By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
My published book, 'I Cry For Tommy'. Written while in the throes of grief of losing my son...
For the past week... I have noticed that I have been trying to avoid thinking about the death of my son. I have been trying to... not grieve. Trying to not... be depressed.
Trying, by not thinking... putting my mind elsewhere when his name comes up in my mind. Looking at, doing other things until I am just tired of... trying to not think about Tommy not being here.
Grieving... I know this is all a part of grieving for someone I dearly loved with my very heart. My only child, Tommy. I've tried to think that I'm ... not ... grieving.
I've been pretending I'm alright... until tonight. I'm tired of it... I don't feel little panic attacks inside for nothing. My heart doesn't feel like that ...for nothing.
I'm not crying... so far, this is the first time since Tommy died... I haven't been crying when it's the anniversary date he left this world. He died... May 29, 2010 on a late Saturday evening.
This past week ... I haven't felt well at all... though, I've tried to. I've laughed, talked about everything... but, not about Tommy.
Don't feel sorry for me... this is life. Sometimes, life hurts. Sometimes... a grieving mother fools herself until she's... tired of it.
Huge hugs and prayers...!
ReplyDeletePraying for you as this day approaches. An old Beatles song comes to mind as I think about you. "Let it Be." If thoughts of Tommy enter your mind, let them be there. Trying NOT to think about him must be as painful as thinking about him.
ReplyDeleteA mother can't but to grieve. That is only natural for this to happen. We all miss Tommy very much. I do believe if you feel you have to grieve, or feel panicky or whatever you think you need to do----do it!! That will be what is best for you---to do whatever you feel. I can not imagine what you have been doing throught these past 4 years. You know I am only a phone call away. I am grieving but not in the same way you are. Most people know by now I lost my step-father Sunday night. His services will be on the anniversay date of Tommy death. Both men were fantastic people!! I will be thinking of you and have you in my prayers. Love, Ms. Nancy
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