Tuesday, May 29, 2012




She sat there, the light seemed dim. Am I alright she wondered? She felt light-headed, weak. Suppose I'm dying and no one knows?

She imagined her cell phone ringing, all the while she lay near it not able to answer it. She wanted to reach for it, she didn't have the strength.

Her head felt strange, her eyes were open, she felt the need to close them. She did close them gently and sank into the cocoon of soft ... clouds in her mind. Oh, how so nice, she thought.

She felt herself become strong again, opened her eyes. Try to move, get up..... from the floor she reached for the chair. Moving her arm, touching the chair she felt hope... I'm not dying. Her head hurt.

She pulled herself up, she sat on her knees for a moment to rest. Her head rested on her chest, eyes closed. I feel so weak, she thought.

She began pulling herself up to her feet, held onto the chair until she felt stable enough to sit down. Her head felt strange, she felt faint again.

Do I need to call 911, she wondered? How do I know when I should call 911? Maybe it's all my imagination, I could be causing such a fuss for no reason.

She sat there, laid her head on her arms on the table close by. I feel so bad, I feel like sleeping. Suppose I did sleep .. forever? She kept her eyes open... she no longer wanted to go to sleep.

Feel better! Feel better! She did close her eyes, she felt such fatigue. She relaxed into the soft cocoon of clouds.. she began to breathe softly.. she had gone to sleep.

She awoke some time later...she looked around before moving her head. I didn't die so, why did I feel so bad?

Her next thought was.... how do I know when to call 911?


This is based on an actual experience I had some time ago when home alone... I didn't fall to the floor though! Imagination put that there.

Also, some years ago I went into congested heart failure... there weren't any noticeable symptoms (but, looking back I did have a little cough that I thought was allergy-related....... at the rescue building the guy heard the cough, felt my ankles and immediately went into action). The next thing I know was panicking... I couldn't breathe... I began fighting to breathe.

I couldn't see but, I could hear the siren as the rescue vehicle raced to the hospital. I remember Randy, I knew him from working at the hospital... he was on the EMS. I remember seeing him and he told me as I fought to breathe ... everything's going to be alright... he asked me if I wanted to hold his hand (something I did a 'million' times to patients when I worked at the hospital emergency room registering patients). I tried to hold it, I have always hoped I didn't hurt his hand because I entered another path in my life... the Struggle To Live path. Thankfully ... I am here ... I did win. Thank- you, Randy if you ever have occasion to read this.... I hope I didn't hurt your hand... I couldn't breathe and forgot it was there.

I can't help but, to think of all the times when I've been deathly ill... of all the hands that reached out for my hand to comfort, help me. I think of all the kind people, words that were said to me over and over every time I've been hospitalized, or in treatment, doctor visits. I really believe it 'came back to me from all the times I reached out in my years working around sick people'... I really believe if you do good, it comes back. In my case, I felt (so did Skip)... that angels had been placed on my path to help me as I went slowly along it. I was amazed at the compassion I saw in their eyes...

I was touched by nurses, some of my doctors down to the housekeeping staff .... as sick as I was... sometimes I reached out to comfort them... when they cried for me... strangely enough some of my caretakers did cry. 'Who am I'? Yes, I was amazed that strangers 'cried for me'....... my heart could feel that love when I was the weakest in my life, the closest to dying. To this day I wonder this... 'who in the world was I.... for people to care about me like that'?

Then... I remembered when I worked around patients... I would cry silent tears for them because I care so , so much for what they were experiencing, what their bodies went/was going through to be brought to the emergency room. All I saw there... made a lasting impression on me to this day. It's so strange when I look back... I got to 'see how it felt to be treated' like I treated other people when I worked at the hospital. I think it wise to remember that how you treat others 'comes back to you'... it did tenfold to me.

I have felt like the above... always wonder 'is this my imagination'? The night I went into congestive heart failure... I also, wondered... I had nothing to go on to tell me I was going to die... excepting a calm feeling came over me, a 'voice' telling me this... 'if I don't get to the hospital, I'm going to die'. It was that calm, and 'it was my voice telling me that'. How did I 'know'? How did I 'know' I was going to die?

It was only minutes later, I was fighting for my life. I pay close attention to feeling like the above story I wrote... but, then... again, how do I know when to call 911?

1 comment:

  1. I could barely read the last part. The print is too small for my eyes. I have had the rescue called to me 2 times in my life. Once when I got so sun burn, that every time I stood up--I fainted. After 3 times I quit fainting. The second time it was called, I was dying! All fluids were backed into my body and my B/P shot up so high! I later found out what the problem was and I took care of it. There are times when one does need to call 911. I thank God that there are people that can come to us and we dont' have to try to get to a hospital on our own. I could not have driven to the hospital myself either time that I needed to call 911. Love, Ms. Nancy