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grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Everything A Child Does Is Right... Until He Knows It's Wrong
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
She lay there on the ground. Her skin felt as if she'd been beaten. Felt like hands, fingers had pressed too hard into her skin. Pain... she couldn't breathe; she felt faint. Her hair had been pulled; her scalp burned.
She struggled to get to her feet. She didn't know she was crying; but... she did know she was mad. Mad at the son of b____ for doing that to her. She'd fix their asses.
The anger began to disappear; when it did, her heart began to hurt. Why, why did they do that to her?! Why?! She began to visualize in her young mind what they did to her... tears fell harder from her eyes. Angry tears, tears of pain. They hurt her! They were going to pay!
She lay on the ground, her arms and legs were trapped. Her two best friends held her down. One friend, who was a very young girl, held her arms. The other friend, a young boy, held her legs apart. Someone had pulled her dress up over her hips... and... she could feel the wind on her naked skin. No! No! No! They could... see her down there!
She struggled, fighting to free herself. She'd kill them when she got her hands on them. She felt the pure, white fire of hate flow through her body... someone was going to get hurt when she got loose.
They were holding her down so, another boy could get on top of her. As he began to cover her body, she began screaming. She screamed as loud as she could. No one could shut her up... her cousins let go of her arms, legs. They jumped up, stepped back... eyes wide in shock. They had never expected such a reaction... hell was in the young girl's eyes... somebody was going to die.
The young girl began getting up, trying to cover her nakedness. She was so angry, ashamed. The boy had seen her naked, he was going to.... She was pissed off; they were going to be sorry they hurt her!
Tears flowed down her cheeks. Oh God, please help me! She got to her feet, glaring angrily at her friends. How could they do this to me, she thought. Just how could they? She loved, trusted them so much ... now, they had almost helped her to be ...... what was the boy going to do to her? She didn't know the words for it... only that he was going 'to do it'...
All four young children stood there in silence, looking at each other. Neither one of them were over the age of thirteen, if that. She could see their faces... her face began to contort in pain with the new knowledge that her two friends, whom she loved dearly... would have let that boy do that to her. Her heart hurt, knowing they would hurt her like that.
The girl hung her head down, her skin stung from being held down on the ground... their hands hurting her. The boy looked at her, said he was sorry. That was the last time she ever spoke to him. She saw him almost every day... he was in her class at school. She quit looking at him.
Just three days before her friends held her down, she'd been climbing up a fence post... the boy had been nearby... he came over, began looking up her dress. She hurt her stomach, inside of her legs trying to slide down to keep him from looking up her dress.
She looked at each friend, saying ... "I hate you! I hate you"! She walked off, knowing she didn't hate them... she was hurting because they betrayed, hurt her. They were going to let the boy do 'that' to her... while they held her down. She didn't even try to kill them for hurting her... the anger melted away like ice does in hot tea. All she felt was pain, shame.
No one ever spoke about what happened, not once through time. The older woman still thinks about it periodically... she forgave them, then. She never went through life hating, or remembering what they did. There, in Hell... many things she didn't understand, happened. It was just one of those things... that 'just was'...
Looking back with sadness... she knows probably the little boy didn't know any better either... children 'just do'. Unless a child is aware of right, wrong... everything he/she does is right until... someone lets them know... it's wrong.