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Friday, October 19, 2012
Forever Places In My Heart... Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Forever Places In My Heart... Actions Speak Louder Than Words
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Skip is resting comfortably at this time... the pain is at bay. He is in the 'waiting mode'... waiting for the 'passing'.... of a kidney stone.
He isn't in discomfort at this time. If he does begin to experience discomfort... I will go on 'high alert'... I will take him back to Rex Hospital.
The Pups are calm, they are laying close by. They know 'their Skip isn't suffering at this moment'... they can rest, they can relax.
When Skip isn't well, they become very agitated... Kissy begins pacing, he begins 'hunting' for something imaginary as he walks the floor. He'll run to to Skip, jump up on the couch to lay beside him after.....
He gets comfortable. Kissy goes through a routine to get comfortable... it can be painful to us sometimes, :))). He will step on us with all his muscular weight, he will lay down on top of us as he tries to find a comfortable spot.
For now, Skip is weak... and has to protect himself. Kissy will lay down at his feet.... after he walks on Skip. I have to help him to be gentle for now. Kissy is still a puppy.... he is a giant puppy though!
Chadwick will raise up to look Skip in the face to give him the most gentle kisses one could possibly get in this life. His heart shows in his soft, brown eyes .... he wants his Skip to be alright.
For a moment I stopped.... I am hearing the special tones of my wind chimes as the wind flows through them to make them ring. How so beautiful. I can even hear the sound of the wind. I look out to appreciate the sunlight. What a beautiful day! I haven't noticed them lately... I've been afraid, I've been so worried. My world has been upside down.
I turn in my desk chair, look around the living room... I see my whole world in front of my eyes. I just felt a part of my world tug at me.... it was Chadwick with his soft, brown eyes come to take his paw to touch me. He likes to be reassured.
For the moment I feel at peace with the world, the first moment since two weeks ago when Skip became very ill. I've lived in fear, truthfully. I sat here trying to think of 'something prettier' to call it..... I'll just tell you like it's been. I've been very afraid for Skip.
Today... he is so much better from the other things... but, he still has the kidney stone that can/will act up anytime. He has to get this behind him... he'll feel like a new man.
For two years, we've learned that Skip has been on medicines that 'were bad for him'....... could be good for someone else... but, not him. The medicines are responsible for him getting in the condition he was in, making him very ill.
I'm happy to say that now.... with the doctors he has, the medical treatment he has received.... I can see, I can feel he's going to be alright.
Don't worry... I 'am' keeping a very close eye on him. I know you do, too.... when it's in your very immediate world... your loved ones.
I think we all are guardian angels when it comes to our loved ones... we go into a mode where we'll protect, defend, care for them when they are at their weakest. I will fight for my world, I will protect to the best of my ability. I know you will, too.
I've learned several things since Skip has been sick.... I've learned that Tommy was 'always there' to help us if we needed him.... we helped him if he needed it.
I miss Tommy, I have no one 'there' now... that I can go to in private to ask for help. Tommy, Skip and I could do that 'knowing' everything was going to be alright when we needed money, we needed anything when we were at our weakest.... and we didn't want the 'world' to know. I miss my son with my heart.
This is the first time since Tommy has been gone that a crisis has happened... it truly brought home how alone I am in this world if I didn't have Skip and our Pups. That's quite a thing to realize, it almost takes my breath away.
I have to take care of Skip, our Pups... my whole being loves them. They are 'why' I made it through losing Tommy... they wouldn't let go of me. I surely would have died if they had let me slip away into where I was at in my mind.
I had no feelings left to care if I lived or died. I didn't ... feel at all. Everything went away leaving me in the darkest of dark... I've never experienced darkness like that.
My sunshine, my life... my world.... I can look around and see what makes it up at this very moment. How thankful, how fortunate I am to have them.
Maybe that's why the windchimes are ringing, the sun is shining, I'm feeling peace at this moment... I am sitting here appreciating, and thinking how thankful, grateful I am. I can never-ever take anything for granted.... I've lost too much in this world... I've learned that in the most painful ways.
I was going to write a humorous story today but, this is what I ended up doing. I'm just writing from my heart... no funny, silly things. I was going to write about 'no, he's not having a baby'... and the funny things that is said about having kidney stones. I just know I could write a hilarious story... but, for now, I can't.
Life's too serious... too real for now. I couldn't be funny now, if I wanted to be.... it would be a 'put on'. Maybe later.
Oh... I learned something new during this time... we have several people whom I call real friends now. They have been there this whole time. Calling everyday, wanting to know if I got home from the hospital safely.... they all have a place in my heart ...forever.
Ms Nancy... you all know Ms Nancy has always been there for me. I am for her. She's been there for me all this time. You've always had a 'forever place' in my heart, Ms Nancy.
Facebook friends, family... my readers, my friends on my blogs... you've all been there... you all have 'forever places' in my heart. You all mean the world to me.
There was an instance I was given a little money to make sure I had gas to take Skip back to the hospital if/when I need to. I will never forget that... never. I'm no one to that person... only a real friend... if he ever needed us... we will always be there for him. He made a place in my heart... forever.
Actually, now that I think about it......... I haven't been alone at all... only in my ... mind. Being so private has its drawbacks at times like these... I've never known how to say 'help me'... 'I need something'... I've always went without ... I never wanted to take something someone else might need for themselves.
It would hurt my heart to know someone did without to give to me. I learned this living as a little girl at Grandma Alma, and George's. If I ask for help... I really am desperate.
One of the things that taught me this is when I drank some of the milk that was for my Grandma Alma.. later someone else came behind me who was a child, also.... and drank it all up. I was blamed for it....
George was so upset that my Grandma Alma didn't have milk (she was sick, paralyzed).... I learned not to 'see milk' in the refrigerator over time.
Skip is amazed that I never see milk in our refrigerator now. I never drank milk unless 'reminded'. It's like alcohol, I don't drink..... so, I would never miss it for the rest of my life.... I would never miss ... milk.
Our Pups were here, our special neighbors who are our friends were here... they watched out for me. You know they made a forever place in my heart.
I keep in my mind someone who came to the hospital to see Skip.... I was amazed to see him when he just appeared at the door to Skip's hospital room.
I smiled, felt such caring toward him as I invited him in. He came to see Skip. I remember looking at him and saying "I'm so glad you came to see Skip". Do you know what he said to me?
He said, "actions speak louder than words'. At that very moment, he made his place in my heart... forever.