July 19, 2021 ... Hello ... Writing Again

I haven't been here for so long. Why? Truthfully ... I couldn't write any more ... I didn't have anything to say ... I wasn't in the mood ............ The real reason is because it was very hard for me to sit down at my computer to begin writing again. Too much on my mind. 

 For once writing couldn't help, I didn't want to write. A lot has been going on in our life. Skip's health has been very fragile ... he has had another stroke. He is doing okay now. His right leg was affected, his handwriting was affected but, he is just as sharp as a tack, mentally. He has to walk slower now. I am there to always for him to hold to me to stabilize, keep his balance. I help him every way I can. 

 Lately I've felt I wanted to begin writing again. When I wrote before I wrote pouring my Heart out in grief for the loss of my only child, Tommy. Thank God ... I have somehow found a place to be at a sort of peace where I don't sit, cry anymore. Yes, there are those times I ... sit, cry. Tommy's memory is still 'like yesterday' ... he could walk in the door at this moment and all would be like he'd never died. I've lost my mother, my brother Ricky ... they were my next closest loved ones. I grieve over them still. 

 I've lost all my family in death, in other ways ... I have Skip and Camie, they are my family. We have friends who are our family now. They have been the most caring people in the world since we were almost homeless 2 years ago. Skip's health has been critical at times ... I'm always watching over him.

Life is sad but ... it is good too. I prefer to make all positive even when it's hard to. I am that way ... I try to make all good, I try to forgive all ... why? So, I can live in peace, feel good inside. I quickly get negative people out of my life once I am sensing their negativity. One has to do that to grow older peacefully, gracefully. That ... I mean to do. 

 I know it's hard to learn to say 'no' ... hard not to be a people-pleaser, hard to do so many things we think as younger people 'we have to do so no one will think badly of us'. I'm here to tell you ... if you could learn as a young person you don't have to do all that ... you wouldn't waste all those years causing yourself grief, upset worrying about what others will think of you. Of course, I try to do all in a good, nice way but, I will say 'no' if I need to. You have to for your own mental health. 

 Most of all ... learn to forgive no matter who ... no, it isn't easy not at all. You have to if you are going to live with yourself in a peaceful way. Living with anger, hate in your Heart will make you sick, unhappy. I know. I have been angry since a little girl ... not everyone knew because I hid it with a smile, soft voice. 

 Another thing I've learned ... if you ever lend money always be prepared not to get it back. People are like that. Don't lend, give more than you can do without ... because it may never be paid back. I've learned to 'give it' in a way that one would know they never need to pay it back, it's a gift. Why?

 Because, think about it, you constantly hope, worry until someone gives you that money back. Then ... if they don't ... all sorts of emotions build up inside. It sure isn't worth what it does to you inside. If you go ahead to give without the expectation of getting it back ... your mind is always at peace concerning it. You could say they can give it back if they ever want to but, not to worry about it. 

 I was thinking about these things as I began to write so, I shared my thoughts. This is how I like to be ... at this stage in my life I don't need anything worrying, upsetting me. I have Skip's health, Camie to worry about. 

 I meant to tell you about Kissy, our beloved Rottweiler. He died on Christmas Eve 2020 ... he walked to me, laid his head on my foot, took his last breaths. He had an enlarged heart. I got him just after my son, Tommy, died ... I felt he was a link to Tommy. Kissy's death hurt me deeply. 

Through time as I write I will still share what grief feels like after 10 years when my son died. I will just share everyday life, my thoughts ... life. 

 For now, I will say I'm so glad I felt the need to write again. I love writing ... just talking. It's rare I talk with anyone other than Skip especially since the COVID Pandemic 2020-21. I will write more soon. 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates My photos are of our beloved Kissy (Rottie) ... Camie has become Pup 1 now (Catahoula).