Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Monday, December 10, 2012
Death Smiled At Me...
Death Smiled At Me...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I stood listening to the chatter around me. I felt nervous, without understanding... why. I looked around as I smiled at the people in my immediate group.
It was a dark night, the lighting being like the one we stood in. We stood in a pool of light that rained down from the pole near us. Outside of the circle of light... one couldn't see for the blanket of darkness.
One by one, some couples... drifted off to turn in for the night. I wanted to go to the bathroom. Another girl said she'd walk with me... I was comforted by that. I didn't want to be alone.
I could see fleeting glimpses of a coat, shoes, arm, leg in the other lights around in the distance, as people passed under them on the way to their destinations.
The girl I walked with, knew where the bathrooms were. I'd never been to this camp in the wilderness before. I had come here to sing. I had won a free trip to this camp because I won a singing contest. I was excited.
The only thing was ...though I had made it through my song with a lot of applause, I was disappointed in myself. No one knew I had lost confidence in myself... just before going on stage, I panicked. I forgot all the words to my song, and.... I hadn't been practicing to sing... at all.
Thankfully, all went well... it would be sometime before I could forget how I felt, when I let myself down. I couldn't believe I would do that... to 'me.'
Was that a branch snapping somewhere behind us? The girl talked non-stop. I wanted her to shut up, I like to listen to my surroundings... more-so, when I felt nervous. I realized... I'm afraid. Afraid of what? This was a wonderful place to come to, to spend time at, to socialize with people who liked the same things I did. I heard it ... again.
We walked on, I asked the girl how much further would it be. She said we'd just turn that corner, and wallah.... sure enough there it... was.
I knew instantly ... I didn't want to go inside. No... I don't want to go inside. There stood a big, old house.... unpainted from what I could see in the dim light surrounding it. Dim lights in the open windows... we walked to the porch. I didn't want the girl to know I was afraid.
She opened the door, told me to walk straight ahead in the hallway... to the end. There, see that door.... open it, and there's the bathroom. I don't know why, nor where she stepped off to. My mind was on getting to the bathroom... I didn't want to walk down that long hall. I was feeling fear... why?
There were open doorways along my walk down that long hall. I passed them all... to the closed doorway ahead. I opened it, felt relief, the lights were on in here. I took a deep breath, went to the stall, went inside.
I washed, dried my hands, looked into the mirror. This girl can't pass a mirror without playing in it. I was pretty, I knew it... though I didn't walk around vain... maybe I did, but... I wasn't an 'ugly-vain'. I was so happy to be able to love 'me' now, when I saw 'myself', I was always so happy to.
I opened the bathroom door to step into the hall... I stopped after walking as far as the first door. I saw whom I thought was the girl who walked with me, for a moment. She disappeared into darkness... I looked ahead, wanting only to get down the hall, out of this house.
He stood there at the end of the hall, looking at me through a mask. I saw his big eyes, I saw evil staring back at me. He held a long knife in his right hand... it seemed to be dripping. I couldn't look to see what was dripping from it... I instantly went on alert, I was afraid. I was weak from fear.
I stood there as he began walking slowly toward me. Those big, cruel eyes staring at me. He began grinning.... I became more afraid. I knew... I was going to die. I knew I was going to die, but... not without doing something to defend myself.
I began walking fast toward him, smiling.... I wanted him to think I had a weapon, I wasn't afraid of him. He began smiling bigger, raised his hand, kept on coming toward me... too late, I knew I was looking death in the face. The knife began coming down to stab me, those awful eyes smiling into mine... as the knife almost struck home...
Wake up! Wake up! My bed covers were being pulled..... Skip was waking me up. It's all right, it's all right! I was screaming as I came out of my dream, sleep. 'Please help me! Please help me!'
I got up, went to the bathroom... unafraid... now. :))) I was home, Skip, and the Pups won't let anything hurt me. I was safe.
Note: I awoke this morning from a nightmare so real... it became my story for the day. Do you dream in color, or black and white? I always dream in color... and always heard people say they dream in black and white.... I wonder if that's true?
I'm so glad when I woke up... I was home in my own bed... I was glad to be alive, to know that I didn't... die. Just suppose as we dreamed our dreams... they were real to the point when we woke up.... we would be in the shape we were in ... while in our dreams? Sometimes, we are in a mental 'shape' until we awake enough to know 'that it's only a dream.'
I would be full of holes now... hurting, bleeding, crying. Well, maybe not crying as I knew I was getting ready to die from that knife....
I'm so glad my dreams aren't real... but, while I dream... they are real... my mind knows no difference at the time. Does yours? In my mind, I knew I was going to die...... I couldn't have felt anymore fear if it were really happening.
Walking fast toward death... I was going to try to bluff it... I had no weapon in my hand. Too late... I knew I had make a mistake... Death smiled at me... it, too... knew I'd made a mistake. He was laughing as he brought his knife down... The eyes, the smile... Death smiled at me.
:))) Granny Gee/Gloria :)))