felt I couldn't breathe good. I was taken straight back, put on oxygen, and they began the EKG, x-ray, and bloodwork. My lungs were filling up with fluid...
They moved me across from the nurses/doctor station to have me close to them. They left the curtain opened alittle, I could see outside my room. I was so surprised when....
I saw a woman step into view, the back of her curly hair looked familiar! I spoke, said 'Ms Nancy!' She turned to look at me, her mouth fell open, when she saw me laying there. She was there with her daughter, JoAnn, who wasn't feeling well. She began spending her time between JoAnn, and me... and bringing me messages from JoAnn. :)))
Skip called, he said he'd been trying to call Ms Nancy, couldn't get her. He couldn't believe 'Ms Nancy was already there!' He asked how did she know so fast! I told him she was there with JoAnn, she wasn't feeling well, either. Skip was so surprised, but, so glad. He talked to Ms Nancy on the phone. How strange was that... Ms Nancy, and JoAnn were already there!
She said she was so surprised to see 'me' laying there, when just before I was moved into the room... a man had been in that bed. So, when she heard my voice, saw me laying there... imagine her surprise! Imagine my surprise! Imagine Skip's surprise, being hundreds of miles from home, knowing I'm alone, and have no one here... that the one person he knew would be there for me here... was already there! He knew Linda would, but... she is in Oregon!
Eventually, both Ms Nancy and JoAnn were with me in my room. I didn't feel so alone anymore. They made all so much better for me, it just meant the world to me. I laid there thinking of all of you on my blogs, Facebook ... you kept commenting to go to the hospital, get checked out. I didn't feel well enough to go, when Linda called ... somehow, her words spurred me into action.
I didn't feel well at all as I walked outside to get in my truck. My chest was 'heavy', I was breathless, my chest hurt, my head was hurting. I was feeling more 'congestion' in my lungs... fluid in my lungs. I made it to the hospital. Thank all of you for caring, and Linda Lou... thank-you for calling 'out of the blue', saying what you did. It was meant to be.
It's just strange, the things you said, how you picked up on how sick I was... and echoing some of what Skip had said earlier on the phone... everything connected, and made me act. I think I was going to lay back down... I 'see' I could have gotten to a point where I might not have been able to act on my own, during the night.
Yesterday, I kept thinking about death again, the more my chest hurt, my head hurt... I thought about it. I thought about Tommy dying, and how I missed him so much. I was thinking that I was feeling my grief so much more. I was thinking also, that I might not 'get to write all I wanted to write'..... like 'I might not have time'... Isn't that strange?
I had called the nurse at my cardiologist. My Lexiscan Nuclear Stress test was okay. She told me maybe I had pulled a muscle, I told her I knew I hadn't pulled a muscle. She said to go on to the hospital if I needed to ... and call her by Monday.
I know that sometimes, we 'know deep inside' when something's not right. I 'knew' something wasn't right with me. I'd begun to sleep on pillows high enough for me 'not to dare lay flat', the thoughts of death stayed on my mind. I began to have 'congestion, wheezing'... sometimes, allergies can mimic the same symptoms. When I got to the hospital, I began to cough.
I should have known the symptoms.... that's what happened when I went into congestive heart failure some years ago. I almost died, and became conscious just before being placed on the ventilator. I'll never forget the doctor's face... it was like sunshine reflecting in my face... I began smiling, and I never did stop smiling that whole night.
I know I 'lit up the darkness around me with my bright smile'. I know I must have been like a lightening bug! I glowed in the dark! :))) I felt this kind of smile last night.... because I may have not been here this morning to tell you these things. :)))
Truthfully, I think sometimes... it's hard to acknowledge when I'm so sick... I didn't want to end up in the hospital again. I didn't want to leave our Pups with Skip away. I didn't want... to be sick. Something told me yesterday evening when I had these thoughts... you might not get the chance to decide any of this if you don't act. What then?
I know I would have 'died'... I must have some purpose in this life... there's been a lot of times... like this... only I was right at death's door. I was just walking toward that door last night, but... not to the point like all the other times in my life. I wonder what my purpose is?
I wonder 'why' Tommy died? Yes, I know... none of us know 'why'. I still wonder, it still hurts me deeply... especially at this time. I wonder if his chest hurt, his head hurt, I wonder... I wonder... I wonder.
I am going to rest now, I still feel headachy, not quite the best yet. I'm so thankful to be here, to be alive. Even not feeling well, I am smiling... :))) I still have a lot to say, write in my life. I look so forward! :)))
Linda, Ms Nancy, JoAnn... you all made the difference in my life yesterday evening, last night. Thank-you. I love you all. Not only that, Skip is thankful also, you all 'were there' for me. I had no one else.
When I went to the Emergency Room... all of a sudden... I was like that commercial on tv.... 'I had people'. :))) I went in alone... but, I wasn't alone. Everyone cared for me. I was treated well by the hospital staff... they 'saved me' once again, there. :)))
I'm so glad 'today is here, and it's now'.... :))) I'll be writing more, soon!