Friday, February 28, 2014

I Love My Fresh ... Happy Toes!

I Love My Fresh...  Happy Toes!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

A quick, silly doodle to show 'my happy toes'!  By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Okay... now, I'm going to tell you something I just love to do during... after my shower.  I can imagine the images this creates in your mind.  Stop it!  I don't write things to be ... ugly, or dirty.  Any 'bad' words I use ... aren't really 'bad'... at all.  :)))

You all know that this girl loves her wonderful showers.  Oh my!  I love the warm water... but, what I love best is the... warm, sudsy water!  The wonderful scent of special soaps, body washes I use.

You might say I'm in a ... 'perfumed heaven'.  I close my eyes, and just smell the beautiful scent... I think of what I want to write next.  I think of wonderful things I'd love to see happen to us... to everyone... you.  I think of our precious Pups.  This is good thinking time.

Okay... I'm going to tell you what I 'pure love' to do.  Skip likes to tease me, say I have a fetish.  Not true at all... it is what helps to make me feel so clean, fresh all day.  Just the feeling of doing it... is 'pure' wonderful!

I love to take my nail brush to scrub each toe.... have each very sudsy!  Then, rinse all my toes off in the water as it falls from the shower head.  That feels so good!  Now... this isn't all of it!  This is just the... beginning.

I know now, you are thinking... what else is there left to do?  Well, it's the most important part to me.  I love to take each foot, prop it on the side of the tub... take my fluffy, fresh towel... and..............

Close my eyes, and dry each toe off... then, all my toes at one time!  I can't tell you how fresh, clean... it feels to know my toes are so ... wonderful clean, dry!  When I wiggle each toe, all my toes... they are so... happy!  Oh!  Such a wonderful feeling!

This is what I 'pure love' to do... during, after my showers to wake me up, feel fresh all day!

I love my fresh ...  happy toes!
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Thursday, February 27, 2014

A Rabid Fox Attacked Me!

A Rabid Fox Attacked Me!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.... 2013

I became aware of standing on the side of the road.   Where was I?  I turned to look around me... it seemed I was in a curve on a country highway... fog was clouding the air making it hard for me to see around me.

I sensed motion behind me... some kind of animal came running up to me.  It startled em, I began to run.  My feet became entangled in something.  I looked down... oh my God.  It was a big deer leg... it was in between my feet, threatening to throw me down to the ground.

Someone had struck a deer, and it lay on the side of the road.  I didn't remember seeing it when I began to run.  Somehow, I made it across the deer carcass in my path.  I saw the shape of something running toward me in the fog!

What was it?  A dog?  No, a fox!  It ran straight up to me trying to get near me.  Something wasn't right about it... foxes run away when they see someone... not run up to them!  I saw white foam around its mouth.  It was rabid!

I took my coat off... placed it in front of me, used it to head the fox off.  The fox wouldn't give up, it kept coming for me.  I spun around in circles trying to fight it off... what was I going to do!

It came for my face, and I began fighting for my life.  The last thing I remember was striking it with my bare hand!  Oh, the pain shot up through my arm like a bullet fired from a gun!

I jumped up, looked around me.  I felt my hand... it still stung from striking the fox.  I felt my thumb, my index, and middle fingers... they really hurt!

I looked to the bed where I had laid sleeping.  I saw what made me dream of being entangled in the legs of the deer.

Little Camie, our female Pup... had been laying on my legs.  Kissy, our Rottie, lay with his feet against my back.  He kicked out a couple of times as he slept.  I knew that he must have been kicking me in the back... as I slept!

I was glad to be awake!  I was surely going to lose that battle with a rabid fox!  My hand hurt from hitting the nightstand, as I fought for my life.  I can't believe I did that.  I've never done that before!  I was fighting like hell!  I was prepared to fight that rabid fox to the death!

NOTE by this author:

I woke up fighting for my life this morning.  I struck my hand on the nightstand as I was prepared to fight to the death when the fox leapt for me.

So... now, I know if a rabid fox attacked me... it's going to have 'one helluva a fight' on its hands...

I remembered thinking I didn't want to hurt an animal... I love animals.  But, when it came to survival... I was going to fight to the death... I wanted to live.  :))))

This was a dream!  :)))  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

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Wednesday, February 26, 2014

CAMIE'S ANGEL ... My 3rd Published Book

CAMIE'S ANGEL    ... My 3rd Published Book
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

The photo above is Camie in her 'Cozy House' I made for her.  She was very sick with demodectic mange... my new book is about her... and her angel... the angels who followed behind her.

I want to share my happy news with all of my friends here, that I've met on Bubblews!

My book is ready to be sold, today.  I'm not trying to sell it here... I just want to share something that has made me so happy today!  :)))

It's already an e-book on Amazon Kindle.  Below... tells about my book...

When it's ready to be sold on, here is the link on my Amazon Author's Page:

The e-book version went live on Amazon Kindle on Febrary 24, 2014, already.  :))))

I will post more about my book, later.  You can see the real Camie Pup on her own Facebook at:

Come be her friend... I update daily on her Facebook page.  :)))  Also, put photos on of her, her brother Kissy Fairchild, and Sweet Chadwick Elsworth.

Below is what I received this morning in an email... after resubmitting my work this week to get things right.  Finally!  Now, I can relax.  :)))  I'm so happy about this book... it's my 3rd published book.

(I am an unknown author... not famous... I'm known only to myself and the ones who know me.  I'm just proud to have 3 books in print... to be here one day for my grandchildren 'to find' me.  No one else will be here to tell them about me, or ... their father... Tommy).

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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Wouldn't You Want To Die A Beautiful Death?

Wouldn't You Want To Die A Beautiful Death?
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee... 2012

I hope when I die... it will be beautiful.  Do you know when many 'bad' things happen in your life... you always worry about the loved ones you have left.  At least, with me... it's this way.  I have my husband, three Pups... they are my whole world.  I couldn't bear to lose anymore of 'my world'.

I think about any, everything.  So, if I mention death when I write... don't think I'm depressed, or going to pieces.  Death... like life is something we all think about.  We live... we die.  Simple as that.

Or... is it 'simple as that'?  I personally don't think so.  Life is complex.  We are always weaving stories into the fabric of our lives.  No matter how we weave our lives... long or short... we will come to the end.

No matter how many miles we drive, fly, walk... run... we will come to ... the end.  You can take all the twists, turns... go uphill, downhill... you can't get lost from... dying.  We all have to do it... one day... one night.

At this moment... when I speak of Death... I speak of it in a tone of .... wonderment, awe.... amazed that no matter what... we all have to do it.

I think... okay, if so and so, has already died... and if 'they' can do it.... I should be able to do it... too.  You see, I'm afraid of dying... that's why I'm going to put it off as long as I can.  Yes, I know that I'm no better than anyone else... to die.  Don't worry... there's no way I can get out of it... neither, can you.

No matter how I don't want to do it... one day I'll have to.  It doesn't matter how big, bad, strong... mean... you are... guess what?  You are going to die, too.  You can't control that.

We all hope to die beautifully... peacefully... painlessly when that time comes.  Right?  I hope to.

I think about my only child, my son... Tommy.  When he died, he died in the blink of an eye.  I've sat, thought about this so, so many times since May 29, 2010... he died ... beautifully.

When he first died, of course I didn't think about such.  When a mother loses her child... oh my!  I can only speak for myself...

I look back, and it affects me now.  I was sucked into the darkness of grief... I didn't think ... I couldn't.  I had ... become 'darkness'... I couldn't find myself for two-three years.  I won't go into that part... my story for now... is the 'beautiful part of dying'.

Tommy died walking, running, playing... squealing with his little three year old son... by the ocean.  They both would run up to the waves... let the waves kiss their toes.  I can see, hear them in my mind... feel the awe, wonder of a little three year old child.

I can picture Tommy looking down at his little son with such pride, joy.... see that special, soft smile in his eyes... on his face as he watched his son's amazement at how big the ocean was... how the waves came up to chase him back.

All the while they ran, played... they heard the music of seagulls flying overhead... the waves joining in like drums in a band.  The wind caressing their skin like silky fingers... soft, gentle.

This is the part I wonder about... did Tommy 'know, suspect' that in a few minutes... he would have to leave his son behind... die?  I wonder if he had any inkling at all?

I let myself think 'just a little more in depth', now.... about this part of his death.  If he had two blockages in his heart... he wouldn't have known, felt anything... maybe it happened in a blink of the eye.

I do know what the last sounds he heard was... the sounds of the seagulls, waves coming in to shore... the sounds of a happy, excited little boy... probably as he died ... he was smiling at him, love shining from his heart.  I'm sure there was a special light in his eyes, reflecting a father's love for his child.

I feel invisible hands helped his body lay on the sand... took his soul by the hand... soared above to look down, to watch his little son... until the only people out on the beach that evening... saw what had happened.

They came running to help... When the angels, and Tommy saw his son was safe... they soared high above the ocean, free as the wind to the music of the seagulls singing, 'Tommy, come home... Tommy, come home'.

You see... this is how I think about the 'beautiful' part of dying.  We all should hope to ... die this way.  Yes, I know from personal experience... it doesn't lessen the pain, grief of losing our loved ones.

It does... over time, make the ones left behind... feel comforted.  I mean, who wouldn't want their loves one to die in a 'good' way... a 'beautiful' way?  Don't you agree?

Wouldn't you want to die a beautiful... death?

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Monday, February 24, 2014

CAMIE'S ANGEL... My New Book

CAMIE'S ANGEL...  My New Book!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Today, something special happened... my new book went live on Amazon Kindle.  Not only that... it will be ready to be a published book in the next several days.

I've been very excited.  This is my 3rd published book... and I'm working on other things.

I wanted to share my happy news with everyone.  I'm not trying to sell it ... I just wanted to tell you about it.  You can go to my Facebook page at... to see it, if you are interested.  If you want to send a friend request, I will accept you.  :)))

Also, Camie's Angel... is about the little puppy I rescued from certain death on July 04, 2013.  The book is about her... and her angel who made it possible for her to get medical care here in the United States... she lives on the Gold Coast in Australia.  She is Camie's Angel... later, other angels came along to help Camie.

Camie had the worst case of demodectic mange her vet had ever seen.  One can't just treat it... only real medicine from the vet can help it get better.

My book tells her story of being rescued... she was left to die alone, on the cold... wet ground.  No one wanted her when her skin lost all its hair... oozed with clear liquid, blood.

Camie's Facebook page is: ...  If you send a friend request, and want to be her friend... I will accept it.  I update it almost every day.

I will be posting progress of all on both Facebook pages.  If for some reason I'm not here, and you want to find me... come to Facebook.  :)))

I'm looking forward to my published book, now.  It is 62 pages, I think... so, it won't take forever to read.  :)))  I think most people love to read 'short' things... these days.

Goodnight ... everyone.  Gloria

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Red-eyed Hellion!

Red-eyed Hellion!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I lose my temper... something I don't like to admit.  But, like I said... I'm not perfect.  I know you aren't either.  You will probably... well, I'm sure you'll say you have lost your temper, also.

It's not a good quality to be quick to anger.  I got it honestly.  I grew up in an environment where it was perfectly normal... to raise hell.  I grew up in Hell...  'I know all the ropes'...

All through the years, I've tried to harness in my temper.  I've done pretty good in controlling it... though, ever so often... I lose it.

I have a fiery temper... and when I lose it... I don't get over it easily.  I'm mad for a time... it takes time for me to cool down.  Most of the time, I don't raise my voice... I'm very quiet... almost 'too' quiet.

When I begin grinning, smiling sweetly... that's not a good thing.  I don't like to be ... 'that' mad.  I learned that from my mother... family as a child.  When they began smiling, grinning... I knew instinctively that 'it was time to get out of Dodge'.  :)))

Most of the time, when I get mad... Skip will say some just completely 'off the wall' thing... I will begin laughing, forgetting I was ever mad.

Skip says he's never seen another person in his life get mad like I do.  He describes it like this... "your eyes turn completely red like fire... I've never seen anyone do that in my life"!

I've seen only one person's eyes do that, myself.  When I lived with my Grandma Alma in Hell... when she got mad... oh, my!

Her eyes turned completely red... and I thought she was possessed by a demon.  When she wasn't mad... I would think it was my imagination!

I would think it is the reflection of the 'hell' in me.  No matter how good I am, try to be.  I was born with hell in me... I was raised to 'raise hell'.  You wouldn't believe it if you knew me... I live a very quiet life.  :))) But... I know how!

I don't find it fun to get angry... I don't feel good afterwards.  I avoid it at all costs... but, once in a while ... it will happen.

It's a wonder I'm not a complete 'Hell-raiser'; just the meanest person in the world.  A real bad-ass... I'm completely the opposite... but, I'm not nice if I get mad.

Honestly... I bet you aren't either.  Sometimes, we have to stand up... hold our ground... and sometimes... we get mad!

When I do get angry, Skip will stop what he's doing... look at me, laugh, say... "you red-eyed hellion"!
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Skip Helped Me Out Of The Nightmare I'd Put Myself In!

Skip Helped Me Out Of The Nightmare I'd Put Myself In!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee... living in Virginia

My heart was in my throat. I was doing something I was asked to please not do. I had promised I wouldn't do it. I couldn't help it... I wanted to do it.

I was out in the middle of a pond infested with water moccasins... agressive moccasins. Thankfully, this time I didn't see one. Now, I don't know a thing about 'water stuff'.

I had gotten up much earlier than Skip. I showered, dressed... and did something I'd been thinking about. You know how it is when you keep thinking about something... just knowing you can do it.

I knew I could just do what I'd been asked... well, to tell the truth... told not to do. I knew this morning, I was going to do it!

I thought I'd be sleepy... I had stayed up late watching one of the scary movies with ... Jason, in it. It was sort of in the back of my mind... where Jason jumped up out of the water to get someone... that was where I screamed!

Anyway, I began walking toward one of the three ponds on the land we leased... it was beautiful there. We lived in Alabama... where it was beautiful... but, too humid for me. This happened some years ago.

I was listening to the birds singing, as I walked. I saw a snapping turtle... he was really big. I picked up a branch to just touch him with it... I didn't want to hurt him. I just wanted to hear him. He bit down on the branch, so... I let go.

I walked on until I got to the pond. I was thinking I hadn't left a note, or clue for Skip to know where to find me. I'd just be very careful.

There it was... an aluminum boat sitting on the ground close to the pond. I was going to take me a ride in that boat. This was what Skip had told me... not to do.

I hate for someone to tell me not to do something... no matter how nice they tell me. No one could have told me any nicer than Skip. There's just something in me that... rebels... I begin thinking... about doing it. Don't ask me... why.

I remember I kept my fingers crossed... when I promised... just in case, I did... do it.

I walked up to that boat... stood there wondering if I really had the nerve to get in it... and go out on the water. Mind you, I'd never done that before... I didn't know the first thing about boat-riding. I couldn't even swim.......

I grinned... I was going to be so proud of myself when I rode the boat all around that pond. That was doing something!

I bent down to push the boat into the water... for a moment, I felt something close to fear. I pushed it back in my mind. I jumped in the boat, grabbed the oar... and began using it.

I did what I'd seen people do in the movies. I began to use the oar, switching arms. It didn't take long for me to tire out. I was wishing to hell... that I had kept my promise! This wasn't what it was cracked up to be! I didn't think it was fun... no, not at all!

What in the hell! I heard a sound beneath the boat... I was scared! What was it? All of a sudden, the noise got louder, and louder. Something was bumping hard underneath that boat!

Something was under the boat! Jason! I just knew Jason was under the boat, and he was going to jump up out of the water and get my ass! I was terrified!

I could hardly breathe for my fear. Oh God... please help me! What am I going to do! I made sure I sat in the middle of the boat... kept my hands in my lap. I didn't want to make it easy for Jason to get me!

Help me, Skip! Please help me! I knew I wouldn't be getting help... he didn't know where I was. I did, though. I was sitting in the middle of that pond... going nowhere! I was afraid Jason would jerk the oar out of my hands...

Boom, boom, boom! The noises got louder, and wouldn't stop. I knew I was going to die! I couldn't even row that boat back to shore!

I heard a voice... I was trying to turn my head to look back to shore. It was hard to... I had become frozen like a statue from the fear inside me!

Skip! It was Skip! I began to cry.... please help me, Skip! Please help me, I called to him. Jason is under the boat! He's going to get me!

Skip began laughing! I couldn't believe it... he was laughing at me! Baby Girl... Jason's not under that boat! That's probably a big turtle!

Boom, boom, boom! I wasn't convinced. I was going to faint from fear... I just could not take anymore.

Skip sobered up, stopped laughing. He knew I was in a serious situation... and very afraid. He began to tell me what to do in a calm voice. When Skip talked to me like that... I could calm down in most any situation.

I picked the oar back up, and did what he told me to do. Soon, the boat had turned around... I was heading to shore! I couldn't wait to put my feet on the ground!

I told myself that I'd never do that again. Please, Lord... just let me get back to shore... you won't have to worry about me doing that... again!

Oh... the shore was getting closer! I couldn't wait to get out of that boat! It bumped the shore... I wanted to get up, get out!

I couldn't! I was afraid if I stood up... the boat would turn over. It sure was shaky! I crawled toward the front of it... I wanted to get out so badly.

I put my hands on the wooden seat... began to push up... the boat shook, made me fall back down! Damn boat! I want to get out of here!

Didn't I tell you that this boat was going to do that? Skip was laughing again! Baby Girl, I don't think you'll be doing this again, he said. Please take my hand, Skip. Help me!

Skip pulled the boat higher on the ground. He told me to stand up now... that this time, I could get out without falling in. Sure enough, I stood up, grabbed his hands. Skip helped me out of that boat... out of the nightmare I had put myself in!



Saturday, February 22, 2014

Kissed By A Wasp!

Kissed By A Wasp!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Laughing Granny Gee/aka Gloria Faye Brown Bates...  Summer of 2013

It was so hot, standing in the sunshine
My head was damp with perspiration, my hair curled up
I pulled my shirt away from my skin to let air in

My skin felt cool only for a moment
I couldn't stand there fanning myself forever
I wanted to go inside... but, I had a ways to go

A pesky, big-ass wasp began to fly around my face
I waved my hand gently, hoping not to piss him off
I didn't want him flying into my eyes, mouth, nose

I had the heebie-jeebies... I'm afraid of wasps
Have you ever been kissed by a wasp
A kiss by a wasp... hurts like hell

The wasp didn't take kindly to the wave of my hand
He began to buzz closer to my face giving me cold chills
Get away, you damn wasp!  Get away!

Now, I was afraid the wasp was going to sting me
He was mad... I could hear it in his buzz
I began to run, shaking my head this way, that way!

Didn't make no difference.... that old wasp flew in my face
Looked me in the eyes... and grinned
That wasp gave me a kiss... a kiss that hurt like hell

Right on my upper lip... making it swell up big
The pain shot through my head, oh... how it hurt!
I've been kissed by a wasp... it hurts like hell!

Friday, February 21, 2014

The Room Hated Me... Didn't Want Me In It! It May Have Been Another Portal... To Hell!

The Room Hated Me... Didn't Want Me In It!
It May Have Been Another Portal... To Hell!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I was going room to room.  Oh, what a wonderful house!  I already loved the yard.  There were already beautiful flowers that would cost a 'pretty penny' to buy, plant... growing in beautiful flower gardens.

There was a circular driveway.... outside buildings.  The house had lots of wonderful windows.  I was hoping it had a lot of electrical outlets.  The house proved to have everything we all wanted... it was the perfect house!

Tommy and his girlfriend, Skip and I were looking at a huge house we were interesting in renting... sharing expenses.  I was like a little girl, running to this room... that room.  I loved the house!

The kitchen was huge.... it had lots of counter space.  Not only that, it had a bar to sit at on stools.  It was perfect.

There were five bedrooms... I could have one for my art room.  Skip would have one for his study/office.  We'd each have a huge bedroom... wonderful!  Not only that... each had their own bathrooms... nice, big bathrooms.

I knew deep inside ... 'this was the house'.  This was the house I wanted to live in.  I went ahead of everyone to explore, find more special things about the house.

I came to a door way... I stepped through it into a hallway, turned to the left... walked a short distance.  I began to feel differently... it seemed darker, here.  I didn't pay it any mind... I loved this house!

I saw a room to my left... I walked to the open doorway... I stood there, looking.  Oh, it was a wonderful, old-timey room!  I loved such rooms in old houses.  Someone had built the house onto this part of an old house!  Special!

Across the room stood an old rock fireplace.  It had an old wooden mantelpiece.  The room was almost bare.  It still had its old wooden floor.  What a neat room!  I was excited about it... I stepped inside to look around.

Instantly... I felt fear.  I was very afraid in this part of the house alone.  Immediately, I stepped back out into the hallway... the feeling went away almost at once.

I stood there, thinking.  I knew I didn't have to be afraid.  Tommy, Terri, his girlfriend... Skip were close by.  I could hear them talking, laughing.  I told myself it was my imagination.

I decided I would enter the room once again.  I walked back into the room, meaning to walk across to the old fireplace.  I wanted to touch the old rocks, let my hand feel the coolness.  I wanted to touch the old wooden mantelpiece, even knowing it was dusty.

I never made it that far.  I couldn't go forward.  I was scared to death... the fear was so over-powering.  I put my hand to my heart... I was feeling breathless.  I felt cold chills on my arms.... my mind was telling me to get out of there.

I 'knew' at that moment ...there wasn't any way I could ever live in this house.  Never!  Ever!  I felt fear for my life!

As soon as I stepped quickly out of the room... I felt fine.  It was like it had never happened.  I could hear Tommy, Terri, Skip coming.... I would watch their reaction... and walk into the room with them... it would be alright, then.

I didn't say anything to them... I wanted to see if they felt fear like I did.  I was going to walk right into that room again... I wasn't alone, now!  It was probably my imagination.

I let them walk in front of me, listening to them comment on the 'old part' of this house.  They loved it just as I did!  I followed them into the room, knowing everything would be alright...

I didn't make it far... I had to step back outside.  I was fine once I got outside the doorway.  I watched everyone as they laughed, talked while looking around.  I never did make it to that beautiful old fireplace.... I couldn't.  They got to touch it, enjoy looking at it.

Skip turned around to share it with me... saw I was outside the room.  He knew something was wrong.  He asked me why didn't I come inside... I told him I couldn't.

Tommy and his girlfriend turned to look at me... I told them the room made me afraid.  I didn't know what I was afraid of.

They asked me to come back in the room... I didn't want to.  I forced myself to step through the doorway... I had to turn around, get out of there!

I told them that I couldn't live there... when alone there, I would be afraid of this room!  I saw disappointment cross their faces.  I couldn't help it... the room terrified me.

I was scared of .... what... I didn't know.  The room hated me... didn't want me in it!  It may have been another... portal to Hell.

Note by this author:

We used to pass by that house... I'd look up on the hill where it stood.  How beautiful it was, until I looked toward the older part it was built onto.  I felt fear.

I learned that the house was torn down... I still don't know the reason... why.  I sure would like to know.  It may have been another portal to... Hell.

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Thursday, February 20, 2014

Wings Beating Against The... Cage

Wings Beating Against The... Cage
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I've been sitting here thinking about death... how final it is.  It's the 'last' of everything.  A person's last breath... last time saying a word... last time seeing, hearing.

Yes... I've been thinking of Tommy.  I've been thinking of my mother... Daisy Earlene.  In fact, I've been thinking about so many members of my closest family... that are gone.

My son, Tommy
My mother, Earlene
My brother, Ricky
My step-father, Elvis
My Grandma Alma
My step-grandfather, George
My Grandmother Lola
My father, Robert
My step-mother, Mary
My aunt, Frankie
My aunt, Ruby
My aunt, Marie
My aunt, Jeanette
My aunt, Patsy
My cousin, Ray
My cousin, Sylvia
My cousin, Jimmy
My cousin, Edward

The list goes on.... my head has begun to ache.  These are the very people who played the biggest roles in my life.  No, no one was perfect... what was important... they were the foundation of my life.  Oh, I'm the least imperfect person of all....

The shaky foundation of my life...  it was all I had.  I loved everyone of these people at one time or other... with my very heart.  They were my family... my closest family.  Now, they are gone.

Most of the family I have left... are gone, too... in a different way.  I can never know them, or be close to them.  Too many years parted our ways... broke connections that can't ever be fused together again.  Isn't it sad?  I, no longer dwell on it anymore.

When I lost Tommy, my only child...  I 'lost' my two grandchildren... I no longer grieve over family that can never be.  The worst has happened to me... my own child died.  I am grandmother in name only. There isn't another family member to die... that can ever hurt me so deeply... again.

I would never begin family relationships at this time of my life.  I know instinctively... they can't ever survive.  That doesn't mean no one loves the other... it has to be done at a distance.  No one can ever be certain of the other... distrust is part of our legacy.

Yes, this is one of those times... where one is sitting, thinking about many things.  I don't cry often, now.  There's something deeper than crying now... that I feel from my very soul.  Grief doesn't always mean crying...

I do cry at times... so, I still have tears left.  At this moment, I can't cry... all I can do is think.  Thinking about these things make my head ache... my stomach feel a panicky sensation.

Remember what I told you.... when describing grief sometimes... it's pain, and panic mixed together.  It hurts so bad, and one is scared to think too deeply about 'why' they feel this way.

My way of describing the sensation is for you to imagine several birds in a cage. They want to fly free.... soar high up in the air... they have become afraid of being trapped in the cage.

The birds realize they can't get out... they begin flying into the bars... their wings beating against the cage.  That's what I feel inside... at this moment.  Wings... beating against the cage.

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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

If It's Illegal To Launder Money... I'm Surely Going To Jail!

If It's Illegal To Launder Money... I'm Surely Going To Jail!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee... Summer of 2013...

I don't know if it's illegal to launder money... if so, I did it.  Today, I laundered money... instead of hanging it up to dry on a clothes line like I saw on tv... I came up with a new idea.

I went into my art room... got a book, brought it back into the kitchen.  I began to dry the money off... trying to absorb all the moisture from each bill.   Each bill was clean ... as 'new money'.

When I washed clothes today... I heard a startled sound.  It was Skip... he was getting ready to go.  He said, "you are washing my billfold, my wallet"!  Immediately, I ran to the laundry room, turned off the washer.

I began to feel around to find his blue jeans... my hand bumped against his wallet.  It had come out of the pocket.  I took it out, and we began taking all his cards out... money out.

We laid all on a white towel... took white cloths to dry each card, each bill off.  Once that was done... most of the excess water was gone.

I flattened each bill, placed it in different pages of a book.  I even picked a good book for Skip to read while he was gone.  It was about 'How To Clean Practically Anything'..... :))) He'll notice .... later.  :)))  I couldn't resist it.

I placed his cards that were laminated, inside the pages, also.  I put the book inside of a plastic bag, tied it at the top... this way, nothing would fall out as he put in his big truck.  Later, he can open the bag gently... take the book out... open the pages to find his cards...

And all the money I laundered... today.  If it was illegal for me to launder that money today... I'm surely going to jail!  :)))
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Not Only That... I Would Die... Laughing

Not Only That... I Would Die... Laughing
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.... Summer 2013

I wasn't used to dating, much less going dancing... nor getting to indulge in the 'evils of the world'.

This one particular night I went to a party that was thrown at the community house.  I was a naive fifteen years old... so, young and dumb.  I was too pretty for my own good... and I was becoming aware of it.

That night I danced until midnight with all the boys... oh my, I had a happy, good time!  I loved to dance, had been dancing since I could remember.  My mother, her sisters... friends, all danced with me as a little girl.  I could dance!  :)))  Dance... I did!

I did something I'd never-ever done... shouldn't have done.  I began drinking alcohol with my friends.  I didn't 'know it would do me that way'!  I got intoxicated!  I was 'just damn' ...drunk... I didn't know it... until I stopped dancing.  It was time to go home.

Boys wanted to take me home... but, I promised my cousin Ray, that I would wait for him to take me home.  Sure enough, he walked up, told me to get in the car.  I got in giggling... I couldn't stop laughing.

As he began to drive... my stomach felt sick.  I had to throw up!  Ray told me to roll down the window, stick my head out.  He kept saying 'I'm going to get in trouble... you are drunk, Faye'!

My mother had instructed him to watch after me, not let me get into trouble.  What everyone forgot was... I had a mind of my own!  I thought I was grown up... and I thought I could drink that stuff... and still stand on my feet.

That night I learned what 'drunk' meant... at first, it was fun.  As time wore on... it 'didn't feel fun'.  Though, I was sick as a dog... I was laughing my ass off.

I just wanted to lay down, die.  Not only that... I would die... laughing.
Note:  The good thing is... the few times I ever experimented with things... I never became an alcoholic, nor addicted to drugs.  I became afraid of both...

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Monday, February 17, 2014

In The Back Seat Of A Car...

In The Back Seat Of A Car...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee... Summer of 2013

I was very nervous.  I had been talked into going on a blind date.  I was fifteen years old.  I was beginning to date... lots of boys were asking me out.

My stomach felt shaky, my hands shook.  I wished I'd never said I would go.  I didn't know what to expect... nor did I know how my new girlfriend acted on a date.  Everything was a 'first'... for me.

I began to take deep breaths to calm myself... they would soon drive up to get me.  I told my mother to tell them I was very sick, almost dying... no one needed to see me, I'd go to my upstairs bedroom.  My mother laughed at me... she said 'Faye, it'll be alright.'

It was too late... they drove up... everyone got out of the car.  I wasn't sure who my date was... I'd never met her boyfriend, either.  Both guys were handsome... one medium height, the other taller.

I was introduced to the medium height guy with dark hair... this was my friend's boyfriend.  He smiled brightly at me, introduced me to his best friend, the taller guy with blondish-brown hair.  He smiled at me, took my hand in his.  He was a gentleman... he was also, older than I was... maybe twenty.

We went out to eat, drove around... ended up parking at a pond.  It was beautiful... I sat there looking at the pond, listening to the birds.  I was stressed... I felt so nervous.  The guy I was with sensed it... talked quietly to me.  I began to warm up toward him, talk to him with ease.

I turned around excitedly to tell my best friend something... immediately got sick.  My hands went to my chest... I had to get out of the car... I was going to throw up.  I felt like I was going to faint.

My friend never heard, or saw me.  What I saw completely turned me against her... I never saw her in the same light again.  I felt pain in my heart... I was embarrassed... angry all at the same time.

All I saw of her when I turned around was her legs up in the air... her boyfriend was in the throes of wild sex.  I didn't want to see that... I felt betrayed somehow, and I felt that was expected of me.

I got out of the car, bent over.  I was very sick.  I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder... I was afraid to look.  I didn't want to 'do that'....

The guy I was with, began talking in a kind, gentle voice.  Looking back... to that time... he was very understanding of a young girl who was naive about so much.  What he talked to me about, made me not be afraid of him.

Soon, my girlfriend and her boyfriend popped out of the back seat of the car.  Both had silly grins on their face.  I couldn't look at them.  I just couldn't.

That was the last time I spent time with my  new girlfriend.  I always cared about her, but... she did things I couldn't bring myself to do.

My Grandma Alma's voice rang through my mind.  One day, I had been visiting her... I told her I was going to double-date with my  new friend.  She asked me who my new friend was.  I told her... and the reaction to my new friend's name .... was awful.

My Grandma Alma told me exactly what she thought of that girl... she told me not to hang out with her.  She told me I hadn't lived there long enough to know the girl's reputation.  She said people would think I 'was like that'....

My Grandma Alma became angry when I defended the girl.  Her words were.... "Faye, she's a whore... she goes to the airport in Raleigh to sell her body to businessmen".  I couldn't believe it.  I was very innocent...

That day I knew my Grandma Alma was telling the truth.  I knew somehow... that wasn't my new friend's ... 'first rodeo'.  It wasn't her first time in... the back seat of a car.

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Saturday, February 15, 2014

Young Peeping Tom....

Young Peeping Tom...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.... Summer of 2013

I decided to fill the old, porcelain bathtub at Grandma Alma's house with water. I wanted to take a bath; I was so hot. I had been playing hard outside with my cousins.

The tub began filling with cold water. I knew it was going to be hard to make myself sit down in it. It was going to take my breath away. I wished for hot water... at Grandma Alma's house, there was only cold water.

I never paid attention to the window behind the bathtub. I began undressing... laying my clothes neatly on the commode seat. I was being very careful to not let them touch the floor.

I put one foot over the side of the bathtub... oh my God, it was so cold! I didn't know if I could stand getting into the cold water... I wasn't so overheated that it felt that good!

I sat on the side of the old porcelain tub... both of my feet were in the water. I was taking deep breaths... I was going to sit down all at once in the cold water... oh, how I dreaded it!

My feet were freezing... I stood up. I almost stepped back out of the tub... but, I'd come too far. I knew if I could go ahead, just sit down... I could get used to the cold.

I lost my breath with a gasp... I began splashing cold water on my shoulders, my face. Might as well get it over with... I wanted to take a bath!

Looking back to that day... I can see I was too young to know to heat water in a pan to add to the cold water. I was eleven-twelve years old. The thought never entered my mind. Just as the thought never entered my mind to close the curtains on the window behind the bathtub.

I sat in the cold water... it felt good once I got past the initial shock. I began lathering up the bath cloth. I made it very soapy. I loved sudsy water; I loved the scent of bath soap.

I was daydreaming as I bathed... my eyes were closed. I heard a sound to my right, where the bathroom window was. I opened my eyes...

Staring into the window was a boy who was visiting, playing with my cousins! I cried out... my face felt very hot. He ran away...

I was so embarrassed! I didn't know how long he had stood there looking into the bathroom window. The spell was broken... I got out, toweled off, dressed. I knew I could never look that boy in the face again!

Time went by, the boy never spoke to me... nor I, to him. I was thankful. Every time I saw him... my face would get hot.

My life as a child was in turmoil constantly... other things quickly filled my mind until I never thought about it again.

That was one of the most embarrassing times of my young life. It was also, when I became aware of being seen through a window...
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Friday, February 14, 2014

Refrigerator-Freezer MailBox...

Refrigerator-Freezer MailBox...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee...... Summer of 2013

I had already placed beautiful strawberry plants on the top shelf, never thinking 'how odd' it was to place them... there.

My mother, who is deceased.... handed me a half honeydew melon.  She had wrapped it in Glad plastic wrap.  She told me to go put it in the refrigerator so, when the mailman came... he could get it.  I took it from her... walked out to place it in the refrigerator.

As I stood there, I looked at the shelves in the refrigerator... I had placed strawberry plants on the shelf; now... I'd just placed a honeydew melon on the second shelf.

I couldn't keep the door open long... the shelves below... were in the freezer section.  There were tv dinners on one of the shelves... the boxes were in a neat row.  The mailman sure had a lot of good stuff in there!

I stood there a moment... a new thought came to my mind.  Where does... that mailman put the mail in this new refrigerator?  I decided that only he knew best... and later, when I came back... I would find out once I opened the door.

I woke up... thought about this dream... who has ever heard of a refrigerator-freezer ... mailbox?!!!
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Thursday, February 13, 2014

All She Needed Was A Little Place To Put Herself...

All She Needed Was A Little Place To Put Herself...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.... at age 3

Skin burning on her little arms, legs
She looks down to see blood smeared everywhere
The bones in her little body felt almost... broken

Pain made her moan as she lifted herself off the floor
Mama!  Mama!  Mama, please help me, she cried out
Her mama wasn't coming... no, not any time soon

Especially this very moment when someone abused her child
The little girl cried silently... she didn't scream, cry aloud
She left the room, curses followed her out the door

She opened the front door, stepped outside
The sunshine blinded her... she closed her eyes
Her face stung from her own salty tears

The cement porch felt cool to her skin
As she sat down on it, her feet hanging off onto the step
She hung her head... nobody loves me, she thought

No matter where she went in this world of hers
She seemed to be in someone's way
Where was her place... her place she could be at peace?

She knew where it was... no one ever noticed her there
Back into the house she went... she walked to the couch
The old, red vinyl couch that had a small space at the end

A small space in between it, and the old bookcase sitting there
The little girl slipped into it, sat on the floor
This was the only place she could sit, no one yell at her

This was the place she was safest at in her world
She reached for a book off the shelf, picked up her pencil
Sat there for the next hour, drawing on the white pages

The white pages at the front, back of the book
She dreamed of being a fashion designer
Just a child with big ideas... no one cared

This was her favorite spot at her Grandma Alma's
Where no one bothered her... where she wasn't in the way
All she needed was a little place to put herself

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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Now, You 'done gone and broke' That Swing!

Now, You 'done gone and broke' That Swing!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee... as a child

Sitting in the old swing on the front porch
Several small children laughed as the wind blew in their face
The swing went higher, higher as their little legs pumped

Back, forwards they swung... their hearts sang with pure joy
They wanted to do this forever... swing to their heart's content
What a happy, precious moment in time

The sun was shining, the birds chirping away
As that old swing creaked each time it swung back, forwards
Squeals, laughter... what a wonderful day it was

Until... the swing didn't go forward again
Instead, it went flying through the air until...
With a crash, it hit the chaney ball tree in the yard

Squeals of joy turned into screams... laughter turned to tears
As each child was tossed here, there from the force
They got up from the ground, brushing sand from their clothes

The little children comforted each other
They didn't understand what had happened
When that swing swung them to hell

Swung them high into the air, slammed them into the tree
They stood back, looking the swing over
The wood was broken in the middle where it struck the tree

They ran to tell someone about the swing breaking
Heard their grandfather roar... I told you not to swing so high
Now, you 'done gone and broke' that swing!

The children had stopped crying by now, began to grin
They loved to watch this gentle giant of a man
Who was blind.... lose his cool

They loved him with their hearts, he sure was funny
When he got mad.... he'd roar like a lion
The whole world could hear him

While they nudged each other, silently giggled up a storm
George never saw them as he could not see
He went out that front door... out to the chaney ball tree

Picked that swing up, took it to the shed
All the while fussing about the kids swinging too high
They didn't listen... and 'went and done it, anyway

A week later, a new... wooden swing was put up
The same little children were swinging in it
Laughing, squealing with joy... having a good time

This time, they didn't swing so high
They didn't want to crash again
Nor did they want to hear their grandfather roar...

Now, you 'done gone and broke' that swing!

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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

For A Moment... She Was All Alone In The World

For A Moment... She Was All Alone In The World
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee... 2013

Standing in the middle of the floor... she looked about her.  Her gaze was drawn outside through the glass doors.  She was surrounded by beauty... both inside, outside.

Their home was surrounded by trees, flowering bushes.  This time of year, everything was coming alive.  It was springtime up on the little-big mountain.  Lacy,big pink flowers filled each bush.  It was a wonder to look at... like a frilly, pink skirt!

The trees were  bright green, new leaves ... the birds sang constantly there... up on Fairchild's Mountain.  There were even woodpeckers who 'knocked' all the time, going from tree to tree.

There was one big woodpecker that amazed her... he had a big red 'cap' on his head.  She would watch him fly... he flew slower than the other kind of woodpeckers.  She was awed by him... he was special.

She didn't use the fireplace... she didn't know how.  She had an idea of what to do... but, she didn't.  She was afraid of fire, they'd lost their home to a fire... just months ago.

What she did do... to create a wonderful glow inside the fireplace was... place huge, round candles inside on top of the logs inside.  She lit them with matches, until all three were burning cheerfully... closed the doors.  It gave the room a wonderful, cozy atmosphere... one would think the fireplace was burning as it was meant to.

While she sat at her computer, she could keep the glow in sight, as she wrote.  It comforted her to see the soft, orange-red light.... she was alone, with the exception of their three Pups.  Two Basset Hounds, and a huge Rottweiler named Garraway, Chadwick... and Fairchild.  Fairchild's Mountain was named after their big, shiny Rottweiler.

All three Pups laid at her feet as she sat to write her stories.  They comforted her always... when she was alone.  Her husband worked away from home... coming home once every eleven-twelve days.  She had a lot of time to write her imagination.

She looked down at the carpet, so clean... fluffy.  It was gold- colored... when freshly vacuumed... it not only looked nice... it felt so good to walk on it.

Looking into the formal dining room, she saw a big table... china hutch with beautiful, interesting dishes to look at through the clean, shiny glass.  She had polished the old wood on both the table, hutch.  Each of the six chairs were polished... each had a pretty blue, upholstered seat.  Hanging over the table was a nice light... underneath, a big floral arrangement in a gold, ornate metal container.

She looked into the den area... a big, over-stuffed loveseat sat in front of the fireplace.  One could sit there anytime, watch the flames burn in the fireplace.... dream away while looking out the glass doors, out onto the deck... at all the pretty trees.

Over the loveseat .... draped several golden, curved rods.  On each hung beautiful globes of light, all reflecting over tubes of frosted glass.  One could dim the lights, making a magical mood in the room to go with the soft glow in the fireplace.  This was a beautiful, tall brass lamp... taller than she was.  Her husband had bought it for her, when they bought the couch, loveseat, ottoman.

She turned to looked into the living room.  Everything was in place, arranged nicely.  A big, overstuffed couch sat where one could see out all the windows... out at the many trees that surrounded the home.  One could sit, watch the squirrels run, play on the rails of the porch that sat high in the air.  Birds would perch there, to look inside the glass...

There was a bigscreen, floor model tv.  It was very fancy, on wheels... that never touched the floor as it sat up on a nice table to make viewing better from many places in the open rooms.

There were two glass walls that surrounded the dining room... with fancy designs in the glass.  One could stand in the center, turn in a circle.... see the den, living room dining area.... and formal dining area.

How beautiful, she thought.  She was most grateful for all.  These were things that had been treasured by others... given to them when they lost everything to a fire.  The big-screen tv, couch, loveseat.... golden-globe lamp were the only new things in the room. They treasured everything given... everything bought.  They were fortunate to have anything after the fire.

There were three bedrooms... two bedrooms were made into special rooms.  One was an office/study for her husband... the other made into an art room .... for her.  They used the biggest bedroom for their master bedroom; it had a huge bathroom in it.  She loved the huge, oval- shaped tub.... the garden tub.  This was her bathroom.

There was another bathroom, complete with shower, tub, commode.  This was on the end of the house with the art room, and study... this was her husband's bathroom.

Their closets were big, walk-in closets.  Shelves held their shoes, folded clothes.  There was lots of room to hang their clothes... as time went by... they began to fill the rods with hanging clothes.

As she walked through the house, she looked all about.  She felt a sadness... it was so beautiful here, today.  She had no one to show it to... to share the beauty with.

She stood there, thought about how it would feel .... to be one of the many people she knew who were lonely.  Her husband was gone on a trip.... she wished to share this beauty with him... being grateful to have such a nice home.  She did have her husband... she wasn't really alone.  Her heart felt for... lonely people.

How fortunate they were .... people lifted them up to keep them from falling... after the fire.  How fortunate they were to have each other... best friends, soul-mates.... her husband was her hero.

They both had been in a shock.... they got out of the burning house with only their three dogs.  Her husband almost became trapped in the fire... he ran inside to find his wallet.  The neighbor kept calling to him... he followed the sound of his voice... made it out with several burns.

He ran in the front door of the big, two-story house while at the back of it.... she was grabbing each dog... physically carrying each one to put in her Expedition.  She then, backed the vehicle up until it was out on the side of the street... safely away from the burning house.  She backed her husband's pickup truck into the street, parked it near her own vehicle.

Later, she couldn't believe she had physically picked each Pup up, carried them... lifted them into her truck. She'd had two thoracotomy surgeries that affected her every move.  Fear.... can make one do many things... that are impossible when one isn't... afraid.

She never knew until later that her husband almost lost his life by becoming trapped inside.  He was trying to find his wallet in the dense smoke... the only money they had, was in it.... and his cards, drivers license.

When she had seen the hot, red glow of fire... as she was leaving to go exercise... she already had her purse.  She tossed it inside her truck, along with her Pups.  No one had time to grab anything else... the house went up quickly.  It was a two-hundred old house... with old wiring.  

The owner had placed a new electrical box on the outside, to make it appear all the old wiring had been replaced.  He told them sometime after they moved there... that he hadn't replaced the wiring... too expensive.

That was why... some of the electrical sockets didn't work when they tried to use them.  One could see the old wiring going up the walls inside the house.  They'd been painted over, the same color as the walls.

He had a man who was unlicensed to come to do the electrical work... and carpentry when needed.  The man had just put up an outside light on the little porch where the house-fire began...

Just after the fire.... she had driven there to look through the piles of rubble to find anything that survived the fire.  The man was standing there in front of where the fire began... he never noticed, nor heard her slow down almost to a stop... to watch him.

She 'felt' him standing there... she knew he wondered about ... his work.  She never forgot that day... the vision of the man standing there... she knew it was something he was responsible for.

The man moved to Florida, soon after.  He was never seen again.  He did call them several times.... to talk.  They knew he had unintentionally caused what happened... his work.  They never held it against him.  The man was very sick, he was diabetic...

The man who owned the house, came to them to talk.  He told them he would make it up to them when the insurance money came.  The strange thing is... he became very sick, died a few months later.  He never got to make that promise come true.  His son, and wife ... moved away.

The wife, son... never honored his promise.  They said they were going to... She and her husband forgave them over time.  They learned that the wife, son had built a beautiful, new house of their own....

Her mind was wandering.  She wished her husband was home right at that very moment.  Thoughts, more thoughts... sometimes, it was hard to just be alone with one's own thoughts.

At the moment... she understood how it felt to 'be completely alone', have no one to share all the beauty she was seeing, being grateful for.  She was also, in grieving....

Her first cousin, who had just been there... as they moved into their new home... was killed in a crash within several days of the house-fire.  She was helping them to recover from the fire... a log truck crashed into her on a hill... she had begun to pass a car... it was head-on.

She never knew when they grew up... they'd have their names in the newspaper at the same time... one losing all in a house-fire... the other killed in a horrible wreck within several days.  They were like sisters... as little girls.

Not only did the horrible wreck put her into another shock... what she saw afterwards... wasn't what anyone should see... hear, or even know.  That will have to be written into a 'fiction story'... it was so surreal... so... not believable.  She wouldn't want anyone to know... how 'true' it was... that night... under the nightlight.

She had lost her mother... strange, her death.  She lost her brother... he'd spent the night with a friend, he was found sitting on the couch... dead the next morning.

Her father... then, step-mother had died.  Her Grandmother Lola had died... the list went on... the very people she'd loved .... had all died within months... of each other.  There were nineteen loved ones... yes, she had even loved her stepmother... she'd forgiven her, too.

She had no way of knowing soon... that her husband would be in a terrible crash on Interstate 40 on a tractor-trailer in Moriarty, New Mexico... and within weeks... be in another crash, his pickup a total loss... and within weeks... he was almost t-boned by a robber at the stoplight, as the robber was being chased by the law.

The tractor-trailer wreck was caused by a little car... two young girls began hydroplaning on the wet highway.... spinning until it hit the steering axle of his tractor-trailer.... causing it to go airborne through the air.... across oncoming traffic on Interstate 40... out into the desert.

He had fractures... his collarbone, wrist.  The injury on his leg almost broke it.. it had a slight fracture.  He was found.... hanging upside down in the big cab of the truck.

The second wreck was late one evening, soon after.  He was taking his father-in-law home.... a woman ran the stop sign .... he hit her.... almost turning over.  The woman's van landed on its top.

The third time (remember 'three'?).... the robber almost t-boned him at a high rate of speed as he barreled through the stop light... as her husband began to drive through on the green light.

Her attention came back to inside... how pretty all looked.  Everything was in place... all very clean, shiny.  She looked toward the fireplace where she watched the glow inside the glass doors. So, many stories she could tell... so many stories in one life story... the colors of her life.

At that very moment, she became aware of how it felt if one were all alone in the world with nobody... to share the soft happiness, the beauty all around her... with.  At that very moment... there wasn't anyone in the world she could speak to... to feel what she felt, see what she saw.  For a moment... she was all alone in the world.

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