By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
This is the only Christmas tree we put up after Tommy died... I never knew Christmas would become important again in my life.... well... this year I put the big tree up for the first time... it only has lights on it because... I'd given all our decorations away. I knew I'd never use them again.... now... we have to begin accumulating Christmas tree decorations all over again. :)))
Through time, we will... the lights are what make me happy to see... so, it's alright. I may just get a big bow with long streamers... place it at the top. :))) Christmas has come back alive for me... for us. I love the sounds, excitement listening, watching others as they go about their ways to plan their Christmases.... this is the first time since Tommy's been gone, I've felt this way.
Many years ago, we had opportunity to go by, see my little brother... his young family. No one in my family was very close... but, it didn't alter the fact, that I ... loved them. I always wished for closeness of a 'family'... for me, I have never known such in my entire life. I've almost... and it would be like a dream.. and go away. I learned never to take anything for granted... because... honestly, you really can't.
What you have now... might not be here... tomorrow. I treasure what I have now... because I've lost everything in my life at one time or other... never 'expecting it to be gone... tomorrow'.
I've lost almost every member of my 'family'... I know the grief, pain of losing a mother, brother, and every family member. I've lost many pets... we lost our home to a house fire... I almost lost my husband several times due to wrecks ( both times he was hit by a woman).... and he had colon cancer. Not only that... I've 'lost myself' not one time... but, more than several times in my life. I'm a cancer survivor (non-Hodgkins lymphoma), I survived going into congestive heart failure... and other things I won't mention... until one day when I write about them.
I lost my son, my only child... this was the worst thing to happen in my whole life... I almost didn't... survive this. Truthfully... if it hadn't been for Skip... my husband, soul mate, hero, best friend... I would have never been here now. You see... the moment I found out my son was dead... my life stopped. I died at that very moment. No one could have killed me 'then'... I'd never known it... I was dead. I would have just smiled at them, I'm sure.
The good thing is... I made it back to ... Life. I write to remember Tommy... I won't let him ever be forgotten. I write my life/colors so, I won't be forgotten.... for two little children I'll never know in my lifetime... because of one of the mother's dishonesty to the other mother. I can't know one grandchild... and know the other at the same time... one mother doesn't want me to talk to the other... she'll find out that she's been lied to.
It's just an unfortunate, sad situation... where a big sum of life insurance money was 'partied away' when it should have been divided between 4 parties. I won't know my grandchildren because of mistakes, lies one mother has to tell to cover herself... and for children to learn what she did with... their money. I've accepted that... I know young people make bad mistakes. I'm sad... that I can never know my son's children.
They look 'just like him'... it would have been exciting, wonderful to watch them as they become adults... to 'see my son' in them as they grew up. I have their mothers... to always remember for this. I'm sure this will come back to 'bite them in the ass' one day... it'd be fair if it did. I don't hate them, I still love both.
Don't feel bad for me... I've come through Hell my whole life... I'm used to having to cope, accept things I can't change. Life has been that way... I still go ... forward. I almost didn't this time... but, everything's going to be alright. I can... now.
My story today wasn't about the above... though I did let it flow through my fingertips to my keyboard.... it's here now. :)))) What I wanted to tell you is about the time my young brother had his first Christmas tree. He had just married, and was so naïve. They had Christmas, and afterwards he had planted his Christmas tree, so, it wouldn't be wasted. That was his plan from the beginning... have Christmas...plant the tree.
We went to visit him... he had 'planted' his Christmas tree in his yard. It'd been planted for a month, or so.... but, it appeared to be dying. We walked around it, looking at it. I asked him did he dig the hole deep enough. Yes, he'd dug it deep enough. Skip asked him if he'd been watering it..... yes, he'd been watering the tree.
We all stood around it, talking about things... catching up on things. A thought came to my mind... I asked him where did he get his Christmas tree. He named off a Christmas tree vendor he'd gotten it from. I knew of them... and my mind kept trying to think of something.... something that kept trying to surface. All of a sudden, I asked him... did your tree have roots on it?
No, he said... it didn't have roots, but.... that didn't make any difference because.... everyone knows 'when you plant something'... it's supposed to grow! Needless to say... I was almost to my knees from laughing so hard... I couldn't speak for laughing. He stood there.... after several minutes (that's why I couldn't stop laughing.... it took him several minutes to become aware).... he began to laugh.
He, Skip and I had the best laugh. It was a 'good laugh', not one to hurt. My brother .... pulled that tree up... not by the roots, either! :))) Now, he knew 'why' that Christmas tree wouldn't grow!