I Wanted To ... 'Try Someone On'

I Wanted To ... 'Try Someone On'
Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



Sometimes, I 'walk/run in other people's shoes' ... to see how it feels. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Okay ... all of you have followed me for years ... that means you know ... I try 'to walk in others' shoes' ... to understand ... to feel ... to see if I want to do what they do.


You know I'm open-minded ... I understand people are different ... their experiences in life shape them just as they do, have my own life.


I'm always people-watching.  I love to people-watch ... clothes, actions ... talking, laughing ... running ... walking.  Just everything a person can possibly do ... I am fascinated.


I even 'try on different expressions' I see people use when doing, talking to someone ... or like telling the news.


Somehow ... sometimes, when I do that ... for a second ... 'I can feel them ... I can walk in their shoes for a moment ... I 'become' them for a moment'.  Does it make sense?  It does to me!


I feel happy things ... sad things all the way to the most ... awful things.  My mind is constantly imagining ... how others feel ... why they do things.  That's why I never intentionally hurt other people ... I know how it feels.


I never make fun of others ... I've known how that felt as a child, different times in my life like when I was sick with cancer ... they didn't realize I looked the way I did because of chemotherapy and being so sick.  Yes, I realized what they were doing ... I was too sick to care.


Being made fun of when I was very sick was by someone I loved very much ... my sister ... though I never was around her.  Skip was on the road ... this was some years ago ... my Grandmother Lola died ... she played such an important part of my life ... I drove for over an hour to get to her funeral.


My face was red from the chemotherapy drugs ... I wore a wig ... I honestly ... pure looked ... like Hell.  I didn't feel well ... who could I tell?  I didn't know my father's people and ... I'm glad I didn't. There wasn't one relative there at my Grandmother Lola's funeral who would have cared.


I dreaded going into my aunt's house ... have you ever felt so bad ... been so sick ... that each step you felt you were going to faint?  That was how I was that terrible day.


When I did ... I noticed without appearing to notice (you all know how to do that I'm sure) ... my youngest sister sitting with her daughter-in-law ... they began laughing at me ... sometimes, out loud.  Yes, I looked like Hell ... they had no idea I was battling for my own life.


I wished I had never gone to that funeral ... and by the time I realized what my Grandmother Lola had done ... I really wished I had never known her.  There must have been a reason for me to be there ... I never saw it but, when I left there I was more devastated than when I got there.  That's another story for another time.


Anyway ... when I tell you my little story of ... 'walking in someone's shoes this morning' ... know that I am not disrespecting anyone ... I know we all do the things we like to do to ... be ourselves.


Well ... I wanted to 'try someone on' ... so to speak.  I'd been meaning to do that for a long time to just at least understand 'why?' they did ... that.  I was going ... 'to walk in someone's shoes' to see how it felt!


By the time ... I 'tried them on' ... I wasn't thinking about them and wondering 'why they did that' ... it became 'what in the Hell am I doing and I hope no one is watching me'!


I was walking The Dukester this morning and the idea came to me to try something I'd been seeing for so long and wondered 'how in the world did they stand to do that?'


I reached around my waist ... pulled my jeans down to the bottom of the cheeks of my .....  I left my underwear in place and began ... walking The Dukester ... just like that.


Around the meadow we walked while I ... waddled with my jeans below my .....  I wanted to pull them up but, I deliberately didn't.  I had to know how it felt.


I tried to run ... but, there wasn't anyway I could run.  The Dukester jerked me forward and I nearly lost my pants!  I was holding his leash ... and holding my pants up with my other hand.


Can you picture me ... walking ... running around in a beautiful little meadow with wildflowers ... holding a leash in one hand to hold on to The Dukester (our Pit Bull) ... my other hand trying desperately to hold my pants up.  My walk/run was very strange ... I was trying to walk like someone I saw walking like that.


I have to say I began to laugh hysterically when I told Skip what I did ... he just stood there.  He just stood there and looked at me.  The longer he stood there looking at me ... the more hysterical I became ... I didn't lose my pants while walking like that ... but ... I did laugh my ... ass ... off!


I found out that I don't knock anyone for wearing their pants like that.  I respect how others choose to dress.  Just because I'm different ... that's okay, too.  I just had to 'walk in those shoes' at least one time to know how it felt.  For me, it didn't feel good ... it didn't feel right.








Note by this Author:


I do silly things, crazy things ... just for the heck of it.  Skip said I was the only person he knew ... who knew how to entertain herself.  I'm smiling because he and Tommy used to laugh when we all were being silly ... happy ... doing crazy things, pranks.


It's strange how ... maybe you do the same ... when you watch something... someone ... over and over ... you get the urge to speak like them ... to act like them ... to do their walk.  For a moment ... you ... really 'feel' them ... for a moment ... you ... are them.  Sometimes ... it can be so funny when you are laughing at yourself ... just as I did.  I wasn't good at being ... someone else at all!


So ... this morning ... I ... tried someone on ... and it wasn't for me.

I Thought of Tommy Today ...

Photos of boiled eggs I was taking shells off earlier today.  This is when I thought of my son, Tommy.  He loved boiled eggs, he would always mysteriously appear when I boiled eggs ... even when he wasn't home ... he would be coming in the door.








By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Bee/@GeeGranny on Twitter


Sometimes, when I feel Tommy ... I take photos hoping ... hoping for some kind of sign ... oh silly me, I'm just a grieving mother. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee






Today ... I was taking the shells off the boiled eggs in photo above.  I thought about Tommy, how he always appeared whenever I made boiled eggs.



Tommy would always ask to get one, and of course ... I would smile, tell him to eat all he wanted ... and he didn't have to shell them ... I had already done it.



Today was no different ... I thought of Tommy.  Not only that, I decided I would take photos of the boiled eggs ... who knows ... maybe I would see a ... sign ... in one of my photos that ... Tommy was here!  Does that sound silly?  It may be ... but, that's what I did, regardless.



I've sat here ... looking at each photo hoping I'd see something mysterious ... I only see a flash of light from my cellphone camera.  I wondered ... do you see anything?



I just 'feel' Tommy is near at certain times whenever there's something he loved.  Maybe it's wishful thinking by a grieving mother.








Note by this Author:


Photos are owned by me ... true story written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.


Yes, I fully expected ... something ... when I was peeling those eggs :)

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Wrinkled Air ... Shimmery Dragonflies, Too

Wrinkled Air ... and Shimmery Dragonflies, Too
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Artwork is by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Tommy ...     11-20-1969 ***5-29-2010

As I walked I could see ahead of me ... the air was clear, clean.  No pollution here.  I was looking at the trees, flowers when I noticed to my right ... the air appeared to be ... wrinkled.

Curiosity took over ... I didn't feel afraid at all.  I walked to the space where the air was wrinkled.  No one would notice it ... unless like me ... they paid close attention to their surroundings.  I'm always looking for the ... unusual.

I stood there ... I cocked my head from side to side like a little bird.  I decided to put my hand out ... explore the air.  Why not?  We never know ...

I touched the wrinkled air ... my fingers sensed more than felt ... the air shift ... open!  I felt excitement go through me like an electric current.  Oh my!

I gently wiggled my fingers ... the air opened up to me!  I didn't think twice ... I stepped through.  The wrinkled air closed behind me.  It must be meant to be!  I wondered briefly ... is this one of the portals to Heaven?  For a split second, I thought ... Hell!  I pushed that thought away as quickly as it came.

I began to walk slowly, peering ever which way.  I was trying to get a feel for the new world I had stepped into.  I walked for quite a ways ... I admired the unusual flowers of every shape, color ...  the air here was so pure, I could breathe extra-well.

Trees of every kind, shape ... were everywhere.  The pools of water were really blue! and inviting!  I walked to one, put my sandaled foot into the water ... a orange and white fish came to the surface ... smiled at me.  I didn't think anything of it ... I smiled right back at that fish!

I walked along, relaxed.  Where was I?  Was I the only one here?  I began to hear a soft humming in the distance.  It sounded like singing ... it was so beautiful I felt tears in my eyes.  I loved this place ... sounds, all my eyes could see.  I felt I was not going to leave here ... I'm staying forever.

I followed the smooth, sandy path to a bend around trees ... lo and behold ... I couldn't believe what I saw!

Angels!  Real Angels standing around ... some sang softly ... some talked to each other.  A quietness came over all as I walked closer.  They looked at me with questions in their eyes ... where did you come from?

 I smiled sweetly at them ... I found a patch of wrinkled air ... I touched it with my hand to explore the air.  It shifted, opened to let me in.  It closed behind me ... but, I know where the wrinkled air is if you want me to go.  I hope I'm not intruding ... I hoped this is Heaven ... there's someone I wish to see.  Won't you please help me?

The most beautiful angel glided over to me.  She had long, curly hair woven of gold.  Her wings were huge, lacey with white pearls, sparkling in the sunlight.  Her smile competed with the sunshine ... her teeth white as snow.  The scent around her was of the nicest smelling flowers.  I wanted to stay in her presence.

She looked into my eyes, smiled the softest smile.  I felt warm, as cosy as if I was a baby wrapped in a blanket.  I know I smiled back.

I know who you wish to see.  At that time ... little dragonflies began to appear.  Little soft green colored bodies, shimmery purple, white wings.  I lost my breath in such beauty ... knowing dragonflies ... reflected Tommy in my life.

Could this be Heaven ... could Tommy be close by?  The dragonflies flew gently around me ... their wings gently kissing my hair, my face.

A breeze began to blow ... I felt coolness on my face.  Tears were running down on my cheeks ... the coolness was from the breeze kissing my tears away.

I make gold dragonflies with gold wire, beads in memory of Tommy... I leave them in public places for people to find.  I never expect anything back from them, no strings attached ... I hope they could bring a smile, joy to someone's face, heart ... feel such as this.

I was feeling what I hoped someone could possibly feel, when finding one of my dragonflies.  A joy, happiness inside when something unexpected, beautiful came into one's life ... no matter how little, big.  The unexpected ... the meant to be to let someone know they're not alone in a special way.

I sensed something changing around me ... I looked around.  I saw a tall angel approaching me.  My breath caught in my throat ... he had strawberry blonde hair.  As he came closer ... I saw his blue-green eyes ... the colors on the dragonflies.  Tommy!  I began to cry silently ... that's my son ... that's Tommy walking toward me.

Here in a world away ... only wrinkled air kept us apart.  Somehow, I managed to find the portal to Heaven ... find my only child.  Tommy!

The tall angel glided toward me with a big grin on his face.  Yes, that's that Tommy grin ... sparkling up into his eyes!  No one can smile a Tommy smile quite like my son.

I recognized a feeling I had forgotten ... the pride of being a mother ... a part of me ... smiling back at me.  Someone who meant the world to me ... knew would always be there.  Tommy!

Everything was so quiet ... I whispered to my son ... I'm so glad to see you ... I looked everywhere for you.  Mama, I missed you, too ... he said.  He hugged me with his son hug!  I hugged him back as a mother would!  Mother and son stood there ... one a mere mortal ... the other an angel.

We walked over to a white bench, sat among the dragonflies and flowers of many colors.  We talked forever it seemed, when Tommy stood up, said to me ... Mama, it's time for you to go ... it's not time for you to be here.  You have to go back, find the wrinkled air ... go back to your life ... this is my life, here.

I was so happy to see my child, know how it felt to be a mother again that I didn't even cry.  I hugged him happily, turned knowing it was time for me to walk away.  I didn't even look back because I knew everything was all right.

I walked the smooth, sandy path back with pure happiness in my Heart.  I didn't mind going back to my life.  This was Tommy's life here.  I approached the wrinkled air, turned around to look behind me ... smiled.  I knew I'd find the wrinkled air later in time ... I would come back to visit again.

My hand reached out to the wrinkled air ... sensed the air shifting.  I moved the air back, stepped outside into my world.  I held the invisible portal open for a moment ... looked back inside.

Strange how the clear air held two worlds side by side ... one we live in, one that was Heaven.  Strange also, when in Heaven we can look outside into the world ... in our world we look at Heaven everyday ... and never know it.

If I hadn't been looking ... I would have never known I could visit Heaven ... through the wrinkled air.



Note by this Author:

I was thinking about cellophane wrapping ... seeing through it while wrinkled.  I thought about the world we live in being on one side of the clear wrapping ... and you couldn't see to the other side ... being Heaven.


Wrinkled air ... mixed with imagination became wrinkled air with shimmery dragonflies.  I have just after a very long time ... decided on which dragonfly I want as a tattoo on my right shoulder in memory of Tommy ... a soft green body, shimmery purple, white wings ... 3D.  I will get it done in the near future.


When walking on the other side of it ... you are in Heaven ... our loved ones who have gone there ... can look through the 'wrinkled air' ... see us.  They can send us signs when we are grieving for them.


Dragonflies have a knack of being around lots of times when I am thinking of Tommy.  They do little strange, unusual things from time to time.  That's my Tommy sign from Heaven.  What is yours?


Photos/story both are owned, written by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Whoops, I Said it Again ... Damn!

Whoops, I Said it Again ... Damn!

Photos are of me as a little girl.  They are owned by me ... By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee

For the past week I have been sick with a ... damn ... cold.  That's right ... a damn cold!  I'm really wanting it to be gone, congestion and all.  Damn!

Today, I went to an appointment at 2:00 pm.  I drove in the pouring rain ... I didn't feel like driving in it.  I just wished to be home, in bed.  Of course, I hadn't been in bed before I left ... it's just while I was out driving in the pouring rain, not feeling well ... I decided I wished I was in bed.  Damn!

I reached the doctor's office, walked inside ... put my umbrella in a plastic bag so, it wouldn't drip all over the place.  Damn!  I didn't feel worth a darn.  I wished to be home.  

The lady at the desk smiled at me as I walked to it.  What's your name, she asked.  I told her, and she looked for my name.  

What time is your appointment she asked.  I told her.  The other lady walked over, smiling.  I liked both of them.  They checked, and told me I was a week early for my appointment ... it was for May 11th at 2:20 pm.  Damn!  I could have been home ... in bed.  I just didn't feel good at all.

I drove back home in the pouring rain.  I was surprised by how everyone was driving ... there was lots of traffic.  Everyone was driving at a safe speed ... which meant very slow.  Damn!  I wished I was home in bed.

My mama washed my mouth out when I was about 4-5 years old.  She used good old Ivory soap.  I know how it smells, how it tastes.  She was washing the word 'damn'... right out of my mouth.  

She heard me say it when she walked up behind me playing with my tea set.  I had put sand in the little cup, decided to dip snuff like I saw my Grandma Alma do.  I got choked.  Damn!  

To this day, that word has been part of my vocabulary.  She didn't know she didn't wash it right out of my mouth.  I wish she had.  Damn!

I'm home now, have been for a few hours ... I still haven't been to bed ... I knew I wouldn't go to bed, I just wanted to be home.  I've been saying 'damn' too much lately.  Damn!  Whoops!  I said it again ... damn!

Note by this author:  I wrote this on Friday when I was still really very sick.  I was, and am at the point where I've been sick too long ... now, it's frustrating not to be over the congestion, coughing.  So, the only thing I can say, or think is .... "damn".  It's not meant in an ugly way :)

Sometimes ... I Cry For The Pain Of It

Photo I took of moon early one morning when sitting at my desk ... the moon was beautiful .....


Sometimes ... I Cry For The Pain Of It
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


　

Walking into the room, I look around ... every wall, every nook and corner, is white. I have walked into a ... white room ... nowhere is there another color, nor an object. The room is full of ... white.

Pain is like that, sometimes ... in my life. It's like the white room, I can turn all around me, looking for relief ... and like the white, there's only pain surrounding me ... no happiness in sight. It's all 'white' ... dark pain.

Strange enough, all the while I feel happiness, I am sad. I'll always be sad ... too much has happened in my life ... there's no choice but, to be sad. The good thing is ... I manage to find some happiness, anyway. I'm always looking for something to be happy about. I try to help myself ... always.

Sometimes, though ... I'm like the white room ... nothing's in sight but, the all-white that over-rules anything else, no matter how you would try to mix happy colors in. Sometimes, I cry for the pain of it ... there's nothing else in sight. If there was ... it wouldn't make any difference ... too much in life has happened. I cry for the pain of it ... even when happy.


Photo/story owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee   #pain
　

Somewhere Over The Rainbow ... Has Made Me Cry, Today ... I Can't Go Back

Somewhere Over The Rainbow ... Has Made Me Cry, Today ... I Can't Go Back
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

　
Grandma Alma ... George in top photo.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee in middle, bottom photos. 




She began singing ... my Heart began filling with tears

Somewhere inside ... where my tears come from ... they began to fall



Fall from my eyes, drenching my lashes with diamond teardrops

The female voice sang ... Somewhere Over the Rainbow ... instantly throwing me into the past



A little girl sat cross-legged on the old, dusty, wooden floor... Hell forgotten for a few moments

Behind her ... sat an older woman, tears in her eyes ... beautiful smile on her face



An elderly man sat in an old, cane chair, his sightless eyes shining with a smile

The sweetest expression on his kind face ... an adult transported back to being a child



The little girl's Grandma Alma ... her step-grandfather, George

The kindest man she'd ever known ... the only grandfather she ever knew



The little girl who used to be ... me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Somewhere over the rainbow... has made me cry today ... I can't go back



I cry for the loss of grandparents I'll never see again ...

I cry, because, now ... I can appreciate them fully for the people they were



Little munchikins walk out dancing, singing ... Grandma Alma, George smile

Forgetting the hell they sat in ... focusing on the munchikins ... following the yellow brick road; happy ... magical moments in their life



The little girl smiled, laughed in delight ... in the mind of the older woman she has become today ... at her precious memory

Somewhere over the rainbow ... has made me cry, today ... I can't go back



Go back to a time, visit one such precious moment ... there were very few

I treasure the memory of smiles, laughter I can see ... hear in my mind from a time long gone



Something special in the midst of Hell ... a grandchild sitting, for a moment in ... Heaven

With her grandparents, laughing ... excited ... The Wizard of Oz just came on tv!



I heard a woman sing 'Over The Rainbow' today ... I was sent into the past

Somewhere over the rainbow ... has made me cry, today ... I can't go back

　

　

　
　

Victoria Fairchild ... Is A Good Person ... She Can Be Very, Very Bad

Victoria Fairchild ... Is A Good Person ... She Can Be Very, Very Bad
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee





Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ...



　

Lately, I've been warming up to write on my book once again. So much has happened in our life to affect my writing ability. It is hard to think when stressed, worried.

Not only that ... for months, my internet service went to ... hell. About six months to be exact. Sprint was updating their towers. I tried going to the library, and carried alcohol and paper towels in a little bag to clean the mouse, keyboard, and monitor.

You wouldn't believe ... every day there was always the same person there who ... passed gas ... I just couldn't take it. I felt sorry for him, though. He also, talked to himself. It just made it difficult for me to sit there. So, I stopped going... I wouldn't have ever hurt his feelings for anything ... he wouldn't have really understood, I don't think.

The little short stories are just practice ... like when I begin to paint after long periods of time between. I hope they are entertaining ... I'm entertained while writing ... I put myself in them. In fact, I would be my main character, Victoria. :) That doesn't mean I'd for-real murder someone, now! :)

I sit, write the short stories ... get lost in them. I become Victoria as I write. I see through her eyes, listen through her ears, and experience things she does. If I were a mean person ... I would be very bad. :) But, I'm not ... I'm quite the opposite.

Thankfully, I'm a good person ... who believes in people getting back what they do to people, animals. 'An eye for an eye ... a tooth for a tooth ....' Certainly, Victoria believes this ... and she WILL take care of business in a heartbeat, never blink an eye.

I don't take it upon myself to punish others. I'm not God. It doesn't take away what I think, though. I'm against people/animal cruelty. I truly believe if you harm either ... your ass should feel the exact same punishment.

Yes, this is exactly what this good person believes. You deserve it .. to feel exactly what you inflict upon another when you hurt them. If it makes you happy to abuse someone, or an animal ... can you tell me what possible good are you in this world? There are too many people like this ... that's why there's a war all the time.

Then, again ... truthfully, we need bad people who can go in, do bad things to make good things happen. This ... I understand ... sometimes, bad things need to ... go away for good.

I can't put these short stories in my book, because when I publish it, anything I write in my book ... can't be found on the computer when they check for it. That's why I won't include these short stories. What I write in my book has to be for the first time... and not be anywhere else.

I look forward soon to get engrossed in finishing my second book about Victoria Fairchild. The first book I published 'When She's Good ... She's Good (When She's Bad ... She's Very, Very Bad)' ... was a thin book ... it was my introductory to Victoria.

Victoria is a very unusual character. She acts on the moment, her decisions are made in a split second ... she never thinks twice ... she just ... does. She knows how to improvise with nothing. Not only that, she has special powers when she needs them. Her favorite cousin, Lind Lou, has those same powers.

You have to know about Lind Lou. She loves to put herself in her paintings ... not only herself ... she would love to put 'some of you' in her paintings ... blood, fingernails ... hair. She's a true artist ... her paintings are ... real. You wouldn't believe ...

Victoria has a best friend named Nancy. Now, Nancy goes with her sometimes, on her ventures. Victoria tries to protect Nancy ... she cares for her very much.

Chip is Victoria's husband ... he knows Victoria is unique; he is always traveling, driving a big rig. Somehow, he knows when Victoria needs him. He doesn't try to get in her way ... when she's set on doing something. They make a perfect couple.

Victoria has another friend, named Mary. She is a special person, also. She was once homeless ... Victoria took her away from that world, sent her to college, and gave her all the tools she needed to become independent. Mary became a rich woman, and had the life she could have only dreamed of at one time.

Victoria and Chip own buildings in the city. Behind those buildings lie a world the average person isn't aware of. It's the homeless world, Victoria calls 'Hell'. She had one of the buildings set up the way she wanted ... so, at any time she wanted to, she could blend in with the homeless people. She dressed the part ... Victoria has three closets ... two that are secret ... in her big, beautiful home.

A lot of safety measures were put in place to protect Victoria, or anyone she chose ... to get into the building if something threatened their safety.

Victoria had a friend in Hell. His name was Buckaroo. She always looked for him when she entered Hell. He could tell her what was going on there with people she cared about. Not only that, he had her back, and would protect her.

She made sure the people she cared about had what they needed, there. Most chose not to come out of the homeless world they lived in.

This gives you an idea of what my Victoria Fairchild books are about. She has to do bad things ... in order to make good things happen. Woe into anyone ... who ever abuses a homeless person, or animal ...

Victoria is a good person ... Victoria can be ... very, very bad.


Photo/Story Credit belongs to me, is owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

　

　

　

　
　

I Tried To Weigh My ... Footprints Today

I Tried To Weigh My  ... Footprints ... Today
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
(My Photo ... my Footprints :)))

Dusty ... I looked around, deciding to get the little duster I kept for removing dust off the furniture.

Dust was everywhere.  It was understandable as we live close to a busy, country highway.  Farm equipment, trucks ... traffic.

I dusted all off ... I was glad to have it done.  That's the one thing I 'hate' to do .... dust.  I am the type of person who wants all to 'stay just as I make it when I clean up ... clean, 'perfect'.  Of course, it doesn't.

I walked into the bathroom to wash my hands.  I was looking in the mirror at my hair ... when the thought came to me ... I'm going to weigh.  I should weigh more often, I thought.

I closed the door to get to the black, glass scale behind it.  I stopped just as I almost closed the door.  Amazing, I thought!

On the black glass scale was a perfect set of footprints!  Small footprints ... my footprints!  I stood there staring at them ... a silly thought came to mind.  How could I preserve them?  Who would I preserve them for?  I laughed to myself ... you only do that with a child's footprints.

The footprints were so perfect there in the dust ... on the black glass scale;  I didn't want to just dust them off ... I wanted to at least do something special with them.  I mean who ever gets to see perfect footprints left ... on the scale?

I decided ... I would weigh them.  I tapped my big toe on the edge of the scale to make it come on.  I watched the zeros ... waited to see how much my footprints weighed.  I can tell you firsthand ... my footprints didn't ... weigh anything!

Would You ... Have A Double Mastectomy?

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee....

Would You... Have A Double Mastectomy?
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


I have been thinking about something... breast cancer; double mastectomy.

You know how it is when you see things, read about things... watch tv about different topics.  Well, I've been paying attention to information about breast cancer... double mastectomy.

You know how you begin thinking 'if it were me... what would I do?'  I am no different... I'm always 'putting myself in others' shoes'... trying to understand things I haven't experienced... thinking about 'what would I do if... it were me?'  I've never had ... breast cancer.

I'm a cancer survivor.  I have non-Hodgkins lymphoma... I'm in remission.  I am so grateful each day I'm in remission.  I fought a long, dark battle to 'come back'.  I was at Death's Door... I almost entered it.

I could see inside... I couldn't 'see life' anymore.  In fact, I was so sick... I didn't know I was living.  I was in a world no one could enter... the only thing I could hear, was Skip's voice (my husband).

This battle went on for three years... I won my battle.  I look back at what I can remember... when I first became aware of being alive, after my surgery... I 'knew' I was going to die.

The oncologist came into ICU... it sounded like she was screaming at me as I began waking up from the surgery.  Skip and the nurse had just sit me up... I couldn't see anyone.  I did hear... good.  I was in a gray world of fog... I never found her before she left the room.

She began 'screaming'... you have CANCER!!!  I was like a little tiny figure in my mind trying to hide in a corner.  The word 'cancer' loomed up in my mind just as you see it ...in foot-tall letters.

I heard someone crying, sobbing their heart out.  Later, I knew it was me.  I knew I was going to die... the morning of the surgery, I remember looking up at Skip from the wheelchair I was in... saying, "I'm so glad I'm here... because I was going to die"!

The battle was long... hard.  I never was able to talk to anyone about my type of cancer... I was too ill.

Skip sat, talked to people in the waiting rooms, patients' loved ones and caregivers,doctors, nurses...  all through time... learning about it.  He was gathering information everywhere we went during those three years.

Skip was by my side... helping me to win my battle; pushing me. 'lifting' me when I would 'fall'; making me mad enough to fight when I'd quit.

When I knew I was going to die... he said he wouldn't let me.  He made me get up when I was very weak... go with him everywhere he went.  I can vaguely remember waiting for him in our vehicle... I people-watched through drugged, and very sick eyes.  Thank-God, for Skip.

I would have died ... then.  I would have died before seeing my child die.  He would have been the one going through the heartache, grief.  Even as sick as I was... I made Skip promise not to let him know.  Tommy was in Germany... he would have died coming home to his mama.

I lost my hair due to chemo drugs; I had shingles from the trauma of learning I had cancer... these are only... a couple of battles I fought.  I had never fought so many battles ... battles with Death, in my life... to win at ... living.

Our home burnt down; we lost all.  Skip was in two bad wrecks... at two separate times where a woman ran a stop sign; and the other when two young girls hydroplaned, hitting his front wheel of a tractor-trailer.

Many of my family members died on both sides... it was grief after grief... so much pain.  So many other things happened that were 'bad'... I won't write them all.

The thing is... everything eventually becomes... alright.  You will always hear me say, 'no matter how bad something is... everything's going to be alright'.  Even when my only child, my son... Tommy... died.  Everything has become... alright, again.

Getting back to cancer... like you... when I hear, see something... I think about 'what I would do'.  If... I had breast cancer, I would do like a lot of women do... I would have a double mastectomy.  Why?

Because ... I wouldn't want to chance it in the other breast.  Not only that... I have this thing about being 'even'.  It's something that's in me... I want all 'even' on me.  Call me silly, whatever... it is what it is.

What would you do ... if you had breast cancer?  Would you have a double mastectomy?

In Any Hole...

In Any Hole...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I sit here, yawning, as I look back at this morning.  My eyes are watering... I'm thinking about going back to bed!  That's something I don't normally do.  It's raining outside... will be all day long.  I'm ... sleepy!

The Pups would love it if I went back to bed.  All three of them would jump up on the bed, snuggle up to me... sleep as long as I would.  When Skip is home... they snuggle up to him, also.  We have ... snuggly Pups.  Kissy... Chadwick... Camie.

Getting back to this morning (I just yawned again!  I might just go back to bed! :)))... I came into the kitchen.  I went to the counter... saw that I'd forgotten to wash the coffee pot last night.  I thought... 'darn'!

I ran warm water in the red dish pan... added blue Dawn dish detergent to make it sudsy.  I scrubbed the glass pot shiny-clean.  I took the filter out, threw the old coffee grounds in the white trash can.

I love to feel warm, sudsy water on my hands.  It's comforting, soothing... especially on cold days.

I took a pitcher of water, began pouring it into the coffee pot.  I froze... cold water ran down over the countertop, down onto the cabinet doors... onto the floor.  Not a little water... a lot of water!

My feet were soaked with cold water!  I woke up ... I no longer felt sleepy!

What have I done, I thought!  I looked to see what was wrong with that coffee pot!

I saw immediately nothing was wrong with the coffee pot... it was me!  I was going to fill the coffee pot up with water ... instead of pouring water in the right hole... I had poured it through the hole where the coffee filter goes!

How in the world did I not know any better!  I've been making coffee for years.  Was I pouring water in just any hole, thinking it would do?  I don't think I was thinking at all... I just poured the water in any hole...

Anyone Watching...

Anyone Watching...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates and her Son, Tommy...
(I'm fortunate to have this photo... it survived a housefire)



I become aware of myself from time to time
As I go about doing my daily things
The other times, I'm in a trance
I don't think about things at all

When I become aware of my thoughts
I catch myself standing... my eyes half-closed
My head tilted to the side, my ears
Trying to hear sounds from the past

Anyone watching would see a woman
In deep, deep thought
What she's seeing, no one else can see
She's in her own mind... she's in the past

A little smile plays on her full lips
Her eyes soften... diamond teardrops fill them
In her mind, she sees a tall, gentle giant
Who is smiling back at her

He walks toward her, holds out his arms
I love you, Mama... I miss you, too
She closes her eyes as the ghost of her son
Hugs her tightly, she hugs the... air back

Anyone watching would see a woman
With arms reaching out as if to hold someone
Tears streaming down her cheeks
She seemed to be hugging someone, but... it was... herself

Anyone watching would see her lips move
Hear her say... I love you, too... Son
I miss you with my very Heart
Please don't go, stay here for a while

I have so much to tell you, I have a lot to say
You have to go... you can't stay but, a moment?
Please come back as soon as you can
I'll always watch out for you, I love you, Son!

Anyone watching would see a woman standing
Standing, watching something they can't see
Hear her speak, listen to someone they can't hear
See a woman crying her Heart out, sobbing... please don't go!

I go about my daily things, my eyes burn
I think about my precious Son...
I'm ... inside myself ... looking inward
I'm trying to enter the past

Try as hard as I can... I can't find the way
I mentally feel with my hands, trying to part the way
I look past things that try to attract my attention
I don't want to think about this... that... I want to enter the past

I want to go see my Son... back when he walked, talked
I want to hear the sound of his voice, his laughter
Hear some of his funny jokes
Reach out to hug him tightly... kiss him on the cheek

Anyone watching would see a woman standing there
Many expressions pass on her face
While she stood there, unaware
Of herself.... as she came back ... to herself

I felt a bittersweet smile on my lips
My cheeks felt wet as I reached up to touch them
I became aware that I was crying silently
Anyone watching would hear me say... I miss you, Son

Anyone watching would see a sad woman's face
Quickly turn into a bright smile when she saw them
Anyone watching would hear her say... I was sad for a moment
But now... everything's going to be alright

BED 3...

BED 3:
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



The young woman watched as the young man got out of his car.  He ran quickly to the passenger side of the car... opened the door.  She stood at the glass door that opened into the parking lot.  She peered closer... to see what he was doing... to see what she needed to be ready for.

He reached in, lifted something from the front seat.  He turned around, began walking forward with his load. The car door hung open... forgotten.

The young man began struggling to carry... an older lady he held in his arms.  His knees began buckling under the weight.

The young woman opened the glass door leading into the waiting room.  She worked in the office as an emergency registration clerk.  This was the room everyone waited in for their turn to go into the emergency room to be seen by the doctor.

She always watched out for the emergency waiting room, in case someone was very sick.  She didn't want anyone to die while waiting there, to see the doctor.  The clerk was very responsible... she took her job seriously.  She paid more attention to the people around her, than most people who worked her job.  She cared.

She also, watched on the other side of the locked door she'd walked through to come into the registration area, to enter the door of the waiting room.

She watched, listened for the double doors that would swing open any moment with an emergency patient on a stretcher.  Most of the time, she was alerted by a nurse... or the wail of a siren.  Sometimes, no one would hear a car come up carrying someone who was deathly ill... until the family member came in to get help.

The clerk worked in a small community hospital.  The emergency room was across from the doorway of her office.  It was her job to run between the actual emergency room, and the office to register patients.

She would meet the rescue squad when they came in with a patient.  It was her job to meet family members as they came through the doors with the patient... guide them through the locked door for them to be seated... get their information for the patient.

The waiting room was empty.  She had walked to the door she had to unlock, to enter the registration area... to walk out into the waiting room.  She was listening to the news on the tv mounted on the wall.  She had walked to the glass door to look out into the parking lot, when she saw the fast-moving car drive in, park.

"What's wrong with her"?  The clerk asked while she motioned for him to follow her.  "She's having bad chest pain; she has a history of congestive heart failure"!  The young man could hardly talk, he was breathless from carrying his load.

The clerk led the way through the door she kept locked, closing it behind her.  She saw a wheel chair, pointed at it.  The young man shook his head, meaning to go on!

She led him through the open doorway of the emergency room.  He followed her.  The clerk led him to Bed 3... where she had watched... life and death play out more times than she could count. This 'was' the bed for heart patients, and patients who were deathly ill, patients who were in a bad way.

Her eyes had paid close attention to the woman... she had the feeling 'something was going to happen'.  She felt the woman was very sick.  She knew that it was okay to take the patient directly into the emergency room.

As she passed the nurse, and doctor sitting at the white counter top on stools that rolled them around... she leaned in to tell them the woman was experiencing severe chest pain... she had a history of congestive heart failure.

She hurried on, knowing they would go into action.  This doctor, and nurse were very good... she held the highest respect for both.  They were a 'good combination'... anyone would want to be in their hands... if they were fighting for their life.  Anyone with chest pain would be seen right away!

Sometimes, the 'combination of doctor, nurse' ... wasn't a good one.  This time... they were ... the best.  She felt proud to be working with these two, today.  They were her friends, also.

She pulled the curtain back, pointed at the bed.  The young man put his mother on the bed.  His mother laid back against the pillow. The clerk looked at her, didn't feel good about her.  The elderly woman smiled weakly at her.  The clerk ran out to tell the doctor, nurse to come on... briefly wondering 'why' they weren't already there.  Still... she 'knew' they'd come...

She saw the nurse, doctor still sitting there, engrossed in one another!  She walked quickly to them... apologized for interrupting.  "That woman is having a heart attack"!  How she knew the woman was having a heart attack... she didn't know.  She just 'knew something was getting ready to happen'!

She kept going until she got to her desk, computer.  She put the woman's name into the computer... found her... printed out all the info.  All the son had to do was to sign permission to treat her.  She ran back to the emergency room.

As she entered the door, she heard a commotion... it was at Bed 3.  Get the crash cart, call Code Blue!  The nurse picked up the phone, pressed a couple of buttons on the phone.  She began speaking into the phone... that became an instant intercom.   "Code Blue, Emergency Room!  Code Blue, Emergency Room!"

Medical staff began arriving, each knowing what their task was to save the woman.  The clerk stood back to witness the 'battle between life, death'.  She'd seen it many times.  She prayed this woman would live.

She was told to lead the son out into the emergency room.  She put her hand gently on his shoulder as, he kept turning to look back.  She had to keep her emotions in check... she wanted to scream at the doctor, nurse.  'Why' didn't they come on?

The clerk smiled gently at the young man, patted him on the shoulder as she led him to the door.  She opened it to let him go in, so... he could be seated in the waiting area.  She promised to come back to let him know how his mother was.  She closed the door... it locked automatically.

There wasn't anyone to register... so, the clerk walked back to the emergency room.  She stood watching the hospital staff do CPR on the woman.  They used the paddles....

She felt terrible anger, shock while she stood there.  'Why' didn't the nurse, doctor come to help the woman at the very beginning?  That wasn't like them at all.  She would have bet a thousand dollars on both of them to go to a patient, not waste time... to save their lives.  If 'they' couldn't save a patient's life... no one else could.

Yet... only 'she knew' that they didn't do what they should have.  They didn't come for some reason... they were the reason that woman was dying.  The clerk's eyes filled with tears... her heart felt deep anger.  She hated them... God, she hated them!  They did wrong!  Please God, don't let that young man's mother die!

She became aware of Bed 3... the commotion was dying down... she knew the woman had died.  She knew it!  She'd seen this happen over, and over.  Some patients lived... some died.  Bed 3 was like a portal to the other side.

Imagine a door .... if you open it... enter... you have died.  Imagine being at that door... and it didn't open... that means you missed death only by inches.  BED 3 was the portal to ... the other side.

The clerk never spoke to the doctor, nurse that she had always thought highly of, respected with her heart... ever again.  Never had she been so disappointed in someone.

The nurse, doctor came to her several times, after the woman died.  They came to talk to the clerk... she only turned her head away.  She couldn't bear to even look at them, much less talk to them.  She knew that they did wrong... they let a woman die... while they were enjoying each other's company.  She ... hated them.

She never told a soul... how could it help anyone.  They knew they did wrong.  They let that patient die... on Bed 3.

You Can't Blame Me For What She Says... Just Because I Write It!

Yes, that's right!!!  Just Remember!

 “You can't blame a writer for what the characters say.” 

- Truman Capote

 You Can't Blame Me For What She Says... Just Because I Write It!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 Just because she says something you don't like... what she says makes you mad... or glad... don't blame 'me'. It isn't my fault... it's her, the character that says it.

I just read a short time ago something someone else quoted. They quoted, 'you can't blame the writer for what a character says'. I went back to look for it so, as to give the person credit; I couldn't find it.  (I found it.... by Truman Capote).

It makes sense. You can't judge an author for what their characters say. Their characters are like you, I. They are all individuals. Some are nice people, some are not. Some will cuss, some won't. Some have a certain way of saying things... others aren't so interesting.

So, when you read what myself... or any other author writes... remember the little saying I just read (I can't take credit for it... I didn't write it... I just loved it!).... 'you can't blame the writer for what a character says'.

So, if my character says 'damn'... you can't blame me for what she says... just because I write it!

Someone Made Me Afraid, Today...

Someone Made Me Afraid, Today...

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

 

 

For the past week or so, I have worried about something on my Facebook. I've never been afraid on it, nor on all my blogs, and pages. There wasn't any reason to be... I've always heard that sometimes, 'things happen'.

I know once something did happen when I first began writing... a man from Nigeria wanted to take my stories, write his book. I told him not to use another word of mine for his book. I hope to never see 'my life, my words' in a book he writes.

Sometimes, people can become fixated on photos, or feel such a connection with you. You don't mean for them to do that, unless it's in a good, healthy, clean way. Like me, for instance... I only want 'good'... associated with 'my things online'.

I don't want to be in a situation that 'I have to hurt someone's feelings'... I don't enjoy doing that. Yet, today... I probably did hurt feelings on my Facebook... but, it's only because I felt 'pushed into doing it'.

I felt ...alarm, I felt a fear inside me, I felt afraid. Now, who likes to admit feeling that way? I don't. I kept hoping it was my imagination... I still hope it was. I try to give the benefit of doubt...

Either way, in this situation... I had to remove a 'new Facebook Friend'. I felt afraid... even as I talked to Skip about it, and mentioned 'my husband' on FB messages... the conversation was too strange for me. Maybe it is the difference between cultures, countries... doesn't matter, I didn't feel good.

I can only apologize if the man was sincere, didn't realize how the conversation sounded to me ... on this end. I finally had to remove him... as I didn't feel good at all. I kept feeling, thinking... 'I'm afraid'... maybe it wasn't meant for me to be... but, I was. I've learned to respect my feelings, 'nip things in the bud', over time. One doesn't feel alarm for nothing. I'd rather cause hurt feelings, than to regret something later.

I worry about hurting someone... suppose I misjudged? Suppose I caused grief, misinterpreting what was said. I'll put the conversation on ... below... so, you can be the judge.

The man kept saying he was a 'good man', to look at his face. I'm sure he was a good man, but... I don't want to be in contact with him. It didn't make me feel good inside ... at all. I felt anxiety, tense, worried... making friends online isn't suppose to feel like that.

As for being 'perfect'... you all know how many times I repeat myself; I am not perfect. I'm not rich... I'm far from being rich. We have to struggle just like anyone else to live. Not only that... just because I have 2 books published... I haven't 'gotten rich off them'.

I look forward to making even just a little money... one day... though. If I don't... I have accomplished what I meant to do... I wrote my book ...'I CRY FOR TOMMY'. My son will never be forgotten. Nor will I... one day my grandchildren, Tommy's children will 'know us' by reading about us on the internet.

I don't make myself seem to be 'more than Gloria'. I am the most imperfect person who has made 'millions of mistakes, made wrong choices in life'... but, I turned out to be a ... for-real good person. I'm proud of that... I learned it all the hard way.

I just want to say that for anyone thinking I'm 'more than what I am'... I'm not. I'm no one but, Gloria. You either like me, or... you don't like me. Sometimes, it takes you time to decide... I'm not always the same, yet... I am.

So, depending which side you see of me, it may take you time to make that decision. I don't mind if you don't like me... I can truly hope you do. You may be 'like me'... sometimes, I don't even like myself... so, I understand.

The same goes 'for you'... I may not like you, or like you... or wait to decide if I like you. Like you... if we don't feel a 'good connection'... we go our separate ways... just as I did today. I removed that Facebook Friend. Maybe it's the difference in where we are from, language... as he was from Baghdad, Iraq.

The conversation is below... I began to feel anxiety when I was reading about him liking my face... so forth. You can read to see what I mean. If I'm in the wrong, I so, apologize to the man. I'm not trying to be mean... you made me feel afraid.

　

Conversation:

　

hi

h r u

im very like u

Sunday

　

10:48am

　

　

Granny Gee

In what way? You must have known much grief, many bad things to happen in your life. I just told my husband, Skip, that you must have lived so much sadness, to be like me. I am honored you wanted to be friends. Gloria

Today

　

11:17am

　

　

　

im very happy becux u my friend

pls send me ur email pls

thnx

　

11:24am

　

　

Granny Gee

gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com

　

11:32am

　

　

u online now

hello

pls most chat me

very need u

ok

　

11:51am

　

　

اثممخ

　

12:00pm

　

　

Granny Gee

I don't chat online. You are welcome to email me. I just talked to my husband about this...

　

12:01pm

　

　

　

ok

but why

　

12:06pm

　

　

Granny Gee

I don't mind you emailing me... I don't understand why it's important to chat online. I'm not sure 'why' you wanted to be FB Friends... I'm not sure 'why' you want to chat... emailing is just as good as chatting, not only that... it travels just as quickly.

　

12:07pm

　

　

　

ok

im good man and very like one same

pls not leave me need u

ok

　

12:08pm

　

　

Granny Gee

In what way do you 'need me'... I don't understand. I am nothing to you, you do not know me, I do not know you. You need to explain what you are meaning exactly now....

　

12:08pm

　

　

　

need u friend only

when i see ur pic my feeling go for u

　

12:09pm

　

　

Granny Gee

In what way?

　

12:10pm

　

　

　

im sorry not good in englsh i like u understand me

　

12:11pm

　

　

Granny Gee

You like me as friend only... what is it you like exactly? Do you read my books, or my blog?

　

12:11pm

　

　

　

like all u

　

12:12pm

　

　

Granny Gee

What is it you need to talk/chat to me about?

　

12:13pm

　

　

　

wat u like cha only caht me

ok

pls not leave me

i feel u queen

　

12:15pm

　

　

Granny Gee

You make me feel afraid of you... it's not the way people usually do as friends... no one says 'I need you'... it makes people afraid of you.

　

12:16pm

　

　

　

no

im good man

but when i see ur pic very like ur face

i need one have good feeling i know u have that

im job in my father company

little boss hhh

my live good have money and job and good house

only need friend i wish u can be

　

12:19pm

　

　

Granny Gee

Thank you. It's a sad face, I have lost my son... it's a 'grief-face' you see...

What kind of company does your father have? I am glad all is good for you. I can be friend only if I don't feel afraid of you.

　

12:19pm

　

　

　

no pls

im say that becuz im not like leave me that only ok

im sorry becux u afried ok

see my face im good man

hahahahah

　

12:22pm

　

　

Granny Gee

I have to go now. It's nice speaking with you.

　

12:22pm

　

　

　

ok but wait u ok

promise me