I Was Seeing Tommy ... Time Stood Still

I Was Seeing Tommy ... Time Stood Still
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

My son, Tommy ... and his son, Taban

(Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee)

The man walked by the freezers sitting in the frozen meat department of Walmart.  He was a little over six feet tall.  He had strawberry-blonde hair ... it was cropped close to his head.  He wore gold-rim glasses.


He was a handsome man.  I couldn't help but, stop ... watch him as he moved around with his family.  I heard his voice ... it made me smile ... tears came into my eyes.  He had a soft voice.


A little boy ran around him, his mother, and sister.  He was saying something to his daddy.  The man reached down, touseled the little boy's hair ... that was just like his daddy's.  I felt a pain in my Heart ... like someone reaching inside my chest ... squeezing it.


The man looked over, saw me ... nodded his head, smiled.  Just like Tommy would do to a stranger.  Polite, nice.


Emotion welled up inside my chest ... I felt the urge to cry.  Tears rolled in a warm flow down my cheeks.  Anyone watching me as I was watching the man would wonder why this middle-aged woman stood ... watching a younger man.


No one would know that for a few moments ... I was seeing Tommy.  I was seeing Tommy, my son ... my only child ... in the person of this man.  I was hearing Tommy ... hearing my grandson, Taban ... as they joked, played.


The world stood still ... I could only watch.  I forgot where I was.  I wanted to go over ... to look closer to see how much the man looked like Tommy in the face.  I was fascinated at how much he resembled Tommy.  At that moment ... I was seeing Tommy.






Note by this author:

I know it is always going to be someone to remind me of Tommy.  Tommy is my son who died May 29, 2010.  He collapsed on the beach (Myrtle Beach) ... died ... he was doing what he was looking forward to doing.  That was playing with Taban, his 3 year old son.


Tommy and his family arrived at Myrtle Beach that evening to spend a week.  He made it in time ... to go on his final journey.  No one knew Tommy had 3 blockages to his heart.  He didn't know it.


I cry for Tommy.  My tears are silent ... there's no crying aloud.  I grieve in silence.  My grief has been silent since that evening.  I never bother anyone with something they can't possibly help me with.


For five years ... I have worked through this grief.  For the first three years I couldn't face it ... I stayed somehow in darkness.  I couldn't cope living life without my precious son in it.


Thank God for my keyboard ... it has seen such grief, pain ... all silent.  Thank God for all of you who have been with me on this journey in my life.  I almost didn't make it to ... today.  I smile now ... everything is alright.  No matter how bad ... everything gets alright ... maybe not like before, but ... to the point where one can go on.


Photos/true story are owned, written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee  #Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

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My Son Died A Beautiful Death ...

My Son Died A Beautiful Death ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee

Tommy, and his little son, Taban.  Taban was Tommy's pride, joy.  Taban was 3 years old when his daddy died.  Tommy was 40 years old.  Soon ... May 29th will be here, again ... May 29, 2015 will make 5 years that Tommy has been gone.

I grieve in a different way now.  I don't stay distraught, upset like at one time.  I grieve in a very quiet, deep way ... the pain goes very deep ... my tears aren't seen anymore.  I grieve no less ... just deeper, quieter.  Very deep yet, grief is near to the surface, it can become a ... flash flood ... in a split second.

The date is wrong on this photo ... Taban wasn't born until March 16, 2007.  Tommy was so proud of his little son.  Taban loved his daddy.



Sometimes, I sit ... think of my son, Tommy.  I lost my son on May 29, 2010.  He was 40 years old. He unknowingly had 3 blockages to his heart.  He collapsed on the beach ... Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Tommy and his family had just arrived at their beachfront hotel that evening.  He and his little 3 year old son slipped off from the rest of the family to run down to the beach.

I can imagine the joy, excitement in their minds that evening.  They'd driven several hours to get to the beach, they had arrived safely.  Tommy had called me an hour or so, before to tell me they were only a few miles from the hotel.

It was Memorial Day holidays.  I had worried for their safety driving in the holiday traffic.  When Tommy called me, I was so relieved, happy ... I took a deep sigh of relief.  They were safe!  Thank God.  I could quit worrying.

"I'll call you back in a little while, Mom.  I love you".  Those were the last words he said to me.  "I love you, son.  I'm so glad you all got there safely".  Those were my last words to Tommy.

I went on about whatever it was I was doing that evening.  I stop to think ... what was I doing?  I've never remembered since that evening.  I keep seeing me coming in, out of darkness in disbelief ... and thinking, "I can't bear this, no! no! no!"

I remember softly asking Skip to help me, the pain hurt too bad, please get me to the hospital.  For the first time in my life ... I wanted, needed ... drugs.  Once that happened ... it was a long time before I came out of the darkness. Months, months turned into a year, two years ... the 3rd year I began to wake up.

Tommy and Taban ran off to the beach while everyone put the luggage on the cart to roll into the elevator.  Tommy's wife, his little son, and step-children, and mother-in-law had rooms reserved.

I will always wonder if Tommy had some kind of feeling to 'hurry, hurry' to get to the beach to play with Taban, his little son.  He was looking forward to doing that most of all.  Did he sense he had to do it while he could?  Did he sense he could die?

The reason I wonder is because he never took time to go up to the floor to their rooms.  I wonder because he made it just in time to run, play with Taban.

I wonder if somehow, he could have known how important it was to leave Taban that special memory?  Taban will grow up knowing his daddy was doing exactly what he wanted to do ... when he collapsed, died on the sand by the ocean.

Tommy was wanting to play with his little son for the first time, at the beach.  I remember his face glowing when he was telling me the evening before.

I look back into the past, to see ... feel ... search in my mind to sense what was in my son's mind.  Did he have a premonition?  I think how everything timed itself out ... 'perfectly'.  So strange ...

The phone rung, the caller ID showed Tommy was calling!  I began to smile, knowing he was going to tell me about him, Taban playing at the beach.  My mind couldn't comprehend what the strange voice was saying ... I remember asking the man why did he have my son's phone.

The stranger didn't know he was calling two hundred miles away ... calling Tommy's mother.  He went on to say, "ma'am, I have a man here, he's collapsed on the sand ... he's not breathing.

I died ... that night ... it took a long time to come back to ... life.  How many times have I sat, thought about that evening?  Imagined Tommy, Taban running, laughing, playing by the ocean?  Running up to the waves, letting them lick their toes?

I didn't know it then ... but, how many times does a person die doing exactly what they wanted to do?  How many people die not suffering?  How many people ... die a beautiful death?  I see it, now.

My son died a beautiful death.

Note by this Author:

That evening a group of people nearby were watching a tall, blonde-headed man run, play, laugh, squeal with a little blonde-headed boy who looked just like him.  It was a special sight ....

They were distracted for a moment, turned to look away.  When they looked back to the big guy, little guy ... they saw that the big guy was laying on the sand, his little son calling to him.

A man picked up the big guy's cellphone, called the last number dialed.  The big guy's mother answered on the other end ... her voice smiling, happy ...

Photos owned by me, true story written, owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/ @grannygee

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