Accept What I Can't Change ... There's Nothing I Can Do To Possibly Change A Thing

NOTE: I copied/pasted this story of mine that I wrote on MyLot this morning. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates




Accept What I Can't Change ... There's Nothing I Can Do To Possibly Change A Thing


Gloria Faye Brown Bates
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates
@GrannyGee (2967)
Louisburg, North Carolina


APRIL 11, 2020 10:41AM CST
I remember when my son died ... for years I wasn't even a real person. I couldn't cope with the knowledge he had died. The knowledge that I wouldn't ever see him again ... the knowledge I wouldn't hear my son laugh, joke again ... especially when he did his 'cowardly lion' laugh like on The Wizard of Oz.

I didn't think I could survive his death. I was only one person to hold so much pain that was way bigger than Me. I slept to not think ... I lived in the darkest of dark.

Nothing mattered anymore. I couldn't find joy in anything at all. I never talked to anyone, I grieved alone inside myself.

When I cried ... I cried silently unless when no one was around I would cry aloud. I didn't share my pain with anyone.

Skip worried for me constantly. At one point he would check to make sure I was breathing when I slept. For the first time I took medicine that was very potent ... I would take it not knowing when I last took it ... when I woke up and felt the pain I would take it again. I wasn't used to taking drugs before my son's death.

Skip asked me to stop taking it, he was afraid for me. He drove a big truck and had to leave me alone for 2 weeks at a time. I had no family left to check on me ... there wasn't anyone to care for what I was going through.

When Skip called (he called often all through each day) and I wouldn't hear the phone ... he'd be upset by the time he got me. I would be sleeping too deeply.

I didn't recognize the woman who looked back at me in the mirror. I did see the terrible pain in her eyes. She looked so beaten up ... weight gain changed her face. I couldn't bear to look in my mirror.

Until some years later when I made the decision to find peace one way or other ... I began to see splashes of light in the darkness I lived in (I realize now that was 'hope') ... in my mind I used them as stepping stones back to the light.

I wanted to channel my grief in a positive way ... I was always a positive person before my son died. Oh my, it took several more years ... it was the hardest road I'd ever traveled.

It was by far the worst thing that happened in my life. Even when I almost died, fought my battle to live from cancer ... that was a 3 year battle plus two major surgeries.

I began to realize that no matter how much I cried, slept to get away from it ... no matter what ... nothing I could do would ever bring my son, Tommy, back. Nothing.

He had died ... whether I liked it or not ... lived with it or not ... NOTHING I did would bring him back. I also ... realized that instead of wanting to sleep ... not wake up ... I ... wanted ... to ... live.

I began to take each day to come back to the light ... I was an awful mess ... overweight, ugly ... an unrecognizable person to myself as my eyes opened wider. I almost gave up ... but, that famous fighting spirit I'm known for ... came back alive.

That took more years ... next month ... May 29, 2010 ... will make 10 years my son has been gone. I'm okay now ... I'm at peace now ... when I have my moments of sadness which is to be expected ... it doesn't take long until I'm alright again, because ...

I accepted what I couldn't change ... accepted the fact I couldn't change a thing about it. I would either go forward or not go forward. The choice was mine.

I have come forward through several more crises in my life ... I've made it ... I'm here today. And now ...

We have a world crisis ... our world is sick. Everything in this world has affected all globally ... we feel what the other feels. People are dying ... people are going through so much fighting their battles to live.

Nurses, doctors are fighting to help them in their battles. So many things you already know about so, I won't name any more. Many battles are going on in our world to survive.

I felt like I was feeling the pain of the world ... for the past month I've been sleeping a lot ... just not myself. I felt all the emotions people are feeling today ... fear, panic (I didn't go out panic-buying up everything though), sick inside ... I wasn't well at all.

For the past several days I've been trying to inspire myself to be alright again. This morning I got up feeling like myself again ... I walked to the window ... looked outside ... and thought 'I accept what I can't change ... there's nothing I can do to change it at all'.

I can only love, care, protect my husband and Pups2. I can only be the best person I can be ... when I see an opening to do my part in somehow helping someone ... I will do it.

That's all I can do ... accept what I can't possibly change ... go forward now. One day everything will be alright again ... no matter what ... no matter how long it takes ... one way or other ... everything will be alright.

We Are All On A Level Playing Field Now ...

Note: I am sharing this from my Facebook page. This is what I wrote this morning while thinking about the 2020 coronavirus/COVID-19 pandemic. Gloria Faye Brown Bates




We Are All On A Level Playing Field Now ...


My Heart has a never-ending prayer for all happening in our world. One day this will be in the past.

One day we will sit together, talk about it. One day when everyone can be together again will be the day when realization sets in.

Realization that you've become closer to your loved ones ... grown to love strangers who have touched your life, some even becoming a permanent part of your families, your life.

Realization that all your life you've been rushing to go somewhere, never stopping to really look around you. You will be used to slowing down, stopping during this coronavirus pandemic ... you might not want to rush anymore.

During this time of having to stay at home while the whole world is literally shut down ... we have to examine our Hearts, think about our lives.

We have to open our eyes ... we have to see around us ... and realize so much we've taken for granted ... we are fortunate to have ... our families, pets, homes, vehicles, food ... the list goes on. There is always something to be thankful for.

Because for the time being we each walk beside an invisible enemy that could claim us, our loved ones at any given moment. If we aren't touched personally by this invisible enemy personally ... we are listening, hearing about others.

If we aren't touched by this invisible enemy ... we have our lives to be most thankful for because this invisible enemy doesn't care who it takes ... rich, poor, smart, not smart ... beautiful ... not so beautiful ... powerful ... not so powerful. It levels the playing field for everyone ... at this moment ... we are all equal.

This invisible enemy can't distinguish between who is better than the other ... nor does it see color ... race ... it doesn't have feelings to care either way.

I hope our world can learn that during this time. I hope eyes will be completely opened by the time this virus goes away ... so that when all goes back to normal ... we all will be so much better for this.

Don't let all this 'bad' happen in vain ... let's all find something positive to learn from it in our lives. This is one Hell of a Life's Lesson ... if this doesn't help us in some way we won't ever be helped.

This is my Gloria Opinion ... this is how I think. I don't push my opinions, beliefs on anyone. We all have the right to think our own thoughts about life.

I respect your opinions just as you respect mine. I don't argue anything with anyone. I pick, choose my own wars when I think they are worth fighting.

Colors In My Life...: Thank-You To Our Everyday Angels ... Heroes During...

Colors In My Life...: Thank-You To Our Everyday Angels ... Heroes During...: Everyone is staying home now ... something no one is used to doing. Who would have thought 2020 would have begun like this? 2020 ... I...

Thank-You To Our Everyday Angels ... Heroes During Pandemic 2020

Everyone is staying home now ... something no one is used to doing. Who would have thought 2020 would have begun like this? 2020 ... I loved seeing the year 2020 ... even numbers. I said at the beginning of the year it was going to be a wonderful year ... the numbers are beautiful to me.

Yes, many beautiful and good things are happening all over the world now. People are uniting in ways they couldn't have ever done before the pandemic/coronavirus/COVID-19. Our world had grown to be so fast-paced ... people rushing to work, after school activities, events, even sleeping to get up to do it all over again ... day by day. No one had time to stop to take time with families, friends, to speak to others. They had to hurry to get somewhere.

Today ... people are confined to their homes. Parents have become school-teachers ... children can't go to school. They are being close to the children they didn't have a lot of time to get close to. I'm thinking children and our pets ... love this! I hope parents are loving it too. They aren't used to spending so much time at home.

While we are in our homes ... so, so many are out on the frontline fighting an unseen enemy ... that is sadly taking many, many lives and sickening so many. They are doing without proper medical equipment, masks, ventilators. It's almost come to having to decide who lives, dies.

While this scary, terrible drama is going on in our whole world ... so many beautiful, good things are going on too. People caring, giving ... for others. People taking time to volunteer, to sew masks for the medical people ... to do so, so much. My Heart was warmed seeing people taking time to give our truck drivers meals to carry with them ... they truly are part of the very backbone of this country just as doctors, nurses, first responders ... law enforcement are. I think people are finally realizing this.

I have driven a tractor-trailer with my husband. I saw where truck drivers were taken for granted, not treated with respect when they went to the companies to do their pick-ups. The office staff would treat them like dirt, ignore them or speak hatefully to them. Some took satisfaction in doing so.

Now, I wonder if they are treating truck drivers with respect as they should have done before? They deserve it. They drive so hard to get to places on time ... sometimes, the delivery dates are 'almost impossible' causing the driver to not get rest, sleep. No one will ever know what a driver goes through if they've never been in the trucking world.

Not only that ... at rest stops, truck stops there are always scammers and others ready to prey on a driver to get his money. Sometimes they are robbed, beaten. Truck drivers are normally good-hearted, good people. Sure some are rough, gruff ... they are good people. Now, we are truly depending on the truckers who risk their lives just as our medical people, law enforcement ...everyone who comes in close contact with people.

It's so strange, even special ... to see so much good going on at the same time as all that isn't good is happening. We have everyday people who are for-real angels ... heroes ... they risk everything to help others. Why? They care so much ... from their Hearts. I pray for all of them. They truly are the ones who keep hope alive just as they work hard at keeping people alive. How special are they!

Thank you to all our everyday angels, heroes ... who are more than everyday people.


Note: Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates

From my very Heart I can't thank all the people who are so tired from working to save others during this time ... and it looks to keep on for time to come. You are truly the angels, heroes in this world.

Coronavirus/COVID19 Pandemic 2020

We are experiencing something in our lifetime that's never happened before. Coronavirus/COVID19 2020 Pandemic. Our whole world is suffering. We've never seen, heard of so much sickness, death. It's happening here in our country, the USA. We were late getting testing and such. No one knew ... at least not everyday people. It was known about though.

This evening where I live ... an order to stay-at-home came into effect at 5:00pm. Skip and I have been staying at home for the past 3 weeks. We both have compromised immune systems, have to try to be careful as possible. There may be a curfew coming if people continue to be out at night ... they mentioned on the news a 9:00 pm curfew.

My Heart goes out to all the people who are keeping our country going ... doctors, nurses, medical staff, EMS, Pharmacists, Law Enforcement ... truck drivers, utility workers ... so many I can't name. They all do it at the risk of becoming sick themselves, dying. So many doctors have become sick, many died. Our whole world is fighting an unseen enemy ... one that can sneak up on one without them knowing. It can travel in the air when one sneezes, droplets fall on surfaces.

Social distancing has become the norm now ... stay at least 6 feet apart when out and about. I see people disobeying that and it worries me. They either aren't aware or maybe they forget. We can't invade the other's personal space now ... out of respect for their life ... our life. Someone could actually walk away and days later become very ill, die. This is how bad the novel virus is ... it makes a person gravely ill ... they have to be placed on a ventilator.

There's a shortage of ventilators, masks, medical equipment for the thousands of people who have, are becoming sick. Tractor-trailers are lined up to receive bodies at hospitals in New York City. New York City has become the epicenter for the virus. New Orleans is doing the same ... they had the Mardi Gras ... and so many people attended not knowing they were carrying the coronavirus. They infected others.

I have been journaling as in the future it will become history. I was thinking that if people journal this for their children one day ... they will have a piece of history to explain what happened while they are children so one day they'll understand.

This is our first evening for the new order in effect. It has been in effect for 2 hours as of now ... it is 7:00 pm. My prayers are for somehow everyone get through this ... sadly I know it's going to get worse before it ever gets better ... and it is going to probably take months.

Tips Needed To Keep Our Dogs From Fighting Time To Time

I am looking for tips to prevent a fight from happening to begin with. It doesn't happen often but, once is too much. It upsets our whole life. Skip Bates and I are so close to each Pup that if we let one go, it's like losing a child. I know, we tried to let Dukester go to a wonderful home to a special person who loves Pitties. Skip asked me not to do it ... she was so understanding when I told her. Skip has been very sick ... and he began to sink into a deeper depression when he knew I was going to let Dukester go. I can't let that happen ... Skip, our Pups3 are all I have that's mine in this world ... they are my world. I love, treasure them and am thankful I'm not all alone. If you have sound tips that will help I would appreciate them ... but, don't offer tips that won't work. I need solid advice from people who have experience, know exactly what to do. I know sometimes, we like to share knowledge that 'we know' but, haven't really used, lived with. That's not helpful at all. Thank you.


I wrote below on MyLot.com where I write at ... asking for tips to help. Like a toolbox, I want to have all solid, positive, good tips like tools ... in it. This is what I wrote there:


FEBRUARY 25, 2020 9:07AM CST


I was wondering if anyone here has pets ... dogs, in particular? We have 3 big Pups (they aren't babies as they are 5, 6 and 9 years old).

We have a Rottie who is 9 ... I got him as a little 6 week old Pup. Of course now, he is big. He is precious. I named him Kissy ... he lives up to his name and is still a 'wiggle-waggle' pup.

Later, I rescued a Catahoula Pup. Her name is Camie ... she was dying when I rescued her. She had no hair and her skin was in the most awful condition. Anyway ... I was her nurse, guardian angel. She was mine, also ... I had lost my son, my only child. I can't tell you the darkness I was in. Through time caring for her ... I began to live again. She saved me, I saved her.

Several years later, we rescued a Pit Bull we named Dukester ... he was truly mistreated, not physically but ... he was on the big chain, left alone for days tangled in tree stumps unable to get to his delapidated dog house, water that was always green, and his spoiled dry food.

I could go on but, I won't ... you can guess how bad his life was, be right. Anyway, I almost had to beg for him just like I almost had to with Camie, even with her dying. Finally ... each owner came through, told me I could have them.

They've lived good since we have had them. They live inside where they are warm, cool ... have good food, clean water, lots of love and caring. They have a fenced-in yard ... and a pet door to come, go at will.

They know nothing but, love from us. This is what upsets me time to time ... sometimes a fight happens. Dukester will jump on one of the others. I physically break it up. Don't tell me not to do it because, it's not my nature to stand by and not protect. These are my babies.

I never feed them together ... there's always a gate up to separate the doorway to each room when they eat. I'm always watching, sensing, alert.

Does anyone have tips on how to keep Pups from fighting time to time? I have a spray bottle of water I call a 'No Bottle'. They respect that when I correct them ... I don't let them all get in the same space at one time. We've down-sized so our space is smaller.

They know only love ... they aren't ever mistreated. I just need to know how to stop our Pittie from sometimes, wanting to jump on one of the others. I know I'm not the only one to live with this with multiple dogs. I hope you will share your tips with me.

We don't want to give either up as their lives have already been bad. Kissy, our Rottie, hasn't ever known how it is to live a 'bad' life.

Thank you for anything you have to offer in the way of tips on how to make them never fight. Our Pittie is the very strongest because he has always pulled so hard trying to get to his food, water. If they kept fighting it's obvious what would happen. I can't let them fight.

I Don't Want To Hurt My Fictitious Characters' Feelings!

OKAY ... here's something funny you can laugh at ... about ME.

I told Skip Bates ... he laughed and ... this is what he said: "You need help!" :) :) :) <3 <3

I told him what I'm telling you now. Tell ME what you think. I told Skip I decided I can't write 'scary-horror' stories anymore! He asked, "why?"

I told him because ... I can't bear for any of my characters to be hurt again ... be scared again. I don't want them to bleed ... I don't want them to be mutilated. I don't want anger to be directed at them. Oh my ... what to do?

What's happened to ME in the past months to change ME in a way I didn't realize. After all ... characters in a story ... are imaginary ... they aren't real. They aren't really feeling pain, they aren't bleeding or walking, dragging around with no legs for being mutilated, limbs severed.

They aren't really screaming, 'Help me!' They are just fictitious characters ... they don't even feel joy, happiness. They don't even cry, laugh ... nor talk.

So, what has happened to ME to cause me to begin ... worrying about fictitious characters ... and their pain, fear?

I'm not so perfect I want to write perfect stories about perfect people who were born perfect ... even to their ..... smelling like roses all their life. I know Life isn't perfect ... I know there are people who think they are perfect ... sadly by the time they realize, learn Life's lessons ... they've wasted so much of their own valuable time/years of their life.

So ... what do you think? Have I gone crazy without knowing it? I mean who has ever heard of someone who loved scary stories, movies, wrote scary stories ... change their mind .... care for the fictitious characters' feelings? Why in the world do I care?

WELL ... sometimes, I worry about things we see, think about in our minds. You know ... thoughts. Thoughts travel ... sometimes have a way of coming true. I do believe we have to be careful what we wish for ... see in our minds.

I don't even wish awful things to happen to people I truly dislike, despise. If I saw one struggling, needing help ... I'm still a good person ... I walk over to help. It's my nature. I don't want anything to do with them but, for a moment ... I would help, go my way ... and not waste any insincere words with them.

I believe in peace, respect even when I truly 'hate' someone. I won't be the one to mistreat them nor do I seek revenge. I'm hoping nothing ever so bad happens to make me act in the opposite way I am ... because someone would 'have pure Hell to pay'. I truly could have become that person growing up ... was becoming ... I was growing up in revenge, hate, greed, anger.

So, how in the world did ... I ... keep from being the most awful human being who does mean, evil things to another person ... enjoy it. Laugh in glee at their discomfort, feel pleasure in letting them know ... 'I am king of this mountain' ... don't f___ with me!

I knew ... I know ... exactly how to be 'that person' but, it truly isn't ME.

My favorite one 'cuss word' is ... 'damn!' (I earned that word as a little girl when my beautiful mother tried her best to wash it right out of my mouth ... I hid it with my tongue ... she never did find it, it's MINE! :) :) :)

I know some more cuss words ... how could someone live in Hell and not know them. I had knowledge of things no child should have known. Today ... that's a good thing because ...

Because through time ... it taught ME how I ... didn't ever want to be. Damn! (yes, that's MY word, I told you!) ... Damn! I have finally reached the point of worrying about fictitious characters' feelings! I don't want them to hurt, bleed, cry, die ... anymore.

Damn! What's up with that?

Note by this Author:

Well, as Tommy would say if he were here at this very moment ... 'well damn, Mom!' I can hear him all the way to Heaven laughing at his silly mother!.

Now ... I really have found a distaste for writing scary, evil things recently. I just can't do it ... for now. Why? I don't know. I thought by writing about it I would find an answer. The answer didn't come this time when writing.

Maybe ... just maybe I am wishing the for-real ... impossible. I wish bad things didn't happen to people ... animals. It breaks my very heart.

I am realistic ... I face Life just like it really is. I learned to meet it head-on so, I could go ahead ... live. Oh my, my , my. In my life time I have shed more tears than smiles. I've loved with my very Heart ... when I never meant to . If I hadn't loved ... I wouldn't have ever had to cry.

So, I'll see what I write about ... truly ... I don't care as long as my fingers are tapping on the keys, and my mind is on a roll ... it's like flying .... flying with words not wings. Flying with words not wings.

Written/owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates. Photo owned by ME, also. Skip Bates Tommy M Sidden Gloria Bates Colors

Photo is of my Tommy Dragonfly Tattoo I had done in Memory of my only child, my son ... Tommy M Sidden who died May 29, 2010 at Myrtle Beach ... collapsing on the soft sand as he ran with his young son while playing, laughing ... he went to Heaven hearing the ocean waves ... seagulls sing. My son had 3 blockages to his heart ... no one ever knew.

Just ... Be Careful

I want to share my words here that I wrote this morning on MyLot.com where I write. I think they are very important, even to offering advice to families, people who are there for the other ... to use. That's to have a secret password, emergency word to alert the others something isn't right, danger. This way no one has to draw attention and can look without being noticed ... react according to the situation at hand. This is only from me ... I'm no expert on anything excepting ME.


I think my heart felt a little funny just now listening to the news. Especially when there's mention of the coronavirus, fear of pandemic.

I heard it on the news then, Googled it. It makes me feel alarm ... different from feeling panic. Just alert.

I think almost everywhere people have moved from other places, countries. People here, there ... are always mobile now. It's hard to not know someone who travels, flies constantly ... therefore, they are exposed to more than they know. We, who don't travel now ... are exposed to ... being around friends, acquaintances, strangers.

Here where I live is a huge hub ... everyone from everywhere in this world has moved here, are constantly moving here everyday. Good jobs, living, climate. So many new homes, apartment buildings and such through the past years ... it amazes me at such growth ... rapid growth over time ... and it hasn't slowed down one bit.

One can't escape meeting someone even going out for a simple errand. The thought is always in the back of my mind to be careful.

Just what does the words 'be careful' mean? Really, what does the words be careful mean when you go out from your home to grocery shop, enjoy a meal out, go to a movie, shop?

You are going to breathe the air others breathe, cough in ... and be exposed to all in the air. I know Skip and I are pretty much home-bodies not going out all the time. It doesn't matter ... we could go out at the 'wrong' time. You could do the same.

It's like all the shootings here now ... every day, night ... someone kills someone here ... it's always close to us. People now mug, rob others at ATM machines, in Walmart parking lots ... at supermarkets, just everywhere.

All we can say is, "it's here now ... it finally got here from the west coast". The reason we say it like that is because for years we traveled all over the country on a tractor-trailer knowing what was going on everywhere. It wasn't like this 'at home' ... then.

I used to be so shocked over all the drive-by shootings in LA. Skip told me that one day 'it would be here' ... sure enough, it's here 'big time'.

The locals are almost gone ... I rarely see them anymore. Everyone is from somewhere else. Of course, where people go ... crime follows. The wolves follow the herd ... this thought is always in the back of my mind. Predators always lurk on the outskirts of humanity.

Oh my, that doesn't count the sex trafficking here now. I can't believe how rampant it is ... and things happen in the parking lots of Walmart. Just in the 'used to be' innocent places we've all enjoyed pretty much safety at. Now ... if you don't at least be aware of your surroundings ... you could become a victim.

Now ... having just touched on a few things that are ... yes, that are alarming ... should I be afraid to leave my home?

No ... no, no. I refuse to give up ... because I know there are good people as well as the evil, vile ... mean people in this world. If all the good people shut themselves away ... they would give evil the whole world ... no one good could ever enjoy anything ... they would always be hiding.

Like many people who are good people ... Skip and I are good people. We care, we love everyone but, we aren't naive. We know 'good' people do evil too. An innocent smile, being so nice doesn't always mean someone really is like that. We've been around, traveled so much ... sadly we know better.

We are going to keep going out from home, enjoy life ... we will ... be careful. Just what the words mean ... be careful. We aren't going to live in fear, afraid of our shadow.

We keep an eye on all around us, though at times we forget ... we have an 'emergency word' we would say to alert the other to danger, something unusual. We would react accordingly ... to what the situation called for.

I would like to make a suggestion to people, families ... have one word that means 'danger, something not right, unusual' for all to whisper, say to the other without drawing attention if ... you see something, sense something you can't speak aloud about, draw attention to yourself. Maybe have a plan ... we 'sort of' have a 'plan'.

So, here's to us all going outside our homes to enjoy life as always for as long as we can (some people aren't so fortunate such as people in war-torn countries that breaks my Heart). In today's time ... no matter what ... when ... where ... we really do ... have to be careful.

Be careful crossing the road in traffic, be careful not isolating yourselves, be careful not to fall out the window, balcony ... be careful not to get burned by fire.

You know ... we've always been told ... be careful of so much since we were babies. So, 'be careful' is exactly what these two words mean ... no more, no less.

Now ... having written this ... my mind wants to begin writing a 'scary' story, ha! That's ME. I won't begin to write it here. I'm just writing what I think 'be careful' means in a good way ... not to scare anyone ... only to bring self-awareness when you go out from your home. We even have to ... be careful ... at home.

Note: When I write ... I write to myself as well as write for others to read. Sometimes, writing is a problem-solver for me ... or making myself think ... and if someone reads and gets anything positive at all from it ... it is a good thing.

Letting Go ... Feels Good

My Things Had Become Strangers To Me ... written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates Gloria Bates Colors



Well, this makes probably the 4th-5th pickup load of 'stuff' ... treasured things I've kept for many years ... I have 'let go' of.

It wasn't, it hasn't been easy to arrive at such a mindset I'll tell you. I will tell you this ... since I've come to such a mindset I was very surprised at how easy it became to 'let go'.

I tested myself this way ... I went out to where I had stacked all very neatly ... stood, looked at it all expecting to feel big tugs at my Heart over something I had held special, treasured to my Heart. I didn't feel ... anything. My things had become ... strangers to ME. It WAS time to for-real ... let go.

Instead of feeling sad ... and rushing to 'save this, save that' ... I made myself walk over ... handle things, think about each. I saw only 3 things I decided to keep out of 'millions' of things. That was a purple/green cowl scarf (my lucky colors) ... one sweater, one shirt. Amazing ... as I loved all my ... stuff.

I will say all my things were very important to ME ... it's strange ... the more I learn in Life I realize I don't need all the material things we think we have to have in Life.

I have realized that letting go means ... freedom. Freedom ... space to be whatever I want it to be. Space to move, breathe in ... to stand, take deep breaths of relief knowing my life is lighter for it. Not only that ... I chose the person I wanted to have them because of all she does for others ... I felt she would enjoy going through, choosing whatever she wanted to keep, treasure. That makes me feel good because all my things were nice, not junk.

Why don't I want to keep all ... leave them to family as everyone else does? There's no one left in my immediate family to do that ... no one like my own child to have, treasure one day ... to hold dear anything I had ... knowing I was his mother so, my things would become most special to him.

Have you ever thought that one day ... all your family could just die quickly ... leaving you behind with only grief, sadness in your Heart? Oh my, who would have thought so many would die in such a short period of time. What is truly sad is ... their deaths weren't in any way natural, normal.

I've written through time about my life ... so much grief, pain ... tears. Thankfully ... I strive to always be as positive as possible. If I fail for a time ... I know in my Heart it is only a matter of time ... I will be positive again.

Sometimes ... I think I try on negativity just like trying on an ugly dress ... knowing I'm going to take it off ... but, get to feel what it looks like for a short time to make me appreciate the beauty of ... at least being as positive as possible.

For that short time of 'trying on' ... I can have the freedom of thinking mean, ugly things ... say them ... then 'let go' ... take off that ugly, horrible dress ... go on with Life. It's easier said than done but, somehow I manage ... because I mean to go to my grave a good person ... one who isn't a negative, hateful, mean, ugly ... disgusting old ... bitch.

Sometimes like everyone I know ... I CAN be a bitch but, I'm not really one. Sometimes ... Life can make us be like that no matter how good our intentions are. Sometimes, even the nicest, best person has to hold their ground, speak their mind ... make boundaries for others not to cross ... demand respect, protect others.

How in the world can one be 'beautiful' doing that? Sometimes in Life, we have to be fierce ... be a force. Think about protecting your child, pet, family, friends ... you are going to turn into the most fierce force ever to 'save them'. That's my nature ... I am protective and I 'walk through fire' never thinking first. I walk into the fire meaning to ... save, protect. Love is the most powerful force in this world though sometimes it seems the opposite is true ... especially now.

This morning I have been looking around ... to see if anymore of my things have become ... strangers to ME.

Facebook Asks: What's On Your Mind?

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND? Well .........

This is what is on my mind this morning as I listen to the world news. The things I've listened to have created questions in my mind.

I will mention them here BUT I WON'T DEBATE them with anyone ... anyone who wants to argue, persuade, cram something down someone's throat ... be belligerent ... can go to their own Facebook page to do so. I don't have time for it ... too much negativity ... I like positive ... I am positive as possible.

Here ... this is MY page and my page REFLECTS ME ... my thoughts, feelings and mostly whatever I want to share. I don't always agree with everyone ... you will always see me be very respectful even if I don't agree.

I have to say this ... so far ... with the Facebook Friends I have ... most are good people like me. They know how to disagree without making it into a war. Like ME ... they don't keep on and on ... they go on about their life.

Lots of time it's better to not say anything at all ... I mean why would you if you didn't want to cause conflict on an inflammatory subject that upsets everyone? One can spot a troublemaker easily ... and like my Grandma Alma used to say: 'Nip it in the bud'. I follow her advice and don't wait around.

Why in the world would I be respectful ... when everyone is always ready to fight if someone is different from them?

BECAUSE ... I have a mind of my own ... I make my own decisions ... I decide what I believe and lots of times I have to 'sit on the fence in the middle' because ... I can see both sides of the situation. Because ... like ME ... I am always listening, learning ... changing my mind constantly as I form my own opinions ... so does everyone. I respect that ... it isn't easy to do.

We all experience Life differently ... in no way can everyone agree. No one can even take the exact same medicines ... we may be alike yet ... we aren't in certain aspects. I think we all can agree to agree on that for sure. :) <3

I AM NOT going to get into a 'war' with anyone over anything ... UNLESS it's of my choosing ... then, that means I intend to win that war ... one way or other. I don't often go to war ... but, if I do ... know that I am ready for it. If I'm going to 'make an ass of myself' ... I will do it big-time. I don't enjoy such things ... I don't run from them either ... it's 'do it or die'.

I love peace with my very Heart but ... I CAN hold my ground. It doesn't mean I'm weak because I like to be peaceful, be good. I'm sorry to say that I could be 'as bad' as the next one if provoked. That doesn't happen often. Why is that?

BECAUSE ... to be provoked is to become doubly-angered ... for being pushed too far ... and for whatever it is I chose to go to war for. That's when the fires of Hell begin burning in ME ... I was born in them ... I know them well ... and I know ... all Hell is going to break loose ... some Hell-raising is going to happen.

Am I proud of that? NO ... no, I'm not at all. I am proud though that I try to control anger, hate that is natural to me ... I am proud I never went on to let it consume me to be so evil, mean, horrible ... and ... it well could have happened. No one will ever know what I came through since a child ... I would have been bad ... very BAD ... but, all the goodness in me ... WON.

I was different from my family. I loved them with my very Heart ... but, I was different. They were ... pure Hell-raising people ... it never stopped ... through life when they lived ... oh my, my, my. They were the only family I knew ... I loved them ... but, I had to love them at a distance. I couldn't let them into my immediate life.

Okay ... this is what's on my mind: I am seeing such discord, turmoil in families, friends who have been friends forever ... break apart because of either being Democrat ... Republican.

I am listening to all the ugly name-calling ... I can't believe the name-calling like elementary kids ... we were taught to be better than that. As adults doing such ... it's dangerous ... as children, we are corrected, taught better.

Not so long ago we witnessed 2 women ... yes, 2 WOMEN ... almost come to blows because one was a Democrat ... one was a Republican ... and they didn't agree. Can you believe it?

They made pure spectacles of themselves ... oh my, the filth that poured out of their mouths. This is what politics have done to people. It's changed everyone ... and MY OPINION is ... it's changed many people in a very negative way. So much that families, friends are forever against each other.

I thought I used to hate with a vengeance when younger ... oh my ... the hatred I see, witness now is just horrible. Surely ... no one wants their children to grow up in such a world ... our role models have changed. The people who used to be very respected individuals ... aren't people I would let into my life ... and I am 'nobody special'.

We see every morning on our news shows drinking ... more and more cuss words are slipping in on tv than ever before ... everything that used to be wrong is ... right now. It's okay to be a 'bad' person now.

Now ... I know I can say a choice word or two ... I try not to do it when anyone is around ... it only happens when I'm working so hard at something and it doesn't cooperate with me ... I become angry ... I might cry.

When I do that ... it seems I begin to gain such extra strength to help me. So, I don't mind a cuss word at all ... it happens ... Life happens. It can be positive like when it becomes a force to help me in 'impossible' situations ... it's a godsend in an emergency to help oneself or someone.

Getting back to politics ... I don't discuss them. I do listen, watch quietly at the change I'm seeing today ... I shake my head in dismay. I try to pay attention to how I act, talk ... appear to others ... I wonder if others aren't caring about how they appear anymore? People used to care.

This is as close to politics I'm coming to ... as I'm not discussing my beliefs, feelings about certain things. I'm distressed from both sides ...I feel it in my heart.

I know it has to affect people at a medical level ... stress, depression, so forth. It's like working in a big place and that one person or several people are so bad ... that morale is to an all-time low. Once those people are gone ... people begin to act in healthier ways again. It was like that at the hospital I worked at years ago.

Anyway ... that's what is on my mind this morning. Gloria Faye Brown Gloria Bates Colors Skip Bates Tommy M Sidden