We were up at the old place feeding the feral cats that we fed through the years of living there (from January 01, 2005 until February 2011).
I stood and as I looked around I could still 'see' Tommy up
on the roof walking around powerwashing the house, and down by the sidewalk as he hugged me goodbye and at the storm door as he told me in his happy, excited way that he was going to the beach 'tomorrow' (May 29, 2010) and he was going to share Taban's first time playing at the ocean, and I could see him where he was sitting in driveway (I found out he had fallen there... Skip said he'd fallen twice), and as he powerwashed our pickup and Expedition.
I could see him sitting at the picnic table hungrily eating the sandwiches I had made for him from Black Forest ham, roast beef and turkey.. I could 'hear' him saying 'Mama, these are the best sandwiches I ever ate!' I remember looking at him smiling and saying 'no, they aren't, Tommy' and he said 'yes, they are!'
He left driving his white pickup and I stood on the sidewalk smiling and waving at him and saying 'I love you, Son'. That was the last time I ever saw my son and it hurts so bad.
I can see his smile back at me. I miss you, Son. It hurts so bad that you are gone. I sit here with tears falling from my eyes and my heart hurts. You've been gone since May 29, 2010 and I have not forgotten you even for one minute. My only child........
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)