I Won't Be Slipping Into The Dark Pool Of Grief ... Tonight
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
book I wrote when in the deepest throes ... of grief. I can bearly remember writing ... my son, grandson ... Tommy and Taban.
I've had Tommy on my mind a lot, lately. Tommy is my son ... he died on May 29, 2010.
Most people who know me, know I was close to my son. He meant the world to me. He was an only child.
I vowed when he died ... I'd never let him be forgotten. I'm keeping that promise. He was such a very real, wonderful person. No, he wasn't perfect ... no one is. He was wonderful, nevertheless.
I think of him constantly ... though, only on a level that won't upset me. I don't think 'too deeply' ... I can't bear the grief that lies there like a dark, scary pool of water. I try to be careful walking near it ... I don't want to slide into it.
I can't put into words, no matter how hard I try ... what grief feels like. You would have to lose your child ... to know what this grief feels like. I would never wish that for you ... never. You know how it is at this very moment if you 'think of such' ... it's an awful thought; you can't bear to think of losing your child. Your mind jumps off that thought like sitting on a ... hot fire!
When I write about Tommy ... that's what my blogs, my writing is usually about. About the grief of a mother who has lost her only child. The good thing is ... when you get tired of reading about it, you can leave, go somewhere else to read. You can read what is on someone else's mind. You can get to 'feel' what different things are like, without having to experience them yourselves, unless...
Unless ... you are a grieving person; someone who knows what it feels like to lose someone in your life. I know what it feels like to lose almost everyone in my world that I truly loved. I don't have but, a handful of relatives left. I love them all from afar.
My whole world consists of Skip, my husband ... and our three Pups. They ... are my world. They are most important to me. Tommy was a part of my whole world. He is missed so much. He meant the world to both, Skip and I.
Somehow, I've managed to find the strength to not slip into the dark pool of grief I spoke of earlier. I think a little puppy named Camie is responsible for that. I rescued her on July 4, 2013 ... she was almost dead, when I lifted her off the ground. My attention went to her, I focused on her. I meant for her to live ... and if she didn't, I meant for her not to ... die alone. We saved ... each other.
Camie is an important part of my world. She has survived the worst case of demodectic mange our vet's ever seen. Sure, she still gets sick ... all her friends contribute to her medical care ... she gets well once again. Most likely her whole life it will be like that. One thing for certain ... she is cared about by so many. She has the most loving family around her ... us ... her friends.
Tonight ... I'm remembering Tommy, thinking of Camie ... and my whole world ... these are the thoughts on my mind. I won't be slipping into the dark water of grief ... tonight.
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)