You Rascal!

You Rascal!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I saw sparkling colors... lights that were happy colors!  You know my attention goes straight to colors... I do follow colors.  I have to be very careful where they lead me!

My mind couldn't place 'why' these happy colors were here in an unlikely place.  Why... would they be in Kissy's mouth?  Kissy, is our Rottweiler who will be 2 years old on November 2nd.

Kissy was one year old when this happened.  He ran to the next room... I was in the bedroom when I first saw the colors.  I went on to forget about the happy colors thinking it was my imagination.  I should have known better!

Once in a while, I thought about the colors in Kissy's mouth... wondered if I really saw something or thought I saw something.  He had pranced out the pet door to go play with Chadwick, our special-mix Pup, who was 4 years old.

I went on to forget about it once again.... until I decided to call someone.  I went to look for my beautiful cellphone.  I was especially proud of it, Skip had just bought it for me.  It was expensive ($300.00), so, I knew I was going to take very good care of it!  Yes... I would take very good care of my beautiful cellphone!

I felt for it, it wasn't in the case that was clipped to my side!  I felt an over-whelming panic in my chest.  I ran to the bedroom, frantically began scanning all around for my beautiful cellphone!  I couldn't find it!

I felt weak... my beautiful cellphone... you know... the one Skip had just bought for me.... was gone!  How did it get out of my case?!!!

I ran to the living room, the kitchen... I looked at the pet door.  Uh oh!  The happy colors!  Oh no, the happy colors I thought I'd imagined!  I ran to the door and opened it.... I began calling Kissy!

I saw the colors again!  I knew I had to sweet-talk Kissy, to get my phone back.  It really was my cellphone.... no, it really was my new, beautiful cellphone that Skip paid alot to buy for me!  It was the cellphone that I had had for one day!  It was the cellphone I was going to 'protect with my life!'

It was the ... happy-colored cellphone in Kissy's mouth!  He came to me, I grabbed the cellphone.  It was wet... happy colors were on the cracked screen!  Only those colors didn't make me feel happy... I saw pink, red, lavender, green colors.  I love happy colors but, these weren't the colors I wanted to see.

"Oh, Kissy!"  I cried out, "how could you do this?"  I felt very upset as I walked back inside the house.  I sat down at the dining table with my beautiful cellphone... that had many happy colors on it... no longer was it pretty anymore.  It was wet, grimy... the screen cracked... teeth marks on the battery.  There was no hope for it.

I went several weeks before getting a new cellphone... I used a second-hand cellphone.  It was like driving an old car that had no shocks on it... all the best part had been 'used up'.  It was awful.

What was wonderful was that Skip bought me another beautiful cellphone .... just like the one Kissy got!  Kissy, you 'ate my cellphone', you rascal!  We never got mad at him.

Kissy!  You Rascal!  :)))

I Wonder What ... He Is?

I Wonder What... He Is?

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I've been listening for months now, to a person I met.  He's the nicest person you want to meet.  One feels upon meeting him that they would love to have him for a friend.

Mistake... you don't want this guy for a friend.  His best friend is a lie... he will lie about any, everything.  I have been constantly amazed at his lies... because I'm fortunate to know firsthand... he truly is lying.

I know you all know one person in your life like this... I've met more than one person in my life like this.  They will lie when there's no reason to lie.  They will lie on another person to make themselves look good.

I've watched, listened to this guy whom I will call Benson... he is good.  He is one of the .... best.  He has such a sweet face... who would believe he'd do such things?

I know several people whom he lies on... I witness it... I know better.  He does it front of ... my friends thinking they don't know.  Everyone will look at each other.

We still treat this guy very nice whenever he comes around, we always say something positive to him that's true..... we never try to 'bring him down'... we listen, go our ways.  We cringe as we walk away... for fear of 'feeling a knife in 'our' back'.....

I know he is sick, mentally.  The unfortunate thing here is that he comes across as a wonderful person to strangers... and 'why in the world' would 'he tell them' ... a lie?

What's so strange is.... even knowing he is nothing but, a big liar.... he is still a very likeable person!  I told you it was strange....

The latest lie is that he saved someone's life when they stopped breathing twice... the people there at the time say it's not true at all.  The person he supposedly saved went to the hospital to be released soon after.  He didn't stop breathing... not at all.

The parents 'believe' Benson's lie that he saved their child... they don't know any better than to believe.... now, they worship  Benson.  They say now, 'If it hadn't been for Benson........'  You can guess the rest.

I'm always studying, watching, listening quietly to people around me.  This has been one of the most interesting people lately...  I 'know' Benson's mind is 'sick'.... alot of people who've known him longer than I ..know it better than I do.  Some of them have been his target in the past.

I'm a people-watcher... I love to see 'different' people, they stand out to me.  I know there's got to be a reason 'Benson' stands out to me... I wonder what it is I need to learn from him.

I know 'teachers appear' in life... they aren't always what one would expect... to teach us lessons in life.  For months, I've been 'listening' to see what it is... if anything... I need to learn from someone who constantly lies to look good.  I don't do that... I'll look bad before I make someone else look bad.

Maybe he isn't a 'teacher' in life's lessons at all... I'm still trying to figure it out.  I wonder... what he is?

Signs Of Death

Signs Of Death

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Spirits on the other side... do they give us messages?  I am listening to Dr. Oz at the moment.  He has the Long Island medium on his show.  I haven't decided whether I believe in her... though she does come across as credible.

I have been thinking about some of the things I personally have experienced that have been 'unbelieveable, amazing'... things one wouldn't believe unless they, themselves... saw, heard, or experienced them.

Some of those things I most likely will never tell... just because I know them to be true, but... trying to describe them would be difficult.  How can one find words for something they aren't sure can describe what they witnessed?  Much less try to tell someone about it?

All my life I have 'seen things'.... 'heard things'... 'experienced things'.  Through time, I have come to accept them when they happen... because I know inside... they really are... real.  That sounds strange to say especially if you have seen, heard... the things I know have happened in the past to me.

The one thing I 'see' that no one seems to see when I do is... what I call a soft, velvety gray coating on a person's skin.  When I see that 'gray velvet' as I call it... I feel afraid.  You see... people die after I see that.  I can't bear to see it... I have to turn away.

I saw it on my little brother, Rick-Rick.  I looked back when I glimpsed it the last evening I spent time with him... he died that night.  I remember seeing it come on his skin while we sat in Wendy's... I'd bought him supper... he couldn't eat, he was very agitated.  I saw 'that strange way' that I can't find words to describe happen... the way his eyes did... that said 'death' to me.

I watched him with concern as he sat there continually, frantically trying to call his girlfriend... she wouldn't answer her phone.  He kept saying they were supposed to get married 'tomorrow'.  Rick-Rick got up, saying he was going outside to smoke a cigarette.  I watched him through the glass... I was very concerned about him.  Ricky loved to eat... Ricky couldn't eat this time... I 'knew' something bad was wrong...

He was still dialing his cellphone... I have that cellphone in his chest... Ricky's Chest... that hold his ashes.  She never answered him.  I got up after finishing my sandwich, walked outside to him.  He was trying to disguise his feelings... make me think all was alright... when I knew it wasn't.

Do you know... no matter that we 'get these bad feelings'.... there's nothing we can do alot of the time to try to protect someone.  'What' are we going to protect them from... when all we have to go on ... are 'feelings'.

How could I say Rick-Rick... 'I see death on you'?  I want you to get into a safe place, let death pass you by ... not take you.  I love you, my brother.  I don't want you to die.

All I could do was 'what we were already going to do'... that was taking  him to pick up a check from a lady he'd painted a room for.  During that ride, I told Ricky that I loved him... I wanted everything to be alright for him.

The last time I saw Rick-Rick was through the crack of his bedroom door.  He went inside to lay down... he had a headache.  Before I left the house our mother died in, where he lived... I walked to his bedroom... I could see his feet ... he was stretched out on his bed.

His upper half was hidden by the bedroom door... I looked through the crack to see that he laid with his face toward the wall... his head was lying on his folded arms.  "Goodbye Rick-Rick, I love you", I said.  As I turned around to leave, I heard him say "I love you, too, Gloria".

The gray velvet I saw on his skin... the strange thing I saw about his eyes that I can't put into words... I just know it when I 'see' it.  Death..... I was very worried for him... not knowing that before the next morning... my little brother would be dead.

There's another kind of 'death' I 'see' on people... it's like just before they die.... all of sudden one notices how 'beautiful they become... it's like the sun is shining on them'.... 'they walk in a light that's so bright'.  Not only that.... 'they seem to become younger'.......

I saw this on my aunt, my cousin, my son.... the 'sunshine coming out on a cloudy day'.  In my mind, I also, call this the 'beautiful look' when I talk to Skip about it.

I saw my cousin for the 'last time'... she was 'walking in a bright light', she looked so beautiful... her long hair was golden blonde, her eyes so blue, even the gold rim of her glasses, her gold earrings had a 'light' on them.  Sylvia wore a soft pink shirt... how beautiful she was.  It was so unusual... my words don't do it justice when I try to tell you.  She was beautiful in a way I'd never seen her... she was always pretty... this was different .... in a good way.

My aunt... as she laid there on the hospital bed I couldn't believe 'how young' she looked.  She looked like my beautiful aunt when she was a much younger woman, she was always attractive.  Forty years seemed to have dropped off her face.  I looked at her in amazement as we talked.  I saw her sit up in her bed when Skip and I were leaving... I saw only what I can describe in these words:

It seemed like she was a little girl sitting on a leaf that was floating in the clear water rapidly ... she seemed to be looking around herself while holding on... with a puzzled expression on her face.  It was like... somehow life was passing her by so fast... as if she had just become aware of it........

Strange... but, this is the impression I got when I last turned to look at her, when we walked away.  My mind goes back to this sometimes... I feel so sad.  I loved my Aunt Frankie.

Tommy... the evening before he died... there was a 'beautiful light' around Tommy as he sat at the picnic table eating the sandwiches I had made for him with the cold cuts we'd purchased at Sam's Club.  His face lit up so beautifully as he ate, as he smiled.  He kept saying 'these are the best sandwiches I've ever eaten!'

I remember looking at him thinking I know they aren't the best sandwiches!  I'd fixed them for him before!  When I told him, he just shook his head and said 'mama, yes they are!'  He ate with such.... enjoyment.  The beautiful light was around him... his smile like the sunshine coming out on a beautiful day... his eyes sparkling with light ... Tommy light.  I can see his face in my mind so clearly.

I turn my head to the side as 'I look at him, his face'... I wonder what in the world made those sandwiches taste like the 'best sandwiches he'd ever eaten?'  I feel a smile on my face as I had 'then'... while I watched him eat... 'in my mind'.

I 'hear myself' say, "Tommy, those aren't the best sandwiches you've ever eaten!"  Oh yes, they was... he quickly told me.

Gray velvet, strange way with eyes, youthful, more beautiful... that special light are only a few of the things that I've personally experienced ... remembered when someone I loved, died soon after.  I don't want to see them anymore... it scares me... 'now'.

These are things I don't want to 'see' anymore... these are in my mind ....'signs of death'.

You may be interested in reading my post in my blog on Authors.com at this link called:  'Where Didn't They Come Inside?  Where Did They Go?'


Go to:
http://www.authors.com/profiles/blogs/why-didn-t-they-come-inside-where-did-they-go

My Mind Will Relax, Find Peace... Until The Next Time

My Mind Will Relax, Find Peace... Until The Next Time

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I stood there holding the dark blue jacket close to my heart.  It was Tommy's Arctic Express jacket.  I wear it every chance I get... it has to be chilly to wear it.  Knowing it is Tommy's jacket makes it feel much warmer when I wear it.

Sometimes, I close my eyes and just 'feel' my son.  I've even hugged myself, for a moment feeling like I was hugging Tommy.  I held it this evening when Skip handed it to me, I felt my heart 'squeeze'... for a moment I felt pain.

I miss Tommy.  This evening I was thinking I miss his precious smile, and the light in his eyes when they lit up.  Do you know ..... it really was like the sunshine coming out on a rainy day?  It really was.  It warmed my heart every time I ever saw his sweet smile.

I was thinking about Tommy's sense of humor.  He could make me laugh alot... the funny thing was... I could also, make him laugh alot!  I would be so happy to do that... I really did something when I did that!

I was 'hearing in my mind' Tommy's 'cowardly lion' laugh.  He would start off slowly doing that laugh, I would begin to smile.  I knew he'd have me in hysterics if he kept it up.  Keep it up, he did!  I would laugh until I would become weak.

Once Tommy called me up on the phone ... he'd disguised his voice to sound like he was Chinese.  He laughed so much later over how he 'got that over me'.  I would just smile ....

He would pretend he was calling from a Chinese restaurant, he demanded that I come pick up the Chinese food I had ordered.  I would tell him that I hadn't ordered Chinese food... he'd tell me 'oh, yes, you did!'  I would tell him to not call me back anymore, I didn't order the Chinese food!

I would hang up... he'd call back... until we began laughing so much!  He talked like himself then... he would be so happy that he'd 'fooled his mama'.

Tommy would send short videos to my computer so, I could see 'through his eyes' what he was seeing as he was driving along.  It could be falling snow... a blizzard, or a wreck, or some unusual something to share with me.

I miss all the times we talked on the phone while he was driving the big truck.  He shared so much with me.  He shared his dreams, he shared the grief he was experiencing over the accident, he shared the happy, unhappy things in his life.

One of the most unhappiest was when he couldn't see his daughter without all the obstacles placed in his path.  He wanted her to know he loved her.... the times he did get to see her... she was afraid to call him ... daddy.  I never saw my son hurt so much as I did, then.

I'm proud to say that through all the years he paid child support on his own... he paid one hundred dollars a week every week.  He never had to be told to do it... he did it.  He meant for his daughter to be taken care of.

I think there were several weeks after Tommy came home when he suffered a nervous breakdown in April 2010... that he didn't get to pay the child support he opted to pay on his own.  He couldn't work at that time, he was going through so much up to his death in May 2010.

Tommy was under financial stress on top of what he was going through mentally over the death of the man killed in the accident... the man stepped out in front of his tractor trailer on a busy bridge with three lanes of fast moving traffic.

Tommy kept seeing him in his mind... he cried so much over that man... that man he didn't ever get a chance to know while living.  That man who impacted his life so much through death.  Tommy didn't like to hurt people... he had a heart of gold.

The man's car broke down, there wasn't a 'breakdown lane'... (no room for him to pull over to the side).  The man stepped out of his car right in front of Tommy.... my son could never get this out of his mind afterwards.  We all watched Tommy that year suffer, go to pieces... die one year later in the same month.

That accident occurred May 2009... that accident began the death ... of my son, also.  Tommy went through a year of pure hell until his death in .......... May 2010......  he couldn't cope with what happened even knowing... it wasn't his fault.

The happiest I ever saw, heard him be was when he was telling me the funny antics of Taban, his little son.  Tommy would laugh so much relating things his son did.  He'd say, "mama, Taban's mean!"

He was so proud to have his own son.  He was so proud to have his daughter, though the pain he suffered when she wasn't allowed to call him 'daddy'... tore him up mentally.  The pain I remember seeing in his eyes haunt me to this day...

Tommy... I sit here tonight writing, remembering.  I am becoming aware of time gone by as I sat here... a couple of hours.  No wonder my head is hurting... I feel so stressed, uptight inside.  I feel a chill from the air-conditioning... I tremble because of it.

I will be glad to go to bed tonight, wrap myself in the bed covers tightly, lay my head on my pillows.  I will be glad to rest my mind in sleep tonight.

I am missing my son... I am thinking about Tommy but... I'm thinking about alot of things that were very painful to him while he lived... I can't forget his face ... it's in my mind tonight.  I 'hear' him softly crying, saying "mama, it hurts"....

I wanted to just think of funny, happy things.  Somehow I got side-tracked into the sad things... things that hurt him deeply... things that hurt me deeply as I watched, listened to my son when he talked, cried to his mama as his heart broke.

I couldn't make it alright for him like mamas do when their children are hurting.  I wanted to but, all I could do was ... listen.  All I could do then... was 'to be there' for him.  My son died knowing his mama loved him with her heart.  I'm so thankful... I got to tell him just that not even an hour before... he died.

"I love you, son.  I love you, Tommy.  I'm so thankful you all got there safely, now... I don't have to worry."  These are some of the last words Tommy ever heard from his mama.  Yes, he knew his mother loved him with her heart.

He was thinking of his mama, too... at his last minutes 'here'.  He was sending photos, and doing a little video of Taban as he 'slipped into the other world'.  His cellphone fell to the sand as his finger let go of the button....

I'll quit now... my head feels so strange.  I feel as if I want to cry, my chest is tight.  I feel pain behind my eyes.  Yes, I'll be glad to go to bed to ... rest my mind from my thoughts tonight.

Grief... it seems to 'stay right there'... I can cover it up with thoughts, with words... pretend I've coped with it really well... until it... comes out on its own.  When it does that... I feel the pain that reminds me... it hasn't gone anywhere.

It's still there no matter how much I pretend not to see it, not to feel it.  No matter how much I feel I've done good coping with it... it's still ...there.

No matter that I know everything is going to be alright, that I have positive thoughts, no matter that I'm so strong.... I'm bound to feel it... it's never going away.  That pain is never going away....

I sit here with a chill ... I feel that I can go to bed now, as I drift off to sleep feeling the warmth of my bedcovers... my mind will relax, find peace until... the next time.

If You Bite A Doughnut....

If You Bite A Doughnut.........

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Mmmm-mmmmmm, these doughnuts are so good!  Skip stood at the kitchen counter eating a doughnut.  He was dipping it in his coffee!

Watching Skip eat his doughnut made me want one... but, I had to wait.  You see... I did something yesterday that would 'happen this morning while Skip was eating his doughnuts'....

Skip loves doughnuts... he is the person whom doughnuts are made for.  He appreciates the very texture... he bakes so, he can tell you if they are overproofed, undercooked.

If the doughnut has a slight taste of alcohol... it's overproofed. This means that the yeast has converted to alcohol in the dough!  It isn't supposed to do that.

The oil has to be the proper temperature, not too hot or too 'cold'.  When you drop a doughnut in the oil, you watch for the rapid rise of the doughnut.  The doughnut will immediately float... that means the temperature of the oil is right.

Skip is standing there, so innocent ... so enjoying his doughnut.  Just as I turn my back.... 'it's almost time!'.......... I hear him exclaim, "this doughnut has been bitten!"  "Someone has bitten this doughnut!"

I turn around, my eyes opened wide in ...... pure amazement that 'someone would dare to bite a doughnut, put it back in the box' so, that the big 'bite' was hidden at the bottom!  I couldn't believe 'someone' would do such a thing!

"Oh, Skip!  I wonder who did that!"  I was looking Skip right in the eyes, I could see his mind working.  "Skip, did you bite that doughnut?"  I grinned at him, and said, "you really bit that doughnut, didn't you?"

Oh no, he said... he wouldn't do such a thing and put it back into the box!  He and I stood there wondering 'who' would do such a thing!

I told him that I bet some young person who was standing there at Sam's Club, where we purchased those doughnuts... bit one side off, placed the 'bite' down to the bottom of the box.  Yep!  I bet that's who 'done it'!

I just shook my head at the thought.... I told Skip that 'I just knew that was what happened'.... for a moment, I could see that he accepted that idea until...

"Oh no!  there weren't any young people there selling those boxes of doughnuts!  That man was as old as I, selling those doughnuts!"

I was so surprised by his observance, memory... that it threw me by surprise... I began laughing ...alot!  He'd caught me.... I'm the one... who 'dared to bite a doughnut, hide the 'bite' to the bottom of the box!

I ... did do ... that!!!  :)))  Yep, Granny Gee did that!  She might do it ...again!  I was thinking I did it in the 'name of answering the question'........ if you do 'an action today... does it affect someone tomorrow?'   Also... 'if you plant a seed, it goes to show it'll grow'...... or ... if you bite a doughnut... it'll be sure to be discovered sooner, or later... no matter where you put that doughnut in a box!

Sweet Banana Pups!

Sweet Banana Pups!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I took a bag from the freezer, opened it to take out frozen pieces of banana.  I love to freeze bananas... did you know you can make ice cream, or a smoothie from them?  I learned that sometime ago, reading on the computer.

There isn't a certain way you 'have to do' when using frozen bananas.  Sometimes, I put the frozen pieces of banana into the blender, add a little crushed ice, and blend.  It makes good banana ice cream... the texture is wonderful... you can add a little cream, or milk to make it creamier.

Sometimes, I put the frozen banana into the blender, put just cream in with it, blend.  It's so smooth, and creamy.  You can add peanut butter, peanuts, just whatever you like.  I don't usually add anything.

One can make banana bread later with the bananas that has been frozen.  This is what Skip does.  He can puree it, add his other ingredients to it... bake.

I blended the frozen banana pieces with a little crushed ice, cream (like Half and Half we use for coffee).  The texture was just right.

I walked out on the porch to sit on the cushions that cover the built-in bench at one end.   I was going to sit there and enjoy my banana ice cream.  It taste so good that it's hard to believe you have a dessert that isn't chock full of calories.

I sat there enjoying the sunshine, looking off in the distance at the little fish pond.  I was thinking about Lena, whom I had written about this morning.  Today is her birthday.  Lena died last August, 2011.

I ate part of the banana ice cream.  I felt something bump my elbow, looked down.  Kissy, our Rottie, was standing there... he wanted some banana ice cream!  Chadwick walked up (our special mixed pup)... he wanted some, too!

I sat there in the sunshine on those brightly colored pillows, and fed those Pups banana ice cream.  I love watching their 'baby mouths' as they each took turns to get their spoonful of banana ice cream.   They closed their eyes when they ate it... how precious!  Life is good!

My heart melted as I watched our Pups enjoy that ice cream... Banana Pups, that's what they are!  I watch their little-big faces, their expressions of pure trust, innocence... spoilness!  Their little-big baby mouths making sounds like a baby eating... it melts my heart every time!  My heart swells with such love.

Oh, how I love our Banana Pups!  Those sweet banana pups!

Granny Gee's Going To The Fair!

Granny Gee's Going To The Fair!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

This evening we had occasion to be close to a county fair.  We got out of the pickup to go inside a store, we heard screaming behind us.  We turned around to look... there was a ferris wheel going round and round!

Screams were coming from people who were seated on it.  Skip and I grinned at each other.  We stood there to watch the different rides that were in progress.

The lights... oh, the beautiful, colored lights!  You know how I love happy colors!  I felt myself being pulled toward them... I wanted to go to the happy colors.  I wanted to be part of the 'happy' there!

Skip and I decided that we may go to the county fair.  We may eat a hotdog or two!  We also, may taste our favorite things we have loved, looked forward to each year 'to get to taste'.

I look forward to eating a sausage dog... you know, the Italian sausages cooked on the grill... along side of chopped onions, bell pepper.   Just fix me one, I'll put the mustard on it!  I am looking forward to this when we go to the State Fair, too!

Skip loves the funnel cakes... oh me!  I have to sneak up on those funnel cakes!  The white, powdered sugar gives me 'cold chills'.  If I can get past that.... I can eat alittle of the funnel cake.

I would like to try a fried milky way, or some wild/crazy food that I've never tried.  Maybe a deep-fried pickle!

I love exotic, unusual foods as long as they aren't alive, or ugly, or... pure awful!  Skip... well Skip loves 'normal' foods... he loves the 'known'.  :)))  He doesn't like change... I'm the one who loves change!

I want to hear the music as we walk along the edges of the crowds of people who will be there.  I've never like to walk in the middle of a crowd anymore than sleeping in the middle of a bed... I can't take it!  As a child I felt suffocated if forced to sleep in the middle.

Skip and I will go to the county fair to get a taste of going to the State Fair.  It'll make us look forward even more to the State Fair!  I'm excited now.  I know there's something unusual, and good waiting around the corners for me there!

 I want to feel like a child again, walk and stand there, see the happiness all around me.  I want to hear the excitement of young people as they are hurrying to ride some special ride.  I want to pretend I'm on my way to do the same!  Oh my... the excitement I can feel at this very moment!

I want to read the billboards advertising the tallest horse in the world, the shortest woman in the world, the biggest alligator in the world.

I want to walk in the flower and garden section where on the wooden fences or walls ..there are special doors attached to make one 'want to walk through them into a magical world'!

Just walk up the path, beautiful yellow, red, orange flowers on either side... and 'open' the door and step into 'another world'.  These special doors 'invite one to step inside'.

Of course, we know one 'can't go through them'... they are there to create an illusion, to 'invite one' to come into the flower garden... where a magical world exists.  A place to make one relax, to take a deep breath and ... enjoy.  To get away from the crazy world, to feel peace of mind.

I love these different gardens with their different themes.  I go from one to the other to see 'which is my favorite' garden.  I look for those special things that 'speak to me', invite me to come inside the garden.  I keep those images in my mind to look at to make me feel happy... later.

There's a huge body of water close by where one can walk on the wooden walkway, then... on a winding path through the trees.  You can stand there and watch people go by laughing, talking.  See the pretty colors of clothes, shoes... people-watch.

I want to sit by the big fountain at the State Fair, feel the spray of the water on my face.  Of course, I'm going to keep 'fluffing' my hair so, that the dampness won't flatten it!  :)))  Close by, there will be a band playing fun music... I love that!

I love to go into the big tent where lots of people are dancing... clogging!  I love to watch everyone keeping in step with the other.  I love to see their colorful clothing.  I love to watch the wide skirts flaring, showing the crinoline slips underneath.  I love to watch the dancing feet, all in sync.

The county fair... the State Fair!  I'm so looking forward to getting 'lost in that magical world', be a child again.  If you go there and see someone with the biggest, happiest smile... and she looks like me, Granny Gee... you'll know I'm there!  You might say "hello, Granny Gee!"  "Hello, Gloria!"  I might... just might... share my cotton candy with you!  My blue cotton candy on a paper cone!

Happy Birthday To My Systervan... Lena In Sweden

Happy Birthday To My Systervan... Lena In Sweden

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I've had Lena on my mind alot lately... today is Lena's birthday.  I want to remember her birthday ... she was my systervan in Sweden.  I am remembering her also, at my blog on Authors.com...   http://www.authors.com/profiles/blogs/the-colors-of-granny-gee-s-life

I received an email from someone close to Lena, this morning.  She was also, remembering Lena.  She lives in Sweden, she is part of Lena's family.  I was honored to be remembered by her on Lena's birthday.

Everyone who knew Lena in Sweden... knew about 'Gloria in the USA'... knew about us, how we knew each other's life so well... to have never met.  Everyone who knew Gloria in the USA, also... knew about 'Lena in Sweden'.

We wrote everyday, always... numerous times a day.  We sent packages, photos to each other.  Lena called me... we laughed so hard at our accents, We would press our ears so tightly to the phone to try to understand what we were saying.  It was wonderful.

For twelve years... Lena was a part of my very world... just as Tommy, Skip and our Pups were.  I am crying inside at this moment missing her... it still hurts me very much that she is gone.

Lena is 'why' I'm writing, 'why' I'm finding that I can't stop writing now.  In a sense I 'write to Lena'.... just as I wrote to her everyday as we corresponded with each other on our computers... emailing, chatting.  I couldn't stop writing when Lena died.

Grief for Tommy... then, Lena's death... is the drive behind my writing.  It's the 'gas in the car' that makes it ... go.  I write to remember them, I write for my grandchildren, Taban and McKenzie.  Taban and McKenzie are all I have left of 'my' family... they won't know me as they grow up.

One day, they will be able to read my words... they will know their father existed, so did their Granny Gee.  They'll know they were loved very much all through time.  Life took us all on separate paths that none of us have control of....

Lena died in August 2011, months after Tommy died.  These two special people were my life just as Skip and I, our Pups, Ms Nancy... are our life now.  They meant the world to me.  My son, my systervan... Lena.

When Tommy, Lena ... died, my world became smaller.  I truly treasure my special people who are here now.  I just wrote about being afraid ... worrying that something could happen.

I know all the things we are told about 'not fearing death'... not doing this, not doing that.  Sometimes, I have to work harder at things... because so much has happened in my life.  I've known those things too often... so, it stands to reason 'why' I worry.  Sometimes it's easy for people to say things such as 'don't be afraid of dying', such things... when they've never had alot of death in their life.  

It's like someone telling you this... when your son has just died... 'he's in a better place'.... or 'I know how you feel'.... when they've never lost a child, much less someone truly close to them.  I have no comment for people who do that.... I just look at them... I do think this ... 'you might change your tune 'if' it happens to you'... 'Guess what?  Your child could die just as easily as my child did'.

You wouldn't appreciate those things said to you 'if' that happened.  Always 'know this'... when you approach a grieving mother... at that moment she is in ...another world seemingly unaware of you, what you are saying.... 'things you say do and can make an impression on her.  She 'will remember you' for what you said, did during the time you are in her presence.  I do remember... I don't forget.

Lena.... I can't believe you aren't there anymore.  You were so much a part of my 'everyday' for twelve years.  Your memory is still a part of my 'everyday' world, just as Tommy is.

As my fingers type millions of words until the day I die... I will remember you, Lena.  My hands write now, because in a sense I'm still writing to you each day... to tell the colors/stories of my life.

I hope to one day have a published book... it will be dedicated to you, Lena... to Tommy who are my drive to keep writing.  If I don't publish a book...you both are still my drive to write.  I won't ever forget you... you meant the world to me.

Happy Birthday, Lena.  I love you, my systervan.  I love you, my sister-friend.  You meant the very world to me.

Love din systervan, Gloria

I Feel Afraid Sometimes... I Fear Death

I Feel Afraid Sometimes... I Fear Death

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Sometimes.... I become afraid.  I began worrying about... death.  I've never worried so much in my life as I have in the past ten years about death.

Everyone I've loved in my lifetime...have died.  There are only a few people left in my family that I love dearly... but, in real life... we don't even acknowledge each other.  That's all right... I understand 'why'.  'It's in our genes... we can't help it... when we try to love the other... it can't be 'forever'.  We can't help it... it's all we knew to do... we grew up that way.

The strange thing is that each time someone I've loved... died... it hurt me  deeply. No matter that I wasn't close to them, ever saw them... my memories of them were 'back when we were close at one time or other'... I remember that love...  love I felt for them 'when I knew them'.

In my 'family'... nothing is ever permanent.  We can feel the greatest love only for a short time for the other... and like a candle... 'the wind blows it out'.  Once gone... the 'candle can never be lit again'... that special love once felt is... forever gone.  Hate, disgust, anger, dislike ... takes its place.

Sometimes, worse than that.... no emotions takes its place... it's like that person doesn't exist anymore.  Who cares?  We grew up like that... it no longer matter.  Isn't that awful?

Life is like that in ... my 'family'.  If someone dies, no one cares... I have heard some say, "I'm glad they are dead, they can't bother no one else with their s___!"  "The world is better off without them in it."   What they really mean is they are glad, they are better off because that person can't torment them anymore.

How did I get born into my 'family'?  I'm different... I really love each and every one... even when they have hurt me, done wrong to me, said mean things about me, or don't like me.  God... 'why did I have a heart that loves?'  'Why' do 'I' have to feel emotions ... 'why' can't I be like 'them'?

I never forget that special love, caring I once felt... that's 'why' I hurt.  I'm not like the rest ... I always love, forgive, go on.  I never forget... though once my trust is broken... the trust is 'forever gone'... but, not the love in my heart.  If I could take all that love out of my my heart... I would never feel pain.  I can't... so, there is so much pain in my heart.  I don't forget, I don't quit loving... I do quit trusting, I keep my distance.

I am better at 'loving from a distance'... I have to do it in 'my way'.  Only a few people can understand this about me.  Once they did, they respected how I feel... they can see there is no pressure on the other to 'prove love'... such as 'if you do this, that... it'll show me that you love me'.  I grew up with this... if you don't do it... then, that's the end of the relationship.

I'll never forget one of my cousins whom I loved as a brother, hurt me deeply only months before he died.  Some say he committed suicide... one day he called me up to ask me to do something for him.  This is someone I have only seen a couple of times since I was a child... asking me to do something I felt I couldn't, wouldn't do.  I didn't know 'him' anymore, I didn't want to get involved.

When I said 'no, I really don't want to do that'... he became very irate with me.  He began trying to 'make me feel like I had to'.  I took a stand, I held my ground... 'no, I won't do it'.  He slammed the phone down, I never got to speak to him again.

He couldn't understand that after all these years of growing up... we weren't little children again who would 'do anything to keep the love of the other one'... get into trouble if necessary.

I didn't know him well enough as an adult to do what he asked... I wouldn't get in trouble as an adult 'if necessary'... to keep him loving me, to be my friend.

I did get to see him on one occasion just weeks before he .... died.  I was sitting in the Walmart parking lot when I saw someone walking close by.  I was thinking there was something familiar about this person.  It was him.

I turned my head, felt a sadness beyond words in my heart... watched him walk toward his vehicle.  He never saw me.  I sat there with a sad smile on my face thinking... 'I'm so sorry you hate me now, I'm so sorry you had to get mad at me'.  'I just couldn't do as you asked me'.  At that moment... my heart felt such pain... I really loved him.

We were born a few weeks apart as babies... he was born in January, I was born in February, we shared the same baby bed... we were told how we would fight then... and a partition was put between us to prevent fighting.  Once I sat on him and he bit me on my behind... I remember the laughs when that was told as we were growing up.  I really... loved him.

I never saw him again... I remember the shock when I was told that he committed suicide, and how everyone was saying they didn't believe he did that... and went on to elaborate on 'why, who, what'.  I really loved him, I felt such sorrow in my heart.

I have been worried about Skip.  He is my whole world, my most special person in this whole world.  He truly is the one person left in ... my world.  Without him... I would be completely alone.  He and our Pups... are 'why' I am still... here.  When my child died... I almost died, literally.

Skip and our Pups... pulled me back.... like how you would see someone continually pulling a rope that's connected on a rowboat, pulling me back to shore... the boat being lost out to sea tossing, turning.  They held on.... they didn't 'let go' of me... if they had... I wouldn't be here writing now.

Skip and our Pups used all their strength to keep me from 'going on to just overturn, drown in that sea of grief'... because surely I would have.  My child died... a very real part of me ... died.  I don't have my child anymore.  I didn't care anymore... I didn't think any farther than ... Tommy is dead... my child is really ...dead.  He's gone forever.

Just sitting here at this very moment... I realize how sobering, how serious, how 'more than my words can possibly say'... how painful, how awful this is.  My only real 'blood' family is ... gone.  The 'one family member whom I totally trusted for once in my very life with my love'... is gone.

Tommy, you are gone... it hurts me so much.  Sometimes, the thin veil that's hiding my grief... falls off... the deepest pain stabs me in my very heart.  For a moment .. this moment... it just slipped off.  As tears are falling, I am pulling the veil back into place... I have to hide it.

There's no one else left in my family... no bonds, no special ties to another family member...to the end.  All were broken many years ago... I feel sad but, understand the 'whys'.  In my whole life, I've learned... 'life is like that'... get up, pick up the pieces and trudge on.  Try not to look back... try not to feel that pain... it really does hurt too bad.

Truthfully, there are a few family members that I do feel a connection to... but, I keep my distance so, as not lose that.  I can 'love at a distance', treasure a relationship only.... at a distance.  To not feel anymore pain ... I can't bear more pain of loving others whom I know 'could stop loving at any moment' as our 'family history' has shown through time.  They could even.... die.

Even as I write this... I know death is a very real part of our reality.  I know that it's a part of... living.  I know we are born, we live... we die.  It's life.  No matter that I don't like that, fear that... death is inevitable.  You, I ... they, them, anyone.... can't change that fact.  We all are going to ... die.  Our children are going to die, their children are... going to die.  We can't change that ...fact of life.  Life, death is... like that.  You can't have one without the other.

The good thing here is... living 'before' dying.  This is where we meet the special children that are born to us.  Know the special family members in our life.  This is where our special memories come from... from these people who have died before us... this is what makes us smile, even feel happy from thinking about them.  If they hadn't lived... there'd be no memory of them to think about.

How sad when people forget about people who have lived a very real life... just like we are doing now.  How sad that it all will have been for nothing if no one can remember you... were here at one time on this earth.

That's why I'm writing... everyone I write about 'has been here'... they really lived.  My child lived, he was walking, talking, breathing just like your son is... he was... real.  They all died... my son died.... yours could, too.  I'm not the only mother who has lost their son, their child.  But... I am the only mother who can ever feel pain from losing 'this son'... this child named..Tommy.

Death...  yes, it worries me.  I worry for the very few people I truly love in this world.  Skip and I both are alone... no family left that are close.  We don't have a 'family support' system.  Thankfully, we do have... friends who care.

Family support system... do you know how fortunate you are when you have family members who are there when you cry, you face surgery, you are going through bad times in your life?  I don't know how that feels, nor is it possible to ever feel it in my older years... it can't be any other way.

It can't be any other way... it took so many years to grow up to accept... nothing is permanent in my ........ family.  There isn't a support system there, never has been, never will be like other families.  I've never seen any sign of one in all my years.

I've paid close attention, listened... watched through all the years as this has fascinated me.  It's just the way it is... no more, no less.  It may seem 'bad' to others who've been fortunate enough to know real love, have real family.  You see... since I've never known it... I don't miss it now..... and if I had it now... I would... not trust it.  It's always been since growing up that 'we can be friends ...just for the moment'.  'I will like you today... but, not tomorrow'.  'What are you going to give me... to like you... for now?'

Death.... when Tommy died... that was the ultimate for me.  God.. I lost my only child... Tommy.  Tommy died... Tommy, whom I had the one permanent bond with.  I lost the only one person in my life whom loved me right back... just as much as I loved him.... and oh my goodness... he was my family, a very real part of me!

It was taken away... the only real family I've ever known.  We were always there for the other... and Skip, Tommy and I were ...real family... the most 'real family' I've ever known.  We 'were there for the other' no matter what, through thick or thin.  We 'knew' we loved each other, trusted each other... and when we had no one else... we had each other.

Now... it's only Skip and I.  Can you imagine how much we love, treasure the other?  How close we are?  Do you know that we both speak at the same time, say the same things... because we think so much alike?  We don't even have to finish a sentence sometimes... we 'already know'... what we are going to say, do.

Sometimes, I get afraid... I worry.  Of course, I know that 'one day' one of us, both of us... will have to ... die.  I know all that... it still doesn't keep me from sometimes... worrying, being afraid of .... death.

I feel afraid sometimes... I fear death.

We Will Be Back!

We Will Be Back!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee

Yesterday, we had occasion to go to the new Golden Corral in Raleigh, N. C.  Wow!  What a beautiful, new restaurant!

We drove into the parking lot, all the while admiring the outside of the restaurant, as Skip found a parking space.  This was the biggest Golden Corral restaurant we've seen yet.

We'd just come from the medical facility where Skip had to have some tests, procedure done.  They found something that disturbed us.  .  I won't write about this until we know what is going on... hopefully 'not going on'.

We went into the wide doors that will accommodate any size wheel chair, person.  We entered the restaurant walking to the right .... to walk in line (there wasn't a line as we went in).... to the tea dispensers, and drink dispensers, ice machine.  The glasses were nearby.

We got our drinks, walked over to the cashier to pay.  It was alittle more expensive than we have been paying at the Golden Corral that our friends own, operate.  Maybe the prices have gone up... or since it was this huge, beautiful restaurant... it was more expensive.

We paid the cashier, walked into the sitting areas... so many tables, different areas to sit.  We chose a table for two, then we went to get a salad, and bowl of soup.

We sat down to enjoy our salad... my salad sometimes ends up being a 'taste' test... instead of real salad.  It was a taste test on this occasion.  I chose spinach dip, spicy fried mushrooms, loaded potato skins, things that I felt I would like... also, different flavored chicken wings.

The food bars are set up to have different foods, for instance like the Greenhouse... there's all kind of salad makings... 'good stuff'!

There's the bar with fish, shrimp and things that go along with fish.  There's another bar with Mexican foods, one with the foods we all are used to eating... like fried chicken, mashed potatoes, vegetables of all kinds, pizza, etc.  Another bar has all kinds of desserts, ice cream machine.  Another area was just for all kinds of breads.  The Golden Corral 'here' had 'everything'!

It's like 'never-ending' foods of every kind.  We enjoyed walking, looking, then choosing what we wanted to eat.  The whole experience was wonderful.  We loved the 'sounds of people talking, laughing' around us... the atmosphere was very relaxing, nice.

Our waitress brought us an extra glass of tea.  I was happy to get the second glass.... I had experimented with the raspberry tea only to find out that I 'hate' it!  :)))

I love to taste, to see the different foods, different flavors, colors of foods.  After Skip's experience at his appointment, going to this restaurant gave us a chance to recoup, to talk, to think.

We finished up, calculated our tip... got up and left the restaurant.  The whole time we were saying as we walked out... 'we will be back'!