Can You Have a Big Heart ... Be a Mean-Ass at the Same Time?

Can You Have a Big Heart ... Be a Mean-Ass at the Same Time?
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Can you have a big Heart ... be a mean-ass at the same time?  Better yet ... can you be a bitch, and be a good person?




Can you show your ass ... still be a good person?  Be imperfect ... be a good person?  A worthy person?  Are you still deserving of love?




Can you be tough, not take any shit ... appear mean, tough ... and still be a good person?  Have a bad reputation?  Hell, we all know people with ... good reputations ... are perfect ... right?  Hell no.




Do you think people who look Godly are Christians?  You know the ones that look, sound so ... holy.  Oh my God, you can't believe such and such could do such a horrible thing!  Why look at them!  They look so, so ... so ... perfect!  So damn pure, innocent!  Look at that beautiful, clean, sweet smile!  No, they couldn't do anything wrong, much less commit a ... sin!  Yes, they can!  They will do it quicker, easier than someone ... who 'looks the part'.





I'm here to tell you ... just because someone 'looks the part' doesn't ... mean they are.




Just because someone looks like a motorcycle rider with long hair, scruffy beard, raspy voice doesn't mean ... they aren't a good person.  Don't look over ... there's a motorcycle going by!  Don't make eye contact, they might kill you, beat you up ... rape you.  Not true.  I have friends who are rough, tough ... who are more honest, sincere than some 'friends' who wear suits, beautiful clothes, and are ... Godly.




Don't get me wrong ... I know some people and their looks can be exactly the way they appear ... they live up to them.  I also, know ... looks can be deceiving.  Some of the people I like, love best are ... mean-asses with big Hearts.




How can I say that?  Because I mean it.  People ... you'd never expect to come to your aid ... don't always come in ... perfect packages.




Would you decline help from a homeless person who has nothing, much less the clothes on their back ... all because they didn't ... look, smell just right?  Would you?  You probably would.  I wouldn't ... and I wouldn't forget them later.  That's how much I would appreciate their help.




I don't judge people by their outer appearance.  I watch, listen, sense quietly ... without anyone being aware that I am doing so.  I build my impressions of people that way ...

Just because I look like a 'mean-ass' ... do you think I'm 'bad'?  This is a mean-ass photo.  I'm not responsible for the expression on my face ... yes, I know it's mine but ...  (God, isn't it ugly! :)

I don't even have to hear them with their 'hello-oooooooo's and how-wwwwww are you-uuuuuu's' ... (we all know that's fake-ass anyway ... don't we?) to know they aren't sincere.  That pisses me off when I hear that ... all I can do is to look directly into their eyes ... for some reason, they don't say anything else.  I don't know .... why.




Yes, I do ... see me be ... insincere ... for a moment?  Yes, I know 'why?'  People don't like for you to not pretend to ... play the game of life with them ... let's be hap-pppppppppppppppppy! when we aren't ... I don't have time for your nonsense!




Watch their eyes become vacant ... and body language change when you tell them that you don't feel well today ... my best friend was hit by a tree yesterday, then a dog bit her in the ass as a car hit both of them ... I fell down the stairs a few minutes ago, hit my head ... can't you see my nose is bleeding?




They won't even hear you ... they are so caught up in their own game of life.  I have tried that ... be damned ... no one heard me!  It was the 'devil' in me ... sometimes, I love to 'test' things so, I can later write about them.  :)

You know ... life is like this!  I would love to be an 'Impractical Joker' ... or someone on Candid Camera.  To catch reactions (only in a good way) of people ... 'test' them a little!  Do I look like a mean-ass ... bad person just because my expression isn't what you expect it to be?  Well, I'm not, and I am :)

I know all people who say 'hello-ooooooo's and how-www ar-rrrre you-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu's' ... aren't bad.  I know that.  I know too, some of them are just dumb-asses who know no better than to say what they've heard all their life.  They are afraid to be themselves.  I also, know when I worked with the public ... I wasn't like that.  I let my caring, love for people show.  It meant the world to them ... and to me ... because I felt better for it.  I was a good dumb ass, I guess.





Even your every day preacher isn't perfect, all good.  Have you ever had one chase you as a young girl ... I mean literally chase your ass around a room ... just to get a kiss?  In the name of ... Jesus?





How about your school teacher ... a local law enforcement officer ... Sunday school teacher ... barber ... the good wife ... good husband?  Do you think just because they are labeled 'good wife' ... 'good husband' ... 'grandfather' ... policeman ... trooper ... teacher ... that they are perfect?  That they are good people?  Honest, sincere and perfect people?  I bet you do.  No, they aren't.




Just because you have a 'label' like the label inside of  a 'brand-name' dress doesn't mean it won't ... ravel, tear, split just like its cheaper brands.  Why?  Because it isn't ... perfect.  It's not ... all good ... it's not ... better than.  That damn fabric can do just like every other kind can ... be it good or be it ... bad.  Do you know that?  I think you do.

Artwork by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... just because a dress is beautiful ... doesn't mean it's perfect, can't tear, split no matter what label is on it ... same as people.  I know ... I've been torn, split, worn thin by life ... I am made of tough fabric, strengthened by life ... yet, I cry, feel sad, love and care with my Heart ... and I'm a mean-ass person sometimes ... and I have a big Heart.  :)

How many times have you worn something and it split?  button pop off?  ripped?  Be damned if my dress from Macy's didn't ... just split!  It was supposed to be the best ... not supposed to do that!




Oh my God!  That man committed a crime years ago ... he served time in prison for it.  Does that make him a bad person for the rest of his life?  Oh my goodness?  Did you see that woman just steal an ink pen, and a magazine while in the waiting room of the doctor's office?  Damn thief!  She's bad!  No matter how good they are, try to be ... they are supposed to be bad the rest of their life?  I bet you think they are.  They are ... not.




I choose my friends not from their past ... but as they are today.  I choose my friends who are real people ... aren't afraid to be real.  I love people who just come out, say 'hell, I'm not perfect ... I'm just me'.  I love people who are just themselves.




Now why? do I love real people who are just themselves?  Because when I choose 'something good' to eat ... it's like food ... I want each thing to taste 'true to its taste'.  I want flavor ... the more the better ... if I want to mix my flavors to get a more spicy dish, I will.  I don't want the same kind of friend every time ... in life, we all need our friends of different walks of life.




We need our good friends and our mean-ass friends ... friends who aren't afraid to walk ahead for us when we are afraid to take another step.  Do you agree?




I bet you do when you run up with something in life ... you don't know which way to turn ... you are afraid.  A mean-ass comes along ... offers to help you ... walks ahead of you, protecting and looking out for you until you can cross the bridges of obstacles in your life.




When you get to the other side ... aren't you glad you have a tough, mean-ass friend who had a big-ass Heart?  I sure am.  Thank God for them!




Watch a movie ... watch yourself.  You are rooting for the 'bad' guy a lot of times.  He isn't really bad though ... you see him doing 'bad' things just enough to do what he needs to accomplish.  Yes, I know mean-ass people who have big Hearts ... I treasure them.

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Note by this Author:

When I write about mean-ass people I know ... I am not condoning doing 'bad' things.  I only go by how they treat me.  This doesn't mean people who have raped, done very awful things ... though if they step out of their way to save me ... I'm going to be grateful.  I'm not going to question ... you'll see pure gratefulness in my eyes.



All I have written are my opinions, thoughts.  I have the right to change my mind at any given moment.  If you talk to me in person and I say something different ... that means I exercised my right :)



I call this way of being ... my 'Gloria Opinions'.  I have lots of them, doesn't mean I'm always right ... doesn't mean I'm perfect.  All it means is my mind does a helluva lot of thinking.  I have to write so I will have room for more thoughts ... they never stop coming.  Just think of a wonderful river of clear water overflowing its banks touching your toes to get them wet!  That's 'me' ... and I'm a good person ... sometimes, a 'mean-ass' person.



Oh ... I am not perfect.  All I learned in my life are from lessons I've been taught from doing a lot wrong.  I learned well.  I like me ... today.  I hope you will too.  I know you won't ... unless you like genuinely real, and good people.



Oh ... yes, I sometimes ... say a cuss word.  It's in me ... I've known, heard them since 'before' I was born.  I came from a hell-raising family ... I know they didn't just stop to be holy, Godly people while my mother carried me in the wound.



I know they cussed, raised Hell all the way until I came into this world ... and they never stopped when I was a child.  I had a Hell-luva childhood :)  That's okay ... I'm stronger, better for it.



Photos/colors of my life, opinions are owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

How do You Know The Other Side Isn't ... Just Right There?

How do You Know The Other Side Isn't ... Just Right Here?
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

My son, Tommy ... he is on the other side.  The little figure is his son at the age of two ... he is on this side.  This was taken exactly one year in May 2009 ... before Tommy died on May 29, 2010.  They were at this lake of water ... Tommy collapsed on the sand on a bigger body of water ... the ocean at Myrtle Beach.  He died with 3 blockages to his heart ...








             
Skip and I were coming back from town.  The rain was falling ... I was relaxed, almost lulled to sleep from the sound of the windshield wipers.  Sort of like listening to a clock ... tick-tock ... tick-tock ... tick-tock.




I was looking in the distance trying to see through the rain.  Skip had gotten my attention at how dense the rain looked in the distance, saying it was raining harder there.  It looked like fog, I couldn't see the trees I always saw when it is clear.




My imagination began to play, entertain me with the idea of maybe ... just maybe ... that's how ... the other side ... is ... you know it's there but, you can't see it.

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... I did this when I grieving really bad for my son.  Owned by me, Gloria.

Someone on the other side could throw a rock over to this side ... I could know it, see ... feel it.  Something could reach out and touch me ... I wouldn't see it ... I would feel it.  I would sense it being ... there.




I wonder if the ... other side ... works that way?  I wonder if like the light reflecting on glass ... if you stand just right ... you can see yourself ... if not ... you can't see yourself ... if the other side is right there ... right here.




I sometimes, think maybe we walk in our visible world right through the invisible world ... the other side?  Passing, re-passing our departed loved ones constantly.  Sometimes, they reach out in their own ways trying to make contact.  Once in a while succeeding ...




Look out the window at night ... all you see is pitch-black dark.  You know the car is parked in the drive ... the lawn furniture is sitting there ... swimming pool, children's toys ... maybe a snake or two, spiderweb ... you can't see them unless you stand just right to see them in the night light.




You could sense something move, turn the light on it ... nothing is there.  What was it?




Hear a familiar sound in the air ... you know it can't be ... that person, animal isn't here anymore ... how do we know they could be ... possibly be just on the other side of the air we breathe, walk in, live in?  How do we know they aren't just right ... there?  Right here?

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... when I write about my life you can know it's true, the way I see, feel, hear, know it.  If I ever write about something that is fiction, I tell you at the end in my author's note.







Have you ever seen the air ripple?  Like an invisible hand is trying to open it up?  Once I saw something very strange ... the very air several feet in front of me began to ripple up ... I was sitting on the porch talking to Skip on my cellphone.  I never saw anything excepting the very air begin 'crumpling'.




Do you know what?  I've seen many strange things in my life, and this was one more.  I normally don't talk about them ... why would I?




People wouldn't, couldn't believe them ... unless it happened to them.  I'm sure many of you feel the same way ... why? ... would you tell anyone.




The good thing is ... depending on who you are and your reputation for honesty ... people who know you ... know you are telling the truth if you do decide to tell them.




When I write, I tell you when what I write about anything fiction.  Normally, when I write ... all is very true.  At the end in my author's note ... I will tell you if what I'm writing is true, or not true.




Do you know ... when I saw the very air begin to crumple ... for a brief second ... I thought I was going to see ... Tommy.




I was telling, describing to Skip as I watched the air, told him what I was seeing as it happened. Nothing else happened ... I didn't see Tommy, I didn't see anything.  Not even one thing.




The air just became normal ... there wasn't even a wrinkle in it!  For that to happen ... I just knew something special, strange was going to happen ... not one thing happened.

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... done several years ago when I was grieving for my son, Tommy.  Photo owned by me, Gloria.







Note by this author:


I truly saw the air crinkle up that day ... that is so very true.  Did it make me afraid?  No ... but, I knew it wasn't normal.


Did I tell anyone?  No, only Skip because I was talking to him on the cellphone as it happened.


Did Skip believe me?  Yes, because he knows about some very strange things have happened to me, and he knows if I say it ... it's the truth.


The only words I could come up with to describe what I saw when the air was disturbed  ... are ripple, crinkle ... crumple ... wrinkle.  Still, I know I don't describe it in the right way.  It stays in my mind ... it was amazing.  It all leads me to believe the other side ... is just right there.


Photos/true color of my life owned, written by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

A Little Kindness Goes a Long Way ...

A Little Kindness Goes a Long Way ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Yesterday Skip and I had to run errands, and he needed to stop by to speak to someone.  I didn't know the people, so I sat in the car.  I had my phone to occupy, entertain me.






As I sat there, I admired the beauty surrounding the home we were at.  It sat beside a swamp .. with a pier.  I looked out over the water ... beautiful aquatic plants were everywhere.  Do you know what I thought of?






Alligators.  Yes, my mind had to conjure up alligators ... and my mind began making up a story!  I just know this ... no one would ever catch me sitting on the end of the pier, swinging my feet!  It's the writer in me ... not only that, I saw something on the news I'd never seen, heard before.  It was on our local news, yesterday.






At Kerr Lake ... a man was attacked by a ... beaver!  Yes, a beaver attacked him while he was in the water.  His daughters were videoing the beaver ... they were laughing.  At first it was funny until they all began to be aware that the beaver wasn't playing, and it wasn't being cute!






The beaver began biting the man.  He had stitches in his upper thigh where the beaver took out a chunk of flesh, and a bite on his knee.  They were serious bites!  The beaver was relentless! Thankfully the man got back up on the boat.  The beaver was swimming around the boat.



The man is now, undergoing rabies shots.  Anyway, lately there have been 8 shark attacks at our North Carolina beaches.  Not long ago in Raleigh, a coyote attacked a man ... normally they don't do that.  It had rabies.  There was another attack by rabid raccoon not so long ago.  Reminds me of the new series on tv ... Zoo.






Anyway, my mind was entertaining me ... so, was my phone as I checked my Facebook, email, blogs and such ... as I waited for Skip.  I'm not the type of person who will go easily into someone's house at all.  I'm not a good visitor at all ... it's just 'not me'.






I heard the lady speaking, calling my name before I saw her.  "Gloria, Gloria ... come on inside the house, it's so hot out here"!  She walked toward where I sat ... invited me to go inside.  She was so nice, I instantly liked her very much.  She had to leave to go somewhere ... she wanted me to go on inside.






I thanked her, smiling at her.  She was smiling at me.  I had seen her several years ago at a function we all attended ... I didn't think I would like her at all.  Last year, we were all at the same place once again ... and she walked over to me, spoke, hugged me ... was very nice to me.  She and her husband left.  I never forgot her kindness.






Same thing ... when yesterday she showed such genuine kindness once again.  I won't forget.  Though I didn't go inside her home ... I waited for Skip feeling happy from being treated so nicely.  Skip and her husband came out to where I was sitting.






Skip introduced him, I shook hands with him.  Her husband was very nice, also.  Not only that ... they were dog-lovers like us.  They had 3 dogs ... and like all dogs, they loved Skip.  Dogs love Skip, they recognize Skip ... naturally come to him.  They sense he is a good person, loves dogs with his Heart.






Anyway, the woman's husband was just as nice as she had been.  Their kindness touched my Heart, and meant the world to me.  In my mind, I kept thinking how a little kindness goes a long way.






Oh ... I just saw on Channel 5, our local news ... the ocean waves at a Texas beach ... beautiful. Guess what was sitting on the beach?  A 8 foot alligator!  The whole picture was beautiful with waves washing over it, the sun glistening on the water ... the healthy alligator!

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

No one thinks about alligators being in the ocean ... but ... they are there.  My mind is trying its best at this moment to create a story about that alligator!  I can see it now, just hidden by the waves washing over it ... little children, a dog ... no!  Get away!  Get away!






Oh ... what was important here, what I was trying to convey wasn't about attacking animals, and such ... it was about how kindness goes a long way!  :)

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Note by this Author:

See how my mind was trying to go on to create stories as I was writing about something I thought was special?  I do that all the time ... when I sit down to write ... I have a hard time sometimes, thinking of ... what to write about!  :)

Photos/true color of my life owned/written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

I Burned a Major Bridge Behind Me ... There's No Turning Back

I Burned a Major Bridge Behind Me ... There's No Turning Back
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny gee ... size 8-9 ... it sure felt good to be little ... I never forgot :)








Well ... I did something I never thought I would do.  I can't believe I'm not upset yet ... about it.  So, that means I won't be getting upset.  I have burned a bridge behind me, one that I can't go back on.





I got rid of almost all my clothes this weekend.  So many still had price tags on them, so many never worn ... some worn only a few times.  Why?





Because my weight has been like a yo-yo ... up and down constantly.  I gain it, I lose it ... I gain it.  I am an expert on ... gaining weight.  I used to lose it easily ... the older one gets, it seems to get harder to lose.

I am keeping my mind on my photos when I was little ... it felt so wonderful.  I look forward!  :)







I've lost 20 lbs ... I am fighting to keep them off.  I want to go on to lose this excess weight.  It really feels good to feel thinner ... I want to go back to a size 9-10, and I will succeed.  My mind is set on it. I mean to lose it ... so, it will happen.





I've never-ever had so few clothes, shoes!  My closet is completely empty, excepting the shelves have some pretty shoes lined up.  My handbags, scarves, and such are hanging pretty.  I have a few dressy clothes hanging up.  They will have to do until I've dropped a significant amount of weight ... only then, will I allow myself to get anything new.





I did begin to panic one time, but stopped.  I bet you wondered what I did with all those nice clothes. You wouldn't believe me if I told you.  I'll tell you, anyway.





I took them to a flea market ... anyone that wanted to buy them I told them I was selling each blouse, pants for $2.00 each.  No one could believe it .... a lot of my clothes were name-brand.  Many had tags hanging on them where I'd gained weight ... never got to wear them!

I am looking forward to being this little again ... my photos of being small inspire me!  :)





I still had a 'ton' of clothes when it came time to leave, plus a beautiful winter coat that Skip got for me just before Tommy died.  I never wore it much, he gave $150.00 for it.





Well, earlier a woman came and bought a lot of things from me.  I saw her, called her over.  Do you know what I did?  Yes, you are right?  That's like me to do that!





I gave her all those beautiful clothes, and not only that!  I gave her a very tall box of ... beautiful shoes, in all styles, and colors.





Was she happy?  Yes!  Was I happy?  When I saw her expression ... yes!  I know I would love to be given such nice things!  Wouldn't that be fun, amazing all at the same time?  I was excited for her!  :) Oh ... I gave her that beautiful coat, too!  I was so happy because I had made her happy.  I know it sounds strange ... I am like that.

I can't wait to lose this weight!  I look very forward to taking photos with 'too big' clothes!  :)







When I can afford to, and have lost a significant amount of weight ... I will replace my clothes.  Am I panicking?  I'm amazed ... no, I'm not.





Now ... this is why I did it.  I have decided that I'm not living the rest of my life overweight.  I love being small too much to ruin the rest of my life with excess weight.  I ... lost myself ... when my only child, my son Tommy, died.  I am finding ... me ... again.  I don't even want to be 'pleasingly plump'.




I mean not to be 'fat' anymore.  I can't turn back now ... I have no more 'fat clothes' to run to ... and I can't afford to buy big clothes again!  :)





I've burned a major bridge behind me ... there's no turning back.

I'm on a new road in my life ... one that I knew years ago ... I can't wait to be little again.  :)







Note by this Author:

This is very true, and just happened.  I'm not panicking over not having many clothes!  I've never had so few ... not only that ... I would have to gain weight to wear them!  I've come too far to do that.

I'm going to be small again ... I'm excited.  Even if I didn't have many clothes ever again, I'd be happy to be slender.  :)

Photos of me are owned by me ... story written, owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Hoist That Rottie in the Air! Pull Him Down ... Pull Him Down!

Rottie in the Air ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

Photo of Kissy, our Rottie now.  Sweet Chadwick, our yellow Pup is gone now (January 16, 2015). Photo owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.








I don't know if you are like me in wanting to improvise ways to do things.  You know like when you are trying to problem-solve.


Like when you don't know what in the world you could find, use to accomplish some deed you want done.  I like to make things from ... nothing.


Like when you want to trim a Rottweiler's nails.  Like when that Rottweiler doesn't want his nails trimmed.  Like when he gets very pissed-off if he even thinks you are going toward his nails.


See, years ago, I had my first Rottweiler.  I loved him with my Heart.  I began by trimming his nails to the tune of ... vanilla wafers.  He loved vanilla wafers!  (Now ... I know vanilla wafers are NOT good for Pups!)


I had to be very fast trimming his nails ... as time went by he grew bigger ... and the vanilla wafers would go quicker ... he'd run out of them, get an attitude!  He had a growl that intimidated me!


He was my teddy bear but, he didn't put up with nonsense.  It would be like, "Girl, you better get some more of them vanilla wafers"!


I learned this when I thought I could keep on trimming ... he looked me in the eyes, did a growl ... he held my hand in his mouth.  He didn't bite ... but, he successfully taught me ... who was boss.  No more vanilla wafers for him!  I don't even know if vanilla wafers would have worked anymore.


Each day while working, I would think about how I could improvise a way to trim his nails.  I thought of how I could keep his head at a safe distance while trimming.   Of course, I didn't want to hurt my baby.


A light bulb went off one day.  I knew what I was going to do!  I talked to my brother and Tommy, my son.  I had a team ... and this was going to work ... I was sure it would.  I knew it would be safe at the same time.


I went to my mother, talked to her.  She let me have one of her queen-sized sheets ... I took my scissors to it.  I made 4 holes in it for my Rottie's legs to go through.  I knew when I got ready ... his head, tail would be at the edge of the sheet on either side ... legs through the holes.


I called my team ... my brother, son ... they brought rope with them.  They helped me to secure the rope onto the sheet.  See, the plan was ... my Rottie was going to put each leg in a hole on the sheet.  I would then, draw the sheet up around him ... his head would stick out on one side ... tail would be at the other side.


The rope had been thrown over a wooden beam, a rafter ... in the room my step-father was remodeling.  All my brother, son had to do was to hoist that sheet, Rottweiler in it ... I would hurry, trim every nail on his feet.


You know ... do like those mechanics on race-cars.  They have their stuff together!  I was sure I had my stuff together, too!  I could work on this ... car!


The sheet, my Rottie went up into the air.  He had a surprised expression on his face ... I began to quickly trim his nails.  Be damned, if he didn't scare Hell out of me!  He made a growl like something I'd never heard!


"Let him down, let him down"!  My brother, son let him down gently.  I told them I couldn't do it.  That growl made all the other growls he'd ever made ... sound like little meows!  This growl told me something.  I listened.


I never did get to trim his nails.  Thankfully, vets know how to do that!  Today when Kissy, our Rottie goes to the vet ... they trim his nails.


See, it's a different Rottweiler in a different time ... he doesn't like it either.  Rather than to put me, him to the stress ... I let them trim his nails ... and he doesn't mind.


Don't try this at your home.  Sweets are bad for your dogs.  I don't think it's a good idea to pull a rope/sheet trick like I did either.


I don't think it wise to swing a Rottweiler from a rafter!  Nor tempt a Rottie with vanilla wafers!







Note by this Author:



I hope you don't do a dumb thing like I did regarding vanilla wafers, and putting my Rottie up in the air like he was a car to work on.  So much for bright ideas!  He was never in danger ... I still don't think anyone should do what I did.



This is a true story of my life.  I was telling our Vet today about doing that.  They trimmed our Kissy's nails today.  I'm so glad!  :)



Photos/story are owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Open Her Up Baby!

Open Her Up Baby!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... as a 28 year old woman ... still making bad decisions in life.  The best thing I did at this time was to forgive my beautiful mother ... and to marry Skip!  I still made bad decisions ... and still do sometimes, now.  I told you I'm not ... perfect.  :)  You know how we know it all ... as younger people.  

Open her up, Baby!  Her hand turned the power up ... they were flying!  Flying on a motorcycle.


Now ... who in the Hell tells a 15 year old girl to 'open it up'!  A girl who has never driven in her life?  A girl who never knew anything about a bicycle much less!  How about a big motorcycle ... man-sized?


The young girl was on a high ... no, she didn't do drugs nor alcohol.  This 15 year old was high on life ... she was free of everyone in her life.  No one could cuss, mistreat her ... ever again.  So, she thought.


Her small hand turned up the speed on the handle of the big-ass motorcycle.  Damn, we are flying!  I'm driving!  I've never driven in my life!


Thrilled, a little afraid ... she sped up the dirt road never knowing the dangers ahead ... dangers driving on a dirt road.  Not only that ... dirt roads in the mountains.


The gravel was thrown on both sides of the motorcycle as she sped ahead.  The young man on the back was 20 years old.  He was letting the 15 year old girl drive his motorcycle.  Really now ... the motorcycle was part hers.  They had just gotten married.


The girl had eloped ... never letting even one person know she was leaving.  No one to this day ever knew the details of how, where the girl went ... they only knew she was missing.


No one knew where the young girl was for months until she began to miss her mama.  She was afraid ... when she called her mama she couldn't believe her reaction to her call.  Her mama was very glad to hear from ... her!  Her!


Sunshine kissed her young, smooth skin, tears glistened in her beautiful eyes ... her curly hair was blowing in the wind.  This was the most happiest this young woman ever was in her life.  In ... this moment.


She was in control ... of a big-ass motorcycle!  She'd never driven in her life!  Someone older than her ... trusted her to drive it.  She'd never had such responsibility.  She ... was important!


She saw the long curve ahead on the narrow dirt road they were speeding along on.  She never thought whether she could safely get the motorcycle around it at the speed she was driving.  She just saw the curve ... she couldn't wait to drive around it!  All she heard was the young man's words ... Open her up, baby!


The words only added to the excitement, spurred her on ... her little hands ... opened it up!  The wind nearly took her breath away as she smiled ... oh my God, this is life!  Only this moment was important.


She was being helped up from the ground.  Her head hurt ... she tried to speak, couldn't.  Her little hand found her mouth ... something was in it.  She used her fingers to pull dirt out of her mouth.  She felt as if she would faint ... swayed, caught by the young man.


He was almost crying as he almost begged her to be all right.  She tried to see him ... she couldn't. Shock ... made her blind.  As she became aware of her surroundings ... she couldn't believe her eyes.


She had lost control of the motorcycle ... hit a fence post with barb wire.  Her head went into the post ... she kept feeling her head.  No blood ... her teeth were all there.  It's a wonder she still had a head.


When she moved, she moaned.  Her body hurt as if she'd been in a wreck!  She had been in motorcycle wreck ... she was driving!


They were on the side of  a small mountain ... the motorcycle was laying at the bottom ... the young girl didn't know much about mountains, excepting they were ... high!  She couldn't believe she didn't travel down it on the motorcycle.


That's why her head hurt so.  The impact of the post swiped her off the motorcycle.  The young man somehow, saved himself with his long legs.  He wasn't hurt, only shook up.


It was the first time the young girl thought about her mama.  Supposed she had died ... her mama wouldn't know it ... her mama didn't know where she was.


This was the beginning of a new road the young girl just stepped on in her life.


Later ... in time, she went on to get her motorcycle endorsement ... she kept it until she became an older adult ... not only that, as that young girl she got her CDL endorsement ... it was called a chauffeur's license then.  She was proud ... how many women had ... all that.


Later as that young girl ... the young man bought her a 750 Yamaha motorcycle.  She drove her own. Later in time, her little son ... also had his own motorcycle.


Yes, this was a new journey ... another decision the young girl made in her life.  It almost got her killed ... more than one time.  Oh the decisions this young girl made ... the roads she walked on.   She met them head-on never knowing what to expect.  Open it up, Baby!


The young girl found out a lot of the roads she chose to travel on ... were scary roads.  As she learned ... she turned-tail, ran the opposite way.  She just wasn't tough enough ... hard enough.  She had a big Heart.


She learned to drive fast on the mountain curves.  Speed was a lure to her ... it pulled her to drive faster and faster.  The young man had fast cars ... she drove them, too.  Oh, the innocence of youth ...  oh the innocence of youth.


She sped through her young life just like she did in her new life ... making one mistake after the other ... knowing no better.  No one prepared her to grow up ... no one ever thought she'd grow up ... every thing she ever learn ... she learned the hard way.


She met life head-on never knowing what to expect.  Oh, the mistakes she made.  It was like the voice back in 1968 yelling ... Open her up, Baby!

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... a more mature 'Gloria' ... I don't have the material things I once had ... I do have knowledge of Life to replace that.  I do have a big Heart ... I am a good person.  I am filled with more Love in my Heart now ... as a younger woman it was filled with hatred toward ... other women.  I grew up suffering from the hands of women ... I was too young to know how to handle it ... now?  I can handle it.







Photos/true story are owned ... written by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.


Yes, I just let go of my motorcycle and CDL endorsements not long ago.  I won't be driving either again.   I'm contented to ride now.


I've been offered numerous driving jobs through time ... I did drive with Skip team for 3 years ... women would look at my checks when I would cash them ... with envy.  They wanted to drive a truck.  I was thrilled then, to be doing something not many women did.  Now ... many women drive big trucks.


I used to meet life head-on without thinking ... I would face it down as a young woman ... I could conquer the world.  It was like I was still being driven by those last words I heard before wrecking the motorcycle ... 'Open her up Baby'!


Now, I meet life in more decisive way, think ahead way ... study.  I meet life head-on, use caution.  I pick, choose my battles.  I can play checkers very good ... and tic-tac-toe.  Give me a few minutes to remember ... I would bet money on my ability to win.  :)


No longer what was important to a young, naive woman  ...  important to an older woman.  I'm just thankful for my life ... I had met Death head-on too many times.  So many roads led to ... Death.


Death came for me when I didn't expect it ... I battled it many times ... I wonder if subconsciously ... the words in the back of my head were:  Open her up, Baby!


I outran Death many times in my life ... mentally, physically, health-wise!  I never take anything for granted.


Something 'bad' just happened to us again ... see?  That's why I never take anything for granted ... I can deal with things better that way ... meet it head-on.  Now, it's time once again to ... yes, you know the words by now ... I'll let your mind say them this time!

I Have to Look Back ... to Go Forward

I Have to Look Back ... to Go Forward
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

I look back in the past for things to write about.  As I take memories out one by one ... I look at them as long as I can bear to.  I let it go again when I know it's time to.


You can know I don't dwell on any one memory while doing that.  I don't let any memory hurt me ... only for the time I write so, you can feel, see how real it was.  I let you feel some of that pain ... if you feel anything in your Heart ... tears in your eyes ... you are only experiencing a fraction of what I suffered.


What makes me so special to be the one ... to write about my past, pain, grief?  Well  ... I write.  I am the only one who knows best the things I write.   I know there are people like me ... people who have suffered.  


An author writes what he knows best ... when one reads they know when author is writing ... real.  The reader knows when the author knows ... what he/she are talking about.  All comes through as the words seep into one's mind.


It helps to be an expert on something ... to be an expert one has to know exactly what they are talking about.  The only thing I am an expert about ... is ... me.  I can tell you a million things about me ... this is what I know best.  I can write my life.


I look back in my young life, see all the other children who were there with me ... I can see their little faces in my mind.  I know their suffering, fears ... but, I can't write what they felt, saw ... smelled, tasted.  Only that child who is an adult now ... can do that ... only they can write in their words what they experienced.


I can write about where, what, how another child played a part in my life.  I can tell you what I saw ... how it affected me.  When I write these things ... I go to a place in my mind ... I write the story not to hurt others ... but, to tell how things affected me.  As an author I tell my story ... to tell my life I have to look back to ... go forward.





Note by this author:

Thank you, Prenin ... for inspiring this.  You made me think about 'why' ... I bring up the past ... now you know, I know!  :)  What in the world would I write about if I didn't have ... me.  I'm not an expert on anything else.  As long as I live ... I have something to write about.  Every day is never the same ... I'll never be able to write all my life stories ... the colors of my life are endless.  I haven't even begun to write yet.




Photos of me/story written ... owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

I Am Strong, Redwood Tree Strong ... I've Weathered Many Storms

I Am Strong, Redwood Tree Strong ...  I've Weathered Many Storms
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

One of the faces of my grief ... 9 months after Tommy died.  I couldn't get past it ... I thought I would die, too.  Overweight ... my face looked just awful ... my expression was reflected pure Hell from my soul ... my only child, my son had died.







Well ... I have made it public I am losing this extra weight I am carrying around on my body.  It's noticeable now ... but, no one will comment on it.  Why?  I have my opinions ...  hear me out.




I look around, panic ... why?  Because most everyone is big ... getting bigger.  It's good when we are big, also.  It's unwritten permission to let go ... to be a part of a ... bigger world for some people.  Let go, come join me!  I was a part of that.  I was glad I wasn't alone ... it took the attention off me ... Fat Gloria.



I don't knock anyone for being overweight ... if you've never been prone to gain weight ... or been overweight ... you have no way of knowing 'why?' someone is big.  Why? someone is fat.  You don't ... and when you judge ... you make horrible mistakes when you do that, and you ... make fun of them.  Why?




Because someone may be taking medications that cause swelling, weight-gain.  Someone's health condition may keep them swollen, 'big'.  Someone may be like I was ... going through 'pure Hell' on the inside ... never-ending emotional grief, pain ... not care about their physical self while fighting mental battles of losing everyone they loved, fighting cancer, losing their child ... the list goes on.




You don't know what's going on.  Yeah, I know ... there are people who are going to eat, and eat, and eat.  They aren't thinking about how fat they have gotten.  They are only thinking to COMFORT themselves in some way ... you don't know the Hell they suffer inside.  You know you don't.




There are fat people who say they genuinely love to be fat.  Good for them, I don't knock it at all.  If they are ... genuinely happy ... that's wonderful.  If, when they look in the mirror and see a happy smile reflect back at them ... at what they see ... that's probably true.  It's good for them, not for me.




All the expressions I've been seeing in my mirror have been sad, disappointed ones, desperate to lose this weight ... unhappy ones.




Lately ... expressions, thoughts of "I'm either going to lose this weight or ... die".  Now that means ... I'm 'dead serious' about losing weight to have a good quality of life the rest of my life.  I'm doing it for myself ... no one else.




I AM going to lose it ... one way or other.  I want to accomplish what I need to do ... to make me happy the rest of my life.  Not only that ... I have health conditions ... that mean I've got to.  I should have done it yesterday.  Life ... got in my way ... real life.




I let go when I was grieving over the death of my son.  I let go when so many 'bad things' in my life ... overwhelmed me.  I didn't give a damn ... I reflected how I felt inside ... too many bad things for me to ever feel good again.


Oh my ... you don't have to tell me how fat I've gotten.  It's in your eyes ... shock, disbelief.  Especially in eyes of males who knew me ... before.




In the eyes of women ... it's an expression of glee, satisfaction, disgust yet ... when they speak ... their voices gush out pure, sweetness of "Hello-ooooooooooooooooo!  Lo-oooooooooooong time, no see!  You sure the Hell are lo-ooooooooooooooking so good!"  "You look so damn ................. healthy"!




They know they are lying ... bitches!  That's right, that's exactly what I think.  They don't know, if they do ... there's no compassion ... that I've fought to stay in this world.




I've survived cancer ... congestive heart failure ... my home burned down ... in a few years all my family members died, my husband was in a tractor-trailer wreck, then a woman almost killed him again 3 weeks later running a stop sign.  They don't know we fell on hard times ... they aren't aware my only child, my son died.




These are only a few things that has happened in the past 16 years ... the list goes on.  I know they wouldn't care if they did know ... guess what?  I'm not going to tell them.  Why?




I made the mistake of telling a woman named Elaine that I was very sick, fighting cancer.  She was working in a pharmacy at that time (1999) ... she used to work at the hospital with me.  I always loved her, she pretended to like me.  She didn't have room for another real friend, she had her friend, Brenda.

(Photo of me when the woman knew me ... women pretended to like me when I was beautiful.  I learned that people will hate you ... when you are beautiful.  I have a beautiful cousin I told that too ... she has learned through the years 'why?' women naturally hate her.)







Elaine saw me, stared at me wondering what happened to me.  I was so sick, but ... I wanted to make myself get out, do things, get stronger.  Hell, I knew I looked so bad ... didn't matter, I had to help myself to get stronger.




She asked me what was wrong with me.  I began to tell her, stopped ... pretended not to see her as I paid her the money I owed.  Why?




She gave me a cold expression, I knew she didn't care at all.  I stopped speaking, she never prompted me to finish ... I didn't.  Why would I?  I left, I never spoke to her again.  She was so ... cold.  She had no compassion ... she doesn't know to this day she devastated me at a time in my life when I was fighting to live ... to survive.




She 'kicked me while I was down'.  I never forgot that and ... I have forgotten a lot during that time.  I won't ever forget her, and her friend ... never.




I see her and her friend ever so often, the last time at a cantaloupe festival Skip took me to.  She and her friend followed me around, pretending not to see me until I looked into her eyes.  They were whispering about me ... making fun of how I looked.  Truthfully, I looked so bad ... cancer isn't a pleasant thing.  It ... does take ... the life out of a person.  I'm lucky I survived.  I won't forget the laughter in her eyes ... I knew.




To this day, I've wondered about her, her friend.  I wonder how their health is ... they were older than I ... back then.  My prayers for them ... to have good health, and I forgive you.  But ... I won't ever forget ... the extra pain you added to recovery road I was on.




For several weeks I was devastated ... wondering if I should die because someone didn't like me.  Honestly, this answer in these words came to me about 3 weeks after that incident ... "Fuck, no"!  To Hell with them.




Forgive the ugly words in this story because ... they are the not nicest colors in my life ... and this is the extent of ugly words I'll use ... just what is here plus a ... couple more ugly words.  :)




Life is what it is ... I've told you I'm not perfect at all ... I am truly a good person who ... can, will say an ugly word or two.  I don't mean to, but ... it's in me.  I really try not to cuss ... this is a part of being the 'character' in my stories ... the real Gloria.  I think ... real thoughts in ... real words.




Later, I went on about my life as I got better ... this after a period of three years ... in the 4th year Skip was diagnosed with colon cancer.  I was still going to the oncologist ... he had begun going.




It took about 6 years of trying to survive cancer ... both of us.  We both made it ... and survived things life kept throwing at us ... alone.




Tommy was in Germany ... we kept so much from him.  He would have died ... trying to get home to us.  We loved him with our Hearts, he loved us with our Hearts.  Tommy was the only child I ever had ... he died May 29, 2010 on Memorial Day weekend.




During that time my mother died ... it threw me back.  I won't even go into that ... the questions, haunting of her voice begging me for help on the phone recorder ... the things I saw, heard during, after her death ... connected dots to all these years.  No one will know the torment I was in ... only Skip.




No one can ever know the torment I suffer now ... if I allow myself to think of her ... what she was saying on the recording ... the unearthly sound of her voice.  I can't bear it.  I can't speak about it anymore.




Deaths began ... about 19 people on both sides of my family dying ... strange how all were the very people ... I truly loved.  Some ... I loved, hated, loved at the same time.  So damn much grief ... I didn't know if I was coming or going.  Imagine a cartoon character getting slammed by a car each time, he got up ... that was me.




I never had anyone to talk to ... I coped in my own way.  It took years.  I did it ... now, I'm only stronger for it ... Redwood tree stronger.  I've survived storms the normal, everyday person never experiences, much less ... experience one or two in their life.  Am I proud of it?  Hell yes ... I made it.




How did I do it?  I have a fighting spirit ... I know it comes from my Grandma Alma.  She was paralyzed for over 20 years ... she survived living in Hell.  I watched her as a child.  I loved her fiercely.




Getting back to being a fat Gloria ... seriously, when I look in the mirror .... I can't help but, to notice my eyes.  A real smile reflects back at me ... I'm actually losing weight.  I'll be a real person again ... me.




I am speaking of myself here ... so, no one can take any of what I write personally.  If you do ... you are at fault ... I don't know your life but, I damn-well know my life.




Don't jump on the bandwagon of sensitive people ... it seems every damn body jumps on a wagon of some kind these days ... they cry, whine about everything.  I DO NOT FEEL SORRY for you.




There are genuine people ... let them do what they do ... you just make them look bad, and not be noticed at a time they need to be to accomplish something positive.




There are NO bandwagons here for you to jump on ... only a ship to carry you on out into the sea.  If I can't jump on one here ... you know I don't keep wagons parked in my stalls.




What in the Hell would they do ... coming through my life ... on my roads I've traveled?  I didn't have a 'fucking' wagon to jump on ... I had to walk those damn roads and ... I damn-well did it.  Ugly words again ... if you judge me for those words ... you never liked me to begin with.  




If you judge me for those words ... go on about your life ... you sure damn don't need to be here.  You might get too sensitive.  I am speaking of how it feels to be a human being with real feelings.  Sensitive doesn't get anyone ... anywhere.  Hell, I used to be ... sensitive ... walk on eggs around my ass.  Now ... I've come too far.




Oh ... all I just said ... doesn't mean I'm not a good person.  I stress that all the time so, you can know this.  I'm just ... not perfect.  I don't try to be anymore ... I am me.  I am a good 'me' ... and sometimes, I say ugly words.




Deep feelings, thoughts ... I voice them in how I really think, feel.  Can't help it ... and I'm not going to stop writing no matter what someone thinks.  Only real people will understand me, anyway.  Only real people will like me.




I feel many people don't want to see weight-loss in me ... especially females who were very happy that I 'got fat' when once ... they hated me for being the ... perfect size.  They will be the last ones to ever say they notice ... probably they will never say anything.




Doesn't matter to me ... I know they are there ... though they don't see me notice ... I really do.  The more I lose, the more I'll be smiling.  I'll also, pretend not to see ... their expressions ... smile some more.




I have become tired of being a ... fat girl.  A fat Gloria girl.  Females have really liked me since I became one.  In fact, I've not been able to help notice how much they really like me since I 'became ugly, fat'.



The fatter, uglier a person is ... someone who doesn't like them thinks ... okay, this poor bastard has gone too far ... they won't ever travel the road back to being ... slender, nice-looking again.




They forget them until ... one day ... that person did make it back, not only that ... they sure are looking good!  What's the first reaction?  Jealousy.  Now ... they got to keep an eye on them once again.  Just because someone lost weight has instantly put them into a threatening position ... one I know a lot of times ... shouldn't be.




The worse I look ... the more female friends I have.  Well, it's not going to hurt me at all when ... I become smaller ... I will have less ' female friends'.




Doesn't matter at all ... I recognized long ago ... those kind of friends.  They won't smile at me anymore ... that's good ... it was all fake anyway.  I'll be glad for them to pretend not to see me, go their ways again.  They don't know it ... I'm tired of pretending to be nice to them ... of course, I will always do that.




The more 'bad things' happened to me ... the worse I looked ... females just mothered me, liked me so much.  I know they didn't think I could possibly see the expression in their eyes ... hear the insincerity in their voices.  The truth is the truth ... and I'm not going to sugar-coat it.  I'm going to tell it like it is ... you can like it ... or not.




I'm no threat to them like that.  Isn't it wonderful Gloria's son died?  Isn't it wonderful Gloria had cancer?  Damn, it's wonderful her home burned down!  Even better ... she is on hard-times!




Stay down, Gloria!  We sure do love you when you are like this!  But ... you don't know how we really feel ... yes, I do ... your eyes are like a mirror reflecting the ugliness in you ... you know that little evil glint.  Do I need to say more?




Damn, they secretly thought ... the worse she looks ... the more I love it!  If you can admit this ... you are a 'helluva' person/female.   We as females do this ... I just know there aren't many of us who can say how ... we really think ... inside.  You know it, I know it as a female.




How do I know?  Well, I'm stepping out here to show you I'm a 'helluva' person.  I've thought such things through the years.  I didn't only pay close attention, study other females ... I've done the same with my own reactions to ... real life.




I have been glad someone got fat!  I think Karma paid my ass a lesson ... it bit this ass good, and hard ... and made it bigger.  Big-ass Gloria ... Karma caught up with me.  I told you things have a way of coming back to ... bite one in the ... ass!




I've been glad females got fat through time ... the worse they looked ... the better I liked them.  That's why I know females do this ... I know the difference each time I meet up with a female I haven't seen through the years.  I'm thinking of what she's going to say ... be damned if I'm not right!   Bitch!  :)  Yes, I said that!




When I say this, know that I don't claim to be anymore than I am.  I'm not an expert in anything ... but ... real life.  To me ... that's where it counts.  If you live it ... then, it's a very real thing.




Experience life ... good or bad ... really feel life ... hurt, laugh, cry, be happy ... you KNOW what it really feels like.  That's how I know ... I know how real life feels.  I will describe what I know ... in my very real life, my very ... real words.




I know how my life feels ... best.  So, when I write it ... know I know what I'm talking about ... when it comes to my life.  I know I'm not the only female, person ... human in this world who have come through storms ... some of you are bound to go through a lot of the same things I have.  I only know a few.




You could say I'm crazy as Hell ... not true.  It would be too easy to say such if ... I bother you with what I write.  I just voice what I think, feel when I write.  I write from inside ... I don't write what ... you want me to write.  You would do it too ... if you had the nerve.  But, no-oooooooooooooo ... we don't want anyone to think bad of us!  :)  We don't want anyone to know we ... could think such things.  I think them ... plus more.




Do I worry about having readers, fans?  No.  Why?




Because I know there are many people like me ... I know there are a lot of people who feel, think like I do ... who agree with me.  People who have walked many different roads in life ... some really bad ... they learned they didn't belong in certain worlds they found themselves in ... they ran like Hell to get back to the world they wanted to live in.




Sadly, some never make it back from the worlds they entered ... sadly, some live there, couldn't leave.




Not only that ... you are bound to think, react to a lot of things just like I do.  See, I've done my own little tests through time ... yes, we are all so much alike than we even know.  Sadly ... some love their 'bad' worlds.




I have to say this ... I have known 'bad' people from 'bad' worlds who  were some of the best, real people I've ever known.  Not only that ... they'd help you before a 'good' person.  They know how real life feels.  That's why my ... friends ... are all a 'different feather' ... and you can't judge me by any of them.  They come from every walk of life.




When I make comments I want you to know where they are coming from.  I make comments from my own experiences in life.  I know females can be wonderful beings just as well ... as awful beings.  I grew up with both ... wonderful and ... just plain awful.




I grew up in a life where it wasn't normal ... my life would be a movie you'd pay to see.  One where you would say ... 'I know no real person lived this kind of life'.  I never talk about parts of it ... never will.  Why?  Because it's my business ... and my choice to do so, not do so.  I am a private person.  I respect your business, you respect mine.




I have a love as well as hatred ... for females.  I suffered so much as a child living always with ... damn women.  Pain mentally, physically ... always ... at the hands of ... women.  I only knew a man's hand as a child as something to hurt me with ... when someone would sneak a hand when no one was looking ... to touch me.  Damn them.  I didn't grow up to hate men ... nor fear them.  I did grow up to be strong ... I don't let a man walk on me.




I've forgiven ... of course, not forgotten.  The good thing here ... it doesn't hurt me, nor does it hurt my life.  I've forgiven, moved on ... I don't live in the past.  I never wished bad on the ones who hurt me through time ... sadly, I did see really 'bad' things happen to a lot of them as I grew older.  Bad health, wrecks, such things.  I wasn't glad.




You can't be offended by what I said ... I don't mean you.  But ... if the shoe fits ... then, that's your problem ... stay out of my life ... I damn sure don't need you.  I'm not letting 'another damn woman' ... dominate me again ... I'm a big girl now.  Especially a big, fat bitch with ... blonde hair.  I don't 'see YOU' when I say this ... there aren't any 'Fat, Blonde Bitch Bandwagons' to jump on here ... I have been a fat, blond bitch ... so now.  I'm looking at my past encounters with them.




You wouldn't believe the stories I could tell you about big, fat, blonde bitches.  They used to naturally ... beam in ... to bully me.




It'd be Hell to pay now ... as I grew older ... instead of dreading, being afraid ... I would meet it head-on ... telling myself I'd rather die than to be bullied by a big ass woman (even a little ass woman).




Don't I sound awful?  Don't mean to ... it is what it is.  You are listening ... well, reading a real person.  You know if you don't like what I write ... it's like a library here ... just quietly go your way ... I won't mind.  Please close the door gently behind you.  I heard that damn door slam!  :)




Getting back to being a fat girl.  Well, now I am an ... 'old fat girl'.  I know I'm older ... but, as I lose weight ... I am seeing this ... I have a lot to work with!  That thrills me to no end ... okay, I see it isn't going to thrill a lot of ... females.  Guess what?  Doesn't matter.




Guess what again?  If you only knew the real me (I'm not letting you get close enough to ... why would I at this late day and time?) ... you would know ... 'there goes a truly good person who loves her husband with her Heart ... I never have to worry about this one female ... she has no desire to hurt another being in any way'.




Through time, I have been the 'best friend' I would want.  I have passed the tests over and over ... with my 'friends and my ... enemies'.  I don't try to destroy if I don't like someone ... I go on with life, wish them the best ... let go.




I promise you this ... I know how to destroy naturally ... that's the kind of family I grew up in.  I could have done it over and over, and over many times through time.  I don't like to cause pain to anyone ... only if ... I'm pushed to.




Wow, how many times did I see the females in my young life ... completely destroy other women's lives ... I learned as a child.




Vicious, evil ... disguised with the sweetest of smiles, soft voices ... beautiful faces, bodies.  That's how serial murderers prey on their victims ... they lure them in.   Sweet music to one's ears ... they want to follow the Pied Piper.  Boom!  What the Hell happened?




Beautiful women can trip up the best of men.  How many times did I see that in my family growing up ... I've watched it all through the years.  My family has had some of the most beautiful females in it ... still do. I used to be beautiful ... I never had the desire to take from men ... I could have easily ... I just couldn't.




If I'm ever pushed that far ... I hope never not ... then, all's fair in love or ... war.  I don't get close enough to people, nor let them be close to me ... I don't want to know their secrets ... their life.  Just meet, be friends in a good way ... go our own ways.  I ... always want to ... think good of you.  I don't want to see your ... ugly.   If I know your 'ugly' ... it's filed back, but ... I don't think of it anymore.




I am ready to be a ... beautiful 'old girl'.  :)  A good person who has learned so much since being ... a young, beautiful woman.




I was a good person being young ... but, I had to learn by making mistakes to know what life was about.  Those life lessons hurt so bad ... but, I learned.  Isn't that the main thing in life?  To learn once and for all ?  I damn-well learned.




Most of all ... I want to be beautiful inside ... where my mind can dwell upon positive, good things. No one can actually 'see' that on the inside ... of me, but ... the most important thing here is ... I know it, my mind knows it.  I can ... live with myself!  That's a beautiful, good thing ... do you agree?




Oh ... the happiest thing also, to me ... is doing all in a smaller body once again.  I have learned through the years that if one isn't happy with themselves as a person ... there's a dark cloud always hanging over them no matter how much they smile.  It's always a cloudy day every day in their life no matter how the sun shines.




My opinion is in my life ... those big, sunshine smiles have always hidden deep pain in myself.  The bigger, brighter smiles ... hides the most awful things.




I would like to know how to smile truly happy ... no clouds hanging over my head to make me smile brighter to make sunshine in my life.  I want to wake up to sunny days ... all because I'm happy in myself!




I will make my 'dark cloud of grief over the loss of my son' ... turn into a happy, little dragonfly tattoo once we have extra money. My sad expression will turn to a soft smile then, because I can see where ... I 'feel' the dragonfly is supposed to be.  On my right shoulder where I 'felt it' ... it's there now ... but, invisible :)




I hope that's the last dark cloud in my life for many years.  I would love to know pure happiness, good life before I one day die.




This is a very real color of my life ... doesn't matter if no one likes it or not ... this is for-real.




No matter if ugly or beautiful ... fat or thin ... I am one of the best people you've ever known.  When I say that ... I don't mean perfect people ... God knows I'm so far from being ... perfect.  'Granny Gee' is NOT perfect at all.  I told you so all along.  Now!  Oh, neither is ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates.




I mean as a person ... I'm a for-real good person.  It took experiencing all the 'bad' things in my life to shape me to be good.  Some people would have become more bitter, angry and went on to be 'some kind of bad'.




I admit once in a while even now ... I feel anger when I think about certain people who have treated me unfairly ... hurt me intentionally.




I sometimes feel ... hatred.  You see, these are things born in me naturally ... I knew hate, anger, fear as a very small child ... these are the first things I can 'see ... when I look back to my earliest memories'.  I remember very few hugs, very few 'I love yous' as a child.




I was a pretty child ... I remember smiling, feeling so happy when someone paid attention to me ... why did they hate me?  My mother had me at the age of 14 years old ... I'm sure that contributed to the beginning of my life.  She was a child.




It took growing up to really realize that.  It took growing up to be able to forgive her, not feel anger at her ... but, I did it ... felt peace inside, loved my mother with my Heart.  Wow ... now, I understand.  I don't know if I could have done any better ... I'm sure I couldn't have.




For years ... I've made myself work on these 'natural feelings' because they used to dominate my every thought.  I hated everyone ... I greeted them with anger because I knew everyone was ... mean.  I had a chip on my shoulder ...




I would quietly spit venom at someone if they bothered me.  I did smile at times ... rarely.  It took growing up ... learning there are truly good people in this world ... like me ... today.




The good thing is ... I deal with 'bad' in a positive way ... go on ... I'm not letting anything destroy my peace of mind.  I'm not giving other people power to hurt me ... when they aren't even aware of it ... much less care.  I would be the one to suffer ... while they walked around having no idea of the power ... they had on me.




The one thing that threatened my peace of mind, took it away, almost took my life in the process was ... the death of my only child.  It's been 5 years now ... I made it.  No one will ever, ever, ever know the Hell I suffered alone ... in my mind.  I MADE IT.  I'm okay now.




I am feeling happiness once again ... more happiness once the Fat Gloria is once again ... just a smaller Gloria.  If I can be happy with me, myself ... I can be truly happy.  I've coped with the worst in my life ... losing my son, my family members, all the 'bad' things in my life.  Now, to finish coping, dealing with the biggest obstacle left in my life ... being overweight.  :)




Thank God for all of you, my faithful readers, fans.  Being here for me ... meant my world.  You are a part of my world just as Skip, and our two Pups.




You have been the river for me to pour my grief, pain in words ... to flow into the ocean where they can go free, not dam up to hurt anyone ... not stay inside me ... nor you.




You can just read it, go your way ... if my life's pain can help anyone ... I am so glad.  I would have liked to have had something to turn to each time 'bad' happened to me.  I didn't.




I have to write to save myself ... I can't let these words, feelings, grief, pain ... dam up inside me. Sometimes when I get writer's block ... I can't bear it ... I have to write.




Imagine a garden hose ... you turn the water off ... it comes out the other end ... if something clogs it up ... no water/words come out.  No telling what would happen to the garden hose if the clog wasn't removed.




I know sometimes, I have sounded probably crazy, just plain stupid, dumb, awful ... please remember ... thoughts that come from a dark place aren't ... always good, not always pleasant.




Thankfully, I think you know that ... thankfully, I realize that ... and know this ... I have no desire of becoming a ... dark person full of anger, bitterness, hatred ... no matter how life has treated me.




I think you can safely describe me as ... bittersweet ... it's there (hatred, anger) ... but, in a good way. A good way to drive me to do better :)




No matter how bad life can be ... things can, will ... do get better.  Look at me ... I am proof.




The truth is that no matter how bad life is ... it doesn't mean all the good in life is gone too.  It's still there waiting for us to see it ... when our eyes open again ... when we can get past the pain ... the grief.  (#Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee)




This is how I see life now, after experiencing all the 'bad' stuff I have suffered.




This is what I have also, learned in this life.  Caring, love, sharing, pure kindness ... yes, I think these things are most important.  Compassion for others.






Note by this Author:



Photos/written words in another color of my life ... all owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



These are colors of my life:  yellow, gold, green, pink, black, gray, brown, magenta, orange, red, purple, blue, white, rose, aqua ... lots of happy colors to outdo the 'sad' colors :)  God knows the colors I haven't mentioned ... colors I don't know the names of.