Life ... Even When It's Bad Everything Is Going To Be Alright

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates... 2024 ... sometimes this is the only way I can describe Life without words 🙂🙃🙂❤❤

I am sitting here watching the sunshine create little shadows, silhouettes on my arm. 

Why the fascination with silhouettes ... I have no idea only ... it's calming, special to look at the smooth shapes. Sort of like looking at a white wall ... both make me feel as if I need to find a pencil ... begin drawing.

As I sit here watching the little dance of sunshine on my arm ... I meditate. I think of all the many things I am most grateful for in my life. 

I am amazed at all the events that are 'bad' that happen,, have happened  ... always in the long run turn out to good, beneficial in my/our life. Even when it's bad ... everything is going to be alright. Strange, right?

Think about it ... really things most always turns out to be alright. 

I know at times such as the accident I had in May 2024 can completely ruin one's life, even to the point of losing one's life ... turn it upside down with so much scary, negative things ... 

I found my fighting spirit once again called into action ... oh my, I have needed it more than ever this time. It's there in full force and ... I am winning one Hell of a battle in my life. 

When, if you see ME ... you wouldn't ever know I am in fighting mode ... it's a very quiet, very painful battle that makes me cry in silence, sometimes panicking, afraid. It doesn't take me long to knock the fears away because I KNOW all is going to be alright. Every step is forward, never backwards ... never-ever backwards  ... not even one step.

I've amazed my doctors, nurses with my progress ... sheer will power and my legacy from my Grandma Alma ... my fighting spirit that's so much greater than I. This battle is going to be long, painful ... I can do it.

I take good care of Skip, Camie as I fight this battle day, night. I take care of myself. From day two after surgery ... I hit the ground running meaning to win another 'one of the biggest battles of my life'...

I haven't nor will I waste time feeling sorry for myself ... I won't sit whining and crying woe is me. 

My thoughts are solely on my purpose in my life ... caring for Skip, Camie and I. 

I am just so sorry my accident trying to do good things for Skip took such an unexpected turn changing our lives in an awful way for some time. It began with giving Skip a new bed, mattress .........

The good thing is ... the people who were there for us, Camie ... they are in my mind very special people AND I won't ever forget. I love them with my Heart. They are always in my Heart.

The good thing is ... I have turned our life back right-side up ... we have reached a point all is almost back to normal. 

I still have a long way to go ... go it I will, I've come through the worst and ... oh my God ... to be truthful I was very afraid I might not be able to this time. 

My body has fought many battles in this life ... this ranks up as serious as any battle I've fought. I see my way in front of ME ... I smile because if I can make it to this point in time ... I can make it the rest of the way. 

I am literally ... walking my way out of Hell ... this battle has taken ME there ... dumped me on the burning fires, left me to make it out ... if I can. I have made it out the doors of Hell ...

Well ... I am back ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Caring for Skip, Camie is my strength ... they are my very world.

I like this photo of ME because it speaks for itself ...  no words needed.  🙂🙃🙂❤❤ I love Life even when it throws ME onto the ground,  beats ME up ... I will get back up as long as I can possibly do so ... only this time I literally could not get up ... thank God for emergency personnel... only after surgery could I get up. 

Get up I did ... through undescribable pain ... I've come to this moment in time ... now, the present. That's what is wonderful, most important ... today, this minute 🙂🙃🙂❤❤ Yes, I am back. All I can say is ... oh my, my, my!

Nightmares ... Nightmare Month of May 2024

I woke up feeling good splashed with little bursts of happiness ... you know you've felt the same just before many good things begin happening in your life.

They don't have to be big things all the time ... just simple little things. You know a person's kind words, a smile unexpectedly ... an act of courtesy ... things that don't cost money.

Today ... I would hope for something big along with small things 🙂🙃🙂 Does that sound greedy? I hope not at all ... what I wish for has to do with all going on in my/our life since what I will always call it now ... May 2024 - The Month of Nightmares.

That's the month my son died ... Skip's birthday ... when the first nightmare happened ... such shock, and completely severing ties to toxic people. I've never regretted it not even once since ... that tells me I made a good decision. A number of years letting them just be there bothered me for so long ... I knew it was hopeless long before I did it. 

I always see, sense red flags though I never tell anyone. Why? Because I, we have to respect people are the way their life has made them ... just as I am the way my life made me. I don't have to say it in words when I know in my Heart.

We all don't have to think, feel the same ... but, we all have to respect. If you need to quit wasting years, time when things never go anywhere ... remove yourself from them and ... let them. Yes, let them. 

No matter how much love, caring your Heart feels ... they don't feel it as you do. Let go ... let them. If you don't... I promise me all you accomplish is to punish yourself. The thought came to my mind ... why do I punish myself when those people weren't ever anyone to me?

I let a number of years go by treating people how I wished someone would have treated me in that same situation. I did good ... I gave of myself real, genuine feelings, love, caring ... pure respect ... never not one word of disrespect. 

They were nice back to me ... until the ultimate nightmare was delivered ... I learned how much I cared, how much they didn't. I saved up $200.00 for a time to make Skip's birthday special in a way that meant most to him. 

I sent the money a couple months early, and was told 'we can make that happen.' I trusted ... I was very happy for Skip ... he truly needed something so special to happen in his life. He was so depressed. Oh my, the birthday present was a deliberate, most awful failure. Skip was in worse shape afterwards. My fault for trusting.

There's more but, it doesn't serve any purpose to make someone look worse ... I won't do it. I never said anything harsh, in fact ... I never said anything ... the hurt was so deep not just in my Heart but, in my pure soul. 

I did let them know what happened on this end in a nice way. What hurt me worse was the words sent to me by the mother ... the words were, "she fulfilled her promise". I never responded in any way. I turned my head ... let go.

I pick, choose my battles only ... if it is worth it. This wasn't. That's what I get for trusting people that truly were trustworthy.  Even trustworthy people do things for whatever their reasoning is.

Does this make them bad people? It really doesn't in their life ... but, in our life ... I will only say ... no one cared the way we loved, cared. They are still good people but, not to do with our life. 

They can't ever be in our life again. I made room when I never had to out of respect, love for Skip when we thought he was dying so, he could make amends that never happened. All the time I can't tell you how it bothered me knowing, seeing no matter how many photos I put on Facebook, how Skip was doing ... meant nothing. I kept in touch when I never had to ... only for Skip when I realized I wasn't anyone to them.

Skip Bates  was promised photos of grandchildren several times ... they never came. I knew in my Heart they wouldn't  ... as sick as Skip was, he believed ... when you hurt Skip ... you hurt ME worse.

I took photos of the nightmare sent in a box for Skip's birthday present. One day when I come back across them, I will simply share them here with the caption: Skip's Nightmare Birthday Present ... May 2024. I haven't looked at them since the even worst nightmare that happened after that.

THE NIGHTMARE after that ... I still don't want to talk about it ... this happened to me trying to make all better for Skip ... this happened 10 days after the Nightmare Birthday Present. 

I work so hard trying to do, get everything I can to help Skip have a good quality of life. If he wants good food, I put off things to get it for him ... I don't care how much it cost. He has been through so many life-threatening medical conditions since 2016 ... I will always know in my Heart I have done good. I am loyal, faithful to the end. 

With my own medical conditions I am his sole caregiver ... he won't go to a nursing home. I have cut my own medical help short getting back to him and our Camie Precious Camo Kissy Fairchild. They need ME ... and as long as I can be there for them ... I am.

I never leave Skip laying in a bed, or home by himself ... I keep him with me, even going to my doctor appointments. I make him stay strong enough to walk enough with his walker at home ... then, with his rollator when away from home. 

Most spouses wouldn't do as I do ... Skip is my life each day ... part of ME, both him and Camie.

Oh ... that's why I am strong today ... they in return keep me strong to keep them strong as possible. Also, the years I fought my battle with cancer ... Non-Hodgkins lymphoma ... Skip took the best possible care of me. I never forgot that. 

Not only that ... all the years of our marriage he made sure I had anything I wished for. In the year of 2016 ... our Life began changing drastically ... we had to change accordingly until ... today ... the present.

Skip kept me with him, not leaving me in bed, alone. He was always there for the many tests, surgeries. He wanted me to live.

Skip says he is only here because of ME ... I fought for him to live when he didn't know he was in the world. I was strong for him when he couldn't be. 

Many times since 2016 I almost lost Skip ... and I will tell you this though ... it sounds silly, corny ... I would look at him laying there unaware I was by his side ... (many times) I would cry, tell him to please not die ... and a little anger would come over me, I would tell him he wasn't going anywhere because I wasn't letting him. I would hold his hands, rub his head, my tears falling onto his chest. My Heart would be breaking.

I am not an angel ... I am not that special ... I'm not the nicest, best person in the world. Just know that ... I am ME ... just Gloria. I can be not nice if provoked the wrong way ... but that's not normally ME. 

If you see me being ugly you can know someone pushed me. I can also, cuss with the best of them if I loose it ... I learned that growing up as a little girl. 

I use 'cussing' and crying as my fuel/gas when I have to accomplish something so hard for me to do ... just like putting gas in the car to make it go ... only then, can I build up what strength I need from anger ... can I make hard things work (fixing, putting things together). 

I become the car ... guess what? 9 times out of 10, it works ... then, I am all smiles along with being ashamed of cussing. But, that's the price I pay for having a fighting spirit ... I'm grateful for my fighting spirit.

When I love, I love with my whole being. I love Skip, Camie with my whole life. Of course, I can count my real friends on one hand in everyday life ... possibly a finger or two on the other hand ... I truly love them, too. 

Not only that ... I truly love, care about certain Facebook Friends who have been there so long for ME, Skip. I let them know with my sincere Hearts on their posts and caring Hearts. I'm never flirting with anyone ... you can trust those hearts are real caring.

I didn't know if I would ever write again since all that has happened since Nightmare Month of May 2024. Lately ... to be truthful I have missed all of my Friends here ... I have felt the need to write again. 

I think I need both my writing  and my Friends here. All of you, writing is just as much a part of ME as breathing. That means you all are more special than you even realize. 

Skip and Camie are awake now. Time for baths, coffee, breakfast (not coffee for Camie! 🙂🙃🙂❤❤). Happy day! Someday I will write about the nightmare affecting my life to this day. I battle each day to not let it own ME. 

I mean to win this huge battle in my life ... when I get to a good place I will tell you what happened.  For now, I don't want pity, or someone feeling sorry and all those things that I never need from anyone. I will take compassion, caring, love though ... just as I feel for everyone. 

I WILL Win this battle ... the doctors tell me how well I am doing, amazing progress made since Nightmare May 2024. Most people don't, go on to worse. I am not ready to die ... when my purpose is done in this life ... I will give it some thought ... but, only a thought unless I'm too tired to go on 🙂🙃🙂❤❤

You all know my purpose in my life ... yes, you are right ... Skip and Camie.

I wanted to say to the ones I let go of ... I didn't take you off Skip's social media, or Camie's. I won't be putting posts there often, when I do it's for Skip's friends. 

I grew up in the most broken homes a child could live in with no one caring about me. I for reason learned to understand young parents make terrible mistakes ... I learned to see 'why' and such in my younger life. I made mistakes, we all make mistakes. 

I learned forgiveness though it never made my real father love me ...  his second wife prevented that. The strange thing is ... I always loved them. Water under the bridge ... I could understand that, too. He never stopped loving my mother ... he would come to see her ... not ME. Life went on ...

I say this ... growing older, bitter with hate, bad feelings will show on your face. It hardens your heart so you never see real love, caring from real people who understand  you never got to that place in life. We all move up to different planes in life to feel, do better when we come to terms with deep feelings from childhood.

All I can say is ... my love, caring was genuine and I so hoped for Skip, you would love, care for him. I didn't matter as I know I wasn't anyone to you. Only you all ... Skip was important. 

I have to say in my years of knowing you ... I have such respect, love, caring for you all. I admire how you all are family-oriented, good to your children, grandchildren.  You never knew that. 

Many times you all touched our hearts seeing what good people you are. I'm sorry you didn't see what a good man your father, grandfather grew up to be after all his mistakes in life. Many people through time could tell you how good a person he was, still is.

This is all water under that proverbial bridge ... we love, care always. We wish only good things for each of you. You are the kind of loyal families anyone would wish to have. Sadly ... for a time I truly wished that with my Heart.  Sadly, I can remember little crumbs of hope. 

Just remember Skip and I will only hold lots of love in our hearts for you. This will be the last I write on this chapter of life that affected ME ... my life profoundly.

After 3 Months Of Living A Nightmare ...

 

I'm smiling at the world today ... I hope it will smile back at me. 

Life has once again held much pain for ME in the month of May. I am recovering from a nightmare.

Don't ask questions as I won't answer. Today is what is important ... I have made it to today. All I can do is go forward ... forward I will go.

When I say ME ... it means Skip Bates, too. He has been through ungodly since his birthday that won't ever be forgotten ... that was the beginning of all. 

I removed people from our life permanently ... they are all good people in their worlds ... just not in our life. There's always love, caring, wishes for only good to touch their lives.

They are gone forever, no chance at all for any kind of relationship.  I owe them nothing ... I only send love in my mind if I think of them. 

I felt more pain in my life trying to keep my husband's spirits up, allowing them to be in our life ... I never had to ... I never will again. I let years go by when normally just a short time would make me get negative people out of my life. 

I did this in hopes Skip could find love, peace, forgiveness from people he held important,  special in his mind. 

What happened in May won't ever be forgotten ... Skip can forget because of his medical condition ... ME? NEVER-EVER ... however, I truly forgive. No hate, anger in my Heart. All left behind in my Heart is the hurt, pain.

It took some years until what happened broke my Heart, my soul when pain came from something that was meant to be so extra-special.

I'll never allow our life to be shared with them again. And ... if I know of anyone sharing our life ... anything about us with them or my friends, I will remove them, also. 

I don't need dishonest friends ... if I want something told about my life, my business I will tell it. One such time happened on Facebook when this nightmare began in May. 

Someone put about what happened in my life on my Facebook, it quickly disappeared. No big deal, you are right ... that isn't the point. I don't believe in going to your FB page to tell everyone what happened in your life. That's not nice. 

Your life is yours to tell. I'm not going to share details of your situation with your friends either ...  afterwards. I would tell them you know how private so and so is ... please ask them. 

I know how easy it is to step over that line/boundary ... I almost did yesterday in general talking. I caught myself as soon as my mouth opened ... I talked about something else. I remembered how private the person was ... I respect that.

I will remember someone doing that to ME ... I won't forget ... I won't ever bring it up in conversation. It's water under that proverbial bridge where everything goes to be forgotten. It affected trust forever.

I know about this happening though it wasn't meant for me to. I forgive though I was surprised as I'd never tell their life, business to anyone, never. I am a trustworthy friend, I expect anyone who associates with ME in my private life to be the same.

I write about my life ... there is the private side to my life I don't write, I don't share ... I don't need anyone else to do it for me.

We all have to remember no matter how nice a person tries to be ... or like ME when I write ... there are ALWAYS boundaries we don't cross ... there is ALWAYS that invisible line in the sand ... a boundary we never cross over.

Just simple respect not to step over into ... the most real, sacred part of a person ... their life they live out of the public's eye ... their Home life only they live because no one else can share nor live it for them. Just plain old simple ... r-e-s-p-e-c-t ... RESPECT.

I am glad to be back. I won't speak of events that have brought terrible pain both mentally, physically to ME since the month of May 2024. That's also, the month my son died in ... only living people added all the extra pain mentally ... an accident added all extra 'oh my God!' pain this time.

Life is, can be like this at times. This is from someone who knows. But ... guess what? I am still holding onto the horns of this bull called LIFE.  I won't let go until I simply just die.

I've learned one lesson from this god-awful accident that hurt me so badly ... I know from now on to just simply ask for help. It took all these years to learn ... to humble ME. I've always been self-sufficient as much as possible so as not to bother other people ... I have always thought I can do any ... everything that I don't need anybody.

This morning for the first time in so long ... I sit here smiling at the sunshine shining through the window on ME. I am sitting here thanking God for everything. .. I am so grateful though I'm climbing out of HELL once again in my life.

The thought coming to mind is ... this is only temporary,  everything really is going to be alright. I've been through worse and made it ... so out of HELL I'm lived in for 3 months I climb with a smile on my face. I know everything really will be okay.

LIFE ... is amazing. I still wouldn't trade living it for nothing. 🙂🙃🙂💛💛 I LOVE  ... Life ... when it hurts I try hard to learn from that pain.

Regardless ... Life Goes On ... So Do I

Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates  2024

A new day of going forward only, no looking back. Letting go of sad, painful things ... accepting reality. This is where Life gets good again once all negative has been removed.

I can still love, care, respect the people I've removed from my life ... after so many years in a rut, one really does need to let go ... understand these people are good people ... they haven't moved on maybe not wanting to, maybe not being able to. Whatever ... I can only respect them ... and move on in my life.

Regardless ... Life does go on ... so, do I. Gracious ... the relief one feels when finally letting go of negativity.  I can take deep breaths of air again ... that's a wonderful feeling.

Sometimes ... I hurt, punish myself trying to do good for others ... trying to treat others how I would like to be treated. For the past five years I have done that ... I am so thankful to let go, let God.

A lot has happened in the past month, none of it good ... but, such good things have happened because of the bad. Life really is beautiful. 

I have been humbled so much from recent events in my life ... like never before in my life. One day I will write about it. For now, I can't even talk about it for the pain, grief ... the good thing is all the positive ... the good people who have been there for ME. 

I found I needed each, everyone ... most of all I am so thankful for them. I have finally learned one of the hardest lessons in Life for ME ... that's to ask for help doing something. I have learned this lesson in the most painful way possible.

I learned this lesson in such a way as to humble me like never before in my Life. We aren't ever too old to learn.  Mentally, physically this has changed Me.

Appointments ... Appointments ... Gracious!

 

Photos owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates  ... my world 🌎 ♥ 

May 23, 2024 ... Thursday

I am so glad it's Thursday. I have been waiting for this day after 2 full weeks of doctor appointments for Skip (a couple for me) ... and all his physical therapy appointments ... some days having 2 appointments. 

I have been so tired. I am Skip's caregiver as well (caring for Camie) ...  as keeping all going in our life. When I think about it ... wow, I have a lot of responsibility.  I take that responsibility seriously. 

The good thing is ... no more appointments for a few days. Memorial Day holidays are coming up affecting everything including Skip's physical therapy appointments. 

The saddest, more personable to me is Memorial Day holidays mark the day I lost my only child, my son ... Tommy. May 29, 2010.

He died with 3 blockages to his Heart ... the widow maker.. He collapsed on Myrtle Beach, South Carolina shortly after he and his family arrived. No one knew, suspected he had Heart problems. 

I was just thinking 9 years (April 2019) later I almost died with the same thing. I feel Tommy somehow reached from the other side to make me go straight away to be tested. I had immediate surgery to save my life ... I didn't go home from the test. The surgeon said I wouldn't have made it even a couple more days. I had no idea ... only that strange day alerted me.

I had the strangest day just before where that whole day no matter what I couldn't get Tommy off my mind ... and the thought I should make appointment with my cardiologist. Thank God I listened ... I believe my son saved my life from what caused his collapse, his death.

If you knew how strange that day was ... you would know Tommy reached out, saved my life. 

Here's looking forward to several days of catching up housework, rearranging, so on. My work never ends ... to keep all nice, clean, in order, take care of Skip, Camie's needs, myself ... I stay busy night and day. I wouldn't have it any other way. My little world is everything to me.

You Are Too Ugly, Fat to Be Any Good To Anyone

Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates 💚💜💚  Life ... people fascinates me. I don't forget I am a person, too.

Some people see a big, fat man ... woman whose face, body isn't beautiful.  God, how ugly, gross they are. Being that big ... there can't be any good to come from them. Too ugly ... too fat. Ugh!

Taking up too much room for a big-ass body ... your clothes look like Hell. You try to look nice, fix your hair, wear make up... you are still ugly, fat. You aren't any good to anyone!

Do you dare to have any confidence as big as you are? Do you dare to smile, be happy as big as you are? Who do you think you are? You are just a fat-ass!

Sadly ... there are people who judge other people. Sadly they never take the time to discover beauty comes in all shapes, sizes. They can only see the exterior ... if you can only see the outside of a person's body ... you are going to miss the goldmine inside.

People, cars, houses ... it's okay for houses, cars to oversized. Big means better, richer but not ... if you are a person. You lose value the bigger you are. No one respects you, they treat you like second-class.

Shame on us if we are so narrow-minded to not see that our bodies like a book ... open up to reveal beauty. There are beautiful, loving, good souls in those big-ass bodies you despise so much. Damn ... yes, I said that ... if you don't look ... you won't see.

All that glitters, shines isn't gold ... isn't good. Have you ever bitten into a big, beautiful apple knowing it will taste so good? Only ... for it to be black, rotten inside? Are you going to continue to eat it ... just because it's ... beautiful?  NO!

People are like that ... beauty can hide the ugliest, blackest, evil souls there are. Beauty is just their camouflage to prey on others. Everyone likes beautiful, right? Evil can walk right up to you if it's beautiful. 

Not all beautiful is ugly ... not all ugly is beautiful. I have known the most beautiful people no one else would notice because ...

I took time to really see, care, sense. Like a book ... 📖  you can't judge it by the cover. Wow, you have no idea of the good people you are missing when you look over them to see only beautiful people. Because ...

If you truly want to see beauty, good in people ... look at what that body houses inside. Like Christmas presents ... we never know what's inside. Even a beautiful Christmas present has ugly things inside. Sometimes ... the ugliest wrapped presents can surprise, delight you, fill your soul with pure happiness. 

I'm not saying all big, ugly people ... big, beautiful people are all good ... all bad. I'm saying good people ... really beautiful souls sometimes can't be seen because one sees only the outside ... judge it not worth their time to look any farther.

I'm not saying all smaller people are beautiful ... we know they aren't.  They can house the ugliest souls just as well as beautiful souls.

When you look at someone think about a wonderful book you almost didn't read because you judged it by its cover.

We are the books that line Life's library shelves. Sure, some books are too dull for us to read ... but, there's always someone who will appreciate them.

These are my thoughts this morning when I was reading how people were judging a handsome man's wife for being obese. 

No one could believe a handsome man could love a fat woman ... then they saw pictures of her when younger ... she was beautiful. 

This leads one to believe he married her because she was beautiful ... no one thought he married her because she truly was a beautiful soul.

I begin thinking just what you just read. That old saying is true ... beauty IS in the beholder's eye. Sometimes  ... we don't see what others see in a person.

Note by this author:  

I study people, I have since being a child. I am always amazed anew how we as human beings think, do. Sometimes ... I can't believe it ... sometimes  ... I can.

I don't make any claims of being right ... wrong. I only write what ... I ... see, feel ... think ... how my life is touched, affected. 

I write only my life's stories... I don't write yours. You have to live, write your own stories. I am honored when you take your time to read ME ... my stories. ❤  Happy colors to you 💚💜💛💙❤🧡💛💚💜💙❤🧡

Walmart ... Amazon

 

Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates  ... 

I became aware of something I've been doing for some time now.

I wouldn't have thought I would ever do this, much less not go to Walmart anymore.

I've broken my habit of going to Walmart to pick up things we need. I was ordering toothpaste, mouthwash online from Amazon when it dawned on me ........

I never shop at Walmart anymore ... I average going to Walmart once a month now. I wonder how many people have also, done this? Especially since Covid.

If I see I'm running out of dish detergent, laundry detergent, so on ... I just go online to order it ... it's here the next day. Since Skip hasn't been well ... also ... I don't want to leave him sitting while I go into a store ... I go online to oder from Amazon.

Ever so often ... Skip might feel he wants to go to Walmart, Sam's Club, Charlie C's ... I will run to find him an electric car/cart to ride on. They are so hard to find. I try to always keep Skip with me so, I know he is okay. 

If he ever waits for me in vehicle you won't see me standing around talking ... my mission is getting back to him as quickly as possible. I only do that when I don't have a choice ... and I'm not letting him stay home alone. A lot of people can do that ... I can't unless it's an emergency. I have a baby cam ... the app is on my phone ... I can keep check on him or Camie if push comes to shove.

My go to now ... has been for months ... is right here on my tablet or desktop to Amazon to order. I'm so thankful for Amazon. I love seeing the Prime truck come even if it's only a bottle of dish detergent, mouthwash, whatever! 🙂🙃🙂😀😁❤❤❤

Just Because Life Gets A Little Messy It's Not The End Of The World

 

It isn't the end of the world ... when Life gets a little messy ... we just 'unmess' it right back up 🙂🙃🙂💛💛 Skip's birthday cake came a day late, to wrong address, and when opened ... this what we saw.

Don't make mean comments because it isn't deserved. I keep my photos here, and on the computer that are important to ME. 

These photos are important to ME in a positive way ... it isn't the end of the world, life goes on ... it's all in how we choose to handle things. I prefer 'unmessing' things back up until everything is okay again.

There were a few tears, feeling bad ... then ... all felt okay. The photos are just photos of a little mess ... and dealt with in a positive way ... Life goes on. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Everything is alright ... the main thing is Skip is okay now.

No More False Hope ... No More Crystals Tears On Our Cheeks

Written with pure love from my very Heart ... love mixed with such soul-deep pain ... bittersweet.  Photo of,  owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates 

The ones tossing the tiny crumbs never see the magic their little  ... tiny crumbs create! They never see the sunshine come out on a rainy day! They never see the crystal tears rolling down lined, old, tired cheeks. They never know just how much one, two, three or more little words mean. Maybe ... they might not care?

Your crumbs when tossed randomly gives false hope that the past can be mended. When you stop ... you never see the elderly, sick, dying person ... slowly die just a little more. 

Each time... your crumbs of kindness just added one more nail in the ⚰ coffin. Each time there was an opportunity to put the past in the past where it belongs. You closed your eyes each time ... before long someone else will close their eyes permanently ... you will only add more torment to your soul until the day you ... last close your eyes. 

I grew up like that hating, angry at everyone who left me, hurt me ... but, I grew past that ... I forgave. No one can know the peace of mind that comes over one when they learn to forgive ... oh my, the difference it makes in one's life. 

The tiny crumbs of kindness is a thing of the past now. No more false hope, no more crystal tears flowing down a broken, tired of living elderly person's face. 

Life will go on ... I think of the old saying ... kill someone with kindness. It works when thrown out like a fishing line, jerked back just enough to inflict damage. It works! Good job ... you paid them back over a period of time when they showed their Heart to you. You did good.

Yes, life goes on ... I will now, step in ... pick up more pieces of our life that's been shattered because parts of pieces went flying all over the place too. As I'm picking those pieces of our life up, putting them back in place ... crystal tears will also, flow down my cheeks for things that could have been ... now, it can't ever be. 

I wished so hard my husband could have been inspired, motivated by your love to give him new life ... because it would have taken your love, forgiveness to do it. It never came ... I opened our life up to you for years ... now, I gently closed the 🚪 door. If I ever hear you knocking ... I will always ... open the door up to you.

For now, it's time to heal our Hearts, soul ... rest. We both are so tired mentally from wasted years to finally learn they meant nothing. This is to us another Life's Lesson we needed to learn. We learned to always love you, care no matter what ... that will be in our Hearts when we each go to our grave. Love, care, forgive ... this didn't break us ... we can still smile our bittersweet smiles.

Life is good ... everything will be alright ... our recent Life's Lesson taught us not to be weighted down by hatred, anger ... we can go forward after letting this go ... it has been let go. Now .. it's time to bury that dead horse my husband has been mentally kicking for these past years. 

I wish you, and yours only good ... happiness in all in your life. I send you love from my Heart you never took time to see, know. It's understandable... I know how Life is. Just know we have, still do have the highest respect, love for all of you. We are always here ... we still believe in miracles. 

I wanted to say this from my Heart ... from my viewpoint, I admire all of you. You are good people, family oriented, loving, caring. Anyone would be proud to have family like you. Take care as this is what I write to get the pain out ... this is a goodbye note, too. We are always here for as long as we live ❤ 💜 💛💚💙💚💙💛

It'sTime To Bust Out Of That Self-Made Prison ... TinyCrumbs Of Kindness Create Magic

 

This is one of the most important things I've written in so long. This is about getting older ... not much time left ... hoping to be forgiven for big, little mistakes made when younger. 

After years of suffering in a self-made prison ... one needs to ... bust the Hell out of it. 

You tried, failed ... let go ... just let the Hell go ... begin living again. 

We can almost see the end of our Life's road now ... quit wasting time ... you truly tried. 

Yes, now ... it's time to simply ... let go.  (Yes ... I said that)

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I was glad to wake up this morning ... looking outside I could see beginning daylight. A good night's rest can make the difference when you go through something emotional. 

Now, I wait for Skip to wake up hoping his frame of mind is much better. He has had a hard time lately. I care with my Heart.

A new day ... going forward, no looking back. Looking back at things that could have been ... might have been after such a long time, years even ... has been a true waste of time. Then again maybe it wasn't ... because at times it felt good ... one could close their eyes for a few moments pretending all is good with the world.

Sadly one can pretend, hope, wish ... try to make amends for the past ... it can't be done alone. One can be truly sorry for mistakes made when young .... the day of reckoning comes. We punish ourselves day after day hoping whom we've hurt in the past forgives, will want to move forward. No, one can't do it alone no matter how hard they try.

Do we keep punishing ourselves, stay in the rut hoping others will come around to make good of our remaining time on this earth? Do we continually hope, wish for even the smallest crumbs to come to us to make us happy for a moment enough so, to hope once again?

After years of doing such there comes a time when it needs to stop. Sadly, wishing ... hoping ... praying good things can come from bad ... we stay in that same rut way too long.

Sometimes ... like the old saying ... a straw can break the camel's back. Sometimes ... we see little red flags ignoring them ... when you play with fire you are going to get burnt no matter what. Some things aren't meant to be ... won't ever be no matter how much you pray, wish, hope. Let go ... let go ... let go.

You can try to do the best you can, be the best you can be ... it won't ever be enough to make certain people in your life care about you. 

I've watched through time someone dear to my Heart hurt, grieve over mistakes made when younger. Wanting forgiveness for things done in the past ... being young, doing things that shouldn't be done. 

Young people make awful mistakes ... if they have the chance to grow older ... they reflect on everything they've ever done ... they hope for forgiveness ... a chance for new beginnings. In the process of waiting for years hoping, praying, wishing ... one stays still in a rut punishing oneself day after day. How much should a person punish themselves?

I've watched this happening for years now ... I've seen the beautiful happiness a few little crumbs thrown created. I have watched as the magic those little crumbs created ... disappear ... until one day down the road ... magic crumbs are tossed out again giving hope that mistakes can be forgiven ... people can live in the present not ... the past.

I watched day after day a person grieve over the past at times wishing to die because they are in this rut ... one person can't do it all. Sadly ... that person is really the only one who suffers, his life stands still while others live. 

It isn't their fault, they are just living their lives never knowing ... maybe knowing and can't quite care because of feelings from the past ...knowing someone who loves them only wanted to be a small part of it ... just enough for a kind word here and there ... maybe even a happy day or happy birthday, merry Christmas or even words of get well soon, hello ... or just kiss my ass. 

Forgive, put bad, sad feelings in the past. As you grow older you will one day be sickly, old ... reflecting on all your mistakes wishing to make up for them before you die. One person can sit and sit ... waste all the years left in their life hoping, wishing .... if no one cares to move forward ... nothing positive can come from it. Nothing. When that person isn't well at all he lives in Hell on earth, tormented from past mistakes.

In my Gloria Opinion ... I have a lot of them ... quit kicking a dead horse, it damn sure isn't going to get back up ... it's dead, it's gone ... nothing you say, do is going to phase it ... never-ever in any shape or form. That horse ain't never going to get back up.

You've wasted all these years living on magic tiny crumbs of kindness hoping, wishing. It's not going to happen. Let them live ... continue to be tormented by the past. It's more than time for you to move on.

It's time for you to let go ... let go ...let go.

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Note from this author:  

In life we wait, waste time ... caring with our big Hearts we earned from our Life's Lessons ... we are vulnerable because we learned from past mistakes. We feel deep pain ... we let people continue to kick us thinking we deserve it. No ... there comes a time when it has to end ... sometimes, it takes that proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

In life ... when mistakes are made ... they can't be taken back no matter how good you become, no matter what BUT ... we can go on to be the best we can as soon as we wake up, become aware.

I have been watching, sensing, hurting for the past years seeing someone waste their days caring, hoping to make all right before dying ... if it hasn't happened in all this time ... it's time to put it to rest. 

It's time to move forward again ... we don't have that much time left. Get your ass out of the past now ... you have been in your own self-made prison for years. 

Now, break the Hell out of it ... put one foot in front of the other ... let's go forward. We have places to go, things to do. No time for the past anymore. I don't have time to continue to watch you suffer anymore.

I know you are a for-real, kind, good person. Your Heart is in the right place. I won't stand by to see it crushed anymore. 

To be fair, the 'others' who cause all this pain probably aren't even aware this person cares so much. Not only does that person care, so do I. I'm a very good person, too.

Sadly ... people through time have always put labels on people such as mother-in-law ... sister-in-law ... step-mother ... step-father ... the list goes on. They leave a bad taste in people's mouths, they expect them all to be the same because of bad apples. 

I'm here to tell you not everyone is alike ... I am the exception to a lot of things. I'm not your typical person who is a troublemaker who is always stirring the pot ... I'm sure not your typical woman who plays games to hurt others. 

No one can put a label on ME ... only my name ... Gloria. Paste your labels somewhere else ... I don't deserve, nor accept them whether you ever like, care about ME or not.

I don't play games with anyone. I know Life is far too serious to hurt other people. I know how pain feels only too well. I am going to use my power now ... to help this person moves forward ... he's been stuck in time too long. 

I have respected, loved, cared all this time for others while watching him hurt causing ME such soul-deep pain. Enough! It's time just like that song ... let it go, let it go ... let it go.

How many, many, many parents are there who live in this torment in their older age, sick, dying ... praying for only forgiveness if nothing else. How many, many parents live in their own living Hell ... self-made prisons? How many ... many parents live for the magic, tiny crumbs of kindness to be tossed out to them?

The ones tossing the tiny crumbs never see the magic their little  ... tiny crumbs create! They never see the sunshine come out on a rainy day! They never see the crystal tears rolling down lined, old, tired cheeks. They never know just how much one, two, three or more little words mean. Maybe ... they might not care?