Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Monday, November 5, 2012
The Pain Really Hurts...
The Pain Really Hurts...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Today has been a strange day... it's been sort of a 'Tommy Day'. I had thoughts of Tommy when he smiled... in my mind I could see how his blue-green eyes would soften, shine with laughter.
I just let my mind see his face... his eyes could widen in unexpected surprise that someone could say something so funny to make him laugh. Skip was so good at doing that... Tommy loved Skip with his heart. He would use some of Skip's jokes to make people laugh.
To meet Tommy, one would see a tall guy (6 ft. 3 in.)... with a very muscular build, and the best posture a guy could have. Tommy made a good impression on men, women alike. Women really liked Tommy... even when he was very young... older girls liked him.
Tommy was a very thoughtful, caring person. He would help someone in a minute, give someone the shirt off his back if they needed it. He also, took up for the 'underdog'. Not only that, Tommy was very protective of those he loved... he would walk through 'hell' for them.
My son... my precious son. How I miss him with my very heart. The holidays are just around the corner... we won't be having family for Thanksgiving, Christmas... he's gone. Tommy is gone, Tommy died. My only child has gone from my life.
The pain that I feel at this moment... oh God. So much that it over-spills from my eyes in tears. I've been thinking about Tommy all day. I just had to tell you.
I just had to write the pain out in words... I just wonder if somehow Tommy can know the grief in my heart... I just wonder if he knows I miss him so badly?
I was thinking today of how I used to tell him often how much his mother loved him with her very heart. I always told him, you know.
I would tell him that he never-ever had to wonder as I always did ... if his mother loved him. I would tell him 'you know your mama loves you, son'.... I just saw his gentle smile in my mind when I typed those words.
I'm going to bed now, I may cry silently ... cry myself to sleep. The pain really hurts. Thank you all for being 'there', you mean the world to me. Love, Granny Gee/Gloria