Sunday, November 27, 2022

Truthfully ... I Don't Want The Lights To Go Out In My World



                                                    Gloria Faye Brown Bates 2021


Each morning I am the first to get up. I get up immediately bringing the resting house back to life. I do it in a quiet way so, as not to wake Skip.

 I turn on the TV... the water fountain with lights ... fireplace ... the Christmas tree lights, the bottle of colored lights, the ... little birch tree, Tommy's plant with lights. I turn on the lights around my art table. I open the shades to let the early morning light in to mix with all creating a happy glow. Mind you, some of the lights are powered by batteries. Next, I turn on the coffeemaker. I have made the house wake back up, come alive before ... Skip gets up. I make myself a wonderful cup of coffee flavored just right for me ... cream, no sugar. Next ... I come to sit either at my art table or ... like this morning I chose my cozy spot on the love seat. I wait several minutes ... I hear little feet coming up the hall. It's our precious Camie, our 9 year old Catahoula Pup. She jumps up onto the ottoman ... she gets as close to me as possible, falls down tight to me, gets comfortable ... goes to sleep. I snuggle up to her letting her know how loved she is by my gentle touches pulling her just a little tighter to me. I send love through my hand as I pet her soft, silky fur. She nudges tighter. This Pup has fallen back to sleep. Truthfully ... I wish so much that the house was already woken up, back to life before I get up. I love to wake up and the house not be asleep ... I don't like a sleepy house at all. Isn't that strange? I don't like a dark house ... I have soft night lights throughout the house. I don't like a deathly quiet house ... I have the soft sound of a fan to lull me to sleep. Sometimes ... I will leave the TV on with the volume very low ... just enough to hear voices, life close by. I wish someone could turn the lights, TV on before I wake, have the coffeemaker on, make the house wake up before I do. I can remember having that at one time in my life ... when I lived at home with my mother. I never knew one day I would miss a house brought to life before I woke up each morning. Now, I know how much it meant to ME. Thank you, Mama. Now, it's my turn to be the light keeper of my life. This is why I stay up late each night ... I don't want the lights to go out in my world.

Friday, November 25, 2022

It Would Be Wise To Do Your Research Before ... Choosing A Medical Advantage Plan





Recently I signed Skip and I up for a medical advantage plan ... before ... doing my homework.

Needless to say, I canceled it yesterday, it won't take affect January 01, 2023. It seems people are leaving medical advantage plans for ... the same reasons they signed up for them. Some of the reasons are ... limited coverage and finding a doctor who accepts the plan where you live. Also, you could end up paying what you thought your plan pays. Then, this one would hurt people who travel ... it doesn't cover going out of network and you pay high fees to get medical treatment. Your deductibles, co-pays, etc. are higher than original Medicare. You could end up having to pay a lot of money out. Of course you need to research all of this for your own use as everyone's medical issues differ. So, when you read what I wrote know that I am not an expert on all of this ... however ... I am an 'expert' on my life, medical issues. If you have questions please don't ask me ... go online, call someone to answer your questions. I am writing why it's ... not good for us. At first learning about these plans it looks so good. Well ... I know it could be good for people who haven't been very sick, people who stay in one place ... and this is strictly my opinion ... if you use these plans you have to use them lightly. You don't have choice choosing a specialist ... your primary doctor decides all of that. I keep remembering as I write the things that doesn't work for us. After signing up for the plan I began having panicky feelings. That prompted me to delve into learning more. I could foresee problems down the road when one of us would become ill. I don't need any shocking surprises if Skip became sick ... I don't want Skip to be in for any unpleasant surprises. We both have had a lot of very serious medical issues through time. For all I have written I could keep listing why the plan wasn't good for us but, I won't go into detail. What is important is ... I researched, found out ... a medical advantage plan wouldn't be right for us. I am so thankful I asked questions ... this prevents upset later down the road. Just know this ... your medical advantage plan might work perfectly for you ... but ... not for me. No one has the same identical medical needs. My opinion again ... strictly my opinion whether I am right, wrong is ... if you don't have serious medical conditions, you won't be moving around ...this might be good for you. It's not good for me.

Note:  Shared from my writing site:  myLot.com. Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates. Skip in Hospital.

Monday, November 21, 2022

I Am Not Lonely Anymore


                                                    My Precious Husband, Skip 2022


Tonight I have been sitting here thinking. Usually all is quiet except for the TV in the background. Lately, all has changed ... changed in a good way.


I am hearing sounds I haven't been used to hearing in the past 3 years. In the past 3 years I have been so alone though Skip is here ... no one to talk to, share all going on in my life. 


Skip has been too sick to hold conversations excepting when I was doing things for him, I would ask him what I could do to make him more comfortable, or if he wanted something. He would answer me, fall asleep. 


Well, lately ... Skip has come alive! Lately the air has been filled with voices, laughter. It is amazing ... the voices, laughter belong to no other than ... us! Happy voices talking about a million things.


I find myself smiling brighter, feeling happier ... wow, one miracle after the other.   We have Life to look forward to ... more miracles to look forward to.


I'm not lonely anymore... my most favorite person in the world talks non-stop now. Wow, it's another miracle ... I am amazed. I have so, so much to be thankful, grateful for. I think I am ... the most grateful person in this world.


Note: Shared from my post on Facebook and my writing site, myLot.com.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates 

Sunday, November 20, 2022

Today You Would Have Been 53 Years Old, Son

Son, you would have been 53 years old today. Amazing to think it was 53 years ago I had a little baby.

I have been remembering you on my Facebook,  Twitter,and MyLot.com where I am writing again.

I think of you everyday, Tommy. Each year I write, put lots of photos of you on my social media in remembrance of you.

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Son. Your Ole Mom loves you. You would be Ole Son now 🙂🙃🙂❤❤

Saturday, November 19, 2022

Releasing The Pain ... Remembering My Son



My Son, Tommy Mitchell Sidden ... 11-20-1969  ❤  05-29-2010 ... My Angel in Heaven


My son ... Tommy ... how could I ever forget such a beautiful,  precious soul? I am glad you were in my life. You were my son, I was proud to call you ... my Son.


I see you sometimes for a brief moment in other young men your age ... I stop in my tracks to 'see you' as long as possible ... pretend for seconds that's you moving, walking, smiling, talking. 


Then, I face reality again that you are gone no matter how many times I wish you back to life.


I smile with such sadness ... I have always heard everything is possible ... I think to myself ... no, not everything. 


Like the beautiful song says ... I hope you are dancing in the sky ... I hope you are ....... singing? ...... in the angels choir ... Tommy, do you remember trying to convince Skip and I that you could sing? That you were going to go on American Idol?


Son, do you remember how we all would laugh, I would gently tell you ... "Son, you have so many talents but ... you really can't carry a tune. You can't sing, Tommy!" 


I still hope you are singing in the angels choir ... you would make them love you with that bright smile, laughter in your eyes ... they'd let you sing your Heart out just to get to watch your eyes twinkle with joy.


On November 20, 1969 you were born at 11:28 am. You weighed 8 lbs. 4 1/2 oz. ... you were 21" long. You had a head full of strawberry blonde hair ... you were beautiful. You were perfect. 


Note: Sharing from myLot, my writing site ... and my Facebook ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates 


I miss you so much that I close my eyes tightly, let myself feel the pain of you being gone for ... only a moment. I can't afford to feel such pain longer than a moment ... just like I couldn't walk into the ocean, let the waves sweep me out to sea ... I have so much to do here before my time to go. I have Skip Bates  Skip and Camie to take care of.


I am remembering you, precious Son ... Tommy M Sidden  ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Love Your 'Ole' Mom ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ 


Once again through writing I have released such pain, grief so, I can go on living. That's pain, grief I'm not big enough to hold inside. It is more than I. GLORIA FAYE BROWN BATES

Remembering Tommy

 

Photo of my son, Tommy Mitchell Sidden holding his little son ...................



I am remembering my son, my only child, Tommy M Sidden . Tomorrow is his birthday.


As I remember him I will place his photos on my Facebook. 


Don't feel sad for me ... don't think I feel sad for myself. You all who know me know I am not like that. I am remembering the most special part of me that is gone forever.


If I cry silent tears it's okay ... tears flow from very real feelings. I dearly loved my son. We were close. I just miss him very much ... I mean I really just miss him.


It seems like yesterday I just saw him ... I can still hear his voice in my mind ... his happy, funny laugh. He spoke softly with such a pleasant voice.  When he laughed one laughed with him ... his eyes, face were like sunshine warming one's Heart.


He loved to pull pranks on his 'Ole Mom' ... sometimes we would begin laughing at something the other said ... then look at each other and begin laughing harder ... sometimes laughing over the silliest things.


My son ... I truly was proud of him. I knew one day I would get to tease him about being an 'Ole Son' ... that day didn't come ... it would be now I could tease him.


I see how much other women love theirs sons ... I loved mine the same. Sons love to pick on their mothers ... Tommy did me.


I could keep writing on and on about my son. I will stop now because I know where the pain is hidden inside myself ... I know how to not open the door to it. I feel the little warning signs to go easy ... there's no reason to go there.


Lately I have felt emotional with all the special things happening with Skip ... and knowing I had a beautiful child once too ... tomorrow is his birthday ... November 20th. 


Don't mind me, I am just remembering thinking how thankful I am to have known my precious son ... I am thankful to have Skip, Camie, and all of you who have cared about me, us. I am most grateful for even the tiniest of things. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ 


I am fortunate. I think I may cry just a little, not much ... but not where Skip can see me. My tears are filled with love for what I've lost ... for what I have. It's normal to feel this way sometimes... especially at holidays ... birthdays of our loved ones who are forever gone. 


So, if you feel sad know I care because we walk the same road. I am here if you ever need to reach out for a moment.

Miracles Are Happening ... I Am Witnessing Them




Today ... another miracle ... I took Skip to Holly Springs, NC for his eyes. The doctor couldn't believe how well his eyes are getting ... and will continue to do so. 


He has his driving vision back. She said she was impressed because she hadn't expected such improvement. 





This past week has been one miracle after the other and many more to come. 


No one could be more grateful, thankful than ... ME! Oh my ... the past years Skip has been so sick ... I have worked, pushed so hard, cared for Skip Bates trying to make him come back to being himself ... he has been at the point of giving up thinking this is his last Christmas... to the point I got him a beautiful Christmas tree with beautiful lights like he wished for because he didn't think he'd be here much longer. 


I am in awe ... so would the people who 'counted Skip out of this game called Life. 


People changed toward Skip to the point of not hearing him anymore, not paying attention to him ... I watched this all along ... they just saw an older, very sick man who wasn't important anymore. 


They thought when he didn't talk a lot he was senile, pitiful. What they didn't realize was Skip has been so close to death sick for so long ... what they didn't realize was how bright his mind, intelligence still was ... he could still see, hear ... when the cataracts were blinding him ... Skip could still sense how people changed toward him.


I watched for the past 3 years how people surprised me by 'not seeing Skip anymore ... they would say hurtful things in front of him thinking he didn't hear nor understand anymore. People I thought always loved Skip ... 


I know exactly ... how it affected Skip ... how it affected his mental health ... his 'friends' no longer saw a strong, robust person anymore, they didn't have time for him anymore. If they saw him they talked at him ... they didn't talk ... to him.


What they didn't see ... was that Skip's smiling, sweet wife observed it all as her Heart hurt for him. When they were alone how he would voice his hurt. She would smile sweetly all the while pretending she didn't hear them.


Think of a person putting on a costume or a uniform ... disguising themselves... people treat them like what they ... appear ... to be ... never seeing the real person beneath.


When people grow older, most are still themselves even when their bodies betray them ... disguise the real person beneath 'one of the costumes of Life'. 


The 'costume' that disguised Skip was of a decrepit, senile, pitiful ... old crippled body/shell of a man.


It disguised the real person so much people counted Skip down and out ... of this game of Life. I always say this ... a person isn't always 'down and out ... until they breathe that last breath.


What is ironic here is ... during Skip's weakest time of life is ... quite a few of his 'friends' ... would call Skip, talk to him ... they would say things to Skip such as now ... his wife would put him in a nursing home ... such things to upset, hurt him. 


What is ironic is ... you won't believe it and if I didn't know what I know ... I wouldn't believe it. This what is ironic ... I have watched each one of those 'friends' ... die.  They died, no one was around ... and I wonder who cared?


I wonder when they told Skip the things they did if ... they were voicing their own insecurities ... their own fears not realizing the effect it had on Skip? I would tell Skip that was why ... they would say the things they did. They didn't know any better than to say what they did because that's all they knew to say.


Instead of thinking ugly about each one of them ... I began to think ... why? they would say things like that to Skip knowing for a fact Skip had a faithful, good, loyal wife. 


They may have thought I would want to be free to run around on Skip ... they were that type of men ... they were alone without a special person in their life ... and the females they ever had weren't the loyal type.


Skip would smile, listen to them ... what his 'friends' didn't realize ... is not only does Skip have a wife, Best Sincere Friend ... Skip has a warrior, real-life guardian angel. A wife who will, has fought Hell for him ... who loves the ground he walks on ... who has never ... counted him down and out of the game called Life.


Not only that ... after having the husband I have had ... I wouldn't want to be with another man ... no one could ever love, care, put me first like Skip has. I couldn't take on anyone else's baggage ... no, if I didn't have Skip ... I would go on with life doing things to make me smile, be happy ... with good people, happy colors, and my Pup. Skip and I talk about these things.


You all who know me know I am extra-observant, very quiet ... though I am the same if I laugh or talk. There isn't one minute that goes by that I'm not sensing, feeling people ... because I am a very compassionate person ... not only that ... though I never say anything ... I pay attention to people who hide deceit, lie ... aren't sincere. I never let on ... I smile, stay the 'same old sweet Gloria' who wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings.


Why am I like that? Because I pick ... choose my battles... the ones that all Hell is going to break out and ... I am ... going to win. These are only battles that are meaningful in life ... important that affect my life, my loved ones' life.


I don't have to live with how it feels to mistreat others, treat them ugly, unfairly ... or ... talk through them when their bodies betray them. If I did do that ... it would be so hard to find peace of mind. I know you go through Hell in your minds when you do that.


Oh ... I do know how all I wrote feels ... exactly ... how it feels when Life throws one of those costumes of Life ... on one's body. I Have walked this road too ... people counted me down and out ... when I fought for my Life battling cancer ... Non-Hodgkins lymphoma. 


I was disguised too ... my body was beaten up by all I had to endure to live But ... my mind, intelligence was still there when I could barely speak above a whisper. 


I could still see with my eyes when people saw me, go into shock at how sick I was ... how I could barely hold myself up to walk. What they didn't see was that fire inside me, the steel in my spine, the fight I had inside to live ... and SEE them turn away from me. 


I won't ever forget the tone and the words of one woman who never liked me when I was vibrant, alive with so much life ... she had been jealous of me. 


I was trying to make my body strong again for the umpteenth time ... I made myself drive to a store ... I went to pay for my things . I looked up ... that woman was the cashier. 


She loved seeing me look so bad (my clothes were nice ... my body had lost so much weight, I was weak ... I was so sick and had no business being out in public). She put on an expression of disgust and said in an ugly tone ... 'what's wrong with you?'


I remember looking up at her ... my eyes full of tears ... they stayed that way from all the chemo, medicines ... at that moment the sting of her words added more tears. I softly told her I had cancer ... Non-Hodgkins lymphoma. .. she just sneered at me, never said another word. She hurt my Heart deeply that day. 


I write only a little about what I experienced right now to let my readers know I only talk, write about what I know in my life. 


I know how Skip felt, has felt since Life threw one of its costumes on him ... like all of us ... we can go from living Life to the fullest to being at death's door in a moment ... through no choice of our own.


The saddest is when people only see the costume never seeing YOU anymore ... they look through you, talk to the air. They say things without thinking you see, hear anymore ... they don't see your mind is intact.


The positive here is ... miracles happen ... ✨ miracles happen to give hope to others as well as be wonderful for the people they happen to. I am most grateful with my very Gloria being ... for the miracles happening to us ... and this is just the beginning.


Oh ... Skip walked all the way to the building, inside to the elevator ... down the long hall to his doctor's office! The doctor was amazed 🙂❤❤ I am looking forward to when his other doctors see him. Skip held a good conversation with with the doctor ... she was so pleased with him, his progress. I saw it in her eyes ... she really listened, enjoyed talking to Skip.


Not only that ... on the way home he walked across the parking lot to McDonald's for coffee. Inside he talked like he used to before he ever became sick to a woman holding a baby.


Skip had been too sick to hold conversations. I laugh now telling him it has been so quiet all these past several years ... now he talks up a storm, he is going to the kitchen to get drinks, food ... wash his own glass. He baths, dresses, does most everything on his own again!


Oh my ... I think Skip is going to be hard to keep up with! I look forward ... I look forward to our Life again! I sit here tonight smiling as I write. I hear Skip softly snoring, having no idea how he has made me feel such hope, happiness ... yes, I look forward to our Life.


Note: Shared from my writing site: myLot.com.  Photo of Skip owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates .

Thursday, November 17, 2022

Sometimes ... You Can Watch, Actually See Miracles In Front Of Your Eyes

My Husband, Skip ... November 17, 2022 ... You Are Looking At A Miracle ❤❤❤


Note: Shared from my writing site:  MyLot.com 


Today has been special, beautiful, wonderful and the beginning of miracles happening. Though I won't go into detail with anyone ... I am so thankful to look forward to Life ahead. 


When my miracles transpire I will create miracles too. I have tried hard to keep lots of wonderful light in the darkness of our world ... with all of your encouragement on my Facebook, my Messenger ... I have succeeded in doing that. 


I have constantly looked for splashes of sunlight to make my Heart feel happy, lighter when I could have easily sunk into deep depression, stayed in bed never looking past a dark room. 


I have lived in that kind of darkness because I couldn't find my way for several years when my only child died. I have fought hard to smile when I didn't feel it ... I ended up smiling because I made myself feel happiness, hope. 


As Skip began to heal, get better and better ... I had to help him find hope to go on living ... he lost so much when he became so sick beginning 2016. Finally ... oh my, finally I see him smile, even hear him chuckle ... sounds I'm not used to. 


He moves differently lately not needing my help ... something I am not used to. Finally our life can only get better ... have such hope again to just live normally.


 Can you imagine how good it feels to feel to not feel so alone? Never anyone to talk to, anyone to really care ... I think here why would they ... I am no one to ... anyone. I don't say that in a negative way at all. It can be sad to live such a private life, have few family members you can't be close to. 


My advice to anyone should they ask ... have a wonderful family, friend support system so you always have a life going on all the time. It is a good thing I have grown through the years to be very strong because it takes strength to navigate such powerful storms I have endured in my life. 


I know there are other people out there who go through so much in their lives. They just don't write about it like I do. I write my life because I don't talk to anyone in everyday life. 


I write my life to survive, live because if I left all the pain, grief, hurt inside of me ... I wouldn't be big enough to hold it all. I guess I would become a human volcano 🙂🙃🙂😂🤣 Boom! BOOM! So ... I will always write so, I won't erupt ❤❤❤

Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Do You Know What You Really Want In Life?

 


Photo of sunflower I grew ... 2021. Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates  ... My story shared from my writing site: myLot.com. 



Really ... do you know ... exactly ... what you really want in Life? Or maybe you have a vague idea of things you would like to have. I have finally decided after years being wasted ... exactly what I want in Life. My mind has locked in, focused to the tiniest detail what I want. There aren't many times I have done this in my life but ... whenever I did ... miracles began to happen. I expect no less now. In my mind I can see colors, shape, size of what I want. I can feel in my mind like it is almost reality. I know soon it will be reality. I am focused, locked in ... this is how miracles happen when my focus is unshakable. Is there anything you want so much you can feel, taste it? Anything that makes you focus, lock in on in your mind? You wake up each day knowing any moment it will become reality? If so, always be grateful, thankful for all you have in life at all times even if you don't have a lot. For me this is key ... always being so thankful down to the smallest thing. Do you know what you want in Life? So much you are locked in, focused on it? Have you ever watched other people do what you thought was impossible? What did you observe about them? They were ... locked in, focused no matter if someone told them ... it was impossible ... And you witnessed a miracle happening ... somehow the universe brought all into reality. I have watched that happen over and over through time. I look back in time to two times I actually did that ... now ... I am doing it for the 3rd time in my life. Things are already set in motion ... thoughts are powerful. Just shift the way you think ... you will see for yourself. Do you know what you really want in Life?
No responses

Thursday, November 10, 2022

Frozen Foods Today

 



Shared from my writing site: myLot.com 

Written by Gloria Brown Bates 



I was thinking as I prepared lunch today ... frozen foods are nice to have on hand. I would love to freeze more than I do.


Today I took a package of frozen Alaskan Pollock from our chest freezer ... I also, took out frozen breaded shrimp. I placed all on a sheet pan, popped the pan into the oven. 


When all was done ... Skip and I enjoyed eating Alaskan Pollock fillets, shrimp for our lunch. What I love about the fillets and shrimp is ... the flavors are good No funny, off flavors.


Skip is funny just I am about foods tasting like it should. We do like certain brands of frozen foods, one being Gorton's.


I was wondering what favorites you have? I would like to try something someone has already used, enjoyed the flavors.


I have been paying close attention to a website where everyone makes freezer meals ahead. That also, appeals to me. I may do that in the future. Just cook up batches of meals for two ... freeze.

Saturday, November 5, 2022

$5 In Every Pocket!

 Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates ... 11-05-2022


My Heart was touched when reading earlier today. I was reading about a woman whose son died.

As time went by she donated her son's clothing to an organization who helped the homeless.

She went through her son's clothing finding all the pockets in each piece ... as she found one after the other she put a $5 dollar bill in each one!

What an amazing, wonderful act of kindness,  caring. After I read her words I sat thinking about how a homeless person would feel when finding $5 bills in each shirt pocket, each jeans pockets.

I'm sure they'd feel gratitude... just pure gratitude. I know  in my mind I would be saying thank you to whoever did this.


Shared from my writing site: myLot.com.  Photo owned by me.



Friday, November 4, 2022

A Simple Little Act of Survival ... You Sure Can't Do It For The Other

A Simple Little Act of Survival ... You Sure Can't Do It For The Other

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates


NOVEMBER 4, 2022 10:23AM CST

Last night I got into a mood I rarely get in ... that is wanting to look at my photos. I always steer away from looking at photos. Why? Because my photos hold a lot of pain ... all my dearest loved ones almost are gone, including my only child. I'm careful looking at them to protect my Heart. I look mostly at photos of myself ... again ... I'm careful thinking about them. I am sure I'm not the only person who is like this. So many of us know what causes us pain, grief ... take steps to protect our Hearts. It has nothing to do with being pitied, or felt sorry for at all. It is simply a little act of survival ... that only we know well if we are ... that person. We all walk our different roads on our Life Journey ... some roads aren't all pleasant. I don't go back on those roads in my mind ... the only way I would is if I'm writing and my thoughts have to go there for a few moments. I go there ... feel enough, see enough to write in detail whatever I'm writing ... I leave quickly as possible. There's no need ever to dwell in the past ... we have to live in the present ... this moment. I focus on this moment ... today ... now. As young people we tend to get stuck in the past ... what hurt us as children, young people is still fresh in our minds. I remember the torment I used to feel ... thankfully I learned to put the past where it should be ... in the past. I would let it affect my present day as a young person ... gracious, I stayed unhappy until I learned that lesson ... I learned to ... let go, accept that things happen I couldn't change ... Life is that way with its twists, turns. I learned to go forward ... I read self-help books that made me aware of what I was doing. Growing up I never had an adult (rarely) tell me the things you do as an adult. I learned the hard way. Thankfully ... I learned. At my age now ... I see people who never learned the Life lessons I've learned. Gracious, it makes their older life miserable, and hard. I can't tell them anything, I don't try. I find if you do volunteer information people will not like you anymore and think you are self-righteous. They never know any better ... that you aren't like that at all. They never know you cared, didn't want them to feel the pain. We all have to walk our own roads ... we sure can't do it for the other. We can't protect others from the pain we can sometimes see ahead of them. Photo of me when younger with my Basset Hound, Gloria's Garraway. It makes me sad he is gone ... see how every photo could hold sad memories. I have to think of good, positive things such as how precious he was, his cute antics, the list goes on.

Shared from my writing site: myLot.com

Thursday, November 3, 2022

I Wonder Who Put In My Head As A Little Girl To Be Beautiful As My Mother?

 I Wonder Who Put In My Head As A Little Girl To Be As Beautiful As My Mother?


Skip's favorite photo of me ... when I was trying to be beautiful like my mother. I look back ... I was too focused on trying to be beautiful 'just like my mom' ... so much time wasted ... priorities not in order. 

I Wonder Who Put In My Head To Be Beautiful As My Mother?

I did make it to being 'beautiful ' ... I lived in a world as a young woman where being 'beautiful' was everything. I loved looking in the mirror at 'ME'. Was I vain ... I must have been to do that ... I still had such a big Heart. Can a truly vain person have a big Heart, love, care about others? 

I like my photo ... I just wish I knew then ... what I knew now. I truly, really wish that. It seemed I was always distracted by all that was colorful, glittered, beautiful... thinking that was real life. Naive, naive, naive. 

I flew high in a rich, beautiful world full of lights, interesting people... my mother used to say, "Faye, don't fly so high you can't  fall".

I was one of those younger people who 'knew everything'. Oh my, when my rude awakening happened... I paid the price. There are consequences for everything.


I look back ... I have learned Life's lessons the hard way ... I became an even better person for it all, thankfully. I wonder who put in my head as a little girl to be as beautiful as my mother?

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates  ... 11-03-2022 Shared from my writing site: myLot.com. 



Update On Skip's Eye ... Another Mystery To Solve

 


Update on Blood In Skip's Right Eye ... Next Mystery To Solve

This morning I took Skip to Raleigh to address the blood in his right eye. The blood happened since he had cataract surgery on that eye October 4th.

Diabetes causes it. He was given an injection in that eye today. He has another appointment in several weeks. He will get another injection, after that ... I think laser treatments.

For those who talked to me about the pickup truck. I am so glad I had the tires checked,  all tires have 40 lbs. of air in each. The antifreeze and oil  were good ... I had taken care of them. This morning I didn't stress driving it. I knew I had done good.

Now ... my next mystery to solve ... come to think of it ... I don't know where the power steering fluid ... nor the brake fluid reservoirs are! I am going to look on YouTube to get information. I am learning!


Note: Shared from my writing site ... myLot.com by Gloria Brown Bates  ... 11-03-2022.

Wednesday, November 2, 2022

All I Need Are My Pink Tools!




NOVEMBER 2, 2022 3:36PM CST

This morning before daylight I took Skip's flashlight outside to our pickup truck. We had to leave early to go Holly Springs, NC. I needed to check the oil, check the antifreeze. Skip used to do this, when he got sick I began doing it. Skip always says that the fluids are the life of the motor, vehicle. You have to always make sure you keep them up. Our pickup truck is a 2003 model and we have an Expedition that is a 1997 model They both are older now ... they have rarely had any mechanical issues. I don't like to drive them far nor drive them in the very, very heavy traffic we have here now. The wear and tear, having to brake so often is hard on an older vehicle. We aren't in the position to replace them, so we take care of them. The positive is we have owned them for years, have no vehicle payments. That I am most thankful for. We will get up for the 3rd morning this week to be in Raleigh, NC for Skip's appointment for his right eye. He had the cataract surgery for that eye on October 4th ... there's blood in it now. He was seeing so well until that happened. Skip describes it like seeing spider veins in his eye or like oil in his eye blurring his vision. It hurts my Heart, he has been through so much with his whole body. I feel like we are on the cusp of many, many good ... happy things happening in our life. Skip is going to be alright. This evening after getting back to town I stopped at the tire shop, had the tires checked. Gracious, all the tires needed air to bring them up to 40 lbs in each. Thankfully, I did that. Too dangerous driving in the wild traffic when the tires aren't right. I am going to go out to the Expedition now ... raise the hood, step up onto my little footstool, check the fluid for the power steering system. I noticed the last time I drove it ... I heard a little 'squealy' sound. Someone suggested doing this. Time to go check it out! I think I'm becoming a mechanic! All I need are my pink tools!!!  

Shared from my writing site: myLot.com  by Gloria Faye Brown Bates.  Photo is of me, owned by me.

Prep Time ... The Room was In A Flurry Of Activity




Several nurses came into Skip's room to get him prepped for his left eye cataract surgery. For a short time the room was in a flurry as each nurse completed her job. You know how it is being at a drive-thru car wash ... each component has its own job to do ... lots of commotion ... then ... all of a sudden everything is done, all gets quiet.

A nurse just came to transfer him to another bed ... the special bed ... the one with a head cradle on it to stabilize the head during eye surgery. Now, Skip is on the special bed ready to be wheeled at any moment to operating room. While I wait I will go down to 2nd floor, grab a cup of coffee, come back ... entertain myself with my tablet. I will be glad when we are home. Camie hated to see us leave. She is as glad to see us as we are her when we've been away.

November 01, 2022.

Shared from my writing site ... myLot.com ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates 

Skip Gets Cataract Surgery ... November 01, 2022




Tomorrow morning we have to get up early. We have to be in Holly Springs, North Carolina for Skip to have a left eye cataract surgery.

He had his right eye done on October 4th ... he could see so well until ... a small blood vessel burst in his eye. He has blood in his eye now. Since ... his vision isn't as good. He sees veins. I can see it hurts him ... makes him worry about seeing good again. It hurts my Heart. My prayer for him is to finally see well ... he has been legally blind for some time now due to those cataracts.

This is shared from my writing site ... myLot.com. Photo of Skip, owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates 

As A Writer You Are Supposed To Write About Things You Know Best

 

As A Writer You Are Supposed To Write About Things You Know Best

Gloria Faye Brown Bates
OCTOBER 31, 2022 6:42PM CST


This is shared from my writing site ... myLot.com 


Grief ... real life ... no sugar-coating. Happiness, sadness ... bittersweet ... Life hurts ... Life feels good. I write about grief, real life without sugar-coating in a positive way. When we write we are supposed to write about things we know best. When my only child died ... I promised my followers then I would write about grief ... how it really feels. I already wrote real life. My real life. You won't ever see me write to hurt another person. I tell my stories, I can't tell someone else's story. I say this to let anyone who reads ME know to never feel sorry, pity for me. I don't write to gain sympathy, I write because I have to write to live just as I have to create to live ... because I'm ME. I do all in a good, positive way though ... sometimes to tell my stories I share sadness, grief ... really how something felt. For you to know I have to describe ... as a writer I do that. There are good things in my life ... no matter how bad in my life gets I look for the positive. I write in detail just as I draw, paint in detail. Details are important to me ... details make all more real, important as they should be. Details are ... interesting. I don't write to just be writing. What I write is what I personally know, feel ... think, know best in my life. I've known many tragedies, deaths, abuse as a child, bullying as a child ... the list goes on. Today I am an older woman (don't ask my age ... even if you know ... I won't tell you ). I am a walking book ... truthfully, a very interesting book. Looking at me ... you can't judge this book by its cover. I don't look like I've been through Hell in my life ... in my childhood. I don't want to look like it. I am going to age gracefully. I am not letting negative make me into a mean, cold, hard, old, bitter woman. I am proud I didn't let the bad in my life dominate me. I meant to overcome ... keep sunshine in my life. The one time I almost didn't overcome was when I lost my son. Oh my. Time to time I will write about how it really felt, feels ... how a mother has to pretend everything is alright when yes, it's alright but, it's not ... but, it is. I prefer to be alright ... I am going to be alright ... I am alright. I am going to write about my thoughts ... some are funny, some aren't. Just know you never have to feel sorry, or pity for me. Some people have given me advice thinking I'm 'wallowing' in pity in the past I'm sure ... I have to set them straight ... I write this way. If you feel what I write ... as a writer I've done good. I don't know ... I don't think anyone remembers me writing here some years ago. I see people I remember, and liked. They used to know my style of writing. So ... now, no one seems to know, remember me ... I let you know upfront how I write. I write real life ... simple as that. That's what I know best ... my life. I look forward to meeting you, making friends, reading your stories, communicating.

Don't Forget The Ones Who Helped You When You Hit Rock Bottom

 Shared from myLot.com ... by Gloria Faye Brown Bates 


Lately, I have had this wonderful feeling inside that something good is going to happen in our lives.

 





Have you ever experienced such? It has been some time since I have. This morning I got straight up from bed making it as I got up ... feeling amazing happiness in my Heart. I don't know what, when, where ... I do know whatever it is will be amazing, wonderful. Time will tell ... and it will be in the near future. This is what I feel. I have been dreaming for several days ... feeling inside as if my dream has come true ... seeing in my mind all that I see that fits with my dream ... taking deep sighs of happiness as if ... it's already happened! Our thoughts are important ... I read we become what we think about. I am a believer in these words. It's been a long time since I have focused on other than taking care of Skip to get him back on even keel. For the past several days I have my mind focused on what I want to happen now. I am going to make it happen. Not only for me ... I'm not a selfish person. When good things happen to me ... I make them happen for others who have been good to me, cared about me ... Skip, Camie our 9 year old Pup. Lord knows there are people who have lifted us when we hit rock bottom when Skip began experiencing strokes, heart problems, kidney failure and such serious issues. I had several medical things happen ... open heart surgery for one. All began 2016 ... we have come so far since. I hope the day comes when I make possible some of these people's dreams, at least give back. I truly believe Skip and I would have been homeless if no one had cared for us. I don't forget ... I have my book with a list of the people who have cared about us never asking anything in return. I don't forget. So now, while I can ... I am focusing on good things to happen, come true for us. I can imagine doing good things for others ... never letting them know I did it. Skip and I used to feel wonderful when we drove a tractor-trailer ... see homeless people, people down on their luck ... giving to them in a big way. We just cared so much. Giving feels wonderful ... having feels wonderful. When you give it comes back. We've learned how it feels to receive when others cared, and gave to us in these past six years. We know how it all feels now. Photo of Skip and me in 2019. Photo owned by Gloria Brown Bates