Sunday, January 5, 2014

Saying Goodbye To The Past... Including People

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee... Summer of 2013

Saying Goodbye To The Past... Including People
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

The year 2013 has brought closure to many things
Things held onto from the past... things hard to let go of

Time comes one day to let go... of things, people
It's not that you hate anything... you untie the invisible cord

Invisible cord from something inside you wanting to hold on
The more you hold onto things, people

The more cluttered your life... mind becomes
Until you sit, hold your head... needing space in place of clutter

Clutter being feelings that belong in the past
It isn't easy to sever the cord... let it all float away

Let things float away to new owners... another man's trash
Is another man's ... treasure

Let people float away to live their life without you
Without them... being connected when it's not good to be

No hate, hard feelings... let go, let go
The relief inside will be like no relief you've ever known

Take a deep breath, feel it relaxing your whole body
Now... you can look around, see

See all around you... no clutter, no pain
From things, people you've held onto from the past

Held onto... wishing, hoping in vain
Never in this world can they be a real part of your life

No matter how long you hold onto them
Wish them well... let them be free... you be free

To live without judging them... them judging you
Go in peace... everyone live their life

Let 'things' go to people who'll appreciate having them
Yes, another man's trash really is... someone else's treasure

Sure, there will be tears... hard feelings along the way
Letting go of the past... is never easy

One wonders if they made the right decision
Who knows if it is or not... we never know until... we let go

In my life, I face reality... know that I'm not important to anyone
Outside my small world... the truth is the truth

I accept that... the things, people I have let go of in 2013
Will be happier to have new homes, places... to go to in peace

I wish only good things to follow them, I smile as I see
In my mind... probably how glad they are, just as I am

To take a deep breath of relief... no strings, no commitments
No one has to pretend anymore to be what they aren't

It's easier to let go of people who are like glass
Like glass... so, easy to see through

They resent, become afraid when one can expose them
While they live in a fantasy world they build... a rock can bring it all down

Don't live in glass houses, everyone can see... know
You aren't what you claim to be...

In real life though... who cares, when you go on to be a good person
Who cares?  The world needs bad people who become good people

They've been there, come back... they are the backbone of the world
Some only visit 'there'... run away back to the real world to be good

These are your real people... they know what life's all about
You can't fool them.... they can see you, know what you really are

They have seen it all... heard it all
The only thing is... no one wants to listen to them, to learn... to keep from making the same mistakes

So, it's time to let them go their own way... let relationships go... that can never be
No need to waste time when you can very well see... it's like sitting, spinning your wheels in the mud

I am not going to be stuck in a quagmire any longer
I've let go... said goodbye to the past... including people

Author's Note:

I have done as I wrote... let go of material things I've tried to hold onto... gave away to a young family to help them.  I need money... but, I gave instead of trying to sell.  I'm not looking back...

I've also, let go of 'family' members whom I am better at loving from a distance... instead of in my immediate life.  It's not that I don't love them... but, through time ... I've never known them, nor communicated with them.  I do care... there's an invisible wall there, one can't see.  It was there ... before I was born.

For a short time in the last couple of years, our lives touched... for a short time, it was wonderful.

One could pretend, feel how wonderful it would be to have 'real family'... there's no feeling like it in the world.  The strange thing is... as quickly as it happened... it was gone.

No fault of the other... we are like that... it's like a plant that has shallow roots.  It can only grow into the ground so far... some can be dug up easily.  The plant... dies.

Maybe it's me... how I've been affected through time... I used to want 'family' with my very heart through time.  Maybe it's me... I'm like that plant that has shallow roots... I'm easily 'dug up'... I don't feel the same way, anymore.  Maybe... it isn't just me...

Just maybe, now... in my 'old' life... I can't develop ties with 'family' now.  I only know in my life, it isn't possible... maybe in another lifetime.  In this life, if it didn't happen 'before' this time in my life... it can't ever happen ... never.

I've gotten past the pain of realizing this... I don't want it to hurt another person at all... though, I know it does.  It also, angers some.  I can only say I've never meant to cause pain, anger.  I'm being real.

Maybe, I'm really a bad person who just thinks I'm a good person.  Here, I am... letting go of things, people that cause me pain, grief ...I can't keep on stressing over.  I don't want to be a bad person at all.

Maybe...  I'm the one I keep writing about from time to time.  Maybe, I'm the one who can't form attachments to people, things at this point in my life.  I wonder if it means I'm just an awful, awful person?

I thought about all of this... I could be onto something here.  I know that I can't get close to anyone other... than the very few people in my life.  I can't bear to care about, love ... any extra people in my life.  Look at how many I have lost in my life that I truly cared about... I can't bear the grief, pain.

I only hope, pray... I won't lose any of my closest people, Pups...  I have in my life that I can count on both hands.  I've known pain, grief my whole life.... after losing my son... I almost didn't make it this far.  I died with him... for two years I just as well have been dead... I didn't know, nor care if I was alive.

Now... I don't want 'more people' to lose... to have to feel that pain.  I don't know if I can 'bear more'...

This is my way of thinking... I share it with the whole world.  It's something to think about.  Maybe ... there are others who can understand, go through the same thing.  Maybe ... I'm the only one who thinks like this.

This is my way of... protecting myself.  We all do that in one way, or the other.  Self-preservation.... I'm all I've got.  Now, I want to live forever... I would like to know life without pain, grief now.

I'm wondering what you think, feel?  Am I a bad person for thinking like this?  I always try to be a good person... I've been through 'all my bad'... I try to be as good as possible... though, I'm just not perfect... no matter how good I try to be.

I've enjoyed talking to you.  I look forward to hearing what you have to say.  :)))  I'm a good listener, also.  :)))  Gloria

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1 comment:

  1. I will never ever believe you have a bad bone in your body!! You do have to protect yourself. We are all like that at some time or another in our lives. I have never lost a child so I can't say how that feels----I can only be there for you when you need me to help comfort you. I understand about having to let go of things or people----even family memebers you want to love but have to do from afar. Hopefully 2014 will be a wonderful year for us all!! Love, Ms. Nancy