Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
I Might Be Remembered, Too...
Today, I did something for the first time ever, and it felt really ...wonderful. :))) I filed for a copyright, paid my fee... for my new book... 'I CRY FOR TOMMY'.
I just wanted to share that with all of you. I know a lot of you have probably done all these things... I know you must have felt so proud. I was so ... awed. I'm amazed.
I'm so amazed my book, cover turned out 'perfect'. I mean it's not 'perfect for everyone', but, it's 'perfect enough for me'. I carry my book with me everywhere... I carry it in my handbag... I take it out to look at Tommy, and my grandson.
Tears come in my eyes at how far I've come now... I no longer feel that drive pushing me to get my book published. Almost every page has diamond teardrops mixed with the words, both flowed from my mind.
My grief, pain over the loss of my precious son turned into something ... I can hold in my own hands, turned into something positive, something beautiful. It has made me me so happy in the quietest, softest way.
I find myself sitting, smiling... and I know what I am smiling about. 'I did it... I really did it. I have made it possible for Tommy to never be forgotten.' Now, I can rest... this grieving mother has finally found peace 'inside'.
I'm not saying I won't cry, get sad. I'm saying that now, I can live with the knowledge that my son isn't here... I can live with the knowledge that though he isn't in a physical way...he really is here. His memory will live on, even when I'm gone.
I feel that my book can only be a 'good thing' one day for my two grandchildren. They can be proud that Granny Gee loved their daddy, and there's a book about that love. They can actually hold in their hands one day 'that love' and know the love of a mother for her child, their father.
Even if neither of us 'are here'... they can 'feel us'. I keep thinking I would love to do that with someone I never got to know in my family... pick up something, look at it, feel the 'specialness' from it.
I just thought of something... 'I might be remembered, too'. 'Granny Gee might be remembered, also'. :))) Not only that, Skip and our Pups will be remembered. Isn't that amazing? I say 'wow' in the quietest way.