(2)... Coffee Filter Art by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/aka GG

(1) My Coffee Filter Art Doodles by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/aka GG

I kept looking at my coffee filters all white ... they needed something on them.  That began me doodling on the coffee filters! 

I will post more ... for (2)

Dani and Lizzy - Dancing in the sky

Dancing In The Sky ... Skip's granddaughter sent me the link to this most beautiful song.  Reminds me of my son, Tommy <3

I Don't Know These People ... They Are My Family

I Don't Know These People ... They Are My Family ... by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/aka GG

I found 2 albums I had made for my granddaughter one day. In it is a photo I never paid attention to until now ... I don't care to find anyone at all.

The 3 photos are of relatives I've never known on my father's side of the family ... my Grandmother gave the photo to me before she died. The writing on the back of it I have never stopped to really read. I never knew anyone excepting what I can count on my hand on my father's side. I never met my father's father, he died before I was born.

I am not trying to look for relatives because I know how those stories turn out ... rarely good. Especially my family ... it took growing up to find out my father's family ... was just like my mother's family ... as a child I was taught to think they were all good, better than ... my mom's family all bad. :) Oh my, my, my ... they hid theirs better because they were more ... somebody everyone highly respected.

I looked for one of my sisters years ago ... sadly we couldn't feel a connection ... too much negative energy that stemmed from when we were very little. I think she didn't mean to but... saw me as the mother who let her be adopted as a baby ... I was her sister and was about 9 years old.

She had a lot of hate inside and I understand ... so, how could I fault her? I grew up the same way ... time and wanting to get the negative out of my life made me okay. She hadn't done that yet. I had to walk away ...she wasn't at a point in her life where we could meet and bond. I don't think that day will ever come ... in my mind I'm seeing, hearing why ... I won't share any of that.

Yes, Life ... can be very sad. Just because someone is your real blood relative doesn't mean they are healthy, good for you. Sometimes ... you truly do have to walk away because no matter what you do, give ... you can't buy their love.

In my family ... I can compare them to black widow spiders ... beautiful ... ruthless ... cut-throat ... all done with a smile, the pain inflicted enjoyed immensely. They are mostly gone now ... I loved them anyway ... they just didn't love me.

To look at them ... you would have thought they were the most caring, wonderful people ... they did it all with sweet smiles ... and their looks made it all the more convincing. That's where people would make a mistake ... thinking how kind, caring. They didn't know all Hell would break out in their lives at a later date.

I loved my family members with my very Heart ... and didn't realize until older they loved me but, they hated me also. I was different ... I didn't take satisfaction in someone else's downfall ... seeing anyone suffer, cry.

I wouldn't conspire or get into any of their revenge plots to hurt anyone. I can't do that ... I can't hurt others unless ... they hurt me or my loved ones ... then all that Hell embedded in me as a child ...comes out. Thankfully ... it doesn't have to ... maybe a time or two through the years ... I was more ruthless than any of them. I never felt good afterward. I don't choose to war but ... I do choose to win them. Then I am ... HELL.

I am just as nice as I can be mean. Sometimes people take goodness, kindness as a weakness ... and that's a bad mistake to make. I see it coming whenever it's getting ready to happen ... I begin smiling. So, no... I'm not perfect because ... that's where I take satisfaction ... in taking my time to show I'm not weak, nor a pushover ... and giving a person hopefully ... if I can ... 3 chances to realize they shouldn't do that.

I do have steel in my backbone ... it is there no matter how nice, kind I am. That's why I've survived so much in my own life ... that steel is my ... fighting spirit I inherited from a paralyzed woman who was the strongest woman I ever knew ... a survivor ... because she lived in pure Hell so many years taken advantage of, treated awful. She was my Grandma Alma ... the one I write about on my Blog.

George, my Grandma Alma's husband, was the only grandfather I ever knew ... he was blind. Oh my ... he couldn't see the things that went on around him. He was the kindest man I ever knew until ... I met Skip Bates, my husband. Everyone loves Skip. He is truly a good man.

Am I perfect? Oh no, I constantly have to work at being the nicest, best person I can be. Do I succeed always? No, because like everyone else there are things that push my buttons. Even then, I do try so hard and ... I seem to forgive things others can't ... why? I understand so much ... I see where others don't ... I listen to what isn't said, what can't be seen.

I know people do and think what they think is right ... even if it is a mistake ... I know so much from studying people to survive as a child in my family of black widows who took out things on a little, innocent child. I think I grew up in every ugly situation there was ... I got a taste of all. I suffered ... from all. You can't see my scars ... they are there ... I know where every scar is.

I'm so smart aren't I if I can sense so much about people? No ... I know what to look for because ... I've been there. If I haven't walked in those shoes ... I think about it deeply to try to feel, understand.

No wonder my family hated me so much ... my eyes could see deep. No one likes that especially when they don't want others to see the evil in one's heart.

So ... these are the thoughts this one photo has triggered in me. This is the first time I even cared to look at it. I feel nothing, care nothing about the photo. It can be a conversation piece ... it doesn't matter to me.

That sounds awful ... see what I mean? I have mean thoughts too.

My Gloria's Opinion in my situation ... it's better to leave things in the past ... even if they are a part of you doesn't mean you can claim them as yours. It is amazing to see so many people and know there are many more ... who are a part of me ... blood-related ... I won't ever know. I have a good impression of them ... good impressions aren't all they are cracked up to be every time. I promise you. :)

Sometimes ... It Takes A Lot Of Ugly To Arrive At Pretty (Lots of Photos of Before/After)

Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/aka GG
(Story and Photos are owned by Me ... 2018)




I want to share something I wrote to share with a weight loss group I like.  

I began to notice the before and after photos never had a real story behind them.  You know what really happened to trigger one to gain weight ... a lot of times we can look back in our past and see straight off what happened ... when we began to become lost ... lose sight of ourselves that makes ... Us ... happiest.

We all love to be a perfect weight ... it means the world. So something we all love so much ... why isn't it easy to do?  Why can't we all be the perfect weight?

Life ... Life ... what happens in our Life ... happens.  When we live very real lives and we have so much happening in it that hurts us ... is what happens.

My life has been full of pain, loss beginning when I was a little girl ... it never stopped as I became older until today ... I hope today it will be many years before I feel more loss in my life.

 I've lost almost all my family including my only child ... it's a wonder I look or act like a human being today.  It's a wonder I didn't let go of Life when my only child died ... because the truth is ... I almost did and I wouldn't have cared one bit.

No one would have cared excepting my husband, Skip.  He never knew how I felt living in the darkness of grief ... I would smile at him ... reassuring him I would do right and be alright. When he'd get out of sight ... it was a different story. I tried to never add extra stress on him ... he worked so hard to care for us.  He cared so much about me ... and he was grieving, also.

Anyway ... I was thinking when I shared some of my very real story about losing weight and ... before and after photos ... when I got the comments of 'good job!' ... 'you are hot! ... you sure 'look good!' that ... that wasn't what I wanted. 

I was thinking I didn't share anything real that could help anyone lose weight ... share anything to show I'm real and have a very real life ... and what made me lose sight of myself.  Everyone shared their nice photos of the after ... after losing all that weight.

They showed the before photos ... but, not the before story of their journey onto the Weight Gain Road they traveled.  It's easy to bask in all the wonderful comments when you lost weight ... and now look good. 

You all know Me ... I'm thinking, mentally walking around things ... studying myself, others. I realized I did the same thing ... never giving anything of my real self, real pain ... to let others know hey, here's someone who ... really does know how it feels ... hey, it really wasn't easy for her to lose weight now.

So ... I went back to the weight loss group and did a real story about a real person and about ... the very real life of before, after.

Sure ... I'm like anyone else ... I love the comments I get now about my weight loss. I love dressing in the clothes I've always dressed in, loved ... again. 

Here's a ... 'But' ... it's easy to see only the pretty ... no one ever thinks of the hell, grief, pain one went through to arrive at ... pretty.  Sometimes ... it takes a lot of ugly to arrive at ... pretty.

It's fun to be Me again ... now, if we can get our life on an even keel ... we have to move in the dead of winter ... have medical situations and Skip and I both just had surgeries ... have no extra money for such. 

The owner of the home we live in has his own problems just as we all do.  We respect, understand ... no hard feelings at all. I figure if I could live, survive the death of my son ... I can get past this. NOTHING is worse than losing one's child. So with positive attitudes, we do the best we can ... and everything will be alright one way or other.

So ... here's what I wrote to share with everyone in the weight loss group ... I will include photos I shared.  I will let you see the UGLY photos to appreciate how far I've come ... and what triggered my weight gain.

These are the kind of photos we hesitate to show anyone ... can't bear to show people who don't know us.  How else can anyone understand, gain inspiration if someone isn't real and only shows ... PRETTY?  

Here's my story ... warning: UGLY photos ahead ... sometimes ... it takes a lot of ugly to arrive at ... pretty.  I'm so grateful to have just lost the weight so I can live the rest of my life without that burdening me after all I have been through. I love being called 'pretty' again ... but ... I love being smaller better.

I was on my tablet yesterday and all I had was photos of me at my heaviest but ... they reflected only my head :)

I am on my computer where I have photos of both weight loss and 'before' photos. I will do this again.

I had my sleeve on April 20, 2016 ... after a while, I began to gain weight back. I gained thankfully only 10 lbs but, it scared me so much. I got back on track and I eat a lot of scrambled eggs and cheese and not a lot of other things unless it's protein food like meat, and some vegetables. I don't suggest to anyone how to lose weight.

We all have to find our own ways on this road to losing successfully ... gracious, it isn't easy at all, I mean to say. I still have to lose maybe 30 lbs to get to the weight I was always happiest at. I just got into size 12 jeans and want to go back to my size I used to be ... size 8-9 or 10.

I wish you all success with your weight loss journey. I know how it all feels and will never ever forget how it feels to not recognize myself in the mirror. It threw me farther back when I tried to cope with my terrible grief ... how could I if I couldn't find any trace of me? I needed something familiar ... my mirror only reflected this really big woman with the most pain I've ever seen ... in her eyes. I couldn't bear to look at her.

I lost myself when my only child died May 29, 2010 ... I can't believe how I looked ... I do remember trying to find Me in my mirror later in time, years ... I couldn't ... the stranger looking back at me in my grief-stricken mind was a stranger ... one who was very over-weight.

I know some wonder what happened to my child and I will say briefly that he was 40 years old and had just arrived at Myrtle Beach, SC looking forward to playing with his little 3-year-old son ... he collapsed, died on the sand while running, playing with him. No one knew he had blockages to his heart.

I was 200 miles away and still ... I was the first to know he died. Someone picked up his cell phone ... I heard words that threw me into darkness for all these years until the last 2 years ... he said, "Ma'am, I have someone collapsed here on the beach ... he's not breathing".

I had answered that phone call with a smile ... my caller ID showed it was my son, Tommy, calling. Everything is okay now ... I finally found peace and like Humpty-Dumpty ... I have been trying to put me back together again for the past 2 years. I can live with Me now.

I didn't mean to write such a long story ... I write so, I blame it on that :) <3Many people remark on how pretty I am again and I'm a 'hot mama' and such things. Do you know what? All I can feel and think is ... Thank God I recognize Me in my mirror again, grateful to have lost so much weight.

Yes, I am just full of gratefulness now when as a younger woman the first thing I would have wanted to do would be like the old saying .... 'strut my stuff'. That's the last thing in my mind ... when you look in my eyes you see a deep sadness but, you see gratefulness ... so much gratefulness to be free of my weight that hid Me from myself.

I see the pain, recognize it in others ... my Heart feels. It hurts when for whatever reasons we gain weight ... we become trapped wanting to come back to the person we remember being.

It really is hard to find the way back. For me ... I had to do it while in grief-stricken darkness because I needed to see something familiar ... in my mirror ... where Me ... I am at ... where we all ... see the real us. Does that make sense? Only then did I have something to hold onto as I slowly came back to being Gloria.

I wish from my very Heart for all of you to accomplish your goals. I know how much it means, how it feels ... I have been there and I will have the weight-loss battle to always be ahead of the rest of my life. I pure love the wonderful flavors of good foods ... who doesn't?

I hope I haven't broken any rules but, I had to write so everyone knows my story ... my photos aren't just a 'pretty' photo ... there's a real story behind the person in them ... one we each have when we gain weight, lose weight.

All of you have your own story when you lost your way ... we each can look back and see, recognize almost when it began. It's hard, oh my .... it's so hard ... the whole journey of extra pounds and finally coming to the decision to lose it ... and that's even harder.

I send love, caring from my very Heart ... I know the pain, grief one goes through when they want to be themselves again ... lose themselves in the mirror. If I could ... I would make each of your battles won already so you could be happy again. Gloria Faye Brown Bates

I am showing you photos of what happened to me ... I'm not ashamed of them ... I've learned to have compassion for the woman in the photos. Sometimes ... when you look really hard you will see the pain in others' eyes ... I saw it in mine.

I included a photo of my beautiful son who died ... I almost died when I lost him. He would be proud to see me back to the person he knew when he lived. He would know it was an awful battle to reach ... today.

I will stop writing now ... please know I care enough to write the real story behind my 'today/after' photos ... so you don't think losing weight was easy 'for her'. No, for each of us it really isn't. <3

Photos below:

Before:

Author's Note:

I don't know if you saw or missed it ... the photos whereas a very grief-stricken mother ... me trying to look in the mirror to find myself ... trying to figure out in my foggy mind what happened to me.  I let go again ... the pain was greater than finding Me.

I included a few more photos here than on the weight loss site. 

I have nothing but compassion, love for the awful, ugly woman you see ... I looked into my eyes and I felt the pure grief I was experiencing ... then. How can I hate myself when I knew well what I was going through?  Can you see the pure, raw pain in the overweight woman ... losing weight wasn't on her mind at all. She lost her child ... only child.