The truth is today isn't a Happy Mother's Day for me
Yes, I know many of you wished that for me
Not knowing... or knowing I don't have a child anymore
I mean how can I be wished a Happy Mother's Day
Without a child, no one to call me mother
When you tell me Happy Mother's Day
I can't do anything but, smile, thank you
How can you know my child is gone forever
How can you know your words make me feel strange
I would rather no one to wish Happy Mother's day to me
Does that sound ugly ... I don't mean for it to
No one knows the confusion I feel because I just don't
Know when a Mother's child dies ... what does that make her
I know when a spouse dies one becomes a widow, a widower
Oh my ... what am I without the only child I ever had
Just what do you call me ... I just don't know
I do know I hurt ... one can say I know what you mean
No ... no, you don't know what I mean
Your child is living ... you have a right for someone to say
Happy Mother's Day ... you have a right to your happiness
Today of all days ... be thankful, proud, happy
Your baby lives ... no matter how old
You have what I once knew, I once had
Now ... I can only feel pain, grief on Mother's Day
My feelings are bittersweet when I remember my child
I've coped with the loss of my son
Why do I wish for no one to say Happy Mother's Day to me
Because it doesn't feel good to me ... I can't pretend to be
Something I'm not ... I'm no longer a mother to a child
Happy Mother's Day not to ME but, to the Mothers
Today who have living, thriving, wonderful children
Who come home this special day
Am I bitter, angry because my child is gone?
Of course not ... just call ME bittersweet meaning
Though I'm sad, I miss my son ... I miss being a mother
I'm so happy for all the mothers with children
I can't help but, pay attention ... I can't help but, feel my loss
I can help by caring about others, wish good for them
Hope they never lose a child, never feel as I do
Never wonder what am I called when I lost my child
Never cringe when someone says Happy Mother's Day to me
Graciously, politely thanking them with a smile
Feeling like an imposter ... someone with no child
This day isn't for me anymore ... I can only live with my
Memories of past Mother Days in the month of May
My son died unexpectedly in the month of May
Two weeks after my last Mother's Day
I can see my son now in my mind
His smile competing with the sunshine
Golden, bright with his strawberry blonde hair, eyes of blue
Saying to ME when I once was a mother
Happy Mother's Day! I love you! Hugging ME tightly
Messing my hair up as he loved to do then, stand back
Laugh with his happy self ... while I fussed about my hair
Feeling such happiness in my Heart ... I was his mother!
I understand as once being a mother myself
We never think of mothers who have lost their child
We just don't ... as mothers we have our minds on our babies
On our life doing our motherly things
That's the way it should be ... making special memories
Thank God for the memories I have of my son
That's all I have left of him ... my biggest memory being of a
A 6 ft. 3 in. guy with golden strawberry blonde hair, a even more
Glowing, beautiful smile ... soft voice, twinkling blue eyes
Funny as heck, always reaching out to tousle, mess up his mother's hair
He could laugh like the Cowardly Lion making me bend over with laughter
Argue with me over words letting the other know how smart we was
The last word we argued good-naturely over was 'precipice'
I couldn't believe he thought I ... didn't know that word!
The evening before my son, Tommy ... died just 2 weeks after my last
Mother's Day ... was beautiful, made so much more special
As Tommy drove away ... oh my, we were waving up a storm, smiling
Bright as the sun never knowing that was our last smile ...
The last ... I love you, Mom! ... I'd ever hear him say in person
The last ... I love you, Son! ... as he drove out of sight
Tommy collapsed on the beach just in a short time after arriving in
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina ... he died with the last sounds
Being his little 3 year old son's happy voice ... sound of sea gulls singing
Sound of the ocean waves splashing ashore ...
Tommy never knew he had 3 blockages to his Heart at the age of 40
He had just called me not long before he died saying he'd call back in a little
While ... the phone rung shortly after that call ... I looked at the Caller ID
My son was calling back so soon! I was smiling when I answered
The last thing I heard was a stranger's voice saying ...
Ma'am ... I have a man here collapsed on the beach, he's not breathing
Somewhere in a distance I heard someone scream for Skip ...
I heard a woman crying as she slipped into a shock never coming out of it for
Several years ... I was a mother until that last phone call coming from my son's
Phone ... I always thought about my happy mother's smile when I answered
The last call from his phone ... as the stranger talked my last mother's smile
Slipped away ... as I went from being a mother to whatever a mother is
Called when she loses her child
This is my every Mother's Day each year since Tommy has been gone
When I used to be a mother ... I used to have a beautiful child, a son
I have memories now ... I thank God for my good memories of my son
No one could have loved my son more than I ... my son loved me, Skip
With his very Heart ... he and Skip were so close
This is what goes through this real person's mind when Mother's Day comes
Around ... the truth is ... it's not a happy day for me
If, when someone tells ME Happy Mother's Day ... I will smile, thank them
Like always ... why would I take joy away from someone who took their time to
Wish me something so special? I wouldn't ... I never want to hurt anyone
The truth is ... I know pain of every kind ... no matter if someone's hurts ME
Today ... I won't allow myself to feel anger, hard feelings toward them
I know how fickle Life can be ... I know a life can be taken at any moment
I don't want to be another part of someone's pain, hurt
I will go on smiling, being gracious as possible even when I hurt until
It somehow goes away to the place all my pain goes to ... I have more love
In my Heart so, I don't have room for negative to exist
Just know if you hurt ME ... you will be the only one living with the torment
I won't let it bother ME
The truth is ... as long as I try to do right, be good to people ... my Heart
Is in the right place ... to ME that's what matters
I don't have room for bad feelings ...
I see I can go off track here at this very moment ... begin writing about other
Things ... you all know ME ... when I write MY words are like a car ... it can carry
Us down many roads 🙂🙃🙂💛💛
Note:
I wish with my Heart a very Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in this world.
What I wrote about is what mother means to Me after my son died. Just know because I write pain, grief doesn't mean I'm not alright.
I am fine ... only writing real feelings of a real person. I don't need sympathy, pity ... I write to survive ... writing is my outlet so, I can live, go on.
You can read, be entertained ... or if you need a big laugh, laugh by all means. If you want to feel, care .. that's okay ... you have a Heart.
I'm not the only mother living without her child. I care for how they feel. I am one of the fortunate ... somehow I made it through that darkest of dark journeys in my life ... I lived to tell it ... I almost didn't.
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