Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Roots Run Deep Here ...

Roots Run Deep Here ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

You are gone, I've forced myself not to think of you
The pain is too great, circumstances and all
Something bad happened that day, I wasn't there

I've had to not think of you, I can't bear the pain
In my life, nothing is ever ... normal
 Family members, family life ... blood isn't thicker than water

So many deaths, so many gone
Not from natural deaths like everyday people
Drugs, crashes, suicide ... murder? or just letting one die

Question marks fill the end of a lot of sentences
Of why ... when ... what happened
People come, people go ... no one misses them anymore

No one is aware of how I feel ... I keep my feelings inside
No one knows how I loved each person who is gone today
No one gives a damn ... why would they ... I'm not close

To any one family member left in this world
Nor are they to me ... we were naturally born that way
No one can blame anyone, it's in our genes

Like baby black widow spiders, we crawl out into the world
We go our way, forming no ties
We can't ... natural instinct is to destroy the other

Sadly, some do want to form bonds, ties
The smart one knows not to even try
It can't happen ... you may as well step off into a volcano

Burning red lava, darkness where it isn't light
We each were born with a burning rage in our souls
Some went on to be consumed by it ... some learn to control

To be born in my family is to be born with a natural hate, distrust
It can't be unlearned, only pushed back so, we can love 
Only our children, who are a part of us ... the only ones we can be close to

Sad, beautiful ... some try to reach out to show love
Only to have it rejected ... it's the only way
Hurt a little now ... than to be devastated in the future

There are plants with very short roots, easily pulled from the ground
Then ... there are plants with deep roots, never pulled up
Sadly ... our roots don't travel far into the soil that grows them

My roots grow deep ... only two lasting family relationships did I ever have
My mother ... my son who was a part of me ... he had deep roots
Sometimes, my mother was influenced by her secret lifestyle
Most of the time she was there for me ... others jealous of it

Constantly tried to pull her love away from me, one sister in particular
Jealousy like you've never known ... she hated, loved me
She loves me, she loves me not ... depending upon her mood

I'll stop here, there's so much more that doesn't need to be told
I wonder why, I wonder this ... I don't need to know any longer
I've completely let go when I discovered answers to many of my questions

I don't feel like I need revenge, nor need to make someone unhappy
They still live now, or have died with the knowledge of what's been done
I only need to live my life, be the best I can be

I've never been perfect, been down a lot of life's paths
It's a wonder I'm not a wicked, evil person
One would think so, from the paths in life I explored

When I saw, heard, felt things I didn't want to know
I ran the opposite way, back to where I could get off the path
Be a very good person ... I will for the rest of my life

Mother's Day ... anniversary of my son's death, both are in May
Mom died September 09, 2001 ... Tommy died May 29, 2010
I miss my mom ... I miss my son ... my love still lives on after your deaths ... roots run deep here

My son, Tommy and I were close.  He knew his mother loved him, I knew my son loved me.

Note from this author:  

The deepest roots I've ever had had in my life that lasted always, no matter how often I moved, traveled ... was love.  

Love for my mother, Daisy Earlene ... my only child, my son ... Tommy.  And for my Grandma Alma, George (the only grandfather I ever knew).  They also, loved me no matter what, were always there for me.  

They are all gone ... love lasted forever, and more.  I'm still here, always feeling my love for them. Deep roots grow here.  I'm a strong ... plant.

Photos/true story... poem owned, written by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

My beautiful mother.  I always wanted to grow up to be beautiful like her.

My mother with my precious little brother, Rick-Rick.  All of you are gone ... Ricky died 2007, drug overdose.  No matter what, I loved him with my very Heart.  He really tried to overcome just before he died.  I'll never forget him saying to me, "it sure feels good to feel good".  He said he didn't think he'd ever know how it felt to feel like that again.  He got with ... friends who contributed to his death, soon after ... he died one night at a ... friend's house, sitting up on the couch.

 Photos of my beautiful mother.  It's always said she was the prettiest woman in ... Franklin County.

     Photo of my mother and I... mom on left, I am on right.

1 comment:

  1. Yes they loved you too!! I don't know a lot about your mother but she did love you. I also know that Tommy loved you so very much too! Love, Ms Nancy