Remember What Granny Gee Says ... Candle + Flame = HOPE... How Will They Know? and Was That Anger?

Artwork... Just A Doodle For You... by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee

'Remember Granny Gee's Words:  Candle + Flame = HOPE'....

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NOTE:

I would like to give credit to one of my special blogger friends, her blog link is:  http://thedrsays.org/ .

She left a comment that prompted me to thinking that 'this is what I want to write about today.'  I hope you will visit her blog, she writes about her illness ... her words touch something deep within me... your hearts will be touched, also.

My Friend's Words:

1st comment by her...  in your email you said we had more in common than i knew and after reading
this i am in awe of just how much we have had in common. at the ver least you
have learned how important it is to tell your story so future generations can
know you.
'How Will They Know' came to my mind, when I read this...

2nd comment by her...'I wore combat boots and jumped out of planes! we have experienced so much more
than the average person and it has been a blessing upon us. now we may have to
accept there are changes we weren't expecting. as long as you are alive there is
hope! never stop dreaming or imagining it could happen. who knows what this New
Year brings?'
'Hope' ... came to my mind, when I read this ... I saw the candle in my mind... brightly burning.
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Remember What Granny Gee Says... Candle + Flame = HOPE
How Will They Know?  ...and Was That Anger?

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
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'HOPE'......     I read the words above, written by my friend.  The question 'how will they know', and the meaning of the word 'hope' came to my mind.

'Hope'... that word has so much meaning to me.  At one time in my life I could have just succumbed to my life-threatening illness... 'let go' ... I had already given up hope.  I 'knew' I was going to die, no 'if's and buts'.... it was just ... a matter of time.  When?

Remember when I wrote about being diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma?  My words can in no way describe the hell I lived in for 3 years (strange enough .... the number '3' is so, significant in my life).

The horrible, painful tests... the chemotherapy treatments... losing my hair from the effects of the chemo medicines (this happened twice), how sick I was, how when 'friends, family' saw me... they turned their backs on me,the needles, the horrible surgeries that left me in pain for the rest of my life, learning to hold things in my hands again, to walk without help... I can go ... on and on, I won't.

You get the 'picture'.... but, you don't 'know'... you just don't know... unless you've walked 'in my shoes.'  In others' shoes who have been there.....

Just one 'little thing' such as when Skip would take me with him to get me out of the house... to the supermarket.  I would walk so slowly, my body full of pain, drugs... we would see 'our friends' see us... turn their backs, walk quickly out of sight to another aisle.   They could always say 'oh!  I didn't see you!'

My 'family, friends' didn't want to see me...  I was 'a goner', they were afraid of me.  Just think how such affects a very sick person... I cried during those 3 years just as I've cried for my son's death... only it's worst with my son... I lost my child, my only child.

I don't know if one can ever truly put 3 years of trying to recover from such an illness ... into mere words.  You could never know, see the pain, grief of knowing you were going to die, how many times you cried, mourned 'your own death.'

Combine all the 'little things' I wrote in the above paragraghs ... it still doesn't touch 'how to describe.'  Skip was the only person, our Pups... who gave me reason to live... and when Tommy found out.  Skip gave me reason to live... when Tommy died... he and our Pups.

Not my 'family, friends'... they contributed to my loss of hope.  'I was already ...dead.'  You see ... I could still 'see' through my drugged, foggy mind, with my eyes.  I could 'feel' through my drugged body.  I could 'hear' with my ears.

Did I just 'feel anger?'  I think I did, when I remember my nephew hurting me not long ago.  He became 'full of himself', he was just beginning college, was popular because he plays golf well... when I complimented him... he began saying 'remember when you didn't come to see us?', and such things ... he'll never know how wrong he was to do that to me.

I've always loved them with my very heart.  Skip was very upset to know he could have acted like this... he expected more from him ... we always 'knew' he'd be somebody... we never knew .... he'd be somebody to hurt me.  That's 'who he is' now... to me.

He doesn't know 'anything'... he was too young.  I still 'see them riding by merrily, waving.. with smiles on their faces' as I sat there on the steps... my happy smile to see them since I'd almost died, dissolve into tears, crying.

No one cared.......  why didn't you come to see me?  I'd just gotten out of the hospital, lucky to be there... I was thinking of you all .... why didn't you come?  You contributed to my loss of... hope.  Had you 'let go' of me in your minds... just happened to see me 'still there'... pretend nothing was wrong as you went merrily your way?  For one of you to grow up to say 'do you remember when you didn't come to see us?'

I have just vented something I didn't know 'was there'... I thought 'those feelings' were gone, I didn't care anymore.  You just saw ... nothing ever goes completely away ... when pain has been inflicted upon us ... no matter that we fight to forgive so, we can go on.  We don't forget....  anyway... my life, my story 'goes on'.........

Then, came the time I accepted dying ... I had no hope.... my candle was barely burning ... I became calm inside .... I won't go on.

I laid on my bed with no hope, accepted the worst that could happen ... I didn't fight anymore.  I was like a deflated balloon, I had no more air to fill it out anymore ...no more air to gently blow on my candle of ... hope.

I worried for Tommy, how it would affect him, if it'd make him begin trying to get back to the USA to me... if he knew.  He was in Germany.

I made Skip promise not to tell him, he didn't for a time... when he did ....Tommy meant to come home to his mama.  Tommy ... did.  'Neither hell nor high water kept him back.'  He meant to get home across that ocean......

Hope ... look at that word.  We all take it for granted... I don't, I know better.  Hope ... is a word that is most special, it creates miracles... puts light into a dark world... it guides one toward life.

Hope ... when you think of hope now... remember something Granny Gee wants you 'to see' .... in your mind.  When we 'see a picture in our minds, we always remember.'

'See this'......  a candle with a bright, burning flame sitting on the table in front of you.  Look at it, watch it.... do you see how brightly it burns?

Imagine that flame begins to lessen... it could go out without some kind of attention.  This could be due to all kinds of things... example:  like when I gave up hope, 'knew I was going to die.'

The flame almost burned out... until ... life was breathed back into the flame!  Imagine ... gently blowing on the flame to make it come alive again... hope begins to shine again...  this is the point miracles can, will happen.  They do happen... they did happen to me.

It takes different things, maybe unexpected ways of making the  flame take on 'life' again ... to shine 'hope.'  Sometimes, at the moment it may even take 'mean things' to make the light/hope shine again....

Remember, I told you that we need 'mean people sometimes to do good things in this world?'  :))) I don't mean Skip is mean ... I'm just saying!  :)))

For example:  my 'candle began to shine again, reflecting hope once more in my dark world from 'mean words!'  Skip said those words to me, knowing if he could 'reach my fighting spirit (we all know I have a 'helluva fighting spirit!)'....... that I'd begin fighting to come back... not die... live!

Reach my fighting spirit, he did!  At that instant when he spoke to it, I 'knew I wasn't going anywhere!'  He 'made that flame burn very bright.'  He touched my emotions with his words, he meant for me not to die... he gave me my Hope again.

I meant to live, I meant to live... live, I did!  I meant it .... I put 'my foot down, held my ground.'  Like Tommy, neither 'hell nor high water kept me down.'

So, through time... when my candle seems to burn dimly ... I look at it in my mind ... I gently begin blowing on it ever so gently, so as ... to bring it back alive again.  Miracles, good things begin to happen.

I'm not saying I'm so positive, so cheerful, life is perfect all the time for me.... not!  Remember how I told you that I'm not perfect at all ... how I tried once to be ... failed miserably?  Well, I'm ... still not perfect.

Guess what?  I'm an imperfect Granny Gee/Gloria... so, never think of me as 'she's perfect, she has everything, life is just as she wants it, and all that good stuff.'  It's not true... our life everyday is a struggle just as a lot of other people we know.

But... that's okay.  I don't think any of us were meant to be perfect ... or how else do we learn to feel emotions that are important ... if we didn't, then... I'm sure everyone would be dead.

Why?  Because... no one would learn from mistakes to know what's important such as ... love, caring, feeling for one another.

I reach the point from time to time since then... I almost give up hope.  Until something Skip says (he knows 'exactly how to push my buttons').... brings my 'fighting spirit' back out.  Once that appears ... we are going to have a 'helluva fight!'  I'm going to ... win.  :)))

Oh, I just want you to know ... I know 'how to push Skip's buttons', too!  :)))  I can't let you all think that 'he is the only one!'  :)))  I've made him 'fight, too.'  Skip has almost died several times ... I know my words ... made a difference, too.

Hope ... that one little beautiful word ... imagine the flame on a candle ... that's 'Hope'.  Don't let it ever go out.  Even if you aren't perfect, and even give up sometimes like I do (we just aren't perfect at all!)...... always come back ... to the candle in your mind.... what does it do?

It burns with a bright flame ... Hope.  If the flame is dim... just breathe on it gently... bring Hope back into your life, your heart.  Sometimes, the simplest things... are ... so hard to do.  I know with my imperfect self.

'HOW WILL THEY KNOW?'  This question came to my mind when I read my friend's words...  'at the ver least you
have learned how important it is to tell your story so future generations can
know you.'

This is how they will know.  They will know through my words, my photos, my 'pictures I paint with my words', just as my artwork I paint, draw, create with my 'Granny Gee/Gloria' hands.

'Candle... Flame =  HOPE    

Granny Gee's instructions for never losing HOPE are:   If the flame appears to lessen, burn dimly in your life ... no matter what the circumstances are ... begin breathing gently on the flame to make it light up the dark world around you.

If you do that... you will begin to see other candles ... your flame, your life will join others in never giving up, to always have HOPE.

Remember Granny Gee's words if you ever find yourself crying, sad, in whatever circumstances life throws at you.

Remember ... HOPE.   Just think of a candle sitting alone on a table... gently blow on it.  Watch in your mind... as your world begins to ... brighten.  Look around in that 'darkness'... see other flames yours will join .... making light/Hope shine for ...everyone.

These are my words, my thoughts this morning.  I hope I created 'artwork' in your minds with my 'word painting.'  :)))  I don't apologize for the little vent of anger in my today's story ... it is real life, it really hurt me.  This is my story, and as that song goes.... 'I'm sticking to it.'  Real life is like this....

See... I told you that I wasn't ... perfect.  I need to write that 500 times.....

Granny Gee isn't perfect.
Granny Gee isn't perfect.
Granny Gee isn't perfect.
Granny Gee isn't perfect.
Granny Gee isn't perfect.

I'm ... still ... not ... perfect.  This doesn't help at all.  :)))  But, I'm still a 'good Granny Gee/Gloria.'  I know I'm 'mean, sometimes.'

Don't be mean, Granny Gee.
Don't be mean, Granny Gee.
Don't be mean, Granny Gee.
Don't be mean, Granny Gee.
Don't be mean, Granny Gee.

I'm ... still ... mean, sometimes.  This doesn't help at all.  :))) But, I'm still a 'good Granny Gee/Gloria.'

Remember I told you .... that we need ... mean people in the world ... sometimes?   I'm just saying.........................  :)))