Wednesday, July 18, 2018
FACEBOOK MEMORIES ... ONE CAN GAUGE HOW FAR THEY'VE COME
FACEBOOK MEMORIES ... ONE CAN GAUGE HOW FAR THEY'VE COME
Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
One of my copyrights ( I wrote 3 books ... I'm not the best writer, nor the worst ... I am a writer nevertheless)
This is me ... when I wore the new face of a grieving mother ... I let myself completely go ... because I couldn't see ME anymore ... I lived in another world ... I was walking on a new road in my life ... of a grieving mother.
Another Facebook Memory for 2013 ... one of my copyrights ... and this is the face of grief when a mother loses her child ... I looked like that for over 3-4 years until I could begin finding myself in the mirror ... when I did I would constantly ... look for ME.
I began to take baby steps toward coping, finding a sort of peace inside. It took years to do this ... today makes 8 years ... I have peace in my Heart. Peace doesn't come easily to a mother who loses her only child, her child. I can only speak for myself ... if I think I grew up in Hell ... and have had 'bad' things happen in my life ... losing my son, Tommy ... in no way can be compared.
This is a pain that lives inside ... no matter what I did ... I had to live with me ... I couldn't get away from myself ... the worst pain in my life. No one could see the heavy burden of grief I carried on my shoulders ... invisible pain ... yet, I would smile at people whenever I saw them. Most never knew my son had died ... I never talked about it ... I only wrote about it. That's how private I am.
Today ... well, today I am most grateful to be this far up a Grieving Mother's Road ... I've traveled over the worst of it. This road had so many dark places in it ... more tears than one could count ... the worst pain one can imagine ... now, I'm on the road where the sun shines ... the colors are vivid, wonderful ... I can see ME in the mirror now. I don't look like that now. <3 <3 <3
I can say one has to constantly battle to reach the peace I've finally found ... it's the hardest thing I've ever looked for in my life. Life feels good now ... I have Skip and our Pups3 who have constantly been by my side.
I have all of you who have been there for me following my stories, giving me words of encouragement, making dragonflies appear in my Life ... Tommy loved dragonflies. Many told me their stories of how dragonflies touched their life once they knew Tommy loved them ... I do too.
Sometimes ... I make dragonflies from gold wire and beads ... leave them in public for someone to find, help me to remember Tommy. I don't make them for anyone ... only in this way. If I could I would make everyone dragonflies ... I'm only one of me <3
I love Facebook Memories ... I don't know about you but I can gauge how far I've come by looking at the photos.
I've survived Hell in my Life ...when Tommy died ... I never knew what Hell was until I lost my only child who meant the very world to me.
Who knows ... maybe when you read my words you might take a second look at the grieving mothers you encounter in life ... have compassion, empathy for them.
They never chose to lose their child when their child is ripped from their lives ... what does happen is their whole world has been broken into pieces ... and no one knows what goes on in their minds as they try to accept their child won't come back, say I love you, Mama ... wave at you, smile at you, tease you ... be there when no one else is, love you like you are the most special person in their lives.
I hope you aren't like one person told me not even two weeks after Tommy died ... she said, "ah-hh, you'll be alright in 2 weeks". I'll never forget that woman ... I'll never respect her like I once did. How cold, uncaring ... she'd never lost a member of her family much less her child.
I had lost all my family members I loved ... mother, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, the list goes on. That woman never knew I had been living in 'forever grief' ... someone died before I could get better from the last one. Shock after shock after shock ... plus the shocks that Life brings ... Skip in 2 bad wrecks (tractor-trailer, on his pickup ... both times women hit him) ... our home burned down, I won't keep naming all).
Do I feel sorry for ME ... no, I never have. I've met it all head-on ... let it hurt me the worst it could. I fell down a lot of times ... I kept getting back up ... some times taking longer than others. It would have been easier to stay down ... but, impossible when one has a fighting spirit like I do. I mean to live now ...
I mean to hold on to my most treasured peace inside ... and I mean to use my one word I earned as a child when I get upset (the word is ... 'damn!' :) ... I mean to live Life as long as I possibly can. I've come too far to stop now. I mean to care for Skip Bates, our Pups3 to keep them in my life 'forever'. I mean to write, draw, paint, create jewelry and whatever comes to mind for the rest of my life.
I almost didn't live after Tommy died ... I almost died. This is something I don't talk about often, something that makes people uncomfortable. I promised on my blog when I began it ... I would write about those things just as they really are ... no sugar-coating. I will continue to do so. As for talking about them to another person ... it'll be rare I do that. I'll write it all ... I can let go of the words here ... it's the only way to lessen the burden of weight grief puts on me.
When you read this far and you've wondered why I write about grief ...or anything ... you will see this is what I do. Maybe I made friends with you during the time I wasn't writing ... then out of the blue you all of a sudden see me write about death, loss of a child, loss of family. You think 'what the hell, why is she writing like this?' Now ...you know what everyone who knows me knows... this is what I do, I promised to my readers I would do.
I will always write about grief, life until my dying day. I will always tell you honestly how it feels. You can feel it ... understand it without going through it yourself. Maybe when 'it happens to you' and I promise it will ... some of my words could possibly help you at the worst time in your life. I truly hope so.
Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee <3 Photos are owned by me.
Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
One of my copyrights ( I wrote 3 books ... I'm not the best writer, nor the worst ... I am a writer nevertheless)
This is me ... when I wore the new face of a grieving mother ... I let myself completely go ... because I couldn't see ME anymore ... I lived in another world ... I was walking on a new road in my life ... of a grieving mother.
Another Facebook Memory for 2013 ... one of my copyrights ... and this is the face of grief when a mother loses her child ... I looked like that for over 3-4 years until I could begin finding myself in the mirror ... when I did I would constantly ... look for ME.
I began to take baby steps toward coping, finding a sort of peace inside. It took years to do this ... today makes 8 years ... I have peace in my Heart. Peace doesn't come easily to a mother who loses her only child, her child. I can only speak for myself ... if I think I grew up in Hell ... and have had 'bad' things happen in my life ... losing my son, Tommy ... in no way can be compared.
This is a pain that lives inside ... no matter what I did ... I had to live with me ... I couldn't get away from myself ... the worst pain in my life. No one could see the heavy burden of grief I carried on my shoulders ... invisible pain ... yet, I would smile at people whenever I saw them. Most never knew my son had died ... I never talked about it ... I only wrote about it. That's how private I am.
Today ... well, today I am most grateful to be this far up a Grieving Mother's Road ... I've traveled over the worst of it. This road had so many dark places in it ... more tears than one could count ... the worst pain one can imagine ... now, I'm on the road where the sun shines ... the colors are vivid, wonderful ... I can see ME in the mirror now. I don't look like that now. <3 <3 <3
I can say one has to constantly battle to reach the peace I've finally found ... it's the hardest thing I've ever looked for in my life. Life feels good now ... I have Skip and our Pups3 who have constantly been by my side.
I have all of you who have been there for me following my stories, giving me words of encouragement, making dragonflies appear in my Life ... Tommy loved dragonflies. Many told me their stories of how dragonflies touched their life once they knew Tommy loved them ... I do too.
Sometimes ... I make dragonflies from gold wire and beads ... leave them in public for someone to find, help me to remember Tommy. I don't make them for anyone ... only in this way. If I could I would make everyone dragonflies ... I'm only one of me <3
I love Facebook Memories ... I don't know about you but I can gauge how far I've come by looking at the photos.
I've survived Hell in my Life ...when Tommy died ... I never knew what Hell was until I lost my only child who meant the very world to me.
Who knows ... maybe when you read my words you might take a second look at the grieving mothers you encounter in life ... have compassion, empathy for them.
They never chose to lose their child when their child is ripped from their lives ... what does happen is their whole world has been broken into pieces ... and no one knows what goes on in their minds as they try to accept their child won't come back, say I love you, Mama ... wave at you, smile at you, tease you ... be there when no one else is, love you like you are the most special person in their lives.
I hope you aren't like one person told me not even two weeks after Tommy died ... she said, "ah-hh, you'll be alright in 2 weeks". I'll never forget that woman ... I'll never respect her like I once did. How cold, uncaring ... she'd never lost a member of her family much less her child.
I had lost all my family members I loved ... mother, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, the list goes on. That woman never knew I had been living in 'forever grief' ... someone died before I could get better from the last one. Shock after shock after shock ... plus the shocks that Life brings ... Skip in 2 bad wrecks (tractor-trailer, on his pickup ... both times women hit him) ... our home burned down, I won't keep naming all).
Do I feel sorry for ME ... no, I never have. I've met it all head-on ... let it hurt me the worst it could. I fell down a lot of times ... I kept getting back up ... some times taking longer than others. It would have been easier to stay down ... but, impossible when one has a fighting spirit like I do. I mean to live now ...
I mean to hold on to my most treasured peace inside ... and I mean to use my one word I earned as a child when I get upset (the word is ... 'damn!' :) ... I mean to live Life as long as I possibly can. I've come too far to stop now. I mean to care for Skip Bates, our Pups3 to keep them in my life 'forever'. I mean to write, draw, paint, create jewelry and whatever comes to mind for the rest of my life.
I almost didn't live after Tommy died ... I almost died. This is something I don't talk about often, something that makes people uncomfortable. I promised on my blog when I began it ... I would write about those things just as they really are ... no sugar-coating. I will continue to do so. As for talking about them to another person ... it'll be rare I do that. I'll write it all ... I can let go of the words here ... it's the only way to lessen the burden of weight grief puts on me.
When you read this far and you've wondered why I write about grief ...or anything ... you will see this is what I do. Maybe I made friends with you during the time I wasn't writing ... then out of the blue you all of a sudden see me write about death, loss of a child, loss of family. You think 'what the hell, why is she writing like this?' Now ...you know what everyone who knows me knows... this is what I do, I promised to my readers I would do.
I will always write about grief, life until my dying day. I will always tell you honestly how it feels. You can feel it ... understand it without going through it yourself. Maybe when 'it happens to you' and I promise it will ... some of my words could possibly help you at the worst time in your life. I truly hope so.
Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee <3 Photos are owned by me.
Wednesday, July 11, 2018
My Gloria Opinion .... Words Are the Needles that Weave Our World ...........
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Good morning! I am going to give my Gloria Opinion on some things.
I feel every rescuer who participated in the rescue of the Thai soccer team (12 boys and their coach) ... should all be given something so special for risking their lives. This includes the wife of the diver who died while helping rescue them. Also, the woman who lost her rice paddy because of all the water ... she said the boys' lives were worth more than rice. She could always grow rice but, the boys couldn't be grown back.
I also feel every boy who has gotten a second chance at life because they were all surely doomed to die ... get an education and diving/swimming lessons so they can go on to do good things with their skills. They've had to go through such trauma for a young age ... and it will contribute to all they feel, do for the rest of their lives. This includes their coach who shared his rations with them, became very weak from not eating. He cared, loved those boys.
These are 13 people plus rescuers who will always share a forever bond ... it should always be recognized ... never forgotten. Just as the diver who lost his life after taking oxygen to them on his way out of the cave.
Why do I say this? Because they are special and for some reason, this has happened ... and each of them will realize this in their lives. They could go on to do wonderful things and people will know them from what they experienced. We pay attention to people who have almost died, lived to tell about it.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we find out soon in life ... 'why?' Sometimes ... it takes years to learn ... 'why?'
I am amazed at just right after the coach was brought out ... the water quit pumping! Do you realize that they all were brought out just in time? How about the perfect timing getting all of them rescued? Just in the nick of time.
Another strange thing I learned ... the diver who died on his way out while taking oxygen to the boys ... no one knows 'why?' he died. He quit breathing.
If you get a chance to watch this on 20/20 ... please do. This has affected me from beginning to end. Why? I can't answer that ... it's one of those things that captures one's attention and it stays on their mind until all is resolved.
I even had a hard time breathing as I watched the divers inside that narrow cave passageway ... I felt deep inside for each person, rescuer and victim alike. For some reason, I cared with my very Heart for people I didn't know across the world from me. I cheered, cried when the last one was brought out of that cave in Thailand.
I'm sure each one of you reading this has experienced such in your life at one time or other. You get so involved mentally and sometimes, you are at the right place/time to even help ... when such tragedies happen. I don't have the skills to help in such a rescue ... I did say many prayers that were so Heartfelt they hurt me. I believe in prayer and the miracles prayers create.
You might believe in God, prayers ... you might not. You believe in something though. We all have something we believe in that drives us ... gives us comfort. As long as you believe and all is good even when it's bad ... it must be right.
That's another one of my Gloria Opinions. I respect your opinion as you respect mine and ... I will never waste time arguing something no one can prove is right, wrong. For these people who think they know for certain what's going to happen when we die ... I say ... you are entitled to your beliefs. Don't push them on anyone unless ... you have physical evidence to show them to change their minds.
The reality, truth is ... no one knows, not even you. We all form our own beliefs as to what will happen when we die. Personally ... and I won't argue it ... I believe we live Hell here on Earth ... as we learn our Life Lessons the hard way. I believe in God, Heaven but not the kind of Hell some people preach ... I believe Hell is like Karma ... you reap what you sow.
Anyway ... this is my belief and whether you think I'm doomed for your kind of Hell and groan ... it's okay. Why? Because I don't believe like you do and those kind of feelings have no power over me. You are the one who is groaning, suffering, feeling fear because you learned to believe your way. Am I going to tell you that what you believe is wrong? Oh no! Why?
Because how do I know? How can I tell you something I have no proof of? Think of that before preaching to someone ... have proof or something to show, tell to others so they have something to think about to help them determine what they decide ... to believe.
Above all ... if you want to force someone to go in the opposite way of God, church, shun you ... just shove your beliefs down their throats. You lose a friend ... someone you tried to bring to God ... all because you aren't going about it all in a good, kind way. Oh ... they might even know you better than you think they do ... they just might know ... you aren't so good in your private life ... they might just know ... your actions don't reflect your words ... they might just know you are trying to make people think you are so good ... and you are just an asshole in your personal life. Yes ... I said that ... you could be just an asshole ... thinking you are fooling someone. We all know people like that ... only the people who are real assholes will take offense that isn't meant at all ... it's what I believe. I won't argue with you ... period.
If you want others to believe in God ... let your words, actions reflect a light that will attract attention in a good, calm, quiet way. Nothing goes unnoticed even when you think it does.
The truth is ... actions do speak louder than words. Words are as valuable as gold ... in our world ... we have to have words to communicate whether we have gold or not.
Have you ever told someone you were going to do something? Then ... your actions reflected you spoke only words ... nothing happened ... you didn't do what you said.
Words are gold until you turn them into a worthless pile of broken bricks ... who wants your words if you can't back them up with action? Personally, I never trust you again and don't like liars. I'll be nice to you while the thought of your lie is in the air between us ... good things thoughts can't be seen in a physical form as we stand in front of the other!
We each have to live Life our own ways and try to do the best we can ... be as good as we can. Sadly ... there are always some that thrive on being completely the opposite ... they love pain, grief, suffering, inflicting it on others. Hopefully you ... me ... are the good ones who make small differences in this big, old world. Truthfully ... the most important things in Life are ... love, caring, kindness ... and only the 'bad things' that help good to happen.
Sometimes ... it takes growing older before one learns this ... because of being caught up in having the best car, clothes, home, money ... I've been there, done that. I learned the hard way ... now, since learning my lessons through the years ... I would love to have the finances to take my worries away to go along with knowing what I know now. I would definitely do good things to help others in a financial way. For now, that hasn't happened.
I do have my words, hands, feet, eyes, ears ... and my mind ... I'm so thankful for them. Pure grateful when I look around me ... I don't have a lot ... yet, I really do. I don't take anything for granted. If you do ... be careful. Life has a way of ... showing your ass. Yes, that's right whether you like it or not ... take something for granted and you will surely lose it ... to teach you a valuable Life's Lesson. How many times have I learned ... the hard way?
I always remember this being the quickest time for my words to come back to ... bite my ass. I had taken for granted I was living good and flying high as a young woman. I remember well the conversation on the phone with my mother. I told her that I was never coming back ( I lived in another state). Well ... guess what? Something happened so bad ... I was on the way to her home the very next day ... I had no choice. Life taught me that lesson the quickest of any lesson I ever learned in my life. She had always told me then ... "Faye, don't fly so high you can't fall". Oh my, I learned what those words meant as a young person. Now ... I only fly as high as to know if I fall ... I'm close to the ground 
No matter how small a good thing you do is ... I promise you ... there's always someone who will think it is a big thing in their life, appreciate it so, so much. I know this personally. The tiniest things that happen in my Life mean the very world to me ... because like many people ... Life is harder when you are becoming older with a limited income, medical issues.
I don't mind someone writing what they think on this subject ... as long as it's in a polite, good way. Let me know what you think or want to share. I will talk to you.
I have only had a few people try to create chaos by being ugly ... I don't tolerate that in my world, I don't choose to. For you, for me ... I completely blocked, deleted them. They are the troublemakers in our world ... they are the ones who love to create pain, grief, inflict bad on good. Even if you don't agree with me in a good way ... I won't argue or try to change your mind. I will look at it in my mind, study it to see if what you believe will add to what I believe. If it does, I'll apply it ... if it doesn't ... at least I had a chance to think about it.
Most of all ... I will respect your beliefs. Everyone else will respect your beliefs. I can only say if they don't ... I'll block, delete them immediately.
How do I recognize those ugly, mean people who want to cause grief, pain? I grew up in it ... I learned all about being 'bad' ... the strange thing is I didn't want to be like that at all. I did get off on paths I shouldn't have gotten on as a young girl ... we all do because we are innocent, naive ... and what glitters, shines and beckons to us as young people we are lured to it ... to only learn Life Lessons the hard way.
I am so alert that I begin watching, reading and 'listening' ... to see if I'm sensing right ... when someone comments here. I have to ... you have to ... to keep ugliness out of your life here online.
Some people never have anything extra in their life to share to help others ... we do have a mind that can send good, positive thoughts ... a lot of us have hands, feet that can do only good toward others not ... hurt them. Our actions are as important as our words ... so actions, words are worth gold. Sometimes, words aren't needed ... actions do the talking. If you can't help someone ... don't hurt them. Just stay quiet, care ... they will sense that from you. Your eyes speak volumes ... I love those words. I forgot where I first read them many years ago.
It takes hands, feet ... to harm another. Example ... it takes a hand to shoot a gun ... it takes a hand to use a knife, feet to take one to do the bad things. You know ... the gun, knife, hammer ... can't get up to go hurt someone unless ... someone picks it up ... goes to inflict harm on another. A person has to ... put into action what the weapon ... does.
The list goes on and on. No ... you never thought of it quite like this? Think about it. I do ... I'm constantly mentally walking around something to see it in different ways. This is my way of seeing ... it's okay if you see it another way. That's your belief ... I respect it ... I definitely won't argue it. A weapon is harmless ... until a person physically picks it up to use it. I've never seen one of my knives, hammer get up by itself ... to go do harm. It would be a helluva world if that happened!
I do ... I'm constantly mentally walking around something to see it in different ways. This is my way of seeing ... it's okay if you see it another way. That's your belief ... I respect it ... I definitely won't argue it. A weapon is harmless ... until a person physically picks it up to use it. I've never seen one of my knives, hammer get up by itself ... to go do harm. It would be a helluva world if that happened!
Oh, one more thing in my Another Gloria Opinion ... if you can't help someone in a financial way, a physical way ... did you know that you can say a few kind words that can put another person on Cloud 9 ... yes, your words can lift another up so high that they feel warmth in their hearts, have a soft smile on their face ... laugh at something funny. All because of ... your words.
You can stop someone's suicidal thoughts with calm, quiet, caring words. You can calm, comfort someone when they are afraid, upset with words. Words can cause a war ... we see how close we come to that every day on the news/tv. Words are most powerful. I pure love words ... they are the needles that weave our world.
Why? Because your words are like gold ... they mean everything when you express them ... there's always someone your words will ... mean the world to them. Someone is always listening ... how do I know? Because when I slip up to say an ugly word ... I look around ... there's always somebody standing there that heard! 
Embarrassing!!!
Embarrassing!!!
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
A Few Thoughts From My Mind This Morning:
A Few Thoughts From My Mind This Morning:
Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka GrannyGee
First of all ... I am still feeling the claustrophobic sensation from watching the rescue team in the flooded cave ... seeing the narrow, rugged, dangerous passage they are having to travel through. The 12 boys/soccer team and their coach trapped in the flooded cave in Thailand have been trapped for 2 weeks.
Gracious, and I'm not even there! What in the world are those 13 victims feeling? It's my nature to try 'walking mentally in someone's shoes' ... trying to understand what they feel, suffer. I can only say what I feel in comparison to their for-real feelings is awful. Oh my, they will be traumatized from this experience. I'm betting they'll go on to learn to dive, swim and such as they grow up.
Can you imagine being on a ledge deep into a cave ... the water too close to you. No blanket to warm your body for 2 weeks ... drinking water trickling down the cave walls ... having to go to the bathroom ... the embarrassment in front of others. I don't know if they even had a flashlight. Only snacks to make last ... forever?
That doesn't even take in what their young minds were imagining while knowing ... they would never see their mother, family again. Hoping, wishing someone could find them in the impossible place they were trapped in. Oh my.
You can get an idea of how my mind thinks ... I think in the tiniest details like when I draw. I think about how the dirt they sat on felt ... the dampness. I think about how at first the smell was having to relieve themselves in a small place until ... time goes by not being rescued ... until they no longer care about something so minor in comparison to what they are experiencing. I can imagine as time went by ... they all begin huddling close together for comfort, warmth. I can imagine how the older boys and the coach began to say things to entertain, uplift the others. I think to the tiniest of things ... why? Because in Life ... these tiniest things are big things when we suffer ... when we feel joy.
I see, feel things other people may just 'skim over' when thinking. I think that's why I feel too much, care too much for others. I 'feel' their pain, fear ... happiness, joy. Then again ... I wonder if we can ... care too much? I feel so much from people, animals. I sometimes suffer a lot inside ... because I do. I even say prayers for an animal laying on the highway that's been struck by a vehicle ... I pray with my Heart they didn't suffer. I can't pass by one without saying a prayer. I care.
For the ones who have a Heart that's colder than mine ... maybe colder isn't the word ... you won't understand my words. That's okay ... because that's less pain in this world you will feel. I think I'd rather keep feeling the pain always ... I will always remember people, animals have feelings too. I will always have respect, compassion, empathy for them and pray for the same towards myself.
Sometimes I stop, wonder 'why in the world do I care, give a damn about anyone's feelings, much less an animal'? Why care? It only hurts me when I feel their pain, fear, suffering. Why would ... I ... feel any feelings toward anyone ... or animal. I sure didn't grow up to care about anyone's feelings ... I grew up where people were mean, cruel-hearted with sweet smiles ... selfish. If someone hurt and they didn't like them ... they would laugh in pure glee at someone's pain.
Why in the world did I grow up .... different? It separated me from my family ... there was always an invisible wall between us ... they would say 'Faye isn't like us' ... so, I was left out of things. Mean, spiteful things meant to hurt, destroy people. Yet ... at times I saw them do the most kindest, wonderful things. What kind of family did I have? Doesn't matter ... they were the only family I knew, had and I loved them with my very Heart ... I miss them now ... they all have died.
These are some of those thoughts that go through my mind ... I write them to release them so, I can ... let go. I find I don't build up inside ... just like the water flowing under the bridge ... it's gone on to another place where it doesn't hurt anyone else, including me. If I couldn't write ... oh my! Imagine a dam holding a huge body of water ... and the walls bulging outward until one day ... gracious. Writing saved me from myself when Tommy died, my only child. I can't even remember what I wrote ... every letter I typed was a tear drop from my Heart ... I can see me in a foggy image constantly typing, crying when I think about it.
I've written since being a child ... I used to write 20-25 page letters years ago ... drawing on the envelopes, coloring to make my mail attractive. No one ever said I should write when I became older ... but they did to a cousin of mine. Everyone knew he would someday write a book ... he never did. When I did ... oh my ... I heard some squeal out and say 'but he should have been the one to write a book!' I wrote my 3 books ... they aren't the best at all ... they aren't best sellers ... but ... they're mine and I wrote them... and have 3 copyrights for them at The Library of Congress. My cousin didn't do that ... and I have to say though mine aren't the best ... I'm proud. :) Silly, but true.
Imagine children skipping down the cracked sidewalk with grass growing up between the cracks ... singing 'don't step on the crack or it'll break your mother's back'. Happy children, sad children ... constantly running, skipping here ... there. Sometimes my thoughts are like those children ... skipping here ... there. I don't always stay on track ... my trains love to travel to different places. Am I normal? I think I am ... :) <3
Like my thoughts, I constantly experience many feelings ... I'm sensing, feeling others constantly. I know when to leave by observing body language ... when someone is sad when they appear happy ... I sense all the time. I care. Gracious, I care sometimes ... too much. I don't tell everyone ... some people mistake it as weakness, try to take advantage of my good Heart.
When I do something I might do it without anyone knowing it was me ... to make them feel happy. I don't need recognition when I do 'good' things ... I don't need all the flowery words of praise. Nothing can compare to what I feel in my Heart when I do good.
See ... more thoughts :) I don't stop thinking. If I sat at this keyboard I would write for you a million thoughts. Some people might be interested ... others might not. That's okay ... I've taken these thoughts out to look at them like dresses stuck in the back of the closet ... now, I'll let go of them, go on to think of other things. I have room now after 'cleaning the closet' :)
If you read this far ... I am amazed :) but, pleased. You might have found what I had to say interesting. How about that? <3 Now, on to more thinking as I do things in my daily life.
Note by this Author:
Writing is living to me ... it is breathing air ... Life. I have to until I take my last breath. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka GrannyGee
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ...
First of all ... I am still feeling the claustrophobic sensation from watching the rescue team in the flooded cave ... seeing the narrow, rugged, dangerous passage they are having to travel through. The 12 boys/soccer team and their coach trapped in the flooded cave in Thailand have been trapped for 2 weeks.
Gracious, and I'm not even there! What in the world are those 13 victims feeling? It's my nature to try 'walking mentally in someone's shoes' ... trying to understand what they feel, suffer. I can only say what I feel in comparison to their for-real feelings is awful. Oh my, they will be traumatized from this experience. I'm betting they'll go on to learn to dive, swim and such as they grow up.
Can you imagine being on a ledge deep into a cave ... the water too close to you. No blanket to warm your body for 2 weeks ... drinking water trickling down the cave walls ... having to go to the bathroom ... the embarrassment in front of others. I don't know if they even had a flashlight. Only snacks to make last ... forever?
That doesn't even take in what their young minds were imagining while knowing ... they would never see their mother, family again. Hoping, wishing someone could find them in the impossible place they were trapped in. Oh my.
You can get an idea of how my mind thinks ... I think in the tiniest details like when I draw. I think about how the dirt they sat on felt ... the dampness. I think about how at first the smell was having to relieve themselves in a small place until ... time goes by not being rescued ... until they no longer care about something so minor in comparison to what they are experiencing. I can imagine as time went by ... they all begin huddling close together for comfort, warmth. I can imagine how the older boys and the coach began to say things to entertain, uplift the others. I think to the tiniest of things ... why? Because in Life ... these tiniest things are big things when we suffer ... when we feel joy.
I see, feel things other people may just 'skim over' when thinking. I think that's why I feel too much, care too much for others. I 'feel' their pain, fear ... happiness, joy. Then again ... I wonder if we can ... care too much? I feel so much from people, animals. I sometimes suffer a lot inside ... because I do. I even say prayers for an animal laying on the highway that's been struck by a vehicle ... I pray with my Heart they didn't suffer. I can't pass by one without saying a prayer. I care.
For the ones who have a Heart that's colder than mine ... maybe colder isn't the word ... you won't understand my words. That's okay ... because that's less pain in this world you will feel. I think I'd rather keep feeling the pain always ... I will always remember people, animals have feelings too. I will always have respect, compassion, empathy for them and pray for the same towards myself.
Sometimes I stop, wonder 'why in the world do I care, give a damn about anyone's feelings, much less an animal'? Why care? It only hurts me when I feel their pain, fear, suffering. Why would ... I ... feel any feelings toward anyone ... or animal. I sure didn't grow up to care about anyone's feelings ... I grew up where people were mean, cruel-hearted with sweet smiles ... selfish. If someone hurt and they didn't like them ... they would laugh in pure glee at someone's pain.
Why in the world did I grow up .... different? It separated me from my family ... there was always an invisible wall between us ... they would say 'Faye isn't like us' ... so, I was left out of things. Mean, spiteful things meant to hurt, destroy people. Yet ... at times I saw them do the most kindest, wonderful things. What kind of family did I have? Doesn't matter ... they were the only family I knew, had and I loved them with my very Heart ... I miss them now ... they all have died.
These are some of those thoughts that go through my mind ... I write them to release them so, I can ... let go. I find I don't build up inside ... just like the water flowing under the bridge ... it's gone on to another place where it doesn't hurt anyone else, including me. If I couldn't write ... oh my! Imagine a dam holding a huge body of water ... and the walls bulging outward until one day ... gracious. Writing saved me from myself when Tommy died, my only child. I can't even remember what I wrote ... every letter I typed was a tear drop from my Heart ... I can see me in a foggy image constantly typing, crying when I think about it.
I've written since being a child ... I used to write 20-25 page letters years ago ... drawing on the envelopes, coloring to make my mail attractive. No one ever said I should write when I became older ... but they did to a cousin of mine. Everyone knew he would someday write a book ... he never did. When I did ... oh my ... I heard some squeal out and say 'but he should have been the one to write a book!' I wrote my 3 books ... they aren't the best at all ... they aren't best sellers ... but ... they're mine and I wrote them... and have 3 copyrights for them at The Library of Congress. My cousin didn't do that ... and I have to say though mine aren't the best ... I'm proud. :) Silly, but true.
Imagine children skipping down the cracked sidewalk with grass growing up between the cracks ... singing 'don't step on the crack or it'll break your mother's back'. Happy children, sad children ... constantly running, skipping here ... there. Sometimes my thoughts are like those children ... skipping here ... there. I don't always stay on track ... my trains love to travel to different places. Am I normal? I think I am ... :) <3
Like my thoughts, I constantly experience many feelings ... I'm sensing, feeling others constantly. I know when to leave by observing body language ... when someone is sad when they appear happy ... I sense all the time. I care. Gracious, I care sometimes ... too much. I don't tell everyone ... some people mistake it as weakness, try to take advantage of my good Heart.
When I do something I might do it without anyone knowing it was me ... to make them feel happy. I don't need recognition when I do 'good' things ... I don't need all the flowery words of praise. Nothing can compare to what I feel in my Heart when I do good.
See ... more thoughts :) I don't stop thinking. If I sat at this keyboard I would write for you a million thoughts. Some people might be interested ... others might not. That's okay ... I've taken these thoughts out to look at them like dresses stuck in the back of the closet ... now, I'll let go of them, go on to think of other things. I have room now after 'cleaning the closet' :)
If you read this far ... I am amazed :) but, pleased. You might have found what I had to say interesting. How about that? <3 Now, on to more thinking as I do things in my daily life.
Note by this Author:
Writing is living to me ... it is breathing air ... Life. I have to until I take my last breath. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
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