In Memory of My Son ... Tommy

Remembering my son, Tommy.  He was my only child.  He died at the age of 40 on May 29, 2010 while running, playing on the beach with his 3 year old son.  No one knew he had 3 blockages to his heart.  He collapsed on the sand by the ocean, died.

Tommy made it just in time to play a short time with his little son.  He was looking forward to it. This November Tommy would have been 46 years old.

Tommy Mitchell Sidden
Born:  11-20-1969
Died:  5-29-2010

I've been writing since Tommy died ... it is what saved me.  Thousands of words have been released through my fingers typing on my keyboard ... like a river flowing over rocks.  I make dragonflies in memory of Tommy, also.

I love you, Son.  I will never forget you ... many people help me remember you.  Rest in Peace, Son.

Note by this Author:  ALL Photos are owned by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@Gee Granny on Twitter.    #Remember Tommy (Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee)

'My Frying Pan Has Done Gone Somewhere' ...

'My Frying Pan Has Done Gone Somewhere' ...

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter






I've accepted that I can't find my frying pan
It's nowhere to be found, I looked high and low

I don't care that it's gone for it is old, needs replacing
It's the idea that it's gone, normally frying pans don't disappear

The frying pan doesn't have legs though it seems it walked away
It doesn't even have wings or I'd say it flew away

If it fell, it couldn't roll far as it has a handle
I've looked everywhere it isn't supposed to be

I've looked everywhere it could be
I wonder where it slipped off to

Is there a place in the air it could have slid into
Making it impossible for me to see

Could it fall out of the air ... hit me on the head
Let me know my frying pan has come back to me

I've reached out ... pinched the air here and there
Just to see if I'll feel that darn frying pan somewhere

A pinch of air here ... a pinch there
I don't feel a thing I don't think the frying pan's there

Where oh where is that darn frying pan
If you see it let me know ... for now I'll let it go

No longer will I worry about my frying pan
I'm going to get a new one when I can






Note by Author: 

I don't know where my frying pan disappeared to.  It's been on my mind so, I wrote a poem about it!  This memory is dedicated to the little frying pan that served me well.  Goodbye frying pan.

Photo/poem owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

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Just Because One is Older ... Doesn't Mean They Quit Dreaming, Wishing, Hoping

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee 

I woke up to the thoughts that because I am older ... should I forget my dreams, wishes, hopes?

Should I just lay down, die as soon as possible because there's no room for an older person's dreams, wishes, hopes.

Am I too old to accomplish anything in the rest of my life?  Should I sit like a piece of furniture without thoughts until I take my last breath?

I sat, thought about this.  Hell no!  I'm not letting go of any of my dreams, hopes, wishes.  Even if they don't come true ... they drive me to be the best I can be while I live each day of my life ... to the end.

Maybe ... there will be one or two people to remember me, think that I was a good person while I lived.  Better yet, somehow touching their life in a positive way.

I will keep dreaming ... I'm not too old.  I will wish for things I hope will come true in life for Skip and I ... our Pups.

What drives me to be that way?  I love life, I wish for good in my life ... my world, my loved ones.  What drives me is ... pure Hope.

Note by this Author:

I woke up thinking about such things this morning.  Photo/article owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

I will keep dreaming, wishing and hoping for all the days of my life ... no matter how old.  I do know dreams can come true ... miracles can/will happen.

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The Kindest Man I Knew as a Child ...George

The Kindest Man I Knew as a Child ...George
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

George in his old wooden, cane-bottomed chair
sitting behind Grandma Alma's old, pink cloth
recliner.






G.... damn it!  I ran to see what had happened
I saw an older man holding his hand
He looked up to the sky as if to ask ... why?

He picked the hammer back up to use it again
Held the nail in the other hand
He placed the hammer on top of the nail

Lifted it up, brought it down hard
Moving his hand just in time
He sunk the nail into the wood without further injury

I ran to him ... a little girl of nine
Concerned, seeing the pain on his face
Looked at his poor finger ... it was cut to the bone

Gloria Faye Brown ... as a little girl

His red blood dripping to the ground
I ran to get a white cloth, peroxide
Poured it on his wound, wrapped it up

How does a little girl know how to care for a wound
Yet, I knew what to do
I looked up into George's face

His sightless eyes were staring ahead
George was blind, he couldn't see a thing
He had to feel, sense all he did

My heart broke for my step-grandfather
Whom I loved with my Heart
He was the kindest man I ever knew

He was the only living grandfather I ever knew
George loved me, and all the grandchildren
He would sit, hold us on his lap

My beautiful mother, Daisy Earlene Strother

Tell us stories about B'rer Rabbit
Little Red Riding Hood and The Three Bears, too
The ones who couldn't sit on his lap, sat on the cement porch

Looking up at him with loving eyes
All the children loved George
George loved all the little children

We were amazed at all he did, George was blind
He could tell the difference in money
When people paid him at his little store

George could walk to town with a white cane, red and black
Walk to the stores ... walk wherever he needed to go
Town was a mile away ... people were amazed at what he could do

There were six grandchildren who lived next door
Never no telling how many at a time lived with him
With him, and Grandma Alma ... they took everyone in

They were colorful characters who entertained the children
Unknowingly ... the children watched Grandma Alma, George
When all Hell broke loose ... it was a sight to see, hear!

George would bellow, rave
He could be heard a mile away
Grandma Alma would wait until the time was just right

Gloria Faye Brown ... as a little girl

Throw a glass of cold water in his face to cool him down!
George would bellow out like an injured bull
Begin to calm down ... asked her why did she do that

A blind man and a paralyzed woman with one good hand, leg
They were a sight to see ... when they got frustrated
As a grown woman now ... I can see why they were that way

As a child I couldn't understand
I would watch in amazement and fear
To see what would happen next ... I wasn't the only one

The other grandchildren would run to see
We would look at each other, put our hands over our mouths
Grin, laughter in our little children eyes

It was funny to see them get mad, do the things they did
I wonder if they ever knew we had fun watching
They would yell, my Grandma Alma cussing like a sailor man

Gloria Faye Brown ... as a little girl

You ... He-man! She would scream as loud as she could
You damn He-man, you!
George would mumble under his breath

As he sat in his old wooden chair next to her chair
An old pink, cloth recliner with a wooden chair in front of her
To place her feet in when needed

George would sit three times a day to rub her legs
Exercise, do range-of-motion on both
Then, her arms and hands with Beauty Ray lotion, alcohol

They loved each other with their hearts
It was their only way to release their frustrations
At the cruelness of Life that was dealt to them

As a child I never knew that ... as a woman, I really do
When I look back at the two people I admire most as a child
A blind man, paralyzed woman who had only love to give

The kindest man I ever knew until my husband, Skip
They loved, cared for many children who came through their home
A home that was pure Hell to live in, but ... the only safe haven they knew

Gloria Faye Brown ... as a little girl

I look back now to see why I grew up there
I see now ... to make me stronger than strong
Able to live with things the normal person might not can do

I learned forgiveness no matter what, unconditional love
Honesty, love and caring ... in the all Hell that was raised
In that house that sat, guarded the portal of Hell

I am an unusual person in that I have a big Heart filled with Love
I can forgive when I've been done wrong, but ... not forget
I have one Hell of a fighting spirit ... just like my Grandma Alma, George

I learned many things from a blind man, paralyzed woman
Including how to raise Pure Hell, though I try not to
They instilled many things in me ... making me a good person

Learning ... going through bad things as a little girl
It's a wonder I'm not one Hell of a criminal
I was almost on that path, turned around ... ran like Hell

I love being a good person ... knowing that I don't do bad
I might not have a lot ... but, doesn't matter
I can live with myself knowing I'm doing no wrong

I don't sit, judge others for what they do
I try to see the best in the ugliness of Life
Sometimes, I can't find it ... but, I try hard as I can

My beautiful mother, Daisy Earlene Strother

I look back and see ... acknowledge I learned good things
From bad things through time, beginning with Grandma Alma
And George ... who was the kindest man I ever knew

I'm the first to say I've made big mistakes, bad decisions
All through time ... I've been on a lot of different roads
Much too exciting for me ... leading to a bad end

Beautiful clothes, lots of money aren't the most important in life
I learned real life hurts ... but ... I'd rather face it
Than to lose all in the long run which surely happens

My foundation as a child was built on shaky, but stable ground
No matter how bad, Grandma Alma and George was always there
No matter what ... their love never faded, they had nothing but ... had all

Blind, paralyzed ... these two people made the difference in my world
Helped to shape me to the person I am today
You might not like me or might love me ... that's okay, I'm made that way

What you see is what you get
Where I stand is where you can see
I'm always up-front, straight-forward in a kind way

I'm a mixture of mostly good from where I come from
Mainly love, caring, honesty ... a person I like today
I learned this from my Grandma Alma, and the kindest man I knew as a child ... George






Note by this Author:

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

My poem is a reflection looking back through the looking glass.  I look back to when I became aware of life ... so many mean, bad things.  At the age of nine ... the world I lived in, exploded.

Going from wearing Peaches and Cream dresses, lacey socks, and black-patent leather shoes, Oxford shoes too ... having a beautiful, clean home to live in, good things to eat ... a lady who cared for me and my brother through the week to ... Hell ... where my Grandma Alma, George lived.

No more being fed right, dressed nice ... or anything to make life soft ... I went to knowing grown up hands hurt me in more ways than one.  They did things they shouldn't have ... physically, mentally to me.  I forgave long ago, I didn't forget ... but, I did.

I didn't realize I had lived in Hell just before going to Grandma Alma and George's ... in my 'perfect world' where I was a little princess.  My stepfather would come in late night, jerk my beautiful mother up out of the bed as she laid with us ... beat her unmercifully.  He shot up our bedroom, we were so afraid.

So, I look back to see I lived in Hell that was bright, clean, nice to an ugly Hell that was grimy, dirty ... Hell-raising every day ... but, full of love as well as hate, and ... bad things.

I'd like to think all the bad things shaped me in the long run to being a good person.  I'm not the best person in the world ... I am just the best person I can be.  That means I'm not perfect, but ... I am just a real person who tries hard to be good ... always.  It has taken many 'bad' things to make me this way.

Poem/photo owned, written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

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The Strongest Woman I Ever Knew ... Was Paralyzed

My son, Tommy, at Grandma Alma's grave ... we came down from our 

home in the North Carolina mountains to visit.

The Strongest Woman I Ever Knew ... Was Paralyzed
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter
























My Grandma Alma ... the strongest woman I ever knew ... she was paralyzed.
George, the only grandfather I ever knew, the kindest man I ever knew as a child.
George was blind ... yet, you wouldn't believe the amazing things he did ............





When I was a little girl I remember
Seeing my Grandma Alma knead bread with one hand
Squeezing each biscuit out to pat in the pan

I watched her pull taffy
Stretching it out very long
Taking a knife ... cutting it in uniform pieces

She made cinnamon rolls rolling out the dough
With butter, and cinnamon, sugar
Oh my!  How good they were

I watched her walk holding onto a walker
Dragging one leg as she went
Smiling a happy smile as she tried to walk

My Grandma Alma was a special soul
Though she could cuss like a sailorman
She could cuss, raise Hell with the best

She was herself, didn't try to be anyone else
I loved my Grandma Alma ... she'd fight for me to the end
Throw a glass of ice water on anyone to make them leave me alone

Grandma Alma ... was paralyzed for the last part of her life
No matter ... she was spunky, could hold her ground
She was quite the colorful character ... a kind, beautiful soul

She had that fighting spirit she passed on to me
If you fall down get your ass up off the ground
Brush it off, take care of business

My Grandma Alma as a young woman .....




I won many battles in my growing up life
Being like my Grandma Alma whom I loved with my Heart
Each time I wonder where I got my fighting spirit I think back to her

Grandma Alma made quite an impression on me as a child
I never got to thank her, let her know
For leaving a part of herself with me to help me grow

Grow up to be stronger than strong
One who rolled with the punches
No matter what ... get that ass up off the ground

If she could do it being paralyzed
I should be able to do so
Wipe the tears away ... go on

Sometimes ... life throws more than I can handle
I think I'm going to lay down, give up
When I do ... the fighting spirit takes over for me

It puts steel in my backbone
Makes me stand up straight
Look life in the eye ... face life head-on

Either I'm going to win or I'm going to die
Trying to make things alright once again
So far ... to this day ... I am still here

Fighting spirit from a loving grandma
One who never gave up ... though she couldn't walk
I honor my Grandma Alma today

Thank you Grandma Alma ... I wish you were alive
Today to see your granddaughter ... know the things
She has gone through, survived

You would see yourself in her ... she's tough as you
In fact, you'd see your fighting spirit was passed on
To several of your grandchildren who lived with you

I wish you were here today so, I could sit down, talk
Hold your good hand, thank you for being you
My Grandma Alma whom I loved with my Heart

Thank you for instilling in me honesty, pride
Kindness, loving and caring, fighting spirit
Without them ... I wouldn't be here today






Note by this Author:

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter/Facebook.com/grannygee





Grandma Alma was the strongest woman I knew as a child.  Yet, she was the weakest being paralyzed.  She never gave up.  She had a stroke and lived twenty-some years before she died in her seventies.

I saw my Grandma Alma's fighting spirit when she raised Hell ... to protect one of her grandchildren. She was tough, yet so gentle.  Her good hand could slap hard as well as be soft, loving to a little child.

When she died ... I grieved deeply for many years.  She was my mama when my mama ... wasn't.  My mother made up for that many years later, and was the best mom in the world.  She just had to grow up, mature ... she did.

I lost my mother and her death was full of questions that has taken some years to know what happened.  I've coped with it ... it wasn't easy.  Almost ... everyone who knew what happened to her ... has gone ... almost. They live with a lot inside for the rest of their life.  I couldn't do it knowing what they do, what they did.

Skip and I were talking about all the members of my family on maternal, paternal sides.  Not many of them died ... naturally.  Some died leaving a lot of questions, so much grief in my Heart.

Some died in freak events ... such as suicide that might not have been suicide, log truck head-on crash, drugs, just ... crazy-ass things.  I won't write any further ... I live with so much grief ... I feel it wanting to come to the surface ... like fish in water.  Twenty some family members ... the very people I loved with my Heart ... gone ... just like that.

The worst being the loss of my only child, my son ... Tommy.  I sure have come a long way in Life ... it's possible I wouldn't be here after Tommy's death ... if I had died I'd never known the difference. My Grandma Alma's fighting spirit helped to strengthened the steel in my back, lift me off the ground ... baby step by baby step until ... today ... I am for-real alright.  Like her, I fought like Hell ... I'm here today.

Photos, poem written/owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

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That's the Magic of Coffee

That's the Magic of Coffee
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

I sit here with a hot cup of coffee
Cradling, holding the cup like a child
Holding onto it ... to give me comfort

When something bad happens in life
Coffee becomes liquid gold
Warmth, soothing comfort

Comfort that's next to a mother's touch
Telling one everything's going to be alright
Close your eyes, dear ... everything's going to be alright

Firefighters fight fire, rescue workers rescue
People suffer bad things ... we all need to be comforted
We all want to hold a hot cup of coffee to warm our hands

Warm our hearts down to our souls
Shield us from pain, grief ... the bad in our life
Cradle the hot cup of coffee as tight as we can

Hold onto comfort as long as we possibly can
Close your eyes ... imagine your mother's hug
If not your mother ... someone you love with your heart


Imagine you are being held safe against the bad
Until you can gain strength to go it again
No matter how bad ... everything will somehow get alright

Touch your cheeks with the warm cup of coffee
Feel the pure comfort ... like a loved one's kiss
Close your eyes, smile through tears ... it's going to be alright

For the moment you are in ... a hot cup of coffee
Brings life-giving comfort ... warmth when you need it most
That's the magic in ... a cup of hot coffee







Note by this Author:

I don't know about you ... but in my life, so many 'bad' things have happened.  I am so thankful for a warm liquid to drink, let the warmth spread comfort as it goes down.

I am so thankful to get to hold the warmth in my hands ... cradling the cup like a little child.  Maybe ... for the moment I am a little child again seeking comfort from someone who loved me ... I don't know.  But this I do know ... that's the magic in a cup of hot coffee.

Photos/poem owned ... written by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee   (Note: My Precious Husband, Skip ... drinking coffee at Krispy Kreme ... he and our Pups are my whole world.)

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Memories Just Beneath the Surface ... Like Fish in Water

Memories Just Beneath the Surface ... Like Fish in Water
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

My Precious Son, Tommy ................





I was thinking of you today
You are only a thought away
Like fish in water ... your memory is beneath the surface


Just barely beneath the surface
Thoughts of you are there ... like fish in water
Just a slight riffle in the water ... I think of you, Son

Tears come to my eyes
Longing comes inside my Heart
I want to cry for the loss of you

No need for me to ask 'why'
No need for me to cry
No need for me to be sad

That's a lie ... I do cry and I am sad
But ... I've never asked 'why'
I know there aren't any answers to 'why' you are gone

Good things come from bad things
No matter how bad ... all will be better again
No matter, I still cry because I loved you ... I'm your Mother

You left on May 29, 2010 for a vacation only ...
Unexpectedly ... you left on another journey
There on the beach as you ran with your little son

You left with a smile on your face, laughter in your heart
As you collapsed to the soft sand
Angels guided you gently as you fell

Angels stood a distance away watching you play
A big guy playing with a little guy who looked like him
My son ... my 3 year old grandson ... running, playing

My beautiful Son and I .....................




Laughter, squealing ... I love you, Daddy!
Daddy? Daddy?  Please get up, play with me!
Why are you laying down ... get up Daddy!

My Son, Tommy and my Grandson, Taban .........



Daddy, won't you play with me
The angels came over to see, protect the little boy
One picked up Tommy's cellphone, pressed the redial key

The call traveled two hundred miles away
A smiling woman answered the phone knowing it was her son
Confusion to the strange voice speaking to her

She said, "why do you have my son's cellphone?"
The man repeated his words
"Maam, I've got a man collapsed here on the sand, he's not breathing"

Her smile faded away as darkness sucked her in
"Help me!  Help me, please help me!"
Her husband came, took the phone out of her hand

The mother's son had died there on the soft sand
As angels lifted his soul to Heaven to the song the sea gulls sang
Tommy, come home ... Tommy, come home!

Time has gone by ... this month is your birthday
November 20th, born in the year 1969
My only child whom I treasured with my very Heart

I find myself thinking of you ... your memory is beneath the surface
Just as fish in water ... your memory is only a second away
You were the only child I could have

Now, you are gone forever ... I've accepted that
Done the things through time I needed to do to cope with your death
Doesn't matter ... your loss still hurts my Heart

My son, Tommy holding his little son...................




You were a part of me ... suppose I lost my hand, leg?
I can't ever forget you were here, Son
No more than I could forget I had a hand ... leg

Flesh and blood ... a mother and child
A permanent bond throughout life
I'll forever grieve over you in my own way

Now ... I make dragonflies in memory of you
Gold wire, colorful beaded dragonflies
Leave them for people to find

Dragonflies I've made ... and bracelets ..................





Hoping to bring a smile, joy to hearts
As they help me remember you, Son
Doesn't matter if they knew you or me

They can sense the love a mother had for her son
Making their dragonfly a special treasure
With a story behind it ... sad, but ... beautiful

How can I say beautiful through all the pain
If we die, we would hope to go the way you did
Running, playing on the beach ... happiness in your heart

Here one moment leaving a special memory for a little boy
Gone the next moment ... never suffering
Going from this world to the ever after

No matter ... it still makes me cry
I miss you, Son ... your familiar face, smile, sound of your voice
I'm okay now, took so long ... but, I'm fine

No matter ... it still makes me cry
Memories of you are just beneath the surface
Like ... fish in water

Fish ... memories ... jump out from time to time
Some I remember good ... some get away before I do
Memories just beneath the surface ... like fish in water

                                                 
                                                   

















Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee






Note by this Author:

I will forever grieve over the loss of my only child.  When I see mothers with their sons I smile ... knowing they know how precious their children are to them ... never able to imagine not having them.  I hope they will have them forever.  Parents should never outlive their children ... never know the awful pain of losing them.

I live with the pain every moment of my life.  I have coped with it ... so, I can live with such knowledge inside me ... knowledge I can't get away from.  Knowledge that my child died ... something I never knew I'd be able to live with.  Knowing such a thing was bigger than I am.  I have done that now ... I can live with it.

You say why don't I just forget about my son ... it's time to quit grieving.  I say to you ... if you really feel that way ... then, don't be surprised if ... it happens to you.  You never stop loving, missing the people you truly loved, treasured with your heart.

A mother is a special being ... she is the vessel that carries a child until it is born into this world.  Like the golden egg ... when it opens ... the most precious treasure is inside.  A baby made of love, a very real part of the mother just as her hands, feet are.  If one gets gone, the pain is unbearable ... she'll forever grieve the loss.

This mother knows this pain ... and has found a way to live with it.  I grew up knowing emotional, physical pain as a little girl all through life ... I never knew I'd say I'm glad I did ... it prepared me to cope with such pain in my life as every family member I truly loved ... died.  I have survived many things that I won't go into at the moment.  You can read back in my blog.

I've known pain my whole life ... mentally, physically.  Know this ... I am a very positive person who really knows that ... no matter how bad ... things do have a way of getting better.  I know this to be true.

I look for what I need to learn from life's lessons in the things that happen in my life.  Doesn't mean it's easy ... it isn't.  I just know things happen for a reason ... I try to learn the reasons why.  I don't always find out 'why' ... I just do the best I can so, I can live until I die.

I never knew I would be able to live ... with the knowledge my child had died.  I never knew I'd be able to walk, move around with such knowledge trying to live my life ... with the heaviest load I've ever carried in my life ... grief over the loss of my child.  Thankfully, I have managed ... somehow the 'load' strengthened me even more.  I can carry it now.  At one time ... I never knew ... I'd be here ... today.

I grieve over Tommy ... I grieve silently.  I don't push my grief on anyone.  I write about grief, pain ... that's 'why' I write.  If you come here to read ... that's what you will read about.  You don't have to feel sorry for me ... I've never felt sorry for myself nor cried 'woe is me'.

If you don't like to read about pain and grief, life, my thoughts ... how it really is or really feels ... probably you want to visit other blogs that are more fun.  This is what you get here ... when you read ... real life, feelings.  Just know I'm not stuck in one place in my grief ... it's in a 'good, healthy' place now.  I grew from it all.

I face reality ... reality can be harsh.  I face it ... head-on.  Let it hurt like hell but, I am going to overcome ... I mean to.  The death of my son ... almost took me, also.  Now ... I'm strong again.  I'm not bitter, angry ... I love life.  I know there are many wonderful things in life ... I can see the beauty of life.  Bad things that happened in my life ... didn't blind me.

I didn't come this far in my life through all I have ... to lay down and cry, whine, feel sorry for myself.  Sure, it hurts like Hell ... Life has a way of doing that ... I still manage to smile through my tears, and know ... somehow everything gets alright again.  Sometimes ... it seems impossible but, it does.  I'm always amazed.

I have forgiven all through time ... I don't forget a lot but, I do ... forget a lot.  It's no longer important in my life.  I just care so much about everything, everyone.

I think I have learned what's important in Life ... it makes me think that if everyone felt the same way ... Life would be good for everyone.  Caring, loving, giving, helping others.  What do you think?

Sadly, I'm old enough now to realize something I never thought possible.  There are truly evil people in this world ... I used to never believe that.  Now, I know better.  Sometimes, you have to stay away from them ... that's why the world has so much war, and terrible things.  You can't make people like that care ... they have no regard for human life.

Photos/ poem written, owned by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.