Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Friday, June 21, 2013
Another Imaginary Walk On The Sand By The Ocean...
Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.... I loved doing this piece of artwork... I painted, cut out pieces of artwork I had already painted, drawn... put together.
Another Imaginary Walk On The Sand By The Ocean...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Aka Granny Gee
I walk in the soft sand, happy to be at the ocean
The wind blows my hair away from my face
Tendrils tickle my cheeks, I push them away
My long, flowing skirt billows out like a ship's sail
Hugging my legs, defining their shape
Beautiful, soft, pink material caresses my skin
I close my eyes, inhale deeply... listen to the sounds of the sea
Sea gulls sing their songs... the sound of waves join in
Making the most beautiful music to my ears
I stop to feel the wind blowing, play, tug at me
Sleep... how I would love to lay on a soft bed that sits on the sand
On white, silken sheets... fluffy pillows to lay my head on
I feel I could find peace of mind, my soul be soothed by
Sand, sea, songs sung by the sea gulls, blended waves...
I'm sad, I feel bittersweet... gray
My colors aren't bright at the moment, I'm the color of sand
Blue as the sky... you know my son died on the beach
Listening to the sounds his mother hears on her walk
I wonder if he lay facing the sky as his spirit left his body
Looking past the sun to Heaven, with a far away look in his eyes
I don't know this, I just try to 'feel' my son's last moments
These are secret thoughts no one knows I think about
Thoughts I share with no one; thoughts that come to my mind
Thoughts that haunt, hurt me deep inside in a 'deep-quiet' way
I try to imagine his last moments as I take my imaginary walk by the sea
In my mind, I am walking, seeing a tall, muscular, handsome guy
He's running, laughing with a little boy who looks just like him
I stop for a moment to watch... both are blonde-headed, blue-eyed
I reach out to touch them... they don't know I'm there
They continue to run, play, squeal with delight, play by the ocean
I begin to walk, but... stop again, look back... I see the big guy
Has collapsed to the sand... I feel alarm as I watch, hear
The little guy say, 'daddy, get up... come play with me'!
I walk closer to both of them... no one knows I'm there
I kneel there on the sand, lean over to look into my son's face
Calling his name, trying to wake him up; he doesn't hear me
I hold his head in my lap, my tears fall onto his face
I reach out, pull my little grandson close to me
I feel his fear of not knowing, understanding that something's wrong
People appear, reach through me to speak to my son, shake him
Someone's gentle hand reaches out to my grandson to comfort him
I stand to the side to watch... I'm not really here
I'm in my mind as I take my imaginary walk to that fateful day
The day my son died, my grandson lost his daddy... his life changed
I walked there trying to see my son's last moments, as I've done so many times
My mind becomes so weary with the load of pain, grief I carry
In my mind, heart, a heavy load... I imagine a bed with silken sheets
Sitting on the sand, big... fluffy pillows to lay my head on
As I end my imaginary walk, I am closing my eyes as my head snuggles into a pillow
Tears fall on the silken pillow case, feeling cool to my skin
I fall asleep to the music of the sea gulls, waves washing to shore
I imagine as I fall asleep, that my son's death was as gentle as this
I imagine he didn't feel any pain, felt at peace just as I do
Lying here on my bed by the sea, feeling the ocean breeze caress my skin
I'm too weary to cry anymore, tears still fall on their own
How many times have I been here to seek peace of mind
Going into myself, taking my imaginary walk by the ocean
Trying to see, sense... know that my son didn't suffer
When his body collapsed, falling onto the sand
Please Lord, I hope he didn't feel any pain... fear
Thank-you, for having your angels nearby to come, protect
The little boy who stood there, not knowing yet... his life changed
Forever... only knowing his daddy lay there, when he wanted him to play
My prayers for this little boy, my precious grandson
Is that he grows up knowing he was the apple of his daddy's eye
No one could have been prouder of him... than his daddy was
Grow up, be ready for the world... he is someone special
I can see, sense it even now... big personality, confidence, laughter
Sense of humor in his eyes... that's my son's son... Big Daddy's Boy
I'm going to close my eyes in my mind, I've completed once again
Another imaginary walk on the sand by the ocean, I'm so weary
I lay my head down on my fluffy pillow, I've found peace of mind
So many times I do this... I used to cry all the time. I'm too weary to cry now. Tears fall, my sobs are silent now... I go to this place in my mind now... to seek peace of mind.
Even in my mind, in my imagination... I'm so weary that I imagine the bed on the sand, so... I can rest my mind, my body... my very soul.
Tommy... my son, died May 29, 2010... running, playing, laughing with his little 3 year old son... listening to sea gulls sing, the waves rushing up to the shore... at Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
He was so happy to be at the beach to play for his first time with his little son. The evening before, he stopped me as we were walking out of our home... he grinned, said... "Mama, I'm going to get to play with my son for the first time at the ocean!" He barely made it there... just in time. He safely arrived there... only to leave again on a... trip he can never come back from.
I never forgot that moment when he told me, his eyes sparkling with excitement... I never forgot my son... I will always write to remember my only child, Tommy. I hope you will remember him, too.
If you want me to remember your child, tell me... I won't forget them. If you want to tell me their name, date of birth, day they passed away... I will put them on my blog, to remember them always. You might want to add one special thing about them.
Love, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee