PAIN IS GRANNY GEE'S CONSTANT COMPANION... TRADE-OFF TO LIVE... 'EXTRA' PAIN COMBINED WITH 'ALWAYS' ...PAIN
BY GLORIA FAYE BROWN BATES/ aka GRANNY GEE
She closed her eyes... and savored the flavor of chocolate combined with orange jelly candy. Oh my, the flavor was heavenly... I have to have just one more. After three more pieces of her most favorite candy in the world, Granny Gee visited several shops. She was at the mall, one of her favorite places to go.
Granny Gee was looking forward to the evening when she would curl up with her latest book... 'The Girl Who Played With Fire' by Stieg Larsson. She'd been looking for that book for quite some time... to no avail.
She had stopped by a giant yard sale at a church... lo and behold, there was that very book sitting there in a stack of books she was going through. She couldn't believe it, she'd looked quite some time for it. The price on it was... 25 cents. What a wonderful buy! She had read two of the three books already.
Granny Gee was looking forward to going into Barnes & Noble, browsing around the painting, art books. She loves the color, smell, the feel of holding new books in her hands. Granny Gee has a weakness for books, glossy pages... of all kinds. She used to collect books, she lost her entire collection when their home burned down. The fun thing is... her collection of wonderful books are growing again!
She loves looking at her one stroke painting books, her beading and wire-wrapping jewelry books, crafting books, books of all kinds. She does buy books to read for entertainment at the Goodwill store... the books are like new... but, cost only a fraction of the price! So, if you see her browsing in the books... know she is in......... book heaven. She loves paying a small price for ... high-priced books.
During Granny Gee's outing, her whole body was hurting, in fact ..hurting so much that she felt like just giving up. 'Giving up'... isn't something she does easily... walking, moving around wasn't something she would let go of easily.
In her family... it seemed that most of the women as they got older... ended up like Grandma Alma... they all would have 'that chair' where they'd sit for the rest of their lives... and never walk very much again.
Every year that Granny Gee walks is ... a wonderful bonus... she is always looking back, comparing................. pushing forward........ no, she doesn't ever want to be trapped in a chair... this is a very real fear... she saw all her life that happening to the older women in her family.
The pain in her body tries to make her not move... and move she does... sometimes, she moves more slowly ... but, she moves. When she hurts herself.... it's all 'extra' pain 'on top of pain'.... it just adds to the pain in her body. You won't hear or see her complain... unless it's becomes 'that bad' that she has to reveal 'why' she isn't feeling well, or in a situation she has to let someone know. She'll do it with a smile... most of the time. Once in a while... it's overwhelming, she cries.
Granny Gee has been suffering from 'extra' pain on top of the 'always' pain. She purchased a pair of shape-up shoes almost a year ago... and for the past almost year she has been wearing them.
Her left leg behind the knee (not in the knee itself)... deep inside the upper calf has given her excruciating pain for the past several months. Not only that ... new pain also, developed inside her right hip.
She's come to think that the shoes she purchased, loved to wear... might be the culprit. Soon, she'll know, as she has an appointment and will take those shoes with her.
Granny Gee's body has been through alot of surgeries, alot of nerves have been severed, damaged... she has been through two years taking chemotherapy treatments. The combination has affected her body, leaving her with constant pain, weakness in her body 'forever'.
This is her 'trade-off to live' ... otherwise, if none of this had happened... she wouldn't be writing now. Granny Gee wants to live, she loves... to live. In pain, she lives every minute, day, of her life... that's alright... she wants to live. Pain is her trade-off.... she'd do it again.
She never takes pain medicine, alot of times that's her 'downfall'... she won't take medicine for the pain. The reason she doesn't ... she is afraid of addiction. This, also, she has watched all her life in her family... and this is another real fear in her mind.
Granny Gee wants her mind, body to be clear, as strong as possible. Of course, pain doesn't help ... only when all is as bad as can be, she'll succumb to taking something... it's always something over-the-counter like a generic brand equal to one of the other medicines.
She worries about having extra damage done internally from taking over-the-counter drugs, such as liver or kidney damage. She doesn't need anymore complications in her health... she's been through too much.
This morning ... Granny Gee is in pain, 'extra' pain combined with the 'always' pain. Mind you, she isn't complaining one bit... when she speaks out, it just means it's become alittle more overwhelming... enough for her to speak out to say... 'I'm hurting.. alot'.... it does mean she is 'living alot', too. :)))
Today is one of those 'extra' pain days combined with the 'always' pain... today Granny Gee is reminded strongly of how she lives with pain as her constant companion.... one that no one can see... but, she feels at all times.
Today is an 'extra' pain on top of 'always' pain............................................... I'm still smiling... though! :))) I welcome you 'pain'.......... you mean that I'm still alive!
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)