Sunday, July 5, 2015

Crazy Ass Thoughts We Don't Usually Talk About ...

Crazy Ass Thoughts We Don't Usually Talk About ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeTwitter @ Twitter

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Sometimes ... when writing a story, article, post on something ... I get Facebook Friend Requests.  I check them out each time because ... of the timing, the way the person's Facebook account has just been created ... I would be their first friend.

Too strange ... I just go on to check them out ... and of course ... I DON'T confirm a friendship unless for a short time ... when I have a reason.

This is always a man ... with handsome photos of him ... sometimes, he is holding a child.  Now, why in the world would a man with no friends ... want to request a friendship with me?  Why ... would I be his first friend?

Especially ... after he's just read about my husband, Pups?  Especially after ... if I do confirm the friendship long enough to check out more ... what kind of friendship someone wants.

Sometimes ... that person turns out to be female.  Someone who wants to get on my Facebook Friends to sit there ... in my Facebook House ... eat Facebook Potato Chips to watch my Facebook Life.

Whether you know it or not ... you are bound to have at least one or more ... doing that on your Facebook.  I still do ... they just don't know I have a Facebook Eye on them.

I don't play games with men.  Oh ... especially ... if I tell that person that I'm married ... he goes on to ignore that, hopes to know me, and such.  I can't believe how some times ... a man will just ignore me when saying they want to know me better ... I say I'm happily married, and I don't play games online.  I don't wait to see what they say ... because I delete/deny/unfriend the request.

Does the man think I'm weak because I write real life?  Does he think I don't have anyone?  Does he think I'm someone that could be molded easily?  Does he think I am a doormat?

Does he think I've suffered so much pain that it has made me so weak?  If so ... what a terrible mistake that would be.  I've become only stronger ... wiser.  I will do this until the day I die.

The worst mistake would be to think I'm weak.  The next mistake would be to even think I would play games online with a man ... or a ... woman.  

When I communicate with a male online ... I'm very respectful.  I care about people ... I don't play games with anyone.  When I say something to a male online ... all is in a good way.

I treasure my male friends ... the ones I communicate with ... are most respectful, and I know they are sincere people.  If they are married they aren't afraid to mention their wives, girlfriends.  In fact, they are proud of them.  I love that.

If someone is single ... they aren't interested in silly stuff ... they seem to treasure a real friendship just as I do.  No man ever has to worry that I ... would want to be friends in a bad way.  All I do online is sincere ... I'm a good person ... I'm a sincere person.

No one ... even females that play games ... need to play games online with me.  I've been around too long ... I will catch it.  I have caught some ... they never knew it ... I watch them for long periods of time in hopes ... I'm wrong.  That's online ... and ... in real life.

I always make Skip aware of anything that isn't right.  All I do online is good, clean ... and ... not secretive.  I don't hide anything I do ... the whole world can know it ... I truly don't care.  Do I have secrets ... just like you ... yes, and ... I'll never tell them in this life.

Are those secrets that important?  Yes ... and No ... but, they are secrets :)  I can keep a secret ... only people who know me ... truly know that.  So ... don't tell me something ... if you hope I will go tell everyone ... it goes no farther.  I go on to forget about it.

I can see some crazy stuff, a wreck, something off the wall ... just something that everyone would rush to tell someone else ... I don't.  I forget it until something reminds me of it again.  When I worked in the hospital where confidentiality was important ... I never told people's medical information ... never.

I saw, heard people who did ... the local people who worked in the hospital would call at first chance to their friends, say ... "I got something to tell you but ... you can't tell anyone"!

They would go on to add ... "If you tell anyone ... don't use my name"!   Then ... they'd tell them about old Suzy Harrison who lives down the road ... saying, 'Guess what she has ... she's got gonorrhea"!

"Old Jon Brown down the road had done knocked up little Eleanor Sightseer"! "Samson Golightly has had a stroke"!

You know how those people are ... they are going to keep up the gossip on their neighbors ... because ... isn't that what all good neighbors do?

I knew a lot of ... good neighbors at work when I worked.  You know the ones who are the backbone of the community ... pillars of salt ... the ones who would never-ever do anything wrong ... the best Christians who are perfect.  You know them ... hellfire, you might be one of them.

How do you feel inside?  Not good if someone confronted you ... you'd jump up and down while screaming, 'No!  I would never do such a thing'!  Liar ... that's what I say.

You are a ... liar.  I see, hear things no one else pays attention to ... why?  I know what to watch for ...  Yes ... you are a liar ... and you hate a person like me who never says anything ... once you look into my eyes ... you know ... I know.  Liar.

The things I could tell you ... but, won't.  On every job there are things we know, but ... don't talk about.  The things I mention have happened long ago ... a lot of those people are dead, gone ... now.

There were people at both hospitals I worked at ... who disliked me ... because they knew I knew.  Words were never needed ... the smiles would go on ... pass and re-pass ... be nice ... never feel comfortable in my presence.  The thing was ... I filed what I knew back in my mind to know never to trust them personally ... I'd go on to forget.

Why do I even look at things others don't see?  It's my nature ... I grew up with such ... I just spot it automatically.  I somehow ... 'know' people. My Grandma Alma was very sharp ... she saw through people.  Rarely ... was she wrong.  It always came out in the long run ... she'd just smile a little quiet smile.  That's what I do ... I don't begin screaming, "I told you so"!  I just smile.

To survive ... one learns a lot of things to defend themselves ... because how can anyone prove they are being treated wrong ... if only smiles, sweetness meets the eyes of someone who is looking?

If I'm looking ... I look deeper ... sense.  I know that even serial murderers have to ... fool their prey.  Honey catches more flies than vinegar.  My Grandma Alma ... told me so.  :)

I grew up knowing sweet smiles, sweet voices are a crock of s___.  Yes, I said that.  I pay close attention to someone who is ... too sweet.  I smile ... when later ... I 'see' ... how sweet they really are.

Have I been fooled?  Hell yes ... but, it didn't take long to find out the truth.  I'm not afraid to confront someone in a quiet, sweet way ... doesn't matter where they are ... no one would know what was going on ... I don't like ugly scenes.

I always try to think the best about someone ... then ... I see, hear what I hope not to.  It tells me the people can't ever be my 'real' friend ... if they'll do their own neighbors, family members like that ... who am I to them?  They are sure going to hurt me, too.

Heck, the family I grew up in could be the sweetest damn people in the world ... they'd get your ass while smiling, telling you it's not going to hurt while they stabbed you in the back.  They only wanted you to stand there until ... they could get that final death blow in.

You 'just stand there, die in shock' ... Why?  Because you couldn't believe so and so ... would or could ... do such a thing.  I know ... I 'died a million times' at the hands of ... my loving ... family.  I was seduced with sweet smiles, kind words until their hands could reach out, grab my little ass up ... then Hell would break out not only on my ass ... my body, too.

I still loved them, though.  I knew they had some love for me ... somewhere in their hearts.  Why sometimes ... it would show.  I'd feel so ... special.  They knew a tiny bit of love ... would go a long ways ... with a little girl who wanted to be loved so badly.

The sad thing was ... they'd take it away before I knew it ... I couldn't ever take for granted ... love.  Love ... hate ... hot water ... cold water ... turning that faucet on and off ... nothing ever stayed consistent in my life.  Everything depended on someone's mood ...

Thoughts ... more thoughts.  Real thoughts ... not the best thoughts but, nevertheless they are thoughts that flittered through my mind today.

I know you also, have your thoughts that flitter through ... you just might not write them down or ... let the light of day see them.  Here, I chose to let them come out into the light so, I could examine them closely.

The good thing here is ... none of these thoughts hurt me.  They are thoughts from different times that made me ... 'more me' ... now.  I know that I'm not a false person trying to pretend one way or other to be something other than I am.  I don't have anything to gain by hurting others.

I know that you will either like ... dislike me.  It's all in what you decide.  I know that no matter what ... everything bad in my life has made me a very good person now.  That doesn't mean I can't be ... mean, sometimes.  :)  After all, I told you that I'm not perfect ... didn't I?

I'm just sharing thoughts we normally keep to ourselves ... thoughts we don't usually talk about.

Photos/true thoughts are mine, owned ... written by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny at Twitter.

1 comment:

  1. You are right! Not very many people tell certain thoughts. I do know you well enough to know that you can keep a secret. I hve been knowing you since we were very small children. You were and still are a very good person! Love, Ms. Nancy