Birds of Grief Singing...

Birds of Grief Singing ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee
(I'm writing my pain, grief once again ... it came to visit today ... now, everything's all right)

Birds flutter in fear, panic
Trapped inside a cage, wanting to be free
I touch my stomach to comfort them

They react to my feelings, thoughts
When I think about my son
Making my breath catch in my throat

I can't breathe, I feel weak
I may have to sit down
Sit down, I may faint

I feel their feathers beating against my ribs
Bars of bone trapping them inside
Let me out, let me out

I am going to scream, I'm trapped
Trapped in this body that is me
Birds created out of grief, pain

I close my eyes, take deep breaths
One by one, slow as possible
Until ... until finally the birds calm down

The birds fluttered in the cage
Twice in the past two days
I was almost overwhelmed by the pain

Like a wave in the ocean
Threatening to pull me out to sea
In the darkness of the night

Make me lose my way, drown
In my own tears of grief
My son is gone, never going to come back

Help me!  I'm drowning
I'm being swept out to never come back
The birds are fluttering in the cage

As briefly as the sensation came, it left
One by one, slow as possible
I take deep breaths

I'm okay now ... it's all right
The waves have gone now
Leaving me here

One by one, I take a deep breath
I feel the birds begin to calm
No longer fluttering in the cage

Everything's okay now ... I look around
I'm back to reality
I'm just missing my son

He's gone, he's not coming back
I have to go through these things
I've won once again, I coped with the knowledge

My son's not coming back
The wings are trying to flutter once again
I place my hand on my stomach

Everything's going to be all right
Grief came for me, I held my ground
I'm still here while it swept out to sea

To the sea of grief, ocean full of my own tears
Always waiting for me to cry more
I'm on guard duty, ready to save my life

Pull me back from drowning in the sea of grief
In my ocean of tears that look like diamonds
In the moonlight, sparkling like the sun

I'm okay until the next time
I have to fool myself, know I'm all right
As long as I do that ... I can forget

Live each day in this world
I have to keep the birds calm, comfort them
Open the door ... so they can fly, be free

Let grief fly right out the door
Let pain go away
Dry my tears until another day

Taking a deep breath, I smile sadly
I did it again, I faced up to real life
It hurt a lot, but ... I'm going to be all right

It's Mother's Day ... no child here to celebrate
This special day in a woman's life
My son's gone ... you still have your children

I wish your day to be full of joy
Full of treasured memories to last
Last a lifetime in case you should go

Lifetime of your child, for no parent
Should outlive their children
They should live their full life

No parent should live with grief
Knowing their child is gone
That's not the way it should be

Tommy went before his time
Leaving me here to grieve over my son
It's time to fool myself again ... pretend everything is all right

I feel the birds fluttering in my stomach
Deep breaths, I touch my stomach with my hand
Comforting, telling the birds of grief ... everything is all right

Fly away, birds of grief ... fly to the light
Don't come back, everything is all right
Deep breaths, one by one ... as the pain goes away

I won't let grief visit me today
Good memories of my son comfort me
I'm fooling myself good ... until another day

Sea of grief, ocean of tears
I hear the birds of grief singing a song
As they fly in freedom with the sea gulls

Fly away into the sky
Soaring, gliding in relief
Not to be cooped up, trapped

Birds of grief singing today
As they fly up, and away
To go away until another day

Tommy went home, he's in Heaven
That's where he went when he was called away
Special memories of him visit me on this day, Mother's Day


Photos/poem owned, written by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee