My Tears ... Fall Inside, Hidden From The World
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee. This is the last photo taken of Tommy just a few hours ... before he died on May 29, 2010. Who would have ever thought? He died, running, playing on the beach with his little three year old son. He got there ... just in time ... to play for a few minutes ... collapsed on the soft sand ...
Sometimes ... I pause, think ... I can't believe Tommy's not here, anymore. I mean, I can't believe he isn't ... here, anymore.
I picture him in my mind ... I see his bright Tommy smile ... like a happy glow around his face. Like a cartoon picture of the sunshine ... with happy sun rays around it. I draw them, sometimes.
I picture his blue-green eyes, blonde hair. I see a tall, handsome guy standing there. My son ... my son, whom I was so proud of.
I listen to his soft voice, fun laugh in my mind. He loved to joke, play pranks. He could laugh like the cowardly lion ... and I would laugh until I cried, listening to him.
Sometimes, we would begin talking, and talk about something funny ... both of us would begin laughing ... and laugh harder when we looked at each other's eyes. One of us would say something more funny, and we'd laugh more.
I loved my son. I really miss him. I don't cry now, as I once did. I do feel ... bittersweet. I do feel sadness in my heart.
How did I accept my son's death? I'm not sure when I did ... Sometimes, I do feel some of the old, panicky feelings inside ... I try to let go of them, quickly.
I would have never guess I would have to grow older without my child being ... there. I never had a clue that such would happen ... I knew he would be there, always.
I remember being very sick, trying to prepare him for something happening to me. I knew my son loved me with his heart ... I was afraid for him ... if I died.
I never thought to prepare myself for my son's ... death. Today ... when I think of him, I smile with great sadness in my Heart. My tears ... fall inside, hidden from the world.
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Photo/Story Credit: is of my son, Tommy. Both are owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.
I don't think any of us ever expect our children to go before us. I sometimes can't bear to imagine the kind of pain you go through every day, but I thank God you have the courage to continue living your life – for Tommy.
ReplyDeleteI know that you miss him so much. The two of you were so close. He was also close to Skip. I heard him say more than once that "nobody messes with Mama or Skip". You are right--he did love you with his very heart! He was very protectve of you. (And Skip) I can't imagine how your heart feels without him here. Just always remember that Tommy loved you with ALL his heart, mind and soul!!! Love, Ms. Nancy
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