It's Possible I Did It Deliberately ...

Tommy's Chest ... holds the few things I have left of my only child, Tommy.

  

I know subconsciously I block things from my mind that hurt me deeply ... sometimes, I don't realize I have until at a later time. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.








I have been thinking of something that I haven't thought about in a long time.  I realize that before I can accomplish it ... I have a 'ton' of stuff to move before I can get to it.


I'll explain.  In my art room ... over the past months I have been letting 'everything' go in there ... to move it from other parts of the house.  I don't know why ... I let it all 'pile up'.  I treasure having my space to create, draw, paint.  So why did I do it?


The thought came to me this evening ... it could be the reason 'why'.  I have been thinking I want to get Tommy's Chest ... open it, take his things out that I have left of him.  I can't get to it ... I have blocked it by putting a 'million' things between it and ... me getting to it.  Do you think subconsciously I did it deliberately?


In order to look in his chest ... I have my job cut out.  I have to move everything in the path to it.  Do you know ... I will be so glad to have my artroom organized once again.  I wish I had never let it 'pile up' ... I don't do the other rooms like that.


Do you think I deliberately blocked my path to opening Tommy's Chest?  When I do get the chest ... I don't know if I can open it ... so much pain ... grief.  My son died 6 years ago.


Why would I want to open it?  Because ... because I want to hold the few things I have left of my son.  I have a green box in there that holds something so painful ... I want to see.  I can't talk about the green box.  Hurts too bad.  I might have to set it aside, not open it.


I'm not even certain I can open the lid to the chest ... to not weigh a lot ... it has been too heavy for me to just take my hands ... simply open it.


Time will tell ... if I open it I will share with you about it.  I know I've mentioned several times in the past that I would open it ... looking back now .... I see that's when 'things' begin to 'pile up' between me ... and the path to walk to Tommy's Chest.  Strange ... I never thought about it until this evening.


I think I must have done it ... on purpose.







Note by this Author:

Today ... 6 years ago ... my only child died.  Tommy ... my son, died at 40 years old, never knowing he had 3 blockages to his heart.

Tommy's Chest ... is a burgundy/gold, upholstered chest.  It holds the very few things I have left of my son.  I want this chest to go to his son, Taban, when I'm gone.

Story/photo owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@Gee Granny on Twitter.