Everything is Going to Be Alright ...

 

Dragonfly windchime ... photo owned by Me

I was sitting here thinking that I have become used to my tablet. I used to come to my desk each day, sit down, turn my computer on to write.  I looked so forward to sitting, writing.

It has been a long time since I've done that. I just simply use my tablet. I have missed using my computer ... big screen ... I can see everything I can't on the tablet, phone.  I can tell by my photos that I haven't been here for quite some time ... the dates. All my photos are on my phone, tablet. It's time to upload them on my desktop computer.

I never thought I'd see a time I would stop writing ... I did.  I think I wrote so much that I didn't have words left to write. I'm smiling here.  I was living real life ... sometimes that doesn't allow time to sit, write ... or one is mentally, physically too tired to write.  

Skip has been through so many medical issues.  I'm always very happy when it's a time like now ... we seem to be on an even keel.  Skip looks, feels much better ... making Me better.  I can feel happiness, hope once again ... I have the wonderful feeling of ... everything is going to be alright.

This is where I'm at right now ... at the 'everything's going to be alright' ... place. I like that very much.

Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates ... July 28, 2021

Reflections of a Woman Who is Growing Older ...

I have been helping Skip with his shower, dressing.  I am always close by ... I don't want him to fall.  Skip's balance was affected by the recent stroke.  His handwriting was also, affected.  

I am Skip's living guardian angel ... I watch over him when he's awake or when he is asleep.  He and Camie are my own little world, I have to do everything with keeping them safe, taken care of. Skip has always taken good care of me, our Pups, kept us safe. It's my turn now. 

Sometimes Skip becomes down ... because of his limitations.  He gets very sad he can't go back to driving a truck, make big money once again.  He tells me he is sorry our life has gone down since he began having strokes, heart problems. He always says he is going to get better and get back to work so, he can take good care of Camie (our Pup), and me.

I tell him I know he'll go back to work one day.  For now, he can focus on being as strong as he possibly can.  I tell him we might not have everything we were used to having ... that's okay because we have each other.  That's most important.  It could have ... not been like that at all as many medical things have happened to him ... me. I tell him to never apologize.

I don't focus on what I don't have ... I focus on each day, how I can make it better for Skip, Camie, and me. If I don't have what I need at any given moment I begin thinking about how I can improvise. If I can't improvise I let it go.  I tell myself I will just do the best I can.

I have been through too much to let everything bother me.  I can remember a time when I would be very upset because I didn't have what I used to easily go out, buy.  Now ... I just wait until I know I'll be able to get what I need.  Simple as that and ... so much less worrying.  I feel much better.

When we are younger it seems we all play the game of 'keeping up with the Jones'.  Oh my, the time we waste as young adults ... trying to be something we aren't. When I say that I can look back into my past and see how I lived in a dream world I thought was real living.  No ... I 'real-live' now, and all doesn't glitter, sparkle. I wouldn't trade my life now for it.  

We all have to come back down to earth one day ... the time I wasted doing it.  That's okay, I make up for it now. I have learned people and animals, love, forgiving, caring, giving is what Life is all about. I wish I could have slowed down as a younger woman to know what I do now.

I do a lot of reflecting now. I do a lot of wishing now.  This is what happens as one begins to grow older. All I can do now is ... to take one day at a time, make it as good as I can make it.

Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates ... July 22, 2021.  Reflections of a woman who is growing older ... and trying to do it as gracefully as I possibly can. Photo is owned by me.

July 19, 2021 ... Hello ... Writing Again

I haven't been here for so long. Why? Truthfully ... I couldn't write any more ... I didn't have anything to say ... I wasn't in the mood ............ The real reason is because it was very hard for me to sit down at my computer to begin writing again. Too much on my mind. 

 For once writing couldn't help, I didn't want to write. A lot has been going on in our life. Skip's health has been very fragile ... he has had another stroke. He is doing okay now. His right leg was affected, his handwriting was affected but, he is just as sharp as a tack, mentally. He has to walk slower now. I am there to always for him to hold to me to stabilize, keep his balance. I help him every way I can. 

 Lately I've felt I wanted to begin writing again. When I wrote before I wrote pouring my Heart out in grief for the loss of my only child, Tommy. Thank God ... I have somehow found a place to be at a sort of peace where I don't sit, cry anymore. Yes, there are those times I ... sit, cry. Tommy's memory is still 'like yesterday' ... he could walk in the door at this moment and all would be like he'd never died. I've lost my mother, my brother Ricky ... they were my next closest loved ones. I grieve over them still. 

 I've lost all my family in death, in other ways ... I have Skip and Camie, they are my family. We have friends who are our family now. They have been the most caring people in the world since we were almost homeless 2 years ago. Skip's health has been critical at times ... I'm always watching over him.

Life is sad but ... it is good too. I prefer to make all positive even when it's hard to. I am that way ... I try to make all good, I try to forgive all ... why? So, I can live in peace, feel good inside. I quickly get negative people out of my life once I am sensing their negativity. One has to do that to grow older peacefully, gracefully. That ... I mean to do. 

 I know it's hard to learn to say 'no' ... hard not to be a people-pleaser, hard to do so many things we think as younger people 'we have to do so no one will think badly of us'. I'm here to tell you ... if you could learn as a young person you don't have to do all that ... you wouldn't waste all those years causing yourself grief, upset worrying about what others will think of you. Of course, I try to do all in a good, nice way but, I will say 'no' if I need to. You have to for your own mental health. 

 Most of all ... learn to forgive no matter who ... no, it isn't easy not at all. You have to if you are going to live with yourself in a peaceful way. Living with anger, hate in your Heart will make you sick, unhappy. I know. I have been angry since a little girl ... not everyone knew because I hid it with a smile, soft voice. 

 Another thing I've learned ... if you ever lend money always be prepared not to get it back. People are like that. Don't lend, give more than you can do without ... because it may never be paid back. I've learned to 'give it' in a way that one would know they never need to pay it back, it's a gift. Why?

 Because, think about it, you constantly hope, worry until someone gives you that money back. Then ... if they don't ... all sorts of emotions build up inside. It sure isn't worth what it does to you inside. If you go ahead to give without the expectation of getting it back ... your mind is always at peace concerning it. You could say they can give it back if they ever want to but, not to worry about it. 

 I was thinking about these things as I began to write so, I shared my thoughts. This is how I like to be ... at this stage in my life I don't need anything worrying, upsetting me. I have Skip's health, Camie to worry about. 

 I meant to tell you about Kissy, our beloved Rottweiler. He died on Christmas Eve 2020 ... he walked to me, laid his head on my foot, took his last breaths. He had an enlarged heart. I got him just after my son, Tommy, died ... I felt he was a link to Tommy. Kissy's death hurt me deeply. 

Through time as I write I will still share what grief feels like after 10 years when my son died. I will just share everyday life, my thoughts ... life. 

 For now, I will say I'm so glad I felt the need to write again. I love writing ... just talking. It's rare I talk with anyone other than Skip especially since the COVID Pandemic 2020-21. I will write more soon. 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates My photos are of our beloved Kissy (Rottie) ... Camie has become Pup 1 now (Catahoula).