But, I ....

Granny Gee/Gloria  (1-23-2013)

But, I....

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


I was watching on the news this morning about how freezing cold the weather is up north.  I watched a man walk up to a homeless man sitting on the curb of the sidewalk, take his hands in his, and look at all his fingers.

Why?  To be sure they weren't frostbitten.  A person can freeze to death in that kind of weather.  By now, you know something about me ... I care about homeless people, animals.  My eyes can't bear to look sometimes, because of the pain it causes in my heart.

The reason for the pain is because I can't do anything to help them... I can't take them in from the cold.  It's hard enough to pay rent on our home, buy our groceries, pay our bills, and buy gas... these days.

Though I close my eyes to their needs, I 'know' they are there.  They don't go anywhere just because I choose not to see them... maybe you choose not to see them, too.

I always 'knew' I would be wealthy one day.  'One day' didn't come yet...  I always knew I would make a difference, a positive difference in people's lives.  Well, I haven't done that either.  I wanted to, but.....

But.... it's always 'but'....  I'm sitting here like sometimes, I bet you do... thinking of the 'whys' I haven't done this, done that.  I always seem to think of reasons 'why', then... the word 'but'....  no matter what answer I have ... everything sounds like an excuse.

I wish I were rich .... I would go looking for the people I 'know are there'... I would be like Victoria Fairchild in my story ... I would make happiness come in their hearts, smiles on their faces reflecting that happiness.

I would stand at a distance to watch, them never knowing I was there, I would cause good things to happen to them.... I would warm myself with their joy, just as we warm ourselves by the fireplace.

I want to do that so badly.  I see, hear people almost everyday when out... I wish so much to help them.  They never know I listen, I wish....

Just today, we were at the Waffle House eating breakfast.  As I sat drinking their good coffee, I listened to the young waitress who waited on us.

She was telling an older lady waitress about how hard she was working to pay a little money on this bill, on that bill, never getting one totally paid off.

I understood what she was talking about ... the cost of living here is high.  If you don't have a lot of money, it's hard to catch up.  We go through it all the time.

I remember what it's like to have money, to never worry about paying bills, feeling light-hearted, not worrying.  It's a good feeling... I know I wish for that back.  I cared about people then, and Skip and I did make good things happen... sometimes, we managed to without the recipient knowing.

When they knew we were doing something good for them... we didn't make a big deal of it... we didn't need them to say 'thank you'.  We just wanted to see a smile, relief in someone's eyes, just ... some peace of mind.

Gracious, can you imagine how wonderful it feels to help someone, to make little dreams of theirs... to come true?  It's the most wonderful feeling in the world.  I know, I've experienced it many times through the years.  I loved 'walking in those shoes'.... I absolutely .... loved it.

Even now, not having a lot of 'extra'... I still do things.  If I have something I hear someone wishing for... and it doesn't cause us to go without... I will give it to them.  I believe in 'passing things forward'.... when one person does a kindness to you... turn around... do a kindness to the next 'fellow.'

I wonder how the world would be if ... each person in it, turned toward the next person... said a kind word, did a kind act.... I think it'd be wonderful.  Don't you know miracles would occur?  Magic would happen.

I am not kind all the time... I'm not perfect.  Sometimes, I am mean if 'rubbed the wrong way.'  Just know Granny Gee isn't a perfect person at all.

All I have written is what I feel ... I have a kind heart... I dislike people who scam, or take advantage.  I recognize them ... once I do, my heart hardens.

I would want to be a defender of helpless people, animals.... fight for the underdog.  If I had the power, the money to do such ... I would be a ... force to be reckoned with.  I 'would save my people, animals.'  :)))