Someone Made Me Afraid, Today...

Someone Made Me Afraid, Today...

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

 

 

For the past week or so, I have worried about something on my Facebook. I've never been afraid on it, nor on all my blogs, and pages. There wasn't any reason to be... I've always heard that sometimes, 'things happen'.

I know once something did happen when I first began writing... a man from Nigeria wanted to take my stories, write his book. I told him not to use another word of mine for his book. I hope to never see 'my life, my words' in a book he writes.

Sometimes, people can become fixated on photos, or feel such a connection with you. You don't mean for them to do that, unless it's in a good, healthy, clean way. Like me, for instance... I only want 'good'... associated with 'my things online'.

I don't want to be in a situation that 'I have to hurt someone's feelings'... I don't enjoy doing that. Yet, today... I probably did hurt feelings on my Facebook... but, it's only because I felt 'pushed into doing it'.

I felt ...alarm, I felt a fear inside me, I felt afraid. Now, who likes to admit feeling that way? I don't. I kept hoping it was my imagination... I still hope it was. I try to give the benefit of doubt...

Either way, in this situation... I had to remove a 'new Facebook Friend'. I felt afraid... even as I talked to Skip about it, and mentioned 'my husband' on FB messages... the conversation was too strange for me. Maybe it is the difference between cultures, countries... doesn't matter, I didn't feel good.

I can only apologize if the man was sincere, didn't realize how the conversation sounded to me ... on this end. I finally had to remove him... as I didn't feel good at all. I kept feeling, thinking... 'I'm afraid'... maybe it wasn't meant for me to be... but, I was. I've learned to respect my feelings, 'nip things in the bud', over time. One doesn't feel alarm for nothing. I'd rather cause hurt feelings, than to regret something later.

I worry about hurting someone... suppose I misjudged? Suppose I caused grief, misinterpreting what was said. I'll put the conversation on ... below... so, you can be the judge.

The man kept saying he was a 'good man', to look at his face. I'm sure he was a good man, but... I don't want to be in contact with him. It didn't make me feel good inside ... at all. I felt anxiety, tense, worried... making friends online isn't suppose to feel like that.

As for being 'perfect'... you all know how many times I repeat myself; I am not perfect. I'm not rich... I'm far from being rich. We have to struggle just like anyone else to live. Not only that... just because I have 2 books published... I haven't 'gotten rich off them'.

I look forward to making even just a little money... one day... though. If I don't... I have accomplished what I meant to do... I wrote my book ...'I CRY FOR TOMMY'. My son will never be forgotten. Nor will I... one day my grandchildren, Tommy's children will 'know us' by reading about us on the internet.

I don't make myself seem to be 'more than Gloria'. I am the most imperfect person who has made 'millions of mistakes, made wrong choices in life'... but, I turned out to be a ... for-real good person. I'm proud of that... I learned it all the hard way.

I just want to say that for anyone thinking I'm 'more than what I am'... I'm not. I'm no one but, Gloria. You either like me, or... you don't like me. Sometimes, it takes you time to decide... I'm not always the same, yet... I am.

So, depending which side you see of me, it may take you time to make that decision. I don't mind if you don't like me... I can truly hope you do. You may be 'like me'... sometimes, I don't even like myself... so, I understand.

The same goes 'for you'... I may not like you, or like you... or wait to decide if I like you. Like you... if we don't feel a 'good connection'... we go our separate ways... just as I did today. I removed that Facebook Friend. Maybe it's the difference in where we are from, language... as he was from Baghdad, Iraq.

The conversation is below... I began to feel anxiety when I was reading about him liking my face... so forth. You can read to see what I mean. If I'm in the wrong, I so, apologize to the man. I'm not trying to be mean... you made me feel afraid.

　

Conversation:

　

hi

h r u

im very like u

Sunday

　

10:48am

　

　

Granny Gee

In what way? You must have known much grief, many bad things to happen in your life. I just told my husband, Skip, that you must have lived so much sadness, to be like me. I am honored you wanted to be friends. Gloria

Today

　

11:17am

　

　

　

im very happy becux u my friend

pls send me ur email pls

thnx

　

11:24am

　

　

Granny Gee

gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com

　

11:32am

　

　

u online now

hello

pls most chat me

very need u

ok

　

11:51am

　

　

اثممخ

　

12:00pm

　

　

Granny Gee

I don't chat online. You are welcome to email me. I just talked to my husband about this...

　

12:01pm

　

　

　

ok

but why

　

12:06pm

　

　

Granny Gee

I don't mind you emailing me... I don't understand why it's important to chat online. I'm not sure 'why' you wanted to be FB Friends... I'm not sure 'why' you want to chat... emailing is just as good as chatting, not only that... it travels just as quickly.

　

12:07pm

　

　

　

ok

im good man and very like one same

pls not leave me need u

ok

　

12:08pm

　

　

Granny Gee

In what way do you 'need me'... I don't understand. I am nothing to you, you do not know me, I do not know you. You need to explain what you are meaning exactly now....

　

12:08pm

　

　

　

need u friend only

when i see ur pic my feeling go for u

　

12:09pm

　

　

Granny Gee

In what way?

　

12:10pm

　

　

　

im sorry not good in englsh i like u understand me

　

12:11pm

　

　

Granny Gee

You like me as friend only... what is it you like exactly? Do you read my books, or my blog?

　

12:11pm

　

　

　

like all u

　

12:12pm

　

　

Granny Gee

What is it you need to talk/chat to me about?

　

12:13pm

　

　

　

wat u like cha only caht me

ok

pls not leave me

i feel u queen

　

12:15pm

　

　

Granny Gee

You make me feel afraid of you... it's not the way people usually do as friends... no one says 'I need you'... it makes people afraid of you.

　

12:16pm

　

　

　

no

im good man

but when i see ur pic very like ur face

i need one have good feeling i know u have that

im job in my father company

little boss hhh

my live good have money and job and good house

only need friend i wish u can be

　

12:19pm

　

　

Granny Gee

Thank you. It's a sad face, I have lost my son... it's a 'grief-face' you see...

What kind of company does your father have? I am glad all is good for you. I can be friend only if I don't feel afraid of you.

　

12:19pm

　

　

　

no pls

im say that becuz im not like leave me that only ok

im sorry becux u afried ok

see my face im good man

hahahahah

　

12:22pm

　

　

Granny Gee

I have to go now. It's nice speaking with you.

　

12:22pm

　

　

　

ok but wait u ok

promise me