Until His Last Breath ...

Tommy holding his newborn son ... he was very proud, happy.

My son, Tommy ... with his little son ... my precious grandson (date is wrong on photo).  All photos are owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates.

Tommy was so proud of his only son.

Tommy fell asleep holding Taban.

Tommy pretending to cry with Taban ...

Tommy being silly with his little son to get him not to cry.

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

I'm bittersweet ... sad at the loss of my son ... thankful my husband is here after being deathly ill. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Tomorrow is May 29, 2016 ... my only child, my son ... Tommy ... died May 29, 2010 ... six years ago.




I've felt sadness ... and happiness all at the same time.  I cope well now, with the loss of Tommy.  It seems for the past 5 months so many 'bad' things have happened ... threatened to take Skip from me ... I'm so happy he is doing well at this time.  I have a mixture of happiness, sadness all at the same time.




My favorite description of it is ... bittersweet.  That's a perfect word to describe how I feel.  It's strange how I have so much to be thankful for ... somehow, it helps greatly with the grieving pain I feel at this time.  I can talk about the fun things Tommy used to do, funny things he used to say ... think about his laughter, twinkling eyes ... all without crying.  Is this normal?  Is this good?




Sure, ever so often ... I feel a deep, deep pain and I do begin to cry.  It isn't often that I do ... when I do ... it hurts so bad.  The good thing is even when that happens now ... I know I'll be all right in a short time.  It used to be ... I wasn't all right at all.



Six years tomorrow ... Tommy has been gone.  Six years tomorrow ... I've come so far.  I would have never known I could get to a place in my life where I could deal/cope with the loss of my child.  I have.  I meant to.  I had to ... if I hadn't ... I wouldn't be here.




I've never talked to anyone to know how long they experienced the grieving process of their child before they felt like a real person again.  I know the grief is forever ... in my case ... I can live with it, now.  I can live everyday life now ... and be happy.  Though for the past 5 months ... our life has been completely upside down with all Skip has been through.




But ... guess what?  For 6 days now ... Skip has been on even keel for the first time since January.  My happiness outweighs my sadness.




Remembering tomorrow ... May 29, 2016 ... remembering Tommy, my son ... he went to Heaven from the beach while running, playing with his little 3 year old son.  The last sounds he heard were happy sounds ... of a little, precious child ... sea gulls, and ocean waves.




My beautiful son died ... a beautiful death if death could be beautiful.  He died while doing exactly what he told me he wanted to do most ... that was to get to play with his own little son at the beach for the first time.  He made it just in time.  I don't think he had time to suffer at all, before collapsing on the soft sand.




Tommy died with 3 blockages to his heart.  No one knew he was sick.  My little grandson can grow up knowing his daddy wanted to play with him at the ocean, made it just in time to do so ... before he went on his final journey.




One thing for certain ... my little grandson can grow up knowing his daddy loved him ... and was with him until he took his last breath, his spirit soaring into the sky as the sea gulls sang to the tune of the ocean waves.







Note from this Author:




Remembering tomorrow ... May 29, 2016 ... my son, only child ... died 6 years ago.  I'm remembering Tommy.




Written by/photos owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee, @GeeGranny on Twitter.