Grandma Alma Had Pinched Me One Time Too Many!

This photo of Grandma Alma was taken when I came down from the North Carolina mountains to visit, to bring Tommy (shown here) to see his Great-Grandma Alma.  This is the bed I slept in with my Grandma Alma.  George kept her bed made up.  George was an amazing man... he was blind.  I loved them both....




Grandma Alma Had Pinched Me Hard One Time Too Many!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


I woke up, looked at the clock seeing it was morning... I saw 6:00 am.  I was laying with my upper half of body on the bed.  Why are my feet resting on the floor... it's a good thing I love to sleep with lots of pillows.  I was on my side, so... to finish getting up didn't take a lot of effort.

I did something I haven't done since a little girl living at Grandma Alma, and George's.  I instantly thought of them.  I put my bare feet on the wall 'just for a moment'... to remember.  I was already stretched out far enough.  I didn't leave them there... just enough to remember.

I remember when sleeping with Grandma Alma, I slept on her left side.  The side with her good hand.  I remember well, her using that left hand to pinch me.  Pinch me hard!

Why did she pinch me?  Because, her bed on my side was close to the wall... making it fun for me as a child, to prop my feet up on that wall!  I loved to stick my feet out of the covers, put them on the wall, wiggle them around feeling the cool surface on the soles of my feet.

Grandma Alma always knew somehow... because the next thing I knew, I'd feel her hand pinch me!  She'd say, "Faye, put your feet back under the cover!"  Then, George would wake up, his voice would thunder in the darkness, "now, what in the hell is going on!"

She would tell him to go back to sleep, that Faye just had her feet on the wall.  "On the wall!"  I would roll my eyes, sigh, put my feet back under the cover.  I couldn't understand 'why' I couldn't just put my feet where I wanted to.

It became a challenge to see how far I could get before being caught by Grandma Alma... I always paid the price if she caught me.  Being pinched by her... her hand twisting ever so little... she pinched just enough to make it hurt good!

I wonder if any other grandchild got pinched by her... and recognized what I just wrote.  Each time I remember this, I feel uncomfortable inside from a memory that hurts me to this day.

I try to get past remembering 'that'... it looks like I won't this time, either.  My Grandma Alma pinched me very hard, I guess I was being a stubborn little girl... it hurt very bad that particular instance.

I cried out, waking up George once again... to know George, one knew when you got his attention on you... he was going to 'holler.'  He could thunder out like nobody's business.  I would cringe when he did it... loud?  Oh, my gracious... he could be loud!

Not only loud, he would begin cussing.  "What in the damn hell is going on," George would yell.  Sometimes, 'us kids' would grin at each other, sometimes, it was funny.  Not that night, it wasn't funny.  Grandma Alma had 'pinched me hard' one time too many.

I cried out, tears springing into my eyes, anger filled my mind.  I reached over, pinched my Grandma Alma back!  She cried out, never expecting me to do that!  Of course, George went into action... it took some time before we all settled back down to sleep.

George's full-sized bed was on one side of the room, Grandma Alma's full-sized bed was on the opposite side.  If she needed George, he could get up, walk straight to her.

He got up then, came over to the bed to make sure Grandma Alma was covered up.  All the time, he was fussing at me for pinching my grandma.  Wasn't I ashamed of myself?  Don't be pinching your grandma like that!  Don't you know she loves you?

Of course, I felt ashamed.  I felt hurt for doing that, I dearly loved my Grandma Alma.  I cried myself to sleep.  "I'm sorry, grandma, I'm sorry!"  To this day, I still feel so bad that I was a mean little girl who pinched my Grandma Alma.  This is something I wish so much to be able to 'take back.'

All I can say in my defense, was that I'd been kicked around so much down there, so much pain ... I struck out.  The sad thing is I struck out at the wrong person.  Hell was always in the air.... it was still no excuse.  I do think surely 'I knew better' than to do that.  I was about ten years old.

I'd went to Hell ... had begun learning to fight when someone hurt me.  I just went in the wrong direction that time.  I never did it again.  I couldn't bear the knowledge inside that I'd inflicted pain on Grandma Alma.  It can make tears in my eyes now.  It just did....... "I'm so sorry, grandma, I'm so sorry'................

I remembered... I had put my feet down on the floor for Kissy to use to step up on the bed.  Sometimes, all he has to do is 'get that little extra push'.  Sometimes, it causes a terrible cramp, too!  :)))

We go to any lengths for our Pups... all pet lovers do.  Kissy is very capable of jumping up on the bed... but, sometimes, he likes to be a puppy.  He and The Wick (one of Chadwick's nicknames) are just... precious.  Sometimes, those lengths we go to for them... just hurts our bodies so bad.

We let them walk on us, lean on us, fall on us... we feel it every time.  I think it's because we have gotten a little older now... and we already hurt.  :)))  You would think we'd have a lot of room on our bed... it's king-size ... but, the room runs out!

For instance, when Kissy had managed to get up on that bed... 'half of me was resting with my feet on the floor... he was stretched out from the side of the bed (across) to the middle.

The Wick (Chadwick) has stretched out 'down' the middle of the bed.  Anyway... enough so, they successfully took enough space to make me sleep on one edge of the bed... Skip sleep on the other edge of the bed!

We always 'make sure there's plenty of room' for those Pups!  :)))  Oh, when I had come to my computer to sit here to write tonight ... I looked at the time on the screen... I saw 2:15 am.  I was thinking my computer was wrong!  I looked at my cellphone, it was..... 2:16 am this morning!  I can't believe I'm up thinking it was 6:00 am in the morning.  I was ready to shower, get ready for the day!

I sit here, shaking my head, I think.... mmm-mmm, I'm going back to bed!  Provided... there's some room for me in there!

Is It My Imagination?

Photo Taken by Gloria Faye Brown Bates... January 04, 2013 at  9:45 am... Friday

Answer me this:  Do you see a Dragonfly?

Is It My Imagination?
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


I wonder what insect you see when you look at the photo
The photo I took of the root our Kissy brought to me
As I sat in my art room to write about Tommy?

I couldn't believe my eyes as I bent closer to see
What in the world he brought, dropped on the floor
For me ... at first, I was afraid it was a bug of some kind

My hand came back quickly before I touched it
I began to see a ...... no, that can't be!
It's too much of a coincidence, I was just writing about a...

Dragonfly ... when, one 'drops out of heaven' before me
Kissy was the messenger who brought it to me
Can you 'see the dragonfly?' or is that just my imagination?

How can I be writing about Tommy, a dragonfly, while inside
For a dragonfly to appear to me?
To appear in the form of a root.... shaped like a ..................

I can't believe my eyes, yet... I believe
I know such happens, I've seen strange things in the past
As they happen, I know they're true

I keep them to myself, I don't tell you
This one time I did, because it happened while I was
Writing to you about Tommy, a dragonfly

It's strange, it really happened
I felt you should know it did as I sat here
Writing to you, when Kissy brought that 'dragonfly' to me

I was wishing to see Tommy's face, his eyes
Instead... from heaven, a dragonfly dropped down
In the form of a root that came from outside

Did this root come from heaven, or from the earth
I wonder if Kissy dug it up, sensing I needed to see Tommy
Or, did he catch it outside when it fell from heaven?

It doesn't matter now, I 'see' the dragonfly
It's message is clear, it's too much of a coincidence
For it to happen as I wrote about Tommy, and a dragonfly

For one to appear to me in those moments
I wonder?  Can you see the dragonfly or is it
Wishful thinking, do you think I'm seeing one because I want to?

Can I Open The Curtain Of Air To Peep Into Heaven?

(Something Just Happened As I Was Writing This Poem !!! ) ... I stopped long enough to take a photo of it!) ... Read below to know!  Granny Gee/Gloria



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Can I Open The Curtain Of Air To Peep Into Heaven?
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


A little ant scurried along the tiny ant path
Going to only where he knows
Taking a tidbit of food with him as he goes

The red hawk in the distance swoops to the ground
Hoping to catch the little rabbit that hops, runs for its life
The hawk misses, the rabbit is safe for another day

Insects buzz with lazy, happy sounds
The sun shines down, warming the ground
On the surface of the pond, the water breaks

A big fish pulls back the curtain of water
Is that how Tommy left one day in late May?
Did he reach out to open the curtain of air?

The curtain of water that separates pond from air opens
The fish appears for a moment on this side
Open the air ... is it possible to 'open the air' to Heaven?

Open the curtain of air, peep in to see our loved ones
To see where they could have gone?
I'm always feeling the air with my hands, looking for that opening

I know that I couldn't stay just as the fish can't stay
On this side of the water... unless it died ... I died
The fish only wants food, I only want to peep in at my son

I just want to see his smiling face for a few moments
You know... see his eyes that I know so well
I really miss him so much ... I want to just peep for a moment

Not stay long, you know
Just a moment, just a couple of moments
One more moment, please?

I stand on the grassy knoll in my mind
Seeing a dragonfly land on a little yellow flower
I wonder as I look ... could that dragonfly be Tommy?

Did it appear for me, to let me know he knows I'm here?
Tommy, my mind cries out, I miss you, my son!
Please don't leave, stay for a moment

You don't have to stay long
Light on my hand, just for a couple............    Oh My God!
At this very moment I wrote that!

Kissy came to me, I bent down to pet him
Heard something fall to the floor
It was a 'dragonfly!', a root shaped like a dragonfly!

This just really happened several moments ago!
I took time to get photos of it to put here
I just wrote about a dragonfly up above!

I am feeling strange now, you see
I think Tommy just 'sent a dragonfly to me!'
He sent it by Kissy, who brought it to me

I don't know what to think
I have this 'dragonfly' sitting in my art room
To always stay now... it just appeared... today!!!
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NOTE:

January 04, 2013... This just really happened!  Just as I typed the words 'just for a couple'....... I stopped long enough to get photos of the 'dragonfly'... a root shaped like a dragonfly!

At first, when I heard something fall to the floor, I couldn't imagine what it was... I had just bent over from my desk chair to pet Kissy (he wanted to Express Himself!  To run in a circle as I excitedly tell him 'Kissy, Express Yourself!').

As my hand went to pick up what fell, my eyes couldn't identify what it was.. I drew my hand back quickly.  On the dark carpet it looked like ... I was afraid it could be a big insect, or something until... I leaned down close enough to investigate!

I couldn't believe my eyes!  You won't either, when you read what I've just wrote... this ... really ... happened ... a 'few moments ago!'
Granny Gee/Gloria
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P.S.  Normally, I don't tell anyone about such things ... I keep them to myself.  I know strange things can/will happen ... and if one doesn't see it for themselves ... they don't believe it.
This happened just a short time ago... about 9:45 am  ... January 04, 2013 !!!  Friday!

The Bare, Naked Tree Stood...

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

The Bare, Naked Tree Stood...

'JUST A DOODLE BY GLORIA'

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The Bare, Naked Tree Stood...

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Out in the meadow stands a big, graceful tree
For now, she stands naked without her lush, green leaves
All bare limbs, stretching to the sky

Raindrops lingering on the branches
Glistening like diamonds on a fancy lady
She's still beautiful, this bare... naked tree

One can see 'her', even without her leaves
She stands strong, she's survived
The storms of years gone by

Come a little closer you will see
Into each shiny raindrop
You'll see memories through her time

Memories that are clear as a crystal ball
Look at the bark on her body
See the scars carved in through time

Scars of grief, pain, abuse from long ago
Stand back ... feel deep inside
How she stands there, smiling up at the sky

The big, graceful tree focuses only on the sky
She doesn't look down to see the scars
Left on her body of years gone by

She is waiting... waiting for rain
To make her grow, grow more stronger
For her years to come

To make her older, more graceful
As the years go by
To make people feel love, when they see her

See her as a big, graceful tree
Stripped bare of her seasonal garb
When she is again, clothed in her lush, green leaves
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Note:  

I was reading something interesting.... about writing.  I just tried it to see what would happen ... this is the result.

I was reading 'to just write what comes to mind, let it flow'... I did just that, not giving any thought to what would come next.   The words I read said not to change a thing, just write your words as you thought them... 

I do this anyway, I call it 'getting on a roll'... when words come naturally, when my fingers continue to type as I think... it's like drawing, painting ... my mind 'knows what to do'... as my fingers, hands follow along... I'm always surprised to 'see what happens'... sometimes, I look, feel good about the results.  I 'always knows when I'm finished'... 

Anyway... this is the result, whether it be good... whether it be bad.  :))) Granny Gee/Gloria Faye Brown Bates :)))

Gloomy Thoughts On A Dreary, Gray Day...

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee... 2012

Gloomy Thoughts On A Dreary, Gray
Day...

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I laughed, talked with you today
I didn't feel like it, but... I did
Pretended to be just fine, but, I'm not

The sky is so dreary, gray
Clouds threaten to rain
On this gloomy day

I drank a chocolate peppermint latte
That you made for me
It was so hot, comforting (thank you, Becca :)))

I took that away with me
As I went about my business
On this cloudy, gray day

Tears are in the back of my eyes
Sadness in my heart
Today is the day my cousin died

Eight years ago in a terrible crash
A log truck hit her car head-on
She never knew, it happened so fast

I was thinking of you today, Sylvia
I hope you rest in peace
I'm sending you love on this cloudy, gray day.

I send my thoughts, love through the air
To join the others I know are thinking of you today
I didn't get a chance to say thank you

On that fateful day
Thank you for helping us, going out of your way
When our home burned down just days before

Before you left to go to a new home
The grief I felt from all that happened doubled
The day a log truck hit you

Rest in peace, Sylvia
I was thinking of you
On this dreary, cloudy day

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Note:
Sylvia had been helping us, bringing us things we needed to begin our life again.

The last time I saw her, she came to our new home.  I let her sit in my rocking chair, I sat on the floor.  We didn't have furniture yet... we lost all in a house fire that destroyed our belongings.


The fire was caused by old wiring in the house that had never been replaced.  The box was new, the wiring old.  We lived in an old historical house.  We didn't own, we rented.


The owner told me he would make it up to us, sadly... he died within weeks of that day.  His family, all moved away.  When we moved there, he told us to not worry about renter's insurance... we didn't.  We lost everything.  His family 'forgot' us...


We found out later Sylvia had gone to great lengths to get things from their church to give us... money, household things.  Her caring lived on for a time after her death.  Thank you, Sylvia... for caring when you didn't have to.


We hadn't been close through all the years, as I was always a long ways away.  Just a few days before her death... we promised we would be close 'the rest of our lives.'  We were for a few days... until the rest of her life ...came.  When she died, we were friends.


Just a couple of months prior, her oldest brother, my cousin... Ray, died.  They say he committed suicide.  I have no way of knowing anything since I wasn't close to him in our growing up years either.  I heard the rumors, though.  I have to say .... I can't imagine him doing such a thing.


We were children together, all of us... we were like brothers, sisters in our childhood days.  We all suffered so much as children... all in different ways.


Several months after Sylvia's death... my brother, Rick-Rick died ... my heart stayed broken... never getting a chance to mend.  My brother died of ... drug overdose.


I'll never forget my brother, Rick-Rick.  He was always there for me when no one in my family was.... I saw him cry over me.  I know this one brother loved me.  We had a bond.


Rick-Rick died May 19, 2005 ... I just thought of something strange...  May 19, 2009 is the date the man stepped out in front of Tommy's truck ...stepped out of his car in all the fast-moving traffic on the Hernando De Soto Bridge connecting Tennessee, Arkansas... the man Tommy hit with the big truck... the horrible accident that led up to my son's death.

I have lived in 'perpetual grief' since 1998.  I know grief very well, it has become my permanent companion, yet ... I still smile.


I write about sad things ... I still find good in my life.  I write what I know best ... it has been mostly sadness, grief, pain ... I know these things well, I have experienced them, lived all.  Since being a baby ... I have shed a lot of tears ... I've known so much ... death, bad things.


Don't feel sorry for me ... I write my pain out here.  I write for all to be read, hoping my words will help someone, hoping my grandchildren will later read to know 'me' through my words, where I come from.  Know what kind of person I was, Tommy was, Grandpa Skip was......


I felt like crying today ... I did for a short time.... it didn't help....


Still..... somehow, I know everything is going to be ... all right.  :))) Granny Gee

I Flew On The Wind!

Granny Gee/aka Gloria Faye Brown Bates ...2012

I Was Flying On The Wind!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



I was calm, I spoke to myself ... I say that because 'who else could have spoken to me?'

My words were a thought ... a calm thought about something so life-threatening ... I wondered if it was my imagination?  Could I be imagining?

I didn't want to alarm Skip if it wasn't real.  How can I tell ... I don't want to ever 'cry Wolf!' .... and it turn out to be ... nothing.

My body felt 'very still' inside, a voice ... my voice, my thoughts inside my head ... said, "get up, Gloria."

I sat up in bed, of course, with that old familiar pain I lived with since my surgeries... that's going to always be there... I didn't complain, ever.  I cried when it was worse at times, but... I never complained.  It's my trade-off to live... I 'love' my pain, it means ...I'm here.

I put my feet on the floor, as I did... I was 'looking inside' myself.  Something doesn't feel right... I'd been having a 'little cough'.  I'd had surgery the day before on my hand ... carpal tunnel.  I was given lots of fluids by IV... the doctor was late, I stayed on the fluids.

My surgery was done out-patient, I came home that day.  That night, Skip had to take me back to the hospital, to the ER.  I felt I couldn't breathe, I felt afraid ... it could have been my imagination.  After several hours, I was released to go home.

The following day, I did okay... in the back of my mind though ... I was 'too quiet' ... I kept going back to that place where I felt something 'wasn't right'  in my mind.  You know how you do... you 'just can't put your finger on it.'  Something in your mind ... you keep trying to sense what it is...

I was standing up, looking down at my pillows.  I had stacked three (the number 'three' is always important in my life :)))... I had stacked three pillows ... like 'steps'... so, I could lay my head, shoulders on them comfortably.  I couldn't lay down flat.

I was in mid-motion to lay back down, when I stopped abruptly.  Only for a quick second did I feel panic.  I came back to my standing position... I looked over to Skip.  He was lying there sleeping peacefully.

Wake him up!  My voice... 'a voice told me'... I know it was my voice.  How could I 'be a voice'... when I know my own?

I stood there a moment ... I began to speak to Skip, I didn't know I was going to actually wake him up.  My voice began speaking to him, confident in what I was telling him .... how did I know?  How did I know something was wrong?  How did I know ... I was going to .... die?

A voice ... it sounded like my own voice in my head ... told me to wake Skip up, tell him to get me to the hospital.  I resisted for several minutes, until my voice 'went ahead, spoke for me'... without me consciously making that decision!

My voice spoke quietly, with confidence that I 'knew' something bad was going to happen... as soon as I spoke to Skip, he was instantly awake, sitting up in bed, reaching for his shirt.

"Skip, get me to the hospital, I'm going to die."  My voice calmly said these words... no fear,no panic... I 'knew.'  Skip never hesitated ... Skip knew when I said something ... it was so.

I began to put my blouse over my head ... for a moment, life stood still as that voice ... I know it was mine, then, again ... it was 'different'.. it was a 'thought'............ it spoke to me the very moment my blouse passed over my face to my nose .... "if I don't get to the hospital, I'm going to die."

I looked at Skip, after quickly pulling my blouse on... "let's go, Skip, I'm going to die."  No panic, no fear ... only quiet urgency... 'let's go now."

We walked out to Skip's truck, got inside.  I just felt a sense of urgency now... I didn't say anything.  I was coughing, it seemed to be a lot more.

We lived in town, so, it only took moments to get to the first stoplight... at that stoplight, I made a decision without intending to ... 'something inside me spoke to Skip in my voice, a voice so sure of itself, a 'knowing voice.'

"Skip, get me to the rescue building, now."  The only one time Skip questioned me was at that moment ..... "But, I thought you said you didn't ever want to go there, even if you were dying."  In my mind, our hospital was too far.... 35 miles.  I saw myself 'laying in the seat' ... I 'knew' .. I wouldn't make it.

Without thinking, I turned my head and said to Skip, "Skip, if you don't get me there ..now!  I am going to die!"  He went one block, turned right... pulled into the parking lot, got out, went inside to get someone.

They came out to me, I had gotten out of the truck to stand ... I was coughing more.  I was beginning to panic ... a little.  I was feeling like a little bird that's begun to realize it's trapped in a cage... I was slowly beginning to 'flutter my wings'... to escape...

The young man began to question me.  I coughed as I answered his questions.  He checked my ankles, told Skip I had edema... my ankles were swollen.  He was concerned with my cough, asked me how long I'd had it.  http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/heart-failure/edema-overview  To read about 'edema', here is a link.

'My wings began to flutter faster, I felt I really was trapped in the cage .... now!'  I was beginning to panic... I couldn't breathe.  I was going into 'fighting mode.'

Other guys began coming out of the building toward me.  Some knew me from when I worked at the hospital emergency room.

I was 'in the air in my mind looking down to see them'..... I was ashamed 'to be out of control' in front of them ... when I'd worked at the hospital, they knew me.  I didn't want to be fighting to breathe in front of them!

My mind quickly went past that thought, "help me, I can't breathe!"  The guy who knew me, began making me lay down on the stretcher in the rescue.... I couldn't breathe!

I began struggling to get back up, I was grabbing onto the side rail of the stretcher!  "I can't breathe, let me up, let me up!  I'm going to die!"  There wasn't anymore 'calmness now'... there was no doubt now... this was my voice crying for help.  "Please help me!"

The guy asked me if I wanted to hold his hand.  I remember saying 'yes', but, I may have thought it... but, quickly went on to 'fight for my life'... I never thought about his hand again

I heard the siren, felt the truck moving beneath me going toward the hospital that was ten miles away.  Strangely, as I was panicking, fighting to sit up to breathe, my mind was feeling every bump, turn in the streets, the ...road to the hospital.  I 'knew' where I was...

I kept thinking .... it won't be long, I'll be at the hospital, they'll save my life!  I was 'picturing inside my mind' what I used to see so much of when I worked at that very emergency room.... one vision in my mind was of a paramedic on top of the patient on the stretcher as it was wheeled through the hall to the emergency room ... I'd seen this lots of times!

The paramedic was administering CPR (read about how easy it is to do CPR now, to save a life..... http://www.dallasnews.com/news/columnists/steve-blow/20121124-read-this-and-save-a-life-with-cpr.ece ....

This was what I seeing in my mind... I 'knew they'd save me'... if I could just get to the hospital.  I knew the nurses there, I knew ... many people from having worked there, myself.

The paramedic would do that to me, too!  He would begin CPR... I heard him telling me that ... I was too busy trying to breathe... but, I did hear him.  I felt a comfort.. as I was fighting to live.

I knew when the rescue truck backed up to the doors of the ER, I was fighting ... maybe the fight was in my mind ... it seemed 'all hell had broke loose'.... maybe 'I was all the hell that broke loose inside my mind as I was fighting for my life'.... maybe no one could 'see that'.... because the 'war' was 'inside my body.'

I briefly saw faces, excited voices.... I saw one face in particular.  "Donna!  Donna!  Help me, Donna, please help me!"  I screamed to her to please help me... 'I knew she'd help me... who could have asked for a better nurse than Donna.. she was one of the best!  I knew what she could do, I'd worked with her!.........

(Note here:  Donna never heard me scream for help  ... all of this was going on in my mind ... strange, isn't it?).

"Get a catheter in her!" These were the last words I heard as I slipped into the darkness.  I never had time to think of Skip ... I was in the fight of my life.

The light was beautiful, I looked around... I wasn't in Heaven, I was in this beautiful emergency room.  I didn't recognize it ... all had been remodeled since I'd worked there.  I sure did like it!  I was smiling....

I felt a movement at my right side, turned my head to see who was there.  I saw a very attractive, blonde-headed woman smiling down at me.  I smiled right back at her.... I was so glad to see her!  I didn't know her, but... I was so happy to see her!  She was Dr. Smith!

I couldn't stop smiling... my mind kept singing with happiness ... "I'm so glad to be here, I'm so glad to be here!"  I was .. breathless with happiness, giddy... thankful.  The more I smiled, the more thankful ... I was.

As I smiled, I told her that I didn't know what happened, that I thought I must have had some kind of panic attack (all I could remember was panicking like a little bird in full-fighting mode to escape the bird cage!).

"Oh, no!" she said.  "You had the real thing!  See this, I was getting ready to put that on you!"  I turned my head, and saw the .... ventilator.  Oh, my God!  I didn't think anymore....  (read about ventilator here:  http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=79622 )

I just couldn't quit smiling!  I 'felt such happiness that was soaring all around me, strong... beautiful... my mind was flying like a little bird that had made it safely out of that cage it was trapped in!  I 'flew with it!', the rest of that night.

I was transferred to Rex Hospital in Raleigh... our hospital!  That night I did get to 'fly like a bird!'  I really did!  I never stopped smiling the whole night... that I remember!

The guy came to the cardiac care unit late that night asked me one question.  He was helping me get into the wheelchair, as he asked.  He was taking me down to x-ray.  He said words that were magical to me.... "do you want to be pushed fast, or be pushed slow?"

"Fast!  Push me fast!"  I was smiling as he pushed me out the door to my room... he went by the nurses' station, into the elevator.  We went down, the doors opened!

Oh my!  I was flying on the wind, I felt it on my face, blowing my hair... I know my eyes were sparkling... I felt them taking in the wonderful, bright light around me!  Oh God, it felt good to be here!  I smiled...

The ride lasted so long!  I never saw, felt that wheelchair beneath me!   Never!  'I was flying on the wind!'  I was so happy to be here!  I couldn't stop smiling!

The air, the wind.... oh, how wonderful it was to breathe it flying fast on the wind.  I took deep breaths as I .... was flying on the wind!  This little bird ... smiled, as she was ... flying on the wind!
**********************


Note:  I had Congestive Heart Failure ... this is when I began to learn that the chemotherapy drug adriamycin damaged my heart.  Read about the effects of adriamycin, chemotherapy drugs on the heart:
http://news.cancerconnect.com/cardiac-toxicity-2/
***********************
Read about Congestive Heart Failure:
http://www.medicinenet.com/congestive_heart_failure/article.htm

C A N C E R ... Diagnosed With Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma

Photo of Granny Gee/Gloria... 1998 ...Christmas Tree with Decorations painted, drawn, cut out by Gloria Faye Brown Bates....  (I never knew the day would come that I would dare to show this photo to anyone, much less 'the world.')

___________________________________________________

C A N C E R ...  Diagnosed With Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma      

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


I can barely remember this photo... I can't remember a lot during this time of my life... what I do remember was ... bad, good, bad ... good.  So, I'll describe it again in one word .... bittersweet.

We were waiting for Tommy to get home from Germany.  Skip had bought lots of gifts... strange, I can't remember shopping with him.

I sat here, just this very moment ... looking into a photo once again... seeing what you can't see, but... I know is there.  You see a smiling woman... I would even say her face is pretty here... but, nothing in comparison with how beautiful she used to be.

You see just a smiling woman ... you don't see where she had surgery... where a rib was removed.  You don't see the pain in her body from the terrible surgery she had.

Scars from the breathing tube, port catheter in her chest for chemotherapy drugs  (https://www.google.com/search?q=port+catheter&hl=en&tbo=u&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ei=H23kUNSQIoPe8ATEnIGABQ&sqi=2&ved=0CEoQsAQ&biw=1920&bih=932 , scars from the needles ... you can't see anything like that in this photo.

I can see for a moment a woman who found her fighting spirit from words her husband said to her... said out of love, not real anger.  Words that gave her hope, words that put steel in her spine ... though here... you can't see it.

Those words made her get out of bed, begin seeing that she 'meant to live'... she dug her heels in... she was going to hold her ground.

This woman, 'me', Granny Gee/Gloria.... was diagnosed with cancer... non-Hodgkins lymphoma in July 1998... I was close to death when finally, I was diagnosed.

Skip carried me from one specialist to another ... at first, they didn't know what to diagnose me with.  My first diagnosis was sarcodosis... (http://www.lung.org/lung-disease/sarcoidosis/)... it was quickly changed after the fine needle aspiration. (http://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=nlungbiop.)

When I had the fine needle aspiration procedure done ... it was inserted through my back, into my right lung.  The doctor who performed it, caused me such pain, became nervous.  She had to let another doctor do it.  Just after ... my right lung collapsed.

My body was so weak, I was so sick, I was ... dying.  Skip was taking me back, forward for tests to determine what was causing me to not be able to breathe, I couldn't speak above a whisper.  Steam from the showers 'suffocated' me, panicked me.

I had a PET scan, more tests.... (http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=11912).

I lost weight rapidly, I began to stay in bed, I wasn't able to stay up.  I stayed so cold ... oh, how I remember how cold my body stayed.  Skip would pile blankets on me ... I still stayed cold.... in one hundred degree weather....

I itched .... my whole body would itch ... in the darkness of my mind ... where 'I was' ... I would scratch here, there.  No relief did I get from the itching.

I had developed a cough... I had a bronchoscopy... my bronchial tubes were closing up.  Breathing was difficult for me.    http://www.medicinenet.com/bronchoscopy/article.htm

I had CT scans (http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/computed-tomography-ct-scan-of-the-body), Muga scan (http://heartdisease.about.com/cs/cardiactests/a/muga.htm), and many other tests.

I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.  The mass was on the outside of my right lung, resting on both heart and lung.  I was very ill.

On July 16, 1998, Skip took me for surgery.  After the surgery, before I could see through the drug-induced fog, before I could be sat up (Skip and the nurse were helping me... I was in a upholstered chair before I became aware of ... myself).... I heard what I can only describe as an impression of a 'big' woman, with a loud voice.... hateful voice.

First, I'm hearing someone crying ... it was me.  I began to feel the terrible pain... then, I have the impression of a 'big, tall' woman come into the room.  She was saying something to me ... the strange thing was when she spoke, I was actually seeing in my mind.... letters, about a foot tall.

She told me I had 'CANCER'... I could see each letter in my mind individually.... C  A  N  C  E  R ... each letter was a foot tall.  I never saw her face, to be able to recognize her when I next saw her.

She told me that she was my oncologist, that I'd be having chemotherapy in the near future.  She also, told me that I had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma... that she couldn't promise me anything.  I could live, I could... die.

I vaguely remember looking up into Skip's face, turning my head to look into the nurse's face ... both looked angry.  I was crying, weeping ... my mind had went to the word 'CANCER'... I was dead, already.  I was afraid for the first time in my life in a medical setting.

My memories are dark while being in the hospital... I remember nurses I couldn't see ... holding me, comforting me while performing a bone marrow biopsy. (http://www.medicinenet.com/bone_marrow/article.htm).  The pain was so great from this procedure.  Tests, needles, so much was constantly going on ... to save 'me'... to save my life.

I remember my blood pressure staying too low, my nose bled... oh, the pain ... the pain was mostly what I knew.  I'd had a thoracotomy.  It was done by a cardiothoracic surgeon.  I had a thoracotomy.  (http://www.surgeryencyclopedia.com/St-Wr/Thoracotomy.html).

One year later, I had a second thoracotomy on my left lung... a small portion of lung was removed.  I had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma... it came back.  I went through being ill again, chemotherapy, losing my hair, all the tests ... nightmare... once again.  Now... the pain I lived with ... was doubled.

For now, I will stop here, give you the symptoms of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma ... and tell you this, though it doesn't lessen one bit what you would go through, or lessen the severity of the disease....

I was told over and over this:  'if you get cancer, this is the cancer you would want.'  The chances are good that you can go into remission... for years.

The symptoms are at this link:  I had them all, when I began to get sick ... it happened rapidly.    http://www.medicinenet.com/non-hodgkins_lymphomas/page4.htm#what_are_symptoms_and_signs_of_non-hodgkins_lymphoma

I first became alarmed when my blood pressure would stay low, but....... my pulse would be so high.  Deep down, I knew it shouldn't be that way.  I was exercising, walking... eating right at the time.  I always look back to this time ...before....

Then, the cough developed.  Not a bad cough, not a noticeable cough ... I'd always had allergies...  It was one of the first symptoms I noticed.  I was diagnosed at first with ... pneumonia, when we went to the Emergency Room.

I do remember the night sweats... I would be so cold.  The itching.... I remember laying in the 'dark of my mind'... wondering why I was itching... but, I didn't focus on it, I 'just knew'.......

A doctor at an urgent care saved my life.  He ordered an x-ray, talked to us, sent me on my way ... to saving my life.  That was when the specialists, tests began...

The weight loss... I'll never forget Skip's face looking at me in shock at the weight I'd lost so quickly.... he didn't realize it because my clothes were very loose.  One day when I was changing clothes is when he noticed.

I thought I was eating all the time ... in reality, I wasn't eating at all.  Only when Skip was there making sure I was... he had to work, care for me... too.  We had no one to help us.  When he asked me if I ate .... I'd automatically say I had...  I thought I had.

Looking at the photo above ... I looked closely to see if you could see the pain I suffered, the grief of knowing I had cancer, the grief of how 'friends, family' would go quickly in the opposite direction when seeing me .... do you know what I see when looking?

My eyes see an 'impostor' ... not 'me'.  I see the beautiful wig Skip purchased for me.  He took money we could ill-afford to purchase me a very expensive wig, to be as close to my hair as possible.  In the photo... I didn't 'see anything' to make me run in the opposite direction from a friend.  Do you?  If so, honestly tell me... I would like to know.

One friend, I'd had for many years, met up with us in an aisle at the supermarket... he came around the corner, ran into us.  He couldn't talk, he was flustered, talked fast (we never understood him)... turned around, he took off in a different direction.  He hurt me deeply.

That man is dead now... I wonder if when he became sick, before he died.....  if he thought of his 'friend' that he ran from?  I wouldn't have ran from him ... or no one who was fortunate enough to beat death.

I see in the photo .... my eye lashes, eyebrows are ... gone.  I see me holding onto the gate that at the time, kept our Pups 'then'... from going into the living room around the Christmas tree.  I was weak, but... I had become determined to 'survive this thing.'

You can't see the 'steel in my spine'... but, it was there... it came back.  You can't see my feet flat on the ground... you can't see my 'fighting spirit'... but, it was just coming back.  I won.... but, it took quite some time, and oh my God, the pain... pain that I live with ..today.

I was looking at my face ... I can 'see' how my face looked 'washed out' from 'all'.

I look one last time at 'me' in the photo.... my eyes still look 'soft, caring'... so, a 'part of the real me was showing' in this photo.  I had on a beautiful wig... I just needed some eyebrows, and eye lashes to stick on, too.   :)))

I told you about the time my wig got caught on the tree limb!  Yes, I walked under that tree never thinking I'd lose my hair ... then, it happened.  I quickly grabbed it, stuck it on my head fast.  I looked at Skip, asked him did I have it on right.

He told me, "move it to the right!"  I had put it on 'lopsided!'  I had to trust him to tell me how to keep moving it... until it was 'just right!'

I know I looked ridiculous when that wig was on my head 'all crazy'... I smile gently now, thinking about it.  Skip never minded, he always said 'it's just temporary for now.'  He was my hero, my everything.  He made me feel like I was going to live.  He never stopped caring... his calming voice... I always heard it, when I couldn't see him.

There was gentle humor, where we could laugh, tease me.  I had to tell Skip and Tommy that we needed to find humor in a nice way.  Skip named me the Gerber Baby.  Tommy would tease me about the one curl on my head... in the sweetest way....  Humor, laughter is healing.... that's not to say...  

That I laughed, found all kinds of things funny during that period...

Far from it... I did my share of crying... and a time or two, when I was alone, I .... screamed at God, only to later be ashamed.

I tried not to feel anger, but... it happened from time to time.

Remember... I said I'm not perfect, I'm not an angel ... I'm mean, sometimes.  :)))  Even when ... I'm sick.

My words in no way can reflect the shock, grief, fear..... that comes from being diagnosed with cancer.  In fact, if I tried to color my words with those emotions... I'd come up short.  I can't think of words powerful enough to make you 'feel' .... how it feels.

My words would be colored 'pale' in comparison ... to being told 'you have C A N C E R, you have non-Hodgkin's lymphoma!

Remember What Granny Gee Says ... Candle + Flame = HOPE... How Will They Know? and Was That Anger?

Artwork... Just A Doodle For You... by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee

'Remember Granny Gee's Words:  Candle + Flame = HOPE'....

********************************************************************************

NOTE:

I would like to give credit to one of my special blogger friends, her blog link is:  http://thedrsays.org/ .

She left a comment that prompted me to thinking that 'this is what I want to write about today.'  I hope you will visit her blog, she writes about her illness ... her words touch something deep within me... your hearts will be touched, also.

My Friend's Words:

1st comment by her...  in your email you said we had more in common than i knew and after reading
this i am in awe of just how much we have had in common. at the ver least you
have learned how important it is to tell your story so future generations can
know you.
'How Will They Know' came to my mind, when I read this...

2nd comment by her...'I wore combat boots and jumped out of planes! we have experienced so much more
than the average person and it has been a blessing upon us. now we may have to
accept there are changes we weren't expecting. as long as you are alive there is
hope! never stop dreaming or imagining it could happen. who knows what this New
Year brings?'
'Hope' ... came to my mind, when I read this ... I saw the candle in my mind... brightly burning.
*********************************************************************************



Remember What Granny Gee Says... Candle + Flame = HOPE
How Will They Know?  ...and Was That Anger?

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
***********************************



'HOPE'......     I read the words above, written by my friend.  The question 'how will they know', and the meaning of the word 'hope' came to my mind.

'Hope'... that word has so much meaning to me.  At one time in my life I could have just succumbed to my life-threatening illness... 'let go' ... I had already given up hope.  I 'knew' I was going to die, no 'if's and buts'.... it was just ... a matter of time.  When?

Remember when I wrote about being diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma?  My words can in no way describe the hell I lived in for 3 years (strange enough .... the number '3' is so, significant in my life).

The horrible, painful tests... the chemotherapy treatments... losing my hair from the effects of the chemo medicines (this happened twice), how sick I was, how when 'friends, family' saw me... they turned their backs on me,the needles, the horrible surgeries that left me in pain for the rest of my life, learning to hold things in my hands again, to walk without help... I can go ... on and on, I won't.

You get the 'picture'.... but, you don't 'know'... you just don't know... unless you've walked 'in my shoes.'  In others' shoes who have been there.....

Just one 'little thing' such as when Skip would take me with him to get me out of the house... to the supermarket.  I would walk so slowly, my body full of pain, drugs... we would see 'our friends' see us... turn their backs, walk quickly out of sight to another aisle.   They could always say 'oh!  I didn't see you!'

My 'family, friends' didn't want to see me...  I was 'a goner', they were afraid of me.  Just think how such affects a very sick person... I cried during those 3 years just as I've cried for my son's death... only it's worst with my son... I lost my child, my only child.

I don't know if one can ever truly put 3 years of trying to recover from such an illness ... into mere words.  You could never know, see the pain, grief of knowing you were going to die, how many times you cried, mourned 'your own death.'

Combine all the 'little things' I wrote in the above paragraghs ... it still doesn't touch 'how to describe.'  Skip was the only person, our Pups... who gave me reason to live... and when Tommy found out.  Skip gave me reason to live... when Tommy died... he and our Pups.

Not my 'family, friends'... they contributed to my loss of hope.  'I was already ...dead.'  You see ... I could still 'see' through my drugged, foggy mind, with my eyes.  I could 'feel' through my drugged body.  I could 'hear' with my ears.

Did I just 'feel anger?'  I think I did, when I remember my nephew hurting me not long ago.  He became 'full of himself', he was just beginning college, was popular because he plays golf well... when I complimented him... he began saying 'remember when you didn't come to see us?', and such things ... he'll never know how wrong he was to do that to me.

I've always loved them with my very heart.  Skip was very upset to know he could have acted like this... he expected more from him ... we always 'knew' he'd be somebody... we never knew .... he'd be somebody to hurt me.  That's 'who he is' now... to me.

He doesn't know 'anything'... he was too young.  I still 'see them riding by merrily, waving.. with smiles on their faces' as I sat there on the steps... my happy smile to see them since I'd almost died, dissolve into tears, crying.

No one cared.......  why didn't you come to see me?  I'd just gotten out of the hospital, lucky to be there... I was thinking of you all .... why didn't you come?  You contributed to my loss of... hope.  Had you 'let go' of me in your minds... just happened to see me 'still there'... pretend nothing was wrong as you went merrily your way?  For one of you to grow up to say 'do you remember when you didn't come to see us?'

I have just vented something I didn't know 'was there'... I thought 'those feelings' were gone, I didn't care anymore.  You just saw ... nothing ever goes completely away ... when pain has been inflicted upon us ... no matter that we fight to forgive so, we can go on.  We don't forget....  anyway... my life, my story 'goes on'.........

Then, came the time I accepted dying ... I had no hope.... my candle was barely burning ... I became calm inside .... I won't go on.

I laid on my bed with no hope, accepted the worst that could happen ... I didn't fight anymore.  I was like a deflated balloon, I had no more air to fill it out anymore ...no more air to gently blow on my candle of ... hope.

I worried for Tommy, how it would affect him, if it'd make him begin trying to get back to the USA to me... if he knew.  He was in Germany.

I made Skip promise not to tell him, he didn't for a time... when he did ....Tommy meant to come home to his mama.  Tommy ... did.  'Neither hell nor high water kept him back.'  He meant to get home across that ocean......

Hope ... look at that word.  We all take it for granted... I don't, I know better.  Hope ... is a word that is most special, it creates miracles... puts light into a dark world... it guides one toward life.

Hope ... when you think of hope now... remember something Granny Gee wants you 'to see' .... in your mind.  When we 'see a picture in our minds, we always remember.'

'See this'......  a candle with a bright, burning flame sitting on the table in front of you.  Look at it, watch it.... do you see how brightly it burns?

Imagine that flame begins to lessen... it could go out without some kind of attention.  This could be due to all kinds of things... example:  like when I gave up hope, 'knew I was going to die.'

The flame almost burned out... until ... life was breathed back into the flame!  Imagine ... gently blowing on the flame to make it come alive again... hope begins to shine again...  this is the point miracles can, will happen.  They do happen... they did happen to me.

It takes different things, maybe unexpected ways of making the  flame take on 'life' again ... to shine 'hope.'  Sometimes, at the moment it may even take 'mean things' to make the light/hope shine again....

Remember, I told you that we need 'mean people sometimes to do good things in this world?'  :))) I don't mean Skip is mean ... I'm just saying!  :)))

For example:  my 'candle began to shine again, reflecting hope once more in my dark world from 'mean words!'  Skip said those words to me, knowing if he could 'reach my fighting spirit (we all know I have a 'helluva fighting spirit!)'....... that I'd begin fighting to come back... not die... live!

Reach my fighting spirit, he did!  At that instant when he spoke to it, I 'knew I wasn't going anywhere!'  He 'made that flame burn very bright.'  He touched my emotions with his words, he meant for me not to die... he gave me my Hope again.

I meant to live, I meant to live... live, I did!  I meant it .... I put 'my foot down, held my ground.'  Like Tommy, neither 'hell nor high water kept me down.'

So, through time... when my candle seems to burn dimly ... I look at it in my mind ... I gently begin blowing on it ever so gently, so as ... to bring it back alive again.  Miracles, good things begin to happen.

I'm not saying I'm so positive, so cheerful, life is perfect all the time for me.... not!  Remember how I told you that I'm not perfect at all ... how I tried once to be ... failed miserably?  Well, I'm ... still not perfect.

Guess what?  I'm an imperfect Granny Gee/Gloria... so, never think of me as 'she's perfect, she has everything, life is just as she wants it, and all that good stuff.'  It's not true... our life everyday is a struggle just as a lot of other people we know.

But... that's okay.  I don't think any of us were meant to be perfect ... or how else do we learn to feel emotions that are important ... if we didn't, then... I'm sure everyone would be dead.

Why?  Because... no one would learn from mistakes to know what's important such as ... love, caring, feeling for one another.

I reach the point from time to time since then... I almost give up hope.  Until something Skip says (he knows 'exactly how to push my buttons').... brings my 'fighting spirit' back out.  Once that appears ... we are going to have a 'helluva fight!'  I'm going to ... win.  :)))

Oh, I just want you to know ... I know 'how to push Skip's buttons', too!  :)))  I can't let you all think that 'he is the only one!'  :)))  I've made him 'fight, too.'  Skip has almost died several times ... I know my words ... made a difference, too.

Hope ... that one little beautiful word ... imagine the flame on a candle ... that's 'Hope'.  Don't let it ever go out.  Even if you aren't perfect, and even give up sometimes like I do (we just aren't perfect at all!)...... always come back ... to the candle in your mind.... what does it do?

It burns with a bright flame ... Hope.  If the flame is dim... just breathe on it gently... bring Hope back into your life, your heart.  Sometimes, the simplest things... are ... so hard to do.  I know with my imperfect self.

'HOW WILL THEY KNOW?'  This question came to my mind when I read my friend's words...  'at the ver least you
have learned how important it is to tell your story so future generations can
know you.'

This is how they will know.  They will know through my words, my photos, my 'pictures I paint with my words', just as my artwork I paint, draw, create with my 'Granny Gee/Gloria' hands.

'Candle... Flame =  HOPE    

Granny Gee's instructions for never losing HOPE are:   If the flame appears to lessen, burn dimly in your life ... no matter what the circumstances are ... begin breathing gently on the flame to make it light up the dark world around you.

If you do that... you will begin to see other candles ... your flame, your life will join others in never giving up, to always have HOPE.

Remember Granny Gee's words if you ever find yourself crying, sad, in whatever circumstances life throws at you.

Remember ... HOPE.   Just think of a candle sitting alone on a table... gently blow on it.  Watch in your mind... as your world begins to ... brighten.  Look around in that 'darkness'... see other flames yours will join .... making light/Hope shine for ...everyone.

These are my words, my thoughts this morning.  I hope I created 'artwork' in your minds with my 'word painting.'  :)))  I don't apologize for the little vent of anger in my today's story ... it is real life, it really hurt me.  This is my story, and as that song goes.... 'I'm sticking to it.'  Real life is like this....

See... I told you that I wasn't ... perfect.  I need to write that 500 times.....

Granny Gee isn't perfect.
Granny Gee isn't perfect.
Granny Gee isn't perfect.
Granny Gee isn't perfect.
Granny Gee isn't perfect.

I'm ... still ... not ... perfect.  This doesn't help at all.  :)))  But, I'm still a 'good Granny Gee/Gloria.'  I know I'm 'mean, sometimes.'

Don't be mean, Granny Gee.
Don't be mean, Granny Gee.
Don't be mean, Granny Gee.
Don't be mean, Granny Gee.
Don't be mean, Granny Gee.

I'm ... still ... mean, sometimes.  This doesn't help at all.  :))) But, I'm still a 'good Granny Gee/Gloria.'

Remember I told you .... that we need ... mean people in the world ... sometimes?   I'm just saying.........................  :)))

Bringing Grandma Alma's Memory Alive ... For A Few Moments

MY GRANDMA ALMA ...

George and Grandma Alma 'sitting in their chairs where they sat for many years'...  

*******************************

Bringing Grandma Alma's Memory Alive ... For A Few Moments

I didn't get to know my Grandma Alma in the days that she walked. I was too little to remember.  

My only vague memory of her walking was outside in the backyard... I'm closing my eyes to try to remember.  It seemed like there was a little party for one of us grandchildren, or maybe she was pouring kool aid for us.  I just can't remember anymore.

My next memory of her was of myself tipping-toeing into the front bedroom.  I remember everything was so 'white' in there.  A hospital bed was in there... on it lay my Grandma Alma.  I tried to peep up at her.

My next memory of her is sitting in her rocking chair, an upholstered recliner that rocked.  George's wooden chair with a bottomed seat was sitting beside it.  For twenty-some years they sat side by side in those chairs.

George, my step-grandfather (the only grandfather I ever knew... the kindest man I ever knew until I met Skip)... was blind.  He could cook, wash clothes, hang them out onto the clothes line.  

Grandma Alma was very intelligent, even after her stroke.  When I was little I would think 'school teacher'... she tried to teach us grandchildren so much.  She tried to pass on her knowledge of things, games she played as a child.

Grandma Alma was paralyzed... one arm was useless, one leg dragged when she tried to walk with her walker.  George always walked beside her.

George always gave her range of motion exercises every morning, noon, and evening.  He never failed at doing that.  He would exercise her body, rub it with rubbing alcohol, then... lotion (Beauty Ray lotion).

If anyone could have made her walk again ... it would have been George.  I never heard him complain, he did it with love.  George was a good man.  He loved Grandma Alma, he loved her grandchildren, and her 5 daughters.

My Grandma Alma would tell me to hide behind her chair if I ran to her.  She would protect me to the death, daring anyone 'to put a finger on that child!'  

The sad thing is I never made it that far when I should have... how does a child know 'bad' things will happen out of the blue to them ... when there are adults around... waiting for opportunities.  

It's like a hawk swooping down to catch a rabbit before it knows what has happened.  The rabbit is just hopping along in its own world... not knowing 'something wants to get it.'

Watch your little ones... even the 'nicest, about something' ...person may be waiting for an opportunity.  Just because a person is 'so and so, would never do such a thing'... yes, they will.  You hear about it all the time... only 'it doesn't happen to you'.  Yes, it does....

Grandma Alma never knew the times I cried, was afraid.  I never told her... I never thought to.  I fought to survive a mean world I'd been thrust into very young ... I kept losing battles, but.. learned as I went.  I've always learned the hard way... when I did, I never forgot.  I never told on anybody... everybody else did.

Strangely enough, Grandma Alma was paralyzed... yet, she was the 'strong one'... she was the nucleus everyone revolved around.  She was the matriarch.  

Maybe that was 'why' the center of the floor in the room she was trapped in all those years... became what I always called 'the stage, the arena'... when I became old enough to think about it.

Everyone came to that invisible stage... always 'in that center of the room' to.... raise hell, to fight, cuss, knock each other around.  They would scream at whomever the dispute was with, then, scream at Grandma Alma to tell them this or that.  The next thing one knew, there would be a 'helluva fight going on'.  

Poor George would try to feel around to break it up, Grandma Alma yelling at him 'do something, George!'  He would get hit in the face, in the chest, or kicked.  

Once I saw something happen to George that broke my little girl heart.  I cried as I watched him get knocked down on the floor.... he landed on his back.  Bad things happened down at Grandma Alma and George's.....  tears come to my eyes now, thinking about this.  I have to stop now....

Grandma Alma had twinkling, smiling blue eyes.  How I loved my Grandma Alma!  She would reach out with that one good arm to pull me to her, hug me.  I would feel safe when she did that.... I wasn't safe for long... I couldn't stay close to her all the time.  I didn't try to... I was too curious to know what was around me.

Grandma Alma's photo above is a treasure.  I've had it for years, how it survived the house fire, I don't know.  I don't think anyone else has a photo of her any younger than this one... if so, I would so much love to see it.

I wonder what kind of person she was at this age?  I look at the photo, I wonder.  I see a slight smile on her face... I wish I could see her with her hat off.  

Do you see me wondering about my Grandma Alma?  Just suppose, suppose for a moment ... that I could go to a blog to read in her own words about her life?

Suppose I could see her favorite photos...  suppose I could read what makes her laugh, makes her cry.  I could learn what kind of person she was.  I can't ever know what she was like as a young woman, I can't even see photos of her at an younger age.

Do you see 'why' I blog, put my photos here, on Facebook?  So, one day my granddaughter, grandson can 'know me through my words, my photos'.  So, they can read about me, their father who is my son.    

They can read about our Pups, learn we are dog-lovers, know Pa Skip through my blog.  Who knows, maybe one day it could be possible, I could write a book... I have a lot to write about.  My life has been very colorful.  For now, I'll keep practicing writing....

Grandma Alma might not have have had a blog... that's okay.  I've brought her back to life... through memories, and photos.  Everyone who loved her are thinking about her at this very moment.  She had a lot of grandchildren...... precious grandchildren whom she tried to protect.  Not in every case could she.

For a few moments, I brought Grandma Alma's memory alive.  I hope my special photo of her surprises everyone to get a rare glimpse into the past ... when she was young Grandma Alma.  :)))

My Blog Was Showcased At ... I Love My Readers ... Followers!

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee...Doodling For  You!

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My Blog Was Showcased At...  I Love My Readers...Followers!
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January 01, 2013 ...  Tuesday
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Just a short time ago, I was surprised to see that my happycolorsandgrannygee.blogspot.com blog was showcased at...  http://yourblogconnection.blogspot.com/2013/01/touched-by-blogger-granny-gee.html... by Theresa Wiza.

Theresa, thank you.  I feel so honored that you did that.  It was a wonderful surprise for the first day of the new year!  So unexpected, so fun!  So... it made tears in my eyes...  who wouldn't want someone to do that?  I called Skip to come 'look!'  I felt 'special!'  :)))

I wanted everyone to know so, they could go by her website, visit, maybe even follow her.  She writes about all kinds of things.  I'm looking forward to reading ... I just began following her this morning.

Here's to a Happy New Year everyone... we all have made into another year... 2013.  I look forward to you all... I appreciate all of you who have read me, followed me this past year, talked to me by comments, emails, mail.  I have been writing my blog now for 1 year, 1 month.

I have met a lot of you during this past year of 2012, you've all become 'somebody' to me.  I feel I know you, I sure know so many new names!

I'm looking forward to writing in this new year ahead!  I have so much to say... as long as I have feelings, thoughts, imagination ... as long as there is a 'Granny Gee'... I will have something to write about.

I will never forget my son, Tommy, nor my grandchildren.... Taban, McKenzie.  Here's to remembering them, Pa Skip, The Pups, and Granny Gee!

I'll toast to that with a big...... Pepsi Cola on ice!  :))) You can drink whatever you want to toast!  :)))  You could comment and tell me what you drank... to toast with!

Happy first day of 2013...  Love, Granny Gee/Gloria